Chapter eight

Shame

Anya had always been close to her mother, attached to her. She was the only parent she had ever really known, because her father- Nathan Lewis- had died of a heart attack when she was two years old. He had been human, like Connor. She didn't remember much of him, only that he smelled like oil and rubber- he had been a mechanic- and had the brightest smile. She had been told more than once that she had her father's smile.

It was because that Anya had never really known what having a father felt like- not the way Connor did, at least- that she became so attached to her mother. It was also the reason that, being the only male figure in her life, she stuck to Connor like glue.

But looking at her mother now- the last image of her having been her dead body on the front lawn- Anya didn't feel relief or joy or any form of happiness.

All she felt was shame.

Laura had drilled into her head the two sins a witch could succumb to. One was choosing an abomination of nature over a fellow witch. The other was performing dark magic.

Anya had done both. And she was ashamed of herself because of it.

"Look at me," Laura hissed at her only daughter, and Anya bit her lip before slowly meeting her mother's blue eyes. "How dare you?"

Anya shook her head. She had to be imagining this. It had to be a nightmare. Laura was dead and Anya couldn't be seeing her mother's ghost. Maybe black magic had driven her insane faster than expected.

"You're not real," Anya muttered, more to herself than to her mother. "You can't be."

"Witches can see the spirits of other witches, Anya," Laura told her daughter in a cold voice. "How else would the other side get things done?"

Anya just shook her head again. "No," she repeated, more firmly this time. "You're dead."

"Yes, and you did nothing to stop it, you ungrateful brat."

Anya flinched at the cruel words, and Laura sighed, but didn't take them back. "What have you done, Anya?" she whispered again, this time in a much softer tone. "Do you realize the sins you have committed? Do you?"

"He's my brother, mom," Anya whispered. "He's my brother, and I love him. No matter what he's done, he'll always be my big brother. I can't let him die."

"Yes, you can, Anya," Laura said adamantly. "You can and you will, because you're supposed to. You have to let Connor go."

"No," she said, more vehemently than she planned to. "I can't, mom. I can't let my brother die. I can't."

"You can when he's going to kill hundreds, Anya," she snapped. "How many lives will have to end? How many innocent people must die for you to learn that you can't save your brother from this?"

Anya pursed her lips but didn't answer. She didn't want anybody to die. She was a witch, after all. She wanted to preserve humanity. But she also wanted to save her big brother.

"He killed me, Anya," Laura said bluntly, taking a step towards her daughter. "He killed your mother, but you still help him? I did this for a reason, Anya. And you need to stay out of this."

"You cursed him too, mom," Anya said quietly, shifting her gaze to the floor. "I don't understand how a mother could hate her son enough to sentence him to this. You're not just killing him, mom. You're torturing him."

Laura frowned. "I never meant to do that, Anya. Believe me," she said. "The curse was meant to kill him instantly, not draw his death out like this. I didn't mean for this to happen. If I knew it would, I would have found a different mean to an end."

Anya shook her head. Laura still didn't get it. Her and Connor had fought constantly, ever since he turned fourteen. They bickered over small things, and screamed over big things. Doors were almost always being slammed and objects were always being broken. Anya had never known what caused the fighting, only that it was the same time Connor became fascinated by vampires.

Still, even with all the fighting, how could a mother murder her child?

"How could you do it, mom?" Anya looked directly at Laura then. "Even if you didn't mean for the curse to turn out this way, how could you cast it? He's your son, mom. And you're trying to kill him. What mother could do that to her child?"

Laura exhaled sharply and shook her head. "You don't understand, Anya. I love Connor very much- I always will- but there are some things-"

"Would you kill me?" Anya interjected, staring hard at her mother.

"What?" Laura frowned and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"If I decided to become a vampire, would you kill me? Even if I hadn't killed anybody yet, would you?" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Laura stared at her daughter, as if trying to read her mind. Anya's face gave nothing as to why she was asking this, though.

"Yes," Laura answered finally. "I would. Just as I would kill Molly or your grandparents or anyone in our family who turned into an abomination."

Anya felt as if her mother had punched her in the stomach. She didn't understand how her mother could say that so confidently. She would kill her own family. How could someone do such a terrible thing to loved ones? No matter what they were?

"Then I think I'm done with this conversation," Anya said coldly, before turning her back on her mother and walking towards the door. She'd look up some spell to keep away spirits in the morning, after she had some sleep.

Before she could leave her bedroom, the door closed with a firm click. She sighed and ran a hand over her tired face before turning to face Laura Lewis again.

"You can't leave, Anya," Laura told her grimly. "Not until I told you everything you need to hear."

"I told you, Laura," she said bitterly. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

It was at that moment that Anya decided Laura lost the right to be called "mom". What mother could kill her children, vampire or not?

"But you need to," she replied. "Anya, you're too young to understand just what you're getting into. The spirits want this to happen. If they become angry with you-" Laura cut herself off before she could go into the details.

Anya scoffed. "I don't give a damn about some dead witches," she replied haughtily. If there was one good thing Connor had taught her- at least kind of good- it was the ability to seem like the words her enemy said had no effect on her, so that they wouldn't think they had the advantage over her.

Laura's eyes widened, as if her daughter had just uttered blasphemy. "Don't speak that way, Anya," she warned in a low voice.

She rolled her eyes. "They're just witches," she said. "Dead ones at that. They're not gods."

"They might as well be," Laura snapped. "Because they can- and will- take your powers away faster than you can say 'sorry'."

Anya stiffened at that. How would Connor react if she lost her powers? She shuddered at the thought. He would have no more use for her, and he would surely die.

Laura sighed again. "Anya, you don't understand, sweetheart," she tried again in a soft voice. "Connor is my son. I gave birth to him, raised him. I will always love him, honey. But if I let him live, especially after the shame and disgrace he brought to our family, what kind of witch would I be?"

"A bad one," Anya replied. "But you would be a good mother."

Laura closed her eyes and Anya thought she was going to leave, when she said, "You need to stay away from black magic, Anya. You want me to be a good mother? Then listen to my advice when I tell you this is not something you can come back from."

Anya closed her eyes. "I did what I had to, Laura," she replied. "I was being loyal to the only real family I have left."

Laura flinched at her daughter's harsh words. "Anya," she replied in a low voice. "Listen to me. I want to help you, protect you. But nothing can save you from the consequences if you keep doing this. Dark magic will ruin any light left in you, you foolish little girl."

Anya inhaled, as if her mother had physically harmed her. "And you keep away from the originals, Anya," Laura added. "Especially Kol. That man- that monster, really- does not have good history with the Lewis witches."

Anya frowned and looked up when her mother mentioned Kol. What history did he have with her family? The Lewis Clan was notorious for loathing vampires. What kind of past would one of the first have with them?

But when Anya looked up, Laura was gone. The only thing she left behind were her sharp words that made Anya question just how true they were.

~LIP~

No matter how hard she tried, Anya got very little sleep that night. She dreamt of Connor slaughtering town after town of innocent humans. She saw his face, contorted in hunger, with red eyes and protruding veins. She saw his teeth, lengthened into fangs, with vivid red blood coating them.

"This is what I am now, Anya," he told her, smirking beneath the blood on his lips. "This is the monster you saved."

And just when he lunged for her throat, she woke up screaming.

That morning, Anya trudged down to the kitchen still in her pajamas. Connor was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in his hand. He smiled when he saw her, and Anya was a little surprised by how alive he looked. Her blood had had an amazing effect on him.

"Morning, Sis," he said, in the best mood he had been in since he had been cursed. He handed her a mug of hot coffee. Two creams, two sugars, the way she liked it.

Anya nodded at him, but was still so tired and shaken up from last night. Her mother's words kept replaying in her head. "Dark magic will ruin any light left in you, you foolish little girl."

"I heard you talking to someone last night," Connor said suddenly, frowning at her. "Was someone over?"

She sighed. Anya hadn't been planning on telling Connor about Laura visiting her. His reaction would be violent and terrifying, no doubt about it.

"Don't worry about it, Connor," she told him, sitting down and taking a long sip of her coffee.

He grabbed her wrist, but not nearly as roughly as before. "What aren't you telling me, Anya?" he asked with a frown.

"Mom visited me last night," she admitted slowly, eyes downcast. "As a ghost, I mean."

Connor's grip on her wrist tightened, but not painfully. "What did she say?"

Anya sighed. "She- I mean, she said- I don't we should do anymore dark magic, Connor. She put up a good argument against it."

Connor narrowed his eyes. "You're siding with her?" he growled. "Do you even know what she's done?"

Anya's green eyes widened. "What are you talking about, Connor?"

"What, you think I hate that bitch for nothing?" he scoffed. "Do you even know how dad died?"

All the air left Anya then. "What about dad?" she whispered, eyes wide in horror.

Connor frowned. "You don't know, do you? You think he died of a heart attack?"

"What happened, Connor?" she demanded.

"Okay, okay." He removed his hand and rolled his eyes. Then he suddenly got very serious. "He was turned into a vampire, Anya. One night when he was coming home from work. A vampire jumped him and turned him, to get back at mom and the family. And mom-" he cut himself off.

"What did she do?" Anya asked, even though she really didn't want to know the answer.

"Mom killed him, Anya." He sighed. "Mom killed dad."

~LIP~

A/N: What do you think of Laura? Who's worse, her or Connor? And who should Anya side with?

Thank you to: ThePhantomismyLove, CeruleanOctopus, purpleXorchid, mindyrainbowpants, ravenclawfairy, Kat Khaos, SkullKey4758, Lovely Rain Dancer, and for reviewing!

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~Abby :)