Thanks for the reviews everyone! I really do appreciate it.
So I'm going to be writing as much as I can before school starts…
When school does start for me, expect less and less updates, but please keep strong and when I do update, read and review!
-x-
The whole world was a total blur for me. People's faces, places, buildings—everything was spinning around me. I couldn't think, I couldn't even breathe.
It was too much. Breathing, seeing, smelling, tasting—thinking…
My senses were all gone.
-x-
I remember falling.
I was falling into a never-ending black hole.
When I woke up, I found myself in a room of yellow.
I looked around. After falling and flying, I found myself landing in my room.
I turned and peered over the clock. 6:00.
Shit. I was supposed to meet Eli.
I heard the door unlock and I saw my mother walking in with a tray of lasagna and hot tea.
"I thought you would like something to eat Clare. You look so pale!" She put down the tray on my desk and walked over to my bed. She put a hand on my cheek. "Your father slapped you, didn't he?"
My throat was so dry I couldn't even speak. I nodded.
"Don't worry sweetie, your father won't be coming home tonight. I have no plans for him to return to this house." She kissed the top of my head. "I'll be back in an hour. I have a business meeting to attend. Why don't you eat your dinner and start on your homework—if there are any problems, call me."
I nodded and slowly got out of bed, waiting for my mother to leave and shut the door.
I walked over to my desk and started eating my food. I never knew how good food tasted until now. I stuffed the lasagna into my mouth, chewing and stuffing more and more into my face. I drank the tea down sloppily, having some of the liquid run down my mouth.
After I finished, I put the tray down on the floor and walked over to my mirror. I saw the tomato sauce on my face, the remnants of cheese and pasta, the traces of liquid running down my chin and neck.
What have I become?
I am…
Me.
I took a deep breath and ran to the bathroom.
This can't be. I can't be me.
I have to be perfect. I need to be Clare again.
I need to be the perfect Clare, the Clare that gets straight A's, the Clare that can read three books in a day, the Clare that has perfect and dainty manners.
I have to be.
I looked at the toilet, saw the chewed up pieces of pasta and cheese and flushed it down.
-x-
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. In the mirror I saw my haggard face, dark circles underneath my eyes.
My hands were pale and my skin was dry.
At any given moment, I knew that the mirror would shatter into a million pieces.
-x-
When I got back into my room I saw images of my father tucking me into bed when I was younger. I saw my father reading me bedtime stories and kissing my cheek before leaving the room.
My father.
And then I remember his harsh words, his slap, his push, his yelling. His everything.
I remembered it all.
And then I heard a sound from my laptop.
I looked over and saw that it was an IM.
An IM from Eli.
Eli Goldsworthy has saved me once again.
And I am thankful for that.
-x-
eli-gold49: Changed your mind about meeting me?
Crap.
clare-e23: Sorry about that. I sort of had something to do.
There was a long pause before his response came up.
eli-gold49: It's fine. See you in school tomorrow.
eli-gold49 has signed off.
The one person who I really trusted disappeared from my life just like that.
And again: it was my fault.
-x-
If I didn't tell my mom the truth, my dad wouldn't have come to school. If my dad didn't come to school, then I would be able to meet Eli.
I sat on my chair thinking about all the different possibilities: what happened if I didn't tell my mom, what if my dad didn't come to school, what if I didn't see dad with Georgia…
I put my hand on my red cheek. It was still sore from the slap, but I was hoping that tomorrow the pain would be gone.
I hoped that everyone would forget about what happened this afternoon; I wanted to walk down the school hallways without people looking at me.
It's not my job to get all the attention—it's Darcy's.
Darcy is supposed to be the one that has all the friends, the one who's popular and pretty. She's supposed to get the attention when she walks down the hallways: not me.
My job is to lurk in the shadows, to be part of the crowd, but not really a part.
-x-
I woke up the next morning, face flat on my history textbook.
I slowly got out of the chair and walked over to the mirror. My face was still a bit red and my eyes were bloodshot. What time did I go to bed last night?
Or rather—what time did I go to bed this morning?
I quickly took a shower and saw that there were marks on my wrists and arms from where my father grabbed me. I took the bar of soap and started scrubbing viciously at the marks.
I wanted them all to go away.
I got out of the shower completely red; my skin was raw and tender. I got an outfit and packed all my stuff. I could do without breakfast; my stomach was still nauseous from last night.
I went downstairs and saw my mom lying down on the couch with her phone on her hand. Was she waiting for my father to call? Or was she waiting for a call about that new job offer?
All these questions popped into my mind before I left for school.
That's me—the Clare that cares for other people before herself.
I'm a good person; I really am.
I just need to convince myself that I am a humble and honest person and not a selfish bitch.
-x-
Sorry for getting this out a bit late… I haven't been on my computer as much as I would like.
I know that there were reviews saying for Eli to come and rescue her after she fainted—but seriously: wouldn't that be like a fairy tale? And Clare's life is far from being a fairy tale. That and when I got the reviews, I was already half way through this chapter. So… yeah.
Read and review!
