A/N: I have reached over 10,000 hits on this fic. Just thinking about how many that is makes me all dizzy. I never thought I would write more than four chapters of this, let alone get actual reviews or views, and now I am on chapter 8. So again, thank you all. Writing is all I want to do in life – even if I am not the best or even close to the best. I just really want to write.
A/N: As always, my idea of "fluff" is just angst with hugging. So enjoy the hugging cause it is not exactly all rainbows and sunshine in this chapter. However, I very much enjoyed writing this little section of my fic. If you are wondering about the two songs I will post them in the END A/N so I don't spoil what the songs are. I recommend listening to the second one as you read!
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters in Glee. Sadly.
Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.
Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,
I'll send 'em howling,
I don't care, I got ways.
No one's gonna hurt you,
No one's gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.
Winter break had gone by much faster than Kurt had remembered from previous years. He was back in Lima, but it seemed like he saw more of Blaine there than he did at school. Most days of the week Blaine drove down in the afternoon, hung around with Kurt for a few hours, and then had dinner with Burt, Carole and sometimes Finn before driving back home. It was a routine Kurt could feel himself getting used to.
But soon enough the break was over and it was back to Dalton. It was a tearful goodbye the day he left and Kurt wasn't sure if Carole was going to let go of him as they hugged one last time. Blaine, of course, had offered to drive Kurt and all his things back to school. As they drove off, Kurt could not help but feel awfully sad that he had to leave it all behind. Having his boyfriend on campus instead of a long drive away was nearly the only comfort he could think of.
'Boyfriend'. The word still felt new and strange. He was not even sure of it in his own mind, much less when he said it out loud. Still, the bond he and Blaine shared was very evident. It seemed like they professed their love for each other quite openly and often, both in song and word. Only when they were forced to label things did it get tricky.
"You know, I still haven't told Wes and David that we are...er, official" Blaine spoke up as they were about half way back to Dalton.
"Blaine..." Kurt started to say, seizing the moment "have we even told ourselves yet? I mean, we don't really talk about what we are..."
"I'm in love with you. A lot; like shouting from the rooftops like a crazy person a lot. You love me. For what reason? I don't know, but apparently you do. So we are boyfriends, dating, together, in a relationship, all that jazz."
"Oh...ok, well that was easy..."
"Well honestly, it's been months of senseless flirting back and forth and weeks since we said the 'l' word. I think we can stop all this nonsense and accept the fact we are two idiots in love and call it what it is, right?"
"Can we tell Wes and David by making out in their room as they are about to walk in then?"
"Mm. I like that idea. We better practice first though. I'm not quite sure I'm ready yet..."
"You're ready" Kurt burst out instantly. "...but, practice sounds good anyway."
Kurt and Blaine had broken into the room Wes and David shared down the hall from Blaine, Kurt using his expect breaking-and-entering skills that Blaine knew all too well now. The two residents of the room were due back from holiday any moment now according to the reply to Blaine's text message. It was not the most elaborate plan but it was as good an excuse as any to make out.
"I think I hear them coming!" Blaine snickered as he took a tiny case of mints out of his jacket pocket and popped a few in his mouth.
"You just carry around a tin of mints in your pocket? Wow, Blaine..." Kurt said while shaking his head.
"Perhaps I should just eat an onion next time? Wash it down with coffee and garlic?"
"Oh shut up, you are just so cute. Like a tiny Gene Kelly or..."
But Kurt did not have time to finish. Blaine had pushed Kurt backwards onto the bed and plunged into a deep kiss as the door behind them opened. It didn't take Kurt any time at all, quite used to surprise attack kissing by this point, to get into it. Their lips smacked away as they rolled around the bed and quite ferociously poured kisses all over each other
"Hey Blaine, hey Kurt" The two boys said in unison, quite dryly. They tossed their bags on the ground, picked up the TV remote, and started flipping through channels.
Blaine had lifted his head from Kurt's mouth and was staring at them with a great look of confusion. Kurt too looked up with the same look on his face. He was positive they would at least get some kind of a reaction out of them. Looking back up at Blaine, they mouthed the word "what" to each other and crawled apart from each other to sit up on the bed.
"Don't let us stop you" said David without looking away from the TV.
"Oh! Oh! Stop David! You just passed Wipe-out, go back"
Kurt could not help but laugh a little. Blaine looked at him with cold eyes and a very highly raised eyebrow as to say "This is not funny". But to Kurt, it was. Wes and David had never been uncomfortable around Blaine, or Kurt, as far as he knew, but they had never been overly supportive either. It turned out that they just...didn't really care.
"Oh come on Blaine, it is a little bit funny!" Kurt protested as they walked down to hall to Blaine's room.
"I was expecting someone knocking over a vase or screaming or fainting or...or...something! They just sounded so...bleh about the whole thing."
"Don't think too much about it, Blaine. They just don't really care one way or the other I think. That's a good thing!"
"Well they could have at least clapped. We planned! We performed! I thought we were amazing..."
"Oh and you were" beamed Kurt, taking Blaine's hands and twirling around him. "I'm still feeling light-headed. You kiss like a giant, brooding, Canadian lumberjack."
"Oh? Well, Mr. Hummel, you pounce like some kind of savage African cat! I thought I was going to fall off the bed..."
Kurt had almost forgotten all about Lima and McKinley now. He still had his worries about Dalton and he didn't exactly like the strict rules and enforced dress code, but when he was with Blaine it didn't feel like he was at Dalton any longer. It was as if he was floating miles above the school and the world itself. It was just the two of them and no distractions at all.
He had visited Blaine's room many times before, but entering the once familiar space it seemed quite different now. It was the first time he had seen the room since that first family dinner he had dragged Blaine to at the start of winter break. He felt like the Blaine in front of him now was quite a different person. No, not exactly different...just more complete, as if pieces of the puzzle were slowing creating a whole picture. Everywhere he looked, things started to take on new meaning.
"Er, Blaine..." Kurt began to ask, stroking his finger down the worn spine of a Harry Potter novel. "Why does this book mean so much to you? I mean, it looks like this thing has been read more times than is humanly possible to in one's lifetime..."
Blaine walked over to Kurt and embraced him from behind. He rested his soft chin on Kurt's shoulder and peered over it at the book he was holding. It was strange, but Kurt thought he could feel Blaine smile.
"Ah. Harry Potter. You will find the whole set is like that. Have you read it before?" he said, gently planting a kiss on Kurt's neck.
"Well, I read them when I was little. And I've seen a bunch of the movies. But as much as it pains me to say, I am not...err, well versed, I guess."
"It's the loneliness, I suppose. I...I know what it feels like. The loneliness. Not having a mom or a dad or a place to call home. Not knowing when your life will begin, what your purpose is, or even who you are. It's all just so...familiar."
Kurt didn't know what any of that felt like; at least not like Blaine knew. He still felt guilty when he thought of how blessed he was to have his Father and Carole. And he always had a place to call home. Just from the hints he had been given from Blaine, the little glimpses into the past, he knew that Blaine never had that. Strangely enough, Kurt felt responsible. He knew he wasn't, but still, he felt it was his job to fix that; to fix everything.
He put the worn book back on the shelf and turned around to face Blaine, who to Kurt's relief was still smiling. It was one of those moments that you never forget. So simple, just the two of them looking at each other amongst the silence, but very powerful.
"I am lucky to have such a poetic boyfriend" Kurt said softly.
For the first time, the word felt right. It slipped off his tongue in a casual and very natural way. If they had been rushed to this point for any reason, it was clear to him now that things were finally starting to slow back down to normal. They were right then officially official.
"Kurt...can I sing you something? I know you think I am good with words, but the truth is...well, I hide behind them. They are just another way to block people out. So I need to sing you this...I can't say it...ok?"
Kurt just nodded and bit his lip slightly. After the words "sing you something" he had slightly drifted off and didn't quite process the sadness in Blaine's words. Blaine and song was just too intoxicating to focus on anything else. He stepped away and sat on the bed, anxiously awaiting the song. If he had to pick one thing about Blaine he loved most, it was definitely his voice.
I sing for you
And only you
Where ever I go I find you
You're in the sound of every hello
In everything I do
You're the song I was destined to know
And I only sing for you.
It was very stripped down. No instrumental playing over iPod speakers, no guitar, no dancing. It felt like for the first time Blaine was completely and utterly pouring out every last inch of his soul into the lyrics. Not once did he take his eyes off Kurt's.
You went away
I should have known
You leave so many dreams behind you
Thought I'd be fine just being alone
I didn't have a clue
But my heart had a mind of its own
And would only sing for you
You're in the sound of rain
Clouds in a winter sky
In a thousand unsaid words
In a thousand crazy reasons why
You were meant to fly
So fly for me
And day by day
I'll keep hoping your heart reminds you
Nothing but love can stand in our way
But love can see us through
Blaine paused, turned away from Kurt for the first time, and wiped his eyes with a part of his jacket. Looking back, Kurt noticed just how teary eyed he was getting. His voice began to quiver slightly as he started again and finished off the last few lines of the song.
Maybe that's all I wanted to say
I will always sing for you
I will always sing for you
When he had finished, Blaine collapsed onto the bed next to Kurt. He looked very weak, almost sickly. Kurt's heart was pounding fast as he started to pour the lyrics over in his mind again and again and really take in what they all meant. I will always sing for you. It was short, but hit him like a bullet. Blaine was not just in love with him; he was completely bound and attached to him as well. All Kurt could think of now was how alone Blaine had felt and how he must have poured over the pages of Harry Potter searching for a way out. It was his responsibility now to be the family, the love and the home that Blaine never had.
"Blaine, you trust me don't you?" Kurt asked, already knowing the answer in his mind.
Blaine looked up at Kurt, still pale and still weak looking. He just nodded and then curled up into Kurt's lap. Kurt could feel him letting out deep breaths into his chest. It felt like he had an adorable sick puppy to nurse, but he didn't mind at all.
"Ok. Well, I have an idea. Since tomorrow we are supposed to take the day to settle back into our dorms and such, I was thinking...we should skip and go to Lima. To my old school. I think I need to show you something, ok?"
He felt Blaine nod again into his lap.
Kurt had not really thought his plan though all that well, but something about Blaine's spontaneous and heartfelt song brought back vivid memories of Mr. Shue's various song assignments. Even though Kurt thought many were boring, dull and repetitive, they had sometimes helped a great deal when words alone could not express what you needed to. Only one part of his plan needed to be ironed out now and that would require a phone call.
"Hello Rachel, it's me Kurt. I need a favour."
"If this is about Finn then don-..."
"I need to express my deep and profound love to another in song."
"Kurt, why didn't you just open with that? Ok. I am in. What are we dealing with here? If you need my help then we must be talking something big...like Hello, Dolly! finale scene re-enactment big. But I've got to say Kurt, I don't know if I can find enough people familiar with that choreography on such short notice..."
"No, no. I have the song. I just need some advice on how to...well...tone it down a little?"
"Say no more. I understand perfectly. Where did you plan to sing?"
"Actually, McKinley. Tomorrow. That is the other thing because I kind of need you to secure me the auditorium – ALONE, Rachel. Got that? I swear to Barbra..."
"Kurt!" gasped Rachel. "There is no need to bring Barbra into this. I've got your back, ok? I promise. We are friends now and you can trust me. So what is your song and how do you want this to come across? I will whip up a few ideas and..."
The conversation went on for an extremely long time as Rachel had far too many ideas, many involving mirrors and accompaniment by flute. Eventually however, they both agreed on the perfect staging of Kurt's song. It was not his regular song choice or staging, but Kurt felt good about it. Knowing that he had Blaine's trust was enough to see the plan through. Kurt was convinced that if his plan worked, Blaine might finally begin to open up not only in song but it words as well.
"So you are positive this is what you want to do, Kurt? It's not too late. I would turn around now and drive us back. You know I would. Whatever you want, ok?"
"Blaine, relax. I want to do this. We are just going to sneak in and sneak out. It will be fine". He added "And I know you would. Thank you."
The drive back to Lima seemed to go by almost instantly to Kurt, who was very busy worrying if he was making a big mistake. It was quite scary knowing that Blaine trusted him so much and Kurt didn't know how the spontaneous trip back to his old high school would go for either of them. But he had made up his mind and this song was going to be sung. Period.
As he arrived at the parking lot, Rachel was already standing outside the entrance from the side of the building into the auditorium. She was crouched down like a tiny ninja and glancing around in a very paranoid fashion. It felt good to see Rachel, even if she was a bit strange.
"Quick! Get in before someone sees you!" she hissed as they approached.
Once they got closer, her expression changed. One look at Blaine and a tiny bit of her mouth hung open as a shocked, and slightly envious, look came over her face. Blaine was still dressed in his Dalton uniform, as was Kurt, but it was as if the uniform was made just for Blaine. It clung perfectly to his body and gave him the look of a suave leading man from one of the old MGM movies. From the very out-of-place silence coming from Rachel, Kurt could tell she approved greatly.
She closed the door behind them and they were once again alone in the big, empty auditorium. For such a small school, McKinley had a very impressive auditorium. Blaine scanned the room and looked quite amazed by how elegant it was. He had seen other parts of the school already but this one was definitely unique. Kurt left him admiring and headed for the stage where a large, pink CD player lay.
"You had your chance yesterday to show me just how you feel. And I heard you loud and clear. I guess I sometimes have a hard time with words too. My old Glee teacher really taught us how to communicate through song. This is the same stage I poured a lot of emotion on as I sang various songs about anger, sadness, strength and other emotions. It only felt right that I came back here to sing to you...about love."
With that, Kurt bent down and pressed the large button on the CD player. Thanks to Rachel, it already had the song he requested inside. The song began to fill the auditorium as Kurt's voice joined it.
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Kurt was sitting on the edge of the almost bare stage and just looking out at Blaine who sat near the middle of the auditorium. He looked shocked and seemed frozen in place. Still, Kurt just sang on. He poured emotion out of every syllable and was already on the verge of crying.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
He was now tearing up. Blaine however remained completely still. The emotion was getting stronger in every line and it was getting hard for Kurt to just sit on the stage. Sorry Rachel, but I was never any good at the standing still thing. He leapt off the stage in one bound and kept singing as he walked slowly towards Blaine.
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
As he reached Blaine, Kurt noticed that he too had been crying. He looked scared, more scared than Kurt had ever seen him. The words made it clear just how much Kurt knew about the pain, sadness and tears he had shed in the past. That looked like it was quite the shock to the normally shielded and reserved boy. Now Kurt just had to drive home the final message.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
"You're home. Now that you have me" Kurt whispered softly as he finished the song.
The CD player cut out just as Kurt leapt over a seat and into Blaine's arms. The two of them sobbed softly as they hugged tightly. Kurt felt entirely drained from pouring so much of himself into the song and gripped Blaine with all the energy he had left.
"I want to fix it all, Blaine. I want so badly to just...fix...everything. It's not fair. None of it is fair. I have parents and a home and friends who have always accepted me and I've always known who I was and...it's...just...I want to fix everything for you. I want to give you the home you never had. I want to be your everything."
"And you are! You are my everything Kurt. I live and breathe and sing, all for you! But you can't fix it all. You have to stop trying to fix it all. Because none of it is your burden and none of it is your fault. All you have to do is...this...just being there. Kurt, I love you so much."
They shared a tender kiss as the sobbing began to fade. Now they just lay in the single seat embracing each other in silence. Both seemed to be very tired after the whole exchange and felt like they could just drift asleep right there. They were finally starting to communicate with pure, unfiltered honestly. The time for dodging questions and stammering around difficult topics seemed to be near its end.
"I'm just going to pop over to the bathroom" Kurt said smiling as they left the auditorium.
"Are you sure..."
"Oh don't worry, everyone else is in class. I'll be quick. I promise."
It had been such a perfect day so far and Kurt almost floated to the bathrooms. He felt like they were finally getting on the same page after months of questions and insecurities. Looking around the hall, he was reminded of all the now distant memories of his silly crush on Finn and how far off love seemed at the time. Now he had it and it was hard to imagine anything else.
On his way back outside from the bathroom, Kurt stopped outside the door of the Glee room. It was empty but the door was wide open. It was far too tempting not to take a peek. He had spent so many hours in that room with the first real friends he had ever made. It was sad to look around and have those memories flood back to him all at once, but he couldn't' help himself.
"You" snarled a horrible voice from behind Kurt.
It sent shivers down his spine and caused Kurt to stiffen like a plank almost instantly. It was a voice he would know anywhere: Dave Karofsky. Suddenly it was not the happy memories of his friends that were circling his mind. All the lockers he had been shoved into and threats that had been spit at him were hitting him all at once like a punch to the gut.
Turning around, he saw Karofsky standing a few feet away from him. He was wearing the same football jacket that he was wearing at their previous encounter. The look on his face was cold and blank but with a hint of anger. Kurt could almost feel the color fading from his skin as he slowly backed up into some chairs.
"It's not bad enough that you screw up my entire life, so you just had to come back to ruin it some more, eh? You sick...freak..."
Normally Kurt would have shot back a witty remark and held his ground. For a small and often flamboyantly dressed boy, Kurt was remarkably strong willed. Something about Karofsky seemed to penetrate that strong will however and changed him into a scared little boy. His voice trembled as he tried to talk back.
"I-I only came back for some Glee club business. I was just about to leave..."
"What, you're not going to stay for lunch?" Dave said with a chilling laugh.
"K-Karosky, if you don't leave me alone right now I...I will tell everyone what you really are!"
"I'm not!" he spat back. "You might be sick, but I'm not! You...you did that to me. And you once said I couldn't beat it out of you? Well, maybe I should test that theory."
Kurt watched as Karofsky dropped a small wedding figurine onto the ground and stepped on it. It had been the exact same one he took from Kurt his last week at McKinley. This has just the effect that was planned on Kurt who now looked completely horrified and about to collapse. It was all happening dreadfully fast as Karofsky slowly walked towards Kurt who was stumbling backwards into a group of chairs.
"Y-You need help, Dave. Y-You're just a scared...l-little boy..."
"Hah!" Karofsky laughed coldly. "I'm the scared little boy? You're nothing but a pathetic, sick, disgusting, waste of space that has ruined my life! Do you know how people treat me now? All because I 'scared' you away! That guidance councillor has me in every single day. Because of you. I've never loathed someone...wanted to...beat...someone...so...bad..."
"W-Wait! No! P-Please!" muttered Kurt, still backing up into the chairs.
In his state of panic, Kurt had finally tripped over a chair and fell backwards. This is it, he thought, I'm going to die in my old Glee room because I was too stupid to just stay away. Kurt closed his eyes and winced, waiting for something to happen. He had given up struggling and just let the fear take hold of him. But the lumbering footsteps stopped and the next thing he heard was a loud smack. Jolting up from the ground he opened his eyes and saw...Blaine! He was standing over Karofsky who was bent over and holding his face in pain.
"You don't TOUCH my boyfriend!" roared Blaine, his face bright red.
Karofsky looked up at Blaine and saw the deep anger in his eyes. It seemed to get the message through and Karofsky ran off, still hissing in pain. Blaine walked over to Kurt and held out a hand. Kurt was still in shock from what he had just seen and heard. The other Glee club members had stood up to Karofsky for him before, but never like this. Blaine had looked ready to kill and, for Kurt, probably would have. Perhaps Mercedes was right. Sometimes I guess I do still need my Prince Charming.
"How did...you...but..." Kurt started to say, still in a state of shock.
"I said to myself that if you were not back in five I was going to hunt you down. I got worried after four and set off to find you." Blaine said, slightly blushing. "Are you ok, Kurt? Did he hurt you?"
"I think he was going to. If you had not shown up...I...I think he might have actually...oh Blaine, t-thank you so much" Kurt said, lunging into the safety of Blaine's arms. "Next time, please come find me after three."
"How about two?" Blaine offered, embracing Kurt tightly.
Still shaking, Kurt slowly walked back outside to Blaine's car. Earlier that day he wanted nothing more than to be back in Lima and at McKinley. Now, Dalton seemed like paradise. He was willing to wear a paper bag and do tenfold the amount of homework as long as he never had to see Karofsky again.
"B-Blaine?"
"...yea?"
"No more trips back to Lima for a long time. I promise."
A/N: The two songs are "I Sing For You" from CAMP (a beautiful little movie musical) and "Fix You" by Coldplay. I just gush over how perfect I think each song is for Blaine and Kurt. Anyways – next chapter will not be up any time soon. Sorry! I need to actually think of what the hell I will do now that I am post-Hairspray in Blaine's past. I won't lie, I make this shit up as I go. So please review! Honestly, nothing helps me write more than reviews. Reading other peoples comments on my work gets my creative juice flowing and shows me what I am doing right/wrong. So PLEASE REVIEW~ if you are on . Otherwise I am just touched you take the time to read, so thank you.
