Disclaimer: I do not own HP or KnB

Trigger Warnings: Abuse, toxic thinking, mental health issues.

If you'd like me to add any trigger warnings, feel free to leave a comment on here or AO3 or message me on my tumblr, snowlikestardust. For that matter, if you'd like to talk to me at all, you can do that too! I'm way more friendly than my writing might lead you to believe.

If at any time you believe that the things included in the trigger warnings will make you uncomfortable or harm you in any way, contact me and I'll give you a summary of the chapter.


Katsa was shaking.

She was in her bed, Loki cuddled up to her side. She had messed up.

They were playing in a practice game, first versus second string. Katsa slipped, fell, and lost the ball.

She had never seen Coach Shirogane so mad. He had pulled her out of the game immediately. He left practice in the hands of Nijimura and taken her to his office.

He yelled for hours. She could still hear it echoing in her brain. He had gotten so angry. He… he…

Katsa had thought the punishments were harsh before.

Katsa was to spend the next couple of weeks doing drills and working in the weight room. That wasn't weird, that was normal. Mistakes were punished with physical labor. But what he wanted her to do…

It was enough to be nearly impossible for a fully-grown man. Katsa was a fourteen-year-old girl.

Still, she couldn't complain. She was imperfect. Coach was only trying to help her; he told her as much. With Coach's help, she could become less of a mistake.

Her knowing it was necessary did not negate her exhaustion. Her whole body was trembling. Her only source of comfort was Loki's warm presence at her side and the knowledge that she was improving herself.

Was it worth it? She found herself wondering sometimes, when her limbs were weighed down with pain and her mind was without distraction. Was it worth trying to fix something that could not be fixed? Was she worth the redemption perfection would bring her? She was already so imperfect. How could she make up for all of the wrongs in her life?

Was anything really worth it? Katsa sometimes couldn't see the point in life. The only thing driving her was the idea of perfection. Only when she was perfection would she be deserving.

She wouldn't disappoint her loved ones much longer. Just a little while more, and she could be worth something. She wouldn't let herself be just another Mistake. She would be more. She would be perfection itself. She would be—she would be—

Katsa breathed in sharply as a sob wracked her chest. She felt tears slide down her cheeks.

She didn't understand. She couldn't feel anything. Why was she crying when she didn't feel any emotion? Why—why couldn't she feel anything? Why was her body reacting when she was entirely empty inside?

She didn't understand. And she didn't like that feeling at all.


"Your muscles are so cool!" Momoi exclaimed, touching Katsa's arms lightly. Katsa laughed. It felt nice to be praised over a part of her that she earned.

"And your brains are so cool. Seriously, I don't know how you come up with all those training regimens and strategies. It's amazing."

Katsa enjoyed her friendship with Momoi. She loved all the guys on the team, really, but sometimes the testosterone got to be too much. She really treasured the times she got to spend with Momoi; especially times like now, when Katsa's muscles ached and her heart felt empty.

Katsa was on week three of the new training regimen. It was of the coach's design, and harsh enough that Katsa missed the training assigned by Momoi dearly.

"I love your hair too," Momoi told her, pulling on Katsa's wild curls. "I wish mine was like that."

"Ugh, trust me, you don't want this. It's constantly getting in my face, gets tangled in everything, and is almost impossible to tame. Plus, it's such a boring color. I wish I had pretty pink hair like you."

Momoi's eyes widened comically. "Noooooo. Your hair is amazing! It has so much life to it! It's sooo pretty!"

Katsa shifted. She liked compliments on things like her muscles, because she worked for those. She didn't control her hair. "Thanks. I still maintain that yours is prettier though."

"Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree."

"Yeah. Though if we asked any of the guys they'd pick you."

"If we asked any of the guys they'd have an internal malfunction trying to decide. Those boys might be good basketball players, but they are not decision makers. And they'd freak out trying to find a way to reply that won't hurt either of our feelings."

Katsa thought about it. "Okay, yeah, I can see that. But they'd still think it's you."

"Agree to disagree, Potter-chan, agree to disagree."

Katsa laughed. She wasn't exactly happy, but she was having a nice time. If only all her life could have gone like that. Things would have been much easier.


Katsa looked at the shogi board carefully. "Hmm," She said. "Exactly as I expected. You've defeated me so badly I would have been better off not playing."

Akashi laughed, a sound that was made of sunshine. "It's not the winning that matters. It's the fun you have while your play."

"You're only saying that because you won. If you lost you'd be sulking in the corner."

"I would not sulk. I am above that."

Katsa rolled her eyes, then adopted a pose that was a mockery of Akashi's stance. "Oh, look at me, I'm Akashi Seijuro. I'm above everyone around me. I've never been beaten in my life."

Akashi laughed again, this time more openly. Katsa felt proud of herself for making him lose his composure in such a good way. "God, please don't tell me I sound like that."

Katsa put on an obviously fake thinking face. Then, after a few moments of deliberation: "I'm not sure that I can say that without lying."

Akashi picked up a shogi piece and lightly tossed it at her. Katsa caught it with a smile.

She didn't like losing, but she was pretty sure Akashi disliked losing even more. In situations like this, it was more important to be a perfect friend than a perfect winner. Being a perfect friend meant not getting upset over losing. She gave it her all, and she failed. That hurt, but it was worth it to be able to laugh with Akashi.

"I'm glad you're my friend, Akashi-kun."

Katsa felt a trill of anxiety after saying that. What if she was coming on too strong?

"I'm glad you're my friend too, Potter-chan. And—" Akashi paused. "Seijuro. Call me Seijuro."

Katsa felt something that she thought might be happiness. "Then you can call me Katsa, Seijuro-kun."

Akashi—no, Seijuro—fiddled with a shogi piece. He grinned across the table. "Alright, Katsa."

Katsa corrected herself in her mind. This was definitely what happiness felt like.


"I cannot believe you guys convinced me to do this," Katsa said, eyes on her overgrown puppy.

"It makes a great photo opportunity though," Momoi pointed out.

"And it looks really sick," Aomine added.

Katsa hated to agree, but it did make Loki look amazing. They had strung fairy lights around him, and he looked beautiful. And he didn't seem to mind them…

"I still maintain that you all are bad influences," Katsa told them, fixing judging eyes on them.

"Yeah, yeah. You wanna take some pictures?" Aomine asked.

"Of course, I want to take some pictures. Shintaro, will you take pics of me and Momoi-chan?"

"Why Midorima-chin?" Murasakibara whined with a pout.

"Because Shintaro won't drop the camera or get food all over it, and Seijuro would keep getting distracted by Loki and forget to take the pictures."

Three people said "Hey," and Katsa ignored them all.

They ended up taking a bunch of pictures with just Katsa, Momoi, and Loki. Then they dragged the others into the photos.

Katsa loved how they turned out. All of the photos were positively ethereal. She would come to treasure those photos, as would all of the others (though the big tough guys wouldn't admit it). Katsa printed out the best ones and put it on her bulletin board.

Later, Katsa would see that Seijuro set the one of all of them except him, the one he took, as his phone background.

If Katsa had ever gotten a phone, she would have done the same. But magic didn't work very well with electronics, so she went the majority of her life without one. So, she settled with keeping a photo tucked in the corner of her bathroom mirror.


Kise Ryouta. Katsa could think of a lot of words to describe him. Not many of them were positive.

He was a charming guy, really. But he was so fake. Katsa felt sick just looking at his pretend smiles. He could at least be a better actor.

None of the others notices his insincerity. Katsa probably only noticed because she knew what a fake smile was like—she saw one every time she looked in the mirror.

Kise joined the basketball team, and got on the first string within a matter of weeks. Katsa didn't know how to feel about it.

She knew about Kise. He swept into sports clubs, outshone everyone, then quit when he got bored. It left a bad taste in her mouth.

She had no way of knowing if he was going to do the exact same thing in basketball. Or maybe, when he realized what talent lay in the basketball team—talent that he wouldn't be able to beat—he would give up.

Plus, his fangirls were really annoying. What kind of middle schooler had fangirls anyway?

Katsa decided to wait it out. She wouldn't judge him outright, but she wouldn't be friendly with him either. If he lasted through Coach's intense training, then she'd be willing to be nice.


It happened like this:

Kise met all her expectations and more. He got Haizaki off the team.

It started like this:

Katsa didn't know that it was about Haizaki, but Coach let him do whatever he wanted, probably because he never made any mistakes. Katsa hated it. He was always looking at her with this filthy expression that promised horrible things.

Now, thanks to Kise, he was gone. That was enough to put Kise in Katsa's good books.

It continued like this:

It didn't take long for Kise to become integrated into the group. Someone (Katsa didn't know who) started inviting him to all of their hangouts. She began to think of him as a friend.

It continued like this:

Katsa was apprehensive about Kise. He was fake, and his smiles weren't real, and he could be really pushy. She was terrified of the concept of there being another person to disappoint.

It ended like this:

Katsa was willing to try. She would be a good friend to Kise, she would put up with his fangirls, she would help him through Coach's training. She'd try. And that didn't end.


MG and Anna, y'all are the light of my life.

Thank you to everyone who favorited and followed, and a special thanks to Shadowing and jungkookies for reviewing.

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