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8 – Insane, completely insane
"Okay, bye." Adam shut his cell phone and put it in his pocket. "Kris says 'hi' and Katy sends kisses." He informed me and I smiled back at him. We were hanging out in my room one morning before the concert, which meant we were lying on my bed, doing nothing in particular. Last week has been amazing. Well, beyond amazing. I don't think there are words that can describe the last several days and what they meant to me. The best I've ever had, especially after those two hideous weeks without Adam… It was like a rain after a long, long drought.
We spent every free hour together, even more than we had when we were friends. Of course, we still had to hide and be very discreet around people. So we didn't show too much affection with anyone around. Well, not more than they were used to see from us. As far as they knew, we just had a 'disagreement' and after we talked things through last week, everything was back to normal and we were best friends again. What can I say? Adam is a great actor, so he took care of it. And as for me, I was completely happy, no matter what we had to tell everybody around. Even though sometimes I did wish I could share my joy with someone. And I also felt quite guilty for lying to my friends, although I was already kind of used to keep a secret from everybody. And I mean everybody. It was actually easier now, for the obvious reasons, but now there was more to hide…
"Kris knows everything, doesn't he?" I wondered why I hadn't asked him before.
"Pretty much." Adam nodded. He smiled his gorgeous smile and I could barely breathe again. I don't think I would ever get used to it. "He's my best friend. I tell him everything."
"I thought I was your best friend." I frowned, not really upset.
"I think you're a little bit more than that." He pointed out and leaned down to give me a light peck on the lips.
"True…" I smiled lazily and happily.
"Besides, he knew long before I did." I looked at him in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"He noticed there was something going on between us, aside from friendship."
"You mean before you told him?" Adam chuckled at that.
"No, before I even knew I had feelings for you. And Katy kept saying we should talk about it, because she was sure you felt about me the same way. Apparently she had been right from the beginning."
"What?!" My eyes widened in shock. "Katy knows too?"
"Oh, yeah, she does. No one even needed to tell her, she guessed by herself."
"Wow." I couldn't believe it. It was kind of embarrassing, how both of them knew so much about my feelings without me even noticing it. So many misunderstood looks Katy's probably given me… "So all of this time, when you were talking to her…" I trailed off, unsure I got it right.
"Yes, most of the serious stuff was about you." I felt my heart flutter pleasantly. He'd been talking about me… "You and Kris."
"Kris?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Yeah. You think I'm the only one who wants to talk to someone from time to time?" Adam asked teasingly and I laughed.
"That must've been weird. I mean, because they're both your friends and both are telling you stuff…" I put my head on his chest and pressed my body even tighter to him as he slid his arm around me.
"No, not really. Most of the time it's great to talk to both of them."
"I can't believe it!" I hit him lightly on the shoulder. "You had two people to talk to the whole time and I was living with the fear I would explode eventually, if I don't tell anybody!" I threw my hands in the air. "Just great!" Adam laughed and rolled over to plant kisses all over my face.
"I'm sorry it's been so hard on you." He said in a low voice, his face hovering over mine.
"It's okay; it wasn't easy for you either." I beamed at him. "Besides, now everything is perfect." It really did feel perfect in our privet little world. It was like a bubble of our own, just like when we were performing together, only better. I was completely oblivious to everything around us when we were together. Seriously, if the world outside my room would come to end, I wouldn't notice. But honestly, could you blame me?
"Yeah, I just wish you didn't have to go through all of the scandals… People are talking, you know." Adam sighed and looked away for a moment with a thoughtful expression across hid gorgeous face.
"Yep, Adison all the way." I joked. I simply didn't want to think about it. It wasn't important enough to ruin the moment for me. "Forget about people." I ordered and pulled him down to me by his shirt. Adam fixed his eyes on mine again.
"This I can do…" He closed the distance between our lips and all worries were pushed away for the nearest future.
***
"Hey, guys!" I entered Adam's room as he let me in, kissing my cheek.
"Hey, sunshine." Adam beamed at me. Kris was sitting in the armchair, so I fell on the couch, stretching my legs to its length.
"Hi." Kris replied in his laid-back manner. Adam sat sown on the couch beside me, putting my feet in his lap. Kris was the only one we could act freely around, but we didn't exactly do anything too personal in front of him either. I don't know why. Maybe we felt we were making him uncomfortable enough about knowing something no one else around did. He was practically forced to lie for us as it was, he didn't need to see things he didn't really want to.
"Is your mom coming tonight?" Adam asked me.
"I think so. Maybe my sister comes again too." I answered, grabbing the bag of chips from Kris' hand.
"Katy's not coming tonight. Again." Kris sighed. It's been almost two weeks since they saw each other and it was beginning to get to him. He was getting more frustrated by the hour and I could totally relate to it. The weeks I was away from Adam had been a real torture and I was actually able to see him once in a while. Which wasn't very easy either. But Kris didn't even get to see his wife for those days and I could imagine how long they felt to him.
"Work?" Adam asked.
"Yeah. I wish she would just quit, but I know it's not fair to her. She deserves her independency."
"Even though her husband is American Idol winner." I added to lighten up the mood. "And earns tones of money now."
"Yeah, you see? Being American Idol winner sucks!" We both laughed with Kris. "I'm going on tour, so I can't see my wife, but with all of the financial benefits, she still can't quit her job and come with me."
"Oh, just so you know, even we – the losers – get the same fate." We knew Adam was just kidding and the great thing about him was that he always knew the right thing to say without hurting anybody's feelings, but still being funny. Well, there are a lot of great things about Adam Lambert.
"Don't get me started, you two." Kris warned us, still smiling slightly. "You can't complain! You don't even have time to miss each other, because you spend every single second together."
"Well, there are always nights and showers and dressing…" Adam recited jokingly.
"And that's the time I don't see you either. So to me you're too inseparable to be normal or human at all." Kris answered.
"You noticed?" I asked sarcastically as Adam chuckled. He didn't seem one bit annoyed or ashamed by Kris' teasing. Not that it bothered me really.
"Oh, believe me I tried not to." My eyes widened in shock, but he hurried to calm me as soon as he saw the expression on my face. "I'm just kidding. Don't worry, nobody suspects anything." He assured me.
"It's almost ironic how people make up things about us without even knowing how close they were to the truth." Adam pointed out. A long silence filled the room, then Kris picked up his guitar and started playing some accords quietly.
***
"Guys, say hello or something!" Michael was pointing a camera on each one of us, making another video of his. We were all walking to our dressing rooms at the backstage before one of our concerts.
Adam's face practically touched the camera as he yelled "Helloooo!", cheerfully and loudly enough to make Michael lean back.
"Looks like everything's the same with Adam." He said, turning the camera to himself. "Shining and screaming as usual." He joked and pointed the camera at me. I made a goofy face and lifted my thumbs up, but before I got to say something, I saw Adam's expression change for the shortest moment, before turning back to normal as he looked at some magazine he was holding. It was barely noticeable, but I knew him too well. I walked up to him and looked at the headline of the page he was looking at. It read 'Too much chemistry for their own good.' with a following picture of Adam and me hugging after one of our performances.
I didn't say a word as he dropped the magazine into the nearest trash can. Actually, I decided not to mention it at all and just ignore the rumors. Most of them weren't true, except for our feelings, and our fans were doing a great job themselves, adding spice to the media's hard work. I knew it was bothering Adam, mostly because of me and some ridiculously idiotic guilt. So I just dropped it, but Adam had to bring it up himself after the show that night.
"The rumors are getting pretty bad." He said and we both knew which rumors exactly he was referring to. "If we don't do something soon it can get pretty ugly."
"I don't care. It's their problem, not ours. I mean, what can they do?"
"Allie, I can go to prison for this." He pointed at my hand in his as I laced my fingers with his.
"Come on, it's not like we're doing something illegal!" I frowned childishly.
"Last time I checked dating a minor was illegal. Well, at least for a twenty seven year old guy." He chuckled.
"Man, laws suck!" I complained jokingly and he laughed in response.
"Not that we'd really given them much of a thought… We pretty much broke all the rules by now."
"No we didn't. Who decided what's right and what's wrong? It's not like I'm a ten year old girl and you are some kind of a sick maniac!"
"Maybe I am…" His eyes widened and then narrowed as he faked a dangerous look. I ignored it, though I could barely hold back a laugh.
"Really, what can a few months change? 'Cause after I turn eighteen there will be no problems. At least not legal ones."
"I know, but that's not up to us. We just have to deal with it."
"How?" I moaned. This situation was so frustrating. "If I were twenty and you were thirty nobody would've given a damn, even though it's the same age difference and it's only three years away from us…"
"Again, you're right, but there's nothing we can do about it. What we have to worry about now it's getting to your birthday safely, without anybody finding out something about us." I giggled at the way he put it, but couldn't disagree.
"But what can we do? I'm not doing that distance/space thing again." I stated firmly. Adam kissed my hand reassuringly before speaking.
"Me neither, but I'm not going to put you through some kind of investigation in case somebody finds out. And you know it's totally possible they will find out soon, the way we behave and treat each other. People notice and people talk. More than that, people sometimes tell things that never happened. Gossips are so much more powerful than we'd like to think."
"It's not a problem to prove… things didn't happen." It was his turn to laugh about the way I phrased it.
"Yes, but it's still very unpleasant to be obligated to prove something like this. It will be a major scandal, a controversy around us bigger than we ever knew. We'll always be under some kind of supervision… I want to protect you from all of this. Both of us."
"But how? It's not like now we're running around the streets and screaming we're together or even kissing in public. Can we be more careful?"
"I don't think so." I studied his face as he looked down.
"You have an idea, don't you?" I guessed. I knew Adam and I could read him by now pretty well. He couldn't fool me even if he tried to. "What's the plan? Spill it." I wondered if I should be afraid; by the look on his face, it couldn't be good.
"I'm going to come out." I stared at him like an idiot for a long moment. The words didn't make sense.
"Where?" I finally asked.
"I'm going to come out as gay." He clarified.
"What?!"
"Everybody will think I'm gay and that you're just like a little sister to me, so they won't suspect of the truth. Problem solved. The controversy has always been there, everybody's still wondering whether I'm gay or not. I never gave a definite answer."
"Okay…" I tried to overcome the shock. "Let's say you do that. And we get to my birthday safely. And nobody finds out. What do we do next? We can't hide for the rest of our lives. Or at least for the rest of our relationship." Adam gave me an unpleased look, as he always did when I said something like this. The truth was that I still straggled to believe what we had would last. Of course, not because I didn't want it to last or because I thought my feelings for him would ever change. It's just that I kind of kept thinking that one day he will find someone so much better than me and… Well, this part was too frighteningly horrible to even consider, though deep down inside I knew the chances it would happen were rather high.
"I don't know. I'll say I'm bi-curious or something. Not quite as dangerous for us as bisexual and good enough to leave an open door." He suggested.
"It's gonna be crazy when we announce we're together in a few months!"
"Not as crazy as it would be if they know about it now."
"I know you like it when people talk about you, but –"
"For the right reasons. I don't like it when it gets to my personal life."
"Are you seriously ready to go through all of this trouble?"
"I'm ready if you are." He leaned closer to me.
"You're willing to lie for the rest of your life about something like this?"
"I'll do anything for you." Then he planted a kiss on my lips and there was nothing else to say anymore. I knew the discussion was closed, because I knew Adam. There was absolutely nothing that could stop him from doing what's on his mind. Well, maybe I could, but I wasn't sure I wanted to.
"You're insane." I whispered when we broke the kiss apart.
"Tell me something the rest of the world doesn't know." Adam chuckled.
"I love you." I replied easily. He laughed again and wrapped me in his arms. I couldn't imagine anything better in life. Who needed heaven, when I had paradise already on earth?
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