Hermione looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was looking a bit windswept and her face was red from the stiff breeze that had accompanied the walk she and Severus had just returned from. She patted down her hair with her hand, spotting and pulling out a grey one as she did so, then leant forward to examine her face more carefully. It was quite a shock to realise that she was heading rapidly towards fifty, as the grey hair reminded her, although it was one of the first she had come across; her wizard genes meant that she was aging far more slowly than a Muggle would so she didn't look anywhere near her true age. She ran her finger over a crease near her eye. God, was that the start of crow's feet? She really was going to the dogs. Once it started it was downhill all the way. She had hoped she would have a few more years before old age started creeping up on her.
'What are you doing?'
Snape followed her into the hall and closed the front door behind him, watching as Hermione prodded her face and tried to decide whether her lines had got deeper.
'I've got crow's feet,' she told him plaintively. 'And I found a grey hair.'
'Just the one?' Snape laughed and shook his head, his own dark hair now liberally speckled with grey. 'Well, I can't see any difference. You look just as beautiful as you always do.'
Hermione moved away from the mirror and into Snape's arms as she kissed him.
'You always say the nicest things.'
'No, I always tell the truth,' he retorted.
'You do not!' Hermione replied, sounding shocked that he had said such a thing.
'I do. When did I last tell a lie?'
Hermione thought for a moment. 'Apart from just now . . . when you told that reporter from the Daily Prophet that you'd stopped working on any new potions because you'd decided to retire from teaching at Hogwarts, give up magic completely, and move to an Inca retreat in South America.'
Snape chuckled gruffly. 'Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that. But to be fair, that reporter really did piss me off with all the banal questions he was asking. But lies to papers don't count, do they? According to an article I read in Witch Weekly recently, you and Weasley are planning on going to Hawaii to renew your wedding vows for your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and are planning on having another baby.'
'What are you doing reading Witch Weekly?' Hermione asked, sounding surprised. She grinned. 'I wouldn't have thought it at the top of your list of required reading, although I suppose it is somewhat easier going than the Practical Potioneer.'
Snape shrugged, looking faintly disgusted. 'I saw your name on the cover so I bought it. It was a load of drivel. No wonder old Lockhart used to enjoy being in it. It was right up his street.' He looked at her intently for a moment. 'So are you?'
'Am I what?' Hermione asked in confusion.
'Renewing your vows and having a baby?' Snape said, trying to make his voice sound as flippant as possible.
'Only if you're moving to South America,' Hermione replied with a grin. 'Those Inca places are too high up for me, so I won't be able to go with you — I assume you were going to invite me?'
'Well . . . I'm not sure I was . . . as I was going there for some peace and quiet,' Snape said jokingly.
Hermione slapped his arm. 'Are you saying you're trying to get away from me? That's not very nice, is it?'
Snape chuckled again. 'Well, it doesn't matter if you're planning to have a baby. You won't have time to work on our projects any more as you'll be too busy being a mother.'
'I have to admit the idea of having another child leaves me cold,' Hermione admitted seriously. 'Don't get me wrong, I love the two I've got but the idea of having to go through all that again with another one, especially after all these years, really doesn't appeal at all. Also you have to have sex to make a baby, and Ron and I haven't had sex for almost twenty years.'
'So I take it the vow story isn't true, either?' Snape said.
'No, of course it isn't. I've no idea where they got that from. I certainly didn't talk to them and I can't believe Ron would have done, either. Let's face it, he doesn't even talk to me so he's hardly going to go opening his heart to the papers.'
Snape gave an overly dramatic sigh which was clearly put on. 'It looks like I may have to reconsider my retirement plans after all.'
'You and I could get married, though,' Hermione said quietly. She could feel her heart clattering painfully, knowing she was taking a huge risk by raising the subject again, even after all these years. But if she didn't say it now while they were having a joke, she wasn't sure she would ever get another chance.
Snape didn't say anything but a frown crossed his face and his arms stiffened where they were holding her.
'I still feel the same way,' Hermione told him honestly as she stared into his face. 'I would do it in a heartbeat, Severus.' Feeling suddenly overwhelmed by what she had just done and needing to put a lighter spin on it, she added, 'Although I'm still not sure about another child. Maybe we could get a dog instead?'
The frown disappeared from Snape's face as if he was making an effort to be pleasant, but his voice was just as sombre as he replied to her. 'You know my feeling on this, Hermione. I know it's been a few years since we last talked about it, but they haven't changed and I haven't got anywhere near easier to live with.'
'But my children are adults now,' Hermione pointed out. She was aware of the pleading quality to her voice and wished it didn't sound so obvious. 'You said not while they were at school, and I understood that. I realised the difficulties it would bring for you having to deal with them every day at Hogwarts. But they're not there any more, so now's the perfect time, surely? As I said, I've never stopped loving you, Severus.'
'I'm sorry, Hermione.' Snape's voice was deep and dark as he released her from his arms. He gave a loud and mournful sigh. 'Perhaps we should have cleared things up properly the last time we discussed this. I told you of my feelings about you breaking up the family, and that hasn't changed, however old they are. Your relationship with your daughter is such a fragile one and I would hate to see it broken forever because of me.'
Seeing the look of panic that crossed Hermione's face at these words he held her close again, hugging her into his chest. After a few minutes he released his grip as she pulled away from him but looked at her intently as he spoke.
'I'm not saying we should end our relationship, Hermione. Let's get that clear straight away before you start thinking I'm trying to get rid of you again. That's just not true. Nothing has changed for me, either — not the way I feel about you or the way we handle our relationship. As always, I am entirely in your hands, but I'm still not willing to be the cause of the demise of your family.' Aware that he was probably failing in his explanation and not wanting to prolong the pain, he attempted to draw her away from the subject with another attempt at a joke. 'And I don't think a dog's a good idea, either. Call me biased, but I've never really felt the same about them since I discovered what form Black's Animagus took.'
'Is this ever going to change?' Hermione asked miserably.
She walked into the lounge and sat down on the sofa. Severus followed her and sat in his chair, still looking at her.
'I told you I don't want to get married, and to be honest I can't see it changing in the future,' Snape admitted honestly. He broke off for a moment as if thinking, then said, 'I understand that you're disappointed and I'm sorry, but if you'd rather—'
'Eighteen years we've been together now,' Hermione said, cutting Snape off before he could say something she didn't want to hear. She sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. 'Eighteen years. What do you expect me to do, Severus, leave you and go home to Ron?' She gave a bitter laugh. 'What good would that do? He doesn't even talk to me and he hasn't touched me in years.'
'As I told you last time, I have no desire to lose you,' Snape said calmly. 'But you have to make the decision that's right for you . . . just as I have to do what's right for me.'
'Marriage to you is what's right for me,' Hermione said miserably.
Snape shook his head. 'Thinking like that is extremely limiting, Hermione. The way we are currently has far more potential, and you still have your family should anything happen to either of us. I told you before: until you experience loss — real loss — you won't understand how important your family are.'
'But I want you as my family,' Hermione wanted to say, but instead she remained silent. She knew Severus would be as unbending about this as he had been last time; and she knew, too, that she was never going to leave him, whether he married her or not. She had no real life away from him now. It was just a part she played, a mask she wore until she was back at Spinner's End with the man she loved more than anything in the world. Unless he forced her to leave she would cling to him until the end of time.
'It's a shame about the dog,' she said after a few more minutes of silence, wanting desperately to lighten the mood. 'I rather like them and I could see you taking a white Pomeranian for a walk. It would suit you down to the ground.'
Snape scowled deeply. 'You were thinking of getting a hand muff? I assumed you meant a real dog, not some stupid little yappy thing.'
'Would it make a difference?' Hermione asked hopefully. A dog wasn't marriage, but it was a commitment of sorts as it would belong to both of them.
Snape stared at her for a few seconds, then sighed again. 'Do you want a dog?' he asked mildly, already sure he knew the answer before Hermione said it.
'Those little white balls of fluff are so cute,' Hermione said. 'And they don't shed much hair and they're quite easy to look after.'
'If you're after a ball of fluff perhaps you should try a Puffskein. You don't even have to take them for a walk,' Snape retorted drily, but he was smiling, relieved that Hermione had backed off from the marriage discussion again.
He was glad she seemed to have accepted his decision without asking for a deeper response as to why he didn't want to marry her because he wasn't sure he would have known what to say. It wasn't as if he had never considered it — he had, several times over the years — but he had deep-rooted problems where marriage was concerned, and he honestly did believe that Hermione would be better off keeping her family around her rather than abandoning them to become his wife. He was under no illusion that they would want anything to do with them if that happened. At the age of sixty-seven it was too late for him to break the habits he had accumulated over a lifetime of bachelorhood; marriage would be a completely different proposition from the few days he and Hermione currently spent together at Spinner's End each month, and he wasn't sure that in the long term he would be able to make her happy.
His basis for this thought was his own parents' marriage, which had been anything but happy for any of them. Although they had both been dead a long time, sometimes he couldn't help but wish that his parents could have put aside their differences long enough to build a stable home for him. But that hadn't happened, and before he was even old enough to attend Hogwarts he had known he could only rely on himself. Even though Hermione's children had now left school and were more than capable of fending for themselves, he still couldn't take that step that would see the family unit split up. There had been that brief period during his early and mid-teens when marriage had seemed a possibility for him, and he had harboured a secret desire to make Lily his wife. But that, too, had ended in disaster with the love of his life marrying one of his most hated enemies. It was then that he had realised he was never meant to marry; the happy family life he desired so much was never to be his. It had taken decades before he could even think of Lily without the pain of that betrayal ripping his heart apart, although his beautiful Hermione had gone a long way towards helping him with that. But even though he was sure Hermione really did love him and he cared very deeply for her in return, he couldn't risk opening himself up to the sort of heartache that would occur if he couldn't make her happy.
He really didn't want a dog, especially not one of those toy ones that seemed designed to do nothing but bark and get in the way, but it seemed Hermione was keen, presumably thinking that as a joint commitment it would make things between them more permanent. Although Snape knew it would be a pain in the arse to look after, especially when he was at Hogwarts, it would be a compromise he could make, a gesture to prove that he really did care for his beautiful lover.
'If you want a dog we'll get a dog,' he told Hermione quietly, smiling himself as she beamed at him, her eyes glittering with excitement. 'We can go to the dogs' home tomorrow morning if you want and see if there's anything suitable.'
Hermione leapt up from the sofa and joined Snape in his chair, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed him.
'Thank you, Severus,' she breathed happily.
'Well, if we're getting a dog I'll definitely have to cancel my trip to South America,' he told her, sounding resigned, and he pulled her close for another kiss.
'What's the matter, Hermione? You don't seem quite your normal self.' Snape looked worriedly at his lover as she bent down and stroked the dog, who was overjoyed to see her. Although they had got together fairly regularly over the years, it had been several months since they last managed to spend some time alone at Spinner's End and her mood was nothing like he had expected it to be. She was usually so pleased to see him, buoyant at the thought of a few days away from her husband, yet on this occasion she seemed flat, even disinterested. For a moment he wondered whether she was going to mention marriage again and his heart sank as he thought about how he was destined to do nothing but disappoint his lover. How many times could he say no before she finally left him for good?
But looking closely at Hermione's face he realised that their relationship was not the cause of her current mood. He waited for her to speak, although he thought he knew what the problem was. It was always the same problem, if truth be told.
Hermione sighed loudly, then as she disengaged herself from the excited dog, said despondently, 'Rose.'
'It always is,' Snape replied gently. 'So what's she done this time?' He pulled Hermione into a hug, kissing her forehead gently. 'Come on, get it off your chest and you'll feel better. You know that's what I'm here for.'
Hermione shook her head, sighing again. 'I just don't understand why—' She stopped, shook her head again, gave another huge sigh, then continued, 'That bloody girl is so selfish. She never thinks of anyone but herself, and she's not even thinking about herself properly. But of course I can't say anything to her, can I? You know what she's like with me . . . and Ron won't say anything to her because he doesn't want to upset his perfect little princess. It's bloody ridiculous, really.'
Rant now out of the way, Hermione deflated a little, resting her head on Snape's shoulder.
'Why is she so bloody stupid?' she added angrily.
Snape had no idea what Rose had done this time. She was always up to something pretty much guaranteed to annoy her mother, although whether that was by design or default he had never quite been able to establish. Ever since her arrival at Hogwarts the girl had been trying her parents', especially her mother's patience, and growing up hadn't made her less strong-willed, although that wasn't too much of a surprise with the parents she had. Hermione and her daughter had always had a difficult relationship — mainly, Hermione explained, because of Ron's spoiling of the child. Growing up hadn't seemed to make them any closer.
'She's definitely not stupid,' Snape pointed out carefully. 'Headstrong and pig-headed, maybe, but she's got far too much of her mother in her for her to ever be considered stupid.'
'Well, she's acting like she is,' Hermione replied bullishly. She pulled out of Snape's arms and walked towards the kitchen, intending to make a cup of tea. Her voice dripping with disgust, she added, 'She's told us she's going to marry Alfric.'
'Alfric Speedwell?' Snape asked interestedly, trying not to antagonise Hermione any further than she already was.
'Of course it's that . . . that . . . obnoxious, brash . . . grrr . . . how many other Alfrics do you know of who are Rose's age?'
Snape gave a small shrug. 'Well, there were three in the school at the same time as Rose,' he said patiently, 'although as far as I'm aware Speedwell was the only one she spent any significant time with.' He broke off for a moment before adding, 'She's going to marry him? I thought you said they had cooled their relationship.'
'I thought they had. As far as I knew they were finished and she was seeing Lorcan Treadforth. I wasn't keen on him, either, but at least he was better than loathesome Alfric.'
Snape took the just-filled kettle from Hermione's hands. She was shaking with anger and slopping water everywhere. 'Here, let me do that. You go and sit down with Bertie and try to calm down a bit. I'll join you shortly once the tea is made.'
Hermione looked for a moment as if she was going to retaliate, clearly wanting an argument, but then relented and headed back to the lounge, the dog following her. Snape watched her go before turning to put the kettle on the stove. As he got the tea things from the cupboard he thought about Hermione's daughter. Rose Weasley had been a difficult child, a precocious and even more difficult teenager, and now she was turning into a nightmare of an adult, too, it seemed. Whilst he wasn't proud to admit it, he had never been very keen on the girl. Even though she was Hermione's daughter — and very definitely so, with her keen mind and fierce intellect — she didn't have her mother's kindness. Instead she had inherited all her father's worst traits — his bullheadedness and his ability to fly off the handle, along with the red hair he had also given her. But he had also spoilt her so badly that she had grown up feeling entitled and it hadn't improved her behaviour or attitude one little bit.
That she was attracted to Alfric Speedwell didn't come as any real surprise to Snape. Alfric was handsome and popular, but as with all those good-looking boys who came from money and old pure-blood families, he was arrogant and capable of being a bully. Rose was a pretty girl, which made his attraction to her understandable, especially when they both had such similar attitudes. Snape's view was that they actually made a pretty good couple, and at least if they were together they weren't ruining the lives of two other decent people. Of course Hermione would never see it that way. Although she was well aware of her daughter's faults she had spent many years trying to pretend there was nothing wrong with her, mainly because she couldn't talk to Rose without the girl losing her temper. Snape wasn't sure if the two of them had ever actually had a proper heart-to-heart since Rose started at Hogwarts; but then the girl no longer seemed that close to Ron, either, from the little Hermione had told him. As far as he could judge she was pretty much out of control and not likely to listen to anyone, least of all her parents.
He knew there was nothing he could do, either to stop the wedding or to calm Hermione down. He would just have to let her simmer for a while and eventually she would get over it on her own. He did know of a few things he could do to help her along, though; that was one of the reasons she came to visit him, after all. He put the now-filled mugs on the tray and picked it up, heading for the lounge. It was time for him to work his magic and take his lover's mind off the frustrations of her awful family for a while.
