When people look at her, they tend to sneer her way. It doesn't even affect her because she is so used to it from having built up a reputation of being incredibly nosey and never knowing when to keep out of a conversation. The habit hadn't always been there and from her knowledge she was the only person who was aware of why she was like this. Petunia had never even told Dudley the reason, in fact she knows she hasn't told him much at all concerning her own private life. She always protected herself behind a shell and that shell always hid the real Petunia.
It had started just before her twenty-first birthday. When she had woken up expecting to receive the morning post but instead woke up to a letter informing her that her sister had been killed along with her husband (whom she had never really liked) and a basket containing a baby who was only a year old. She knew her life was going to turn around in ways that she wasn't ready for, she was overcome by a giant tsunami of guilt when she picked up the letter. So instead she reasoned she would talk to Vernon about their new problem despite already knowing what his answer was going to be. She didn't even explain everything before her husband had stated that he should be put in an orphanage.
Petunia Dursley- formerly Petunia Evans- had seen his logic and to some extent she agreed with him. Her nephew had been orphaned and it was normal for children who had lost their parents in infantry to be placed in homes. She didn't want this and she knows that this might be her only chance to prove herself. Despite popular belief within her household, she never hated witches or wizards. At least not truly. She hated that she wasn't magic, she hated that she couldn't do the things that those who are magic can do, she hated that she felt so isolated from her sister who was a year older than her, she hated that she was in a sense boring compared to those who possessed the gift of magic.
But she never truly hated witches or wizards. They couldn't help who they were and she realised this now.
Fury? She felt that alright. She was furious that she felt as though she was second best compared to her sister when for ten years of her life she was considered an equal. She hated it when her parents suddenly favoured Lily more simply because she had this extraordinary gift that the majority of people wouldn't even consider to be true.
Anger? She also felt that to the point that even a single mention of the word magic made her blood boil and her body to start convulsing in surges of pure rage. Petunia was furious when she received her reply from when she herself politely sent a letter to a man named Albus Dumbledore asking if she too could go to Hogwarts but had received a very kind rejection in response. She became even more angry when her parents talked to her less, not giving her the attention that a ten-year-old needed. It wasn't that she was neglected because she definitely wasn't but at times it had felt like her parents only gave her attention because they were forced to and not like they genuinely wanted to.
She thinks this was probably where her resentment began for anything involving the magical world. All of that disappeared from her though when she had looked down into the basket that was next to her feet at her sleeping nephew. The gaping cut in his forehead which wasn't bleeding but was definitely reddening to form a permanent scar that would constantly remind her of what had happened on Halloween night, 1981, in Godrics Hollow.
Guilt was the only emotion she felt then but her mind had already been twisted and warped in a way that she genuinely thought that it would never disappear. For almost ten years of her life she had been convincing herself that she wanted nothing to do with Lily anymore and to some extent she can't blame herself because it is a normal reaction when a sibling gets to live a more exciting life than the other. It is logical reasoning but that doesn't mean that her thinking was irrational because it was. After all, it was Petunia who had distanced herself from her sister.
Now as she stared around her home on Christmas Eve whilst Dudley had gone looking for Felicity she felt more alone than ever. She had lost a part of her beloved son's trust, she had lost her husband, she had lost her marriage, she had lost her relationship, and she had lost the one thing that remained of her sister- that being Harry and she had already lost Lily. A gaping emptiness was creeping into her as she sat in the centre of the living room carpet which didn't even feel like her own. Her home didn't even feel like a home anymore with all she had lost. She knew Dudley had done the right thing and she knew that she had done what she should have done years ago with Vernon, so why did she feel immense levels of guilt?
Petunia knew that if she stayed in that same position that it wouldn't get any better so she shakily stood up, trying to keep her tears at bay. It was strange, the house being empty. There were no televisions quietly playing to create distractions, there was no yelling coming from Vernon, there was no arguing back and forth between her and her husband, there was no soft thuds coming from upstairs from the punching bag that hadn't been touched in over three years. It was just quiet and it was strange. She hesitated when she spotted the remote sitting on the couch but eventually decided against it. She had to gather her thoughts before Dudley came back with Felicity.
The cupcakes she had offered the young couple who were so completely besotted with each other it was as if they had hung the moon and stars for each other. It was a very cheesy reference and it was one she had only used once before- in fact it had only been an hour before. Petunia reached out a hand and picked one of the treats from the tray and now a small tear did fall from her eye. Triple chocolate cherry with vanilla buttercream. Lily's favourite. Even after all these years she still remembered her deceased sister's favourite type of cake. They almost never got eaten because they were far too sweet but she couldn't bring herself to stop baking them. Lily was too sweet as well, far too sweet to die in the way she had. She still didn't even know how she died exactly- only that it was a fatal spell that no one should have survived.
But somehow, her nephew had.
She knew there was a lot more to the story and she wanted to know what. There had to have been a reason that the spell had backfired when it touched Harry's forehead, there had to be reason that the man in question had gone after the young family, there had to be a reason that he by some strange force came back to life after supposedly dying. There was only one way she could find that out and that would be through Harry. She hesitated before pulling back the casing and took a small bite of the moist, rich sponge. From then, her memories began. Memories which she had blocked out for a very long time and were only now making their first reappearance in years.
/
Cokeworth was a small town, not much ever seemed to happen there.
There were only three schools in the area- two primary's and one high school. There was direct links via public transport to larger towns and cities yet for some reason- not many people lived there. It was a small community that was very friendly and everyone seemed to know everyone in some roundabout way. Right in the centre of the small town was a park which was occupied often by the local children but not two young girls. On the outskirts of Cokeworth was a glen of sorts, with trees all standing over ten feet tall and rivers running to places unknown. This was where Petunia and Lily Evans spent most of their time together.
The family were as a whole well-loved within the community but there was something not quite right. Those who were not immediate family were unaware of the said difference but it was very clear to the four Evans. It had started when the girls were six and five respectively. Petunia had only just started primary when she first spotted her sister who was also her best friend with a young boy who looked to be the same age as Lily outside of the gates. At first she didn't think much of it and carried on. This all came to a stop though when that same boy came by their spot.
It wasn't actually their spot because the land was technically government property but the two young girls didn't know that and had branded the area lining the small town theirs. They had built swings and made up stories of fighting beasts from their imagination whilst saving the world from a madman. Little did the girls know that in fifteen years this would be reality but not the way they had played it out. Petunia had turned to him and told him to leave because he was trespassing but she hadn't expected Lily to grip onto her shoulder lightly which caused the younger chocolate haired girl to turn to her year older redhead sister.
"It's ok Tuney, I asked him to come."
The slightly taller of the pair had turned to face her and gave her a disgusted look but the shorter knew why. This was their spot, no one else's and she felt betrayed that Lily had told someone about the spot. Petunia said something to her older sister who then looked to the ground in shame, shot a filthy look at the boy whose name she did not know and walked off. She knew that her sister and the mysterious boy thought she had left to go back home but she hadn't. She wanted to know who he was. So she crouched behind a tree and watched from her side view to try and find out the boy's name. He had long midnight black hair that was very oily that came just shy of his shoulders. His skin was extremely pale which contrasted strongly against his dark coloured clothes.
Petunia couldn't take his appearance in for long because he walked over to Lily whom she noted had a bit of a crushed expression on her young features, held his hand out for her. Her eyes grew when a tiny sprout formed in the centre of his palm which turned into a bud before transforming into a daisy. How? That was all she could think and she curiously held her own palm out in an attempt to recreate the boy's movements. She frowned when nothing happened and turned to face them once more. Lily smiled lightly and took the tiny flower and right then Petunia's eyes grew even more. The delicate white petals suddenly grew and soon a rose in a similar shade to blood had taken the space left by the daisy.
/
That was when Petunia first realised that there was something very special about her one-year older sister Lily. She never told her what she saw because she simply put it down to her vivid five-year-old imagination. By now Petunia had stood from her position and had moved into her garden to sit down on a wooden bench, the high fences effectively hiding her from her pesky neighbours. Normalcy. It was something she thrived upon. Before that fateful day with the boy whose name she can't remember except that it began with an 'S' her and Lily had a normal relationship. She had a normal family. She can still remember when the slightly yellowing parchment that was Lily's letter came through the door.
She looked down to her right hand to see the silver band that she always wore on her index finger. Vernon and Dudley had asked her about the jewellery for years but she had never told them where it came from. It was Lily's, her sister gifted it to her on her eighteenth birthday and it was the second last time she ever saw her sister alive. Petunia had wanted to get rid of it but she just couldn't bring herself to do so, it meant far too much to her.
/
She had a feeling, one in which ten-year-old Petunia Evans wasn't sure if it was bad or good. She had it once before but not to the extent that she was feeling currently. No words escaped the brunette's mouth however because despite being very young she knew that any adults would wave the feeling off as simply a figment of an overactive imagination. So she kept her mouth shut and carried on with her day.
She had woken up an hour previously and had just finished getting dressed after a long morning bath before making her way downstairs. Once her small feet hit the carpet with a dull thud the scent of meat filled her nostrils which told her breakfast had been served. She could hear footsteps upstairs too telling her Lily had just gotten out of the bath and she wanted to get as much food as she possibly could- the two sisters constantly fought over their food and it amused everyone.
So Petunia walked into the kitchen and took her seat at the dining table just as her mother set the food in the middle to cause less silly arguments. She didn't hesitate to pile her plate up and begin eating not caring in the slightest about table manners. Lily soon made an appearance, her bright ginger hair beginning to darken into a rich auburn shade as she got older. She took her seat next to Petunia and stacked her plate as well. Since Petunia was the first to finish her mother kindly asked her to collect the post for the day since they had heard the metal ring of the letterbox a few minutes before.
Petunia nodded her head and skipped down the corridor. There were four letters in the post today and she bent down to pick them all up before promptly skipping back into the kitchen to hand the letters to her mother. Mr Evans had started work early this morning so his presence was missing. She dangled her short legs underneath the table always making sure to not swing too hard in case she accidentally kicked her sister or mum whilst softly humming to herself. Suddenly her mum cocked her head to the side as she looked at one letter in particular and this caught Petunia's interest. Just as she was about to ask what it was, her mum had slid it across the table to Lily and Petunia could read it perfectly.
Lily Evans.
The Middle Bedroom.
71 Tilburn Drive, Cokeworth.
It was not like any kind of paper she had ever seen. It was a very faint yellowing colour and looked extremely thick, plus there was a thick wax seal closing the lid of the envelope. No one was speaking since three pairs of eyes were staring down at the strange looking thing. Eventually Lily's curiosity got the better of her and she broke the wax seal open to slide the contents out. Petunia noted that there was two separate pieces of that strange looking paper and Lily picked one of them up and began to read;
"Dear Miss Evans, I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
/
That was where it all went wrong for the Evans sisters but both were far too prideful to do anything about it. One believed the other hated her and the other brainwashed herself into thinking she hated her slightly older sister. Now that Petunia looks around her impeccable garden however, she knows that the only person at fault during that decade was herself and no one else. Lily didn't push Petunia away, Petunia pushed Lily away.
She didn't even invite her sister to her own wedding and vice versa despite them both saying when they were young they would be one another's bridesmaids. It was too late now, her life was in pieces but she had a way to show that she never truly hated witches and wizards. Petunia knows things that Dudley also knows but hasn't pieced the picture together yet and Vernon definitely knew. There was a reason why Vernon had such a passionate hate for Felicity and it wasn't because their personalities clashed; not completely at least.
Jones.
That was Felicity's surname. Whilst they were being driven to the secret location which was supposedly safe from the war which was looming on the horizon she had heard the witch say something about her own sister living there with her husband and daughter. Petunia didn't need to be told that the daughter in question was Felicity, her dad being a muggle and her mother a squib. This was partially the reason why Vernon despised the petite blonde because she was a reminder of everything he refused to believe in. Luckily Petunia didn't share the same views as her husband secretly. Hestia she recalls was the witch's name. She never had a conversation with her but she saw the tiny eye flicks cast her way from the older woman and it was enough for her to know that the witch didn't hate her, but was worried for her.
Petunia was actually surprised that her son had never pieced this together but she knows it would be best for him to find out on his own accord. It wouldn't affect him now because he was perfectly fine with Felicity's parents and he was willingly back in touch with Harry. It wouldn't affect their relationship and Petunia was a bit jealous. This time though she had learned her lesson. She wouldn't let her jealousy overcome her like it did with Lily; she couldn't go through that wave crashing guilt again. However, one thing the woman did know was that it would take her a lot of time before she would gather the courage to see her nephew in person because he reminded her so much of her sister to the point that it left a dull ache in her chest desperate to be filled.
She didn't even realise that she had stood up and walked back into her home, or was it her home. Now that Petunia thinks about it, she never really felt at home here so was it just a house? She didn't even know anymore. Petunia froze by the stairs and closed her eyes, was this really what she wanted to do?
Yes, it was.
With a deep breath she blindly reached her hand out and opened the small door that led to the tiny cupboard underneath the stairs. Where she had participated in forcing her nephew to live for ten years of his life. Hastily she looked inside. Like she already knew, not a single thing had changed, nothing had moved, it was like going back in time to some extent. But that was the past and this is the present. Now Petunia has a chance to change things and she was not going to mess it up again. She was disgusted in herself for her actions and for not wanting to know about her nephew simply because he reminded her of Lily.
It was selfishness at its peak. Essentially abandoning a one-year-old to fend for himself because it was hurting her. Petunia wasn't sure how long she stayed there for but she eventually managed to drag herself out and close the door behind her, once again shutting out part of her life. It was just in the nick of time too because the door swung open and in walked Dudley and Felicity- the latter giggling away at something her son had said. It was the right thing he did, getting back in touch with Harry. Perhaps she should follow his example considering that he is family but she knows she isn't quite ready yet.
She vaguely heard Dudley mention something in Harry's room along the lines of brown and leather bound. Her son left not too long after since Dudley had always taken to showing his fiancé around whenever they were in the neighbourhood so she could see the place that he had grown up. Her son's words echoed in her ears and soon the older woman found herself wandering into the second largest bedroom in the house which had belonged to Harry. She hadn't been in the room for a long time and it was once again like she was stepping back in time.
Her eyes trailed over to the bookshelf that was next to the television and she figured what one her son was talking about. Why would he tell her about it? It was just a book, wasn't it? Her curiosity got the better of her and she removed it from the shelf and she froze when she realised that it was a photo album. Petunia's fingers trembled as she opened it up and looked at the first picture.
A young couple dancing in a courtyard.
Her free hand covered her mouth as she tried to hold in the heart wrenching sob at seeing her sister and her husband. From the background she didn't even need to think of where she was- there only was one place it could be. Hogwarts. Petunia had seen a couple of pictures of the breath-taking castle even though she hid it with a sneer towards her sister. They looked so happy, without a single care in the world. For the next hour that Dudley and Felicity were gone, Petunia flipped through all the pictures until she came to one near the end that consisted of around twenty people stood like they were in a school assembly. She recognised her sister and her husband, a couple of other faces were ringing bells too but she couldn't put a name to them. It was what was written underneath it that confused her; it listed all of their names and something else.
The Order of the Phoenix.
Who and what was the order of the Phoenix? It seemed important whatever it was because everyone in the picture held stony looks in their gazes and she knew that this was the last picture ever taken of the group of people all together alive and well. With that she shut the photo album, placed it on the shelf and walked out of the room. Now she was curious and she too wanted answers to everything, the same as Dudley. There was only one way she would learn everything that had plagued her mind for so many years. In order for this to happen she had to do the one thing she wasn't sure if she was ready for.
Show her true self to her nephew.
