Thank you guys for everything on the last chapter! I'd like to know if you wan them all to be that long or longer or shorter than that. That would help a lot with my writing. Anyway, this chapter gets really intense. I hope you guys are ready for this. I am not, and I haven't even written it yet.
I don't own the rights to Divergent. Those belong to the lovely Ms. Veronica Roth.
Searching for You – Chapter 8
Heaven POV
"Heaven? Oh, Heaven," I hear a singsong voice in my ear say. It's Will, obviously. I assume he's hovering right above me, too, because his voice is so close to my ear, I can feel the warmth of his breath and the heat of his body. "Fuck off," I mumble into the pillow, still half asleep. He shifts his weight over a bit and I feel the floor mattress unsink. He's gotten up from the bed. Then, I feel the blanket yanked off of me. My eyes fly open. "Dude," I say. Nothing else, just that, but that alone is enough for Will to give them back to me. I curl up back to the warmth, but keep my eyes open since I don't trust Will after that stunt. In fact, I keep watching him through squinted eyes and pursed lips as he moves around the room. He picks up a box from his side of the bed, but on the floor. It's small, only a few inches long, wide, and tall. And it's rectangular and wrapped in black wrapping paper. He hands it to me. I hesitate before taking it, unsure if this is a joke. Why would he give me a gift?
"Happy birthday, Heaven," he says with a smile. Oh, right. It's my birthday today. I'm turning twenty. Fun.
I sit up and look at the box. Squinting a bit, I rip off the shiny black paper with only a few tears. I hold the box, which actually turns out to be white, up. On the side it says, iPhone 5S. A phone? Oh, hell yes. This is great. I've been in need of one for six months, but we haven't had the money or the information needed to get one. I suppose Will figured something out. I slide the top off the box to see the actual thing. (But also to make sure there's actually something in it and it isn't just empty.) It's a black iPhone 5S. I click the button and it turns on the show the time and a background picture of me on Will's back in the middle of the desert in Arizona. I remember when he took this picture. He took it with his phone of course, but at the time, three months ago, none of my memories had resurfaced and I was truly considering not trying to get them back, but instead making a life there with Will, but that changed soon after that. But on that particular day, we had just been driving when we saw that the clouds were covering the sun up all the way and that was a rare sight in Arizona. Of course, we got out and took a few pictures, and right before we took that one, the clouds opened and the sunlight was perfect for that one. He knew I was fond of that picture, so I guess he chose that one for my background. He was right; I'm not going to change it.
"Oh, Will," I say and set the gift down. "Thank you. I love it." I lean over and hug him. He hugs me back and explains that he had already set up most of the personal settings and I could start using it like I had always owned it.
"Don't mention it," he brushed off my thanks. "It's long overdue. You've needed one for months and it's about time. Sorry I've been putting it off." He shrugs his shoulders and laughs it off. "Anyway," he pauses and looks at his own phone. "You should be getting ready for work now. Doesn't your shift start in an hour," he asks. I look down at the time on my phone and nod in response to him. He, on the other hand, doesn't have work today. He'll probably just lounge around, but he might do something useful like fill the truck with much-needed gas or maybe finally get some things for the bedroom, like a wastebasket and clothes hamper. Those were long overdue. I suggest his to him and he nods absently and says he'll look around for some things.
That's when I remember he got a girl's number last night. Right.
"Or you could call that girl, Christina," I say with a smirk. He was obviously already thinking this, though. "Or is there some kind of guy code that means you can't call until a certain time has passed. You wanna make her wait?" I ask. "Because, trust me, as a girl, I wouldn't want to wait." I chuckle and turn when I don't hear any response. I furrow my eyebrows. "Will?" I yell. He yells back from the kitchen. "Nevermind!" I yell. I don't remember him walking away.
I walk into the bathroom and take a shower. I use the new soaps I bought the other day and close my eyes. I let the water run over me for a few minutes before it starts to get cold. When it does, I turn off the water and step out. I put on my new flowy black maxi dress, which is too long for my 5'3" body, but I'll be wearing heels with it that will help. When I see myself in the mirror, I groan. My hair is even more blonde; I guess the dye is running down even faster. Weird it stayed black for so long without any sign of returning to the natural blonde. But it looks weird a quarter blonde and the rest black. But I'm not dying it again to fix it. I'll just wear a hat.
I walk out to the kitchen and see my shift starts in forty-five minutes. Seriously? I don't even own a hat. I see Will sitting on one of the bar stools with a half-eaten bagel frozen in his mouth. He's staring at my hair. "Staring is rude, Will," I playfully reprimand him. "Didn't your mother teach you that?" He stops immediately and finishes the rest of his bagel. I smile to myself as I butter a toast and peel an orange for breakfast.
I sit next to him and begin to eat. "So," he says and takes a sip of his coffee. "Are you gonna do anything about that hair situation? Because, as a guy, it does not look appealing." A-ha. So he did hear my earlier comment. I laugh.
"Well there's not much I can so about it. I was thinking about a hat, but I don't own one, and there's not really much time to buy one that I like," I say and wipe the toast crumbs from my mouth. He nods. "And you don't happen to own one, now do you?" I ask sarcastically and laugh. He's silent. I look up at him and he's looking over at the door. I furrow my eyebrows for the second time in an hour. "Do you?" He looks at me while drinking from his mug. His eyes make the briefest contact with mine. I raise my eyebrows as he sets his mug down and lets out a deep sigh.
"Okay, yes," he says and holds up a finger when I light up. "But, this is a hat that you have to promise not to laugh at."
"Okay," I promise. "I won't laugh."
…
I literally laugh out loud at the hat. Will gives me a dirty look and I put on a straight face. "No, no," I say and shake my head. "I'm not laughing at the hat. I promised, remember." I hold up my pinky in reminder.
It wasn't that it was a funny hat. It was a plain black man's fedora. But, it was more the fact that Will owned the hat. Okay, firstly, why would he need it in Arizona? And secondly, why a fedora? I would have expected a baseball cap or beanie, or even a cowboy hat, but a fedora? Really? Anyway, what was funnier was the fact that Will decided he would pack the hat. We only packed what we thought we would need. I could pack everything I owned since it was so little, but Will had a wider selection. And I couldn't get over his choice of a fedora.
I explained this to him and before he tried to explain himself, I held up a hand. "Thank you, Will," I say and take the hat from his suitcase. I brush it off and return it to its original shape, since it has been crushed for however long he had it in there. "You're a life saver." I put the hat on and check it in the hallway mirror. Looks great. I put on a little lip gloss to brighten my all black outfit. I pop my lips while Will continues to try to explain himself. I slip on my trench coat and shush him again. I literally put my finger to his lips. He gives me a look. "Sorry," I apologize. "But it's fine. Really. I don't care." I pause. "Unless you're trying to say something not retaining to the hat." He nods. I bring my finger down. "Sorry."
"What I was trying to say was: have a good day at work, sorry you have to work on your birthday, and I probably won't be here when you get home. I'm going to see if Christina is free today, like you suggested. And we might be out for lunch," he stops as my face drops. "But, I promise I will spend birthday dinner with you. I promise."
I nod in understanding. I mean, of course I want him to be happy and I'm a better person than to get jealous of a girl he's barely spoken to, but I got worried for a moment he would leave me hanging on my birthday.
"Okay, cool," I say with an air of nonchalance. "Just text me when you're gonna be finished. Or when you're gonna be home. Or, just whenever." I pocket my apartment key and make my way outside begin walking down the streets to the café at the docks.
I show up ten minutes early, but it's already been open for hours and Tori has already set up the tables and prepared them for the day. It's busier in the mornings, so I immediately make my way to my locker in the back, where I put on my apron and wash my hands. I readjust my hat in the mirror so none of my blonde hair shows. I practice smiling in the mirror before I hear Tori call my name. "I'll be right there!" I shout back. I clear my throat.
An hour later, the shop was full to capacity. Tori had to call in a few people for extra help. One of them was a young girl named whose name slipped my mind. When I saw her, she looked familiar, like I had met her before. But I couldn't have since yesterday was my first day and she wasn't here then. Tori had informed me earlier that she was a family friend and had been working here for a few years since she was fifteen. Now she was eighteen and friends with every other employee and a customer favorite. But when she walked in and I saw her, I paused and stared at her.
She had dark skin and short black hair. Her eyes were a warm honey color that were welcoming and she smiled as she shook my hand. Her brows furrowed and the smile dropped from her mouth when she saw my expression.
"Are you okay?" she asked me, dropping my hand. I realized I what I was doing and put a smile on my face to mask it. I shook my head.
"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine. Sorry, Tori told me about you, but your name seems to have slipped my mind. I'm Heaven, by the way." I see her surprise by my name, but she nods to be polite. "My name's Rose. Rose Wells." I almost choke, but cover it up with a cough.
"Oh, hmm. Nice name. And, uh nice meeting you, but I've gotta get back to work. Sorry," I say and walk away. Dammit, I think. It was happening again. I was getting dizzy and my eyes were getting heavy. I started blinking quickly as I made my way to ladies' restroom in the back. I threw the door open and ran in. I slammed the door shut behind me. No, I couldn't have this happen right now. Not now. I couldn't faint; I'd be out for hours. They'd think I was on drugs.
I whimpered in pain. My head was throbbing, which I didn't realize would happen if I tried to resist it this much. It felt like there was someone pounding on my skull with a hammer. I whimpered again. A knock came from the door. "Hey, you okay in there?" I heard a woman's voice. It sounded like Rose, but it was muffled by the door and my mind wasn't right at the moment. I forced a laugh and told her I'd be out in a moment. I think I heard her leave. I ran to the sink and turned on the faucet. I let it run for a second before splashing my face with the freezing water. That seemed to kill the memory a little, but there was still something in the back of my mind that wanted to come out and be seen.
I took a deep shaky breath and calmed myself down mentally. I rubbed my neck and temples to ward off the oncoming headache. It barely worked and I realized this. When I left the bathroom, I made a beeline to the back room where I kept my small bag. There wasn't much in there, but I hoped to find something useful. Some pills or something. Of course not. I added that to the mental list of things to buy soon.
"You looking for something?" I heard someone say from behind me. Rose. What the hell did she want with me? I put on a smile and turn to her.
"Who? Me?" I ask and realize, of course it's me. There's no one else in the room. "Um, no just something for my head. It's not a big deal. Don't mind me." I dismiss her with a wave of my hand, but she continues on.
"I have something for headaches, if it's really bothering you," she offers and walks over to her locker. When she opens her locker, I would have thought she was as new as me to the café. It was practically empty besides a large pick Marc Jacobs purse and a pair of designer heeled boots. I raised my eyebrows subtly. Despite the headache, I noticed she was well off and wondered what she was doing in the tiny, minimum-wage job.
She reached into her purse and grabbed a small bottle of over the counter Tylenol. Again, I wondered about this girl and why she kept Tylenol in her purse. She gave me a couple pills and I swallowed them dry. "Thank you," I tell her. "This is gonna help. It's just lately I've been having these awful headaches that don't seem to go away."
"Well," she says. "I hope they get better."
Yeah, we'll be good friends.
…
At about six in the evening, Tori decided to close early since there didn't seem to be any more customers coming in. And it was a Friday. The employees had places to be, myself included. I text Will and ask him to pick me up if he's not busy.
The weather was better than yesterday since it wasn't snowing, but the forecast said it was to get worse. I would probably have to change later, especially if Will and I were going to go out.
Rose and I were walking out of the café when she asked me about myself. I thought about it a while before answering. I didn't want to give too much away.
"Well, I'm living here with my friend, Will." I show her the picture on my phone. "Ooh, he's hot," she comments. I playfully shove her. "Anyway, we just moved here, we're just friends. I've known him for years," I lied easily. "We moved here from Phoenix, where we grew up together. "
She nods and smiles. "You got any family?" she asks me. I sigh, but it's an innocent question I knew was bound to come up sometime. I shake my head. No need to go into detail.
"Ah, me either," she says. "I've got an older sister, but out parents died when we were younger." So, we're both orphans.
"Do you go to school here?" she questions. "One of the universities. I'm going to Chicago. It's one of the main reasons people move to this city. Not really for the five-star neighborhoods or the fuckin' coffee and donuts. Excuse my French."
"Nope. I'm not attending school. Will and I are just here for a few months and, if it turns out we like it here enough to stay, we will."
We're silent for a dew minutes as we walk further up the docks and towards the streets. I check my phone. There's no text from Will. I decide to walk rather than interrupt him again. Who knows what he's doing at the moment. It's already gotten colder in the short ten minutes we'd been walking. I wrap my coat tighter around my body. Rose laughs at this.
"Yep," she says. "Definitely not a northerner." I smile, but inside I'm questioning that.
What if I was and spending too much time in the Arizona heat just made me weak to the cold. It was possible.
"This is gonna sound weird," I say from basically nowhere. But I have to ask her. "But, do I know you from anywhere? Or do you recognize me from anywhere? Because you looked so familiar when I first saw you and I was wondering if I had met you before or not." Rose stares at me blankly. She shakes her head slowly.
"I can't say I do," she denies me. "Sorry if you were expecting a different answer."
No. No, I can't say I was.
Will POV
Shit. Shit. I was late. Really late. It was eight and I had spent the whole day out by myself or with Christina for lunch. I hadn't meant to blow Heaven off, especially on her birthday, but her text seemed so passive and this morning she genuinely seemed like she wanted me to go out and have fun with Christina. I mean, no doubt she really did. She was like that, but now I felt like an asshole. I was her only contact in this world and I left her alone on her birthday. That's why I was practically speeding home, where she would definitely be.
When I actually got in the apartment, I didn't hear anything but some kind of music coming from the bedroom. I walked in to see Heaven on the mattress, dancing to the music. It was some kind of new-age techno remix or something. I had never heard of it, so it blew my mind that she was listening to it. She didn't seem like she would be into this kind of music.
But I see she's showered again and her has become a little more blonde as a result. She changed her clothes also. Now she's wearing dark black skinny jeans and a deep red sweater. She's still wearing my hat, but it does a worse job trying to cover up the blondeness.
I let her dance and be free until she notices me and freezes. The music continues, though, which makes it even more awkward. "You saw nothing," she says and steps down from the mattress. I nod with eyes wide open. She walks over to her phone and turns the music down, all while keeping eye contact with me. "Where were you?" she asks me. "You're late."
"No, no," I say and put my hands up in defense. "I know and I'm sorry, but I was out and I lost track of time?" I end this in a question, since I'm not quite sure if this is an acceptable answer. She seems to accept it, though I know she doesn't believe me. Oh well. Time to change the subject.
"But, on the bright side," I say with an air of optimism. "While I was out, I found something we can do that I think you'll like." I pause to gauge her reaction.
"What is it?" she asks me, her eyes squinted in suspicion.
I shake my head. "You'll see."
…
"Karaoke? Really?" Heaven says with sass. Sass I do not need. But I can see that she tries not to smile, so I know she's happy with this. Someone was already on the stage, seemingly already drunk, too, since he wasn't steady at all and he was more mumbling than singing the words. It sounded like "Put the Lime in the Coconut," but I couldn't really tell.
The place was full, but I managed to lead Heaven towards one of the high tables in the back with three bar stools surrounding it. I had scoped this area out earlier in the day and knew this is what would be perfect for her. We sat down and watched the man finish his performance. The entire place applauded and laughed for the man and his nerve. He stumbled off the stage, where two other guys helped him back to his seat, where he sat and hiccupped with laughter.
Neither of us could drink, but I called over two Cokes for us instead. We shared a plate of nachos and watched as the night went by, along with plenty of volunteers singing the latest hits and some old love duets. But, as the night went on and it got later, younger people started going up and getting…sexual. The last song ended with some sexual tension between two people that seemed to have been strangers prior to the performance.
We were laughing and I suddenly had the urge to pee. "Hey, Heaven," I say to get her attention. "I'll be right back." She nods her head in comprehension, as a new brave soul got up on what looked like a dare. I laughed a little as I walked away.
Heaven POV
As Will was gone, I laughed and clapped as the man on the stage belted out the last lyrics of "Piano Man," by Billy Joel. I don't ever remember hearing the song, but everyone else seemed to know it as they sang along with him.
I was smiling as I found myself subconsciously staring at the tattoo on my arm. As I stared at it longer, I willed myself to remember anything about it; where I had it done, when I had it done, who did it and if I ever knew them. Unsurprisingly, there was nothing that popped into my mind. I was more pissed than disappointed as I let out an angry breath and looked up to the stage. No one was up there yet, but the song had ended a few minutes ago.
Meanwhile, I was attacked from behind by two girls. They seemed my age, but I didn't have any idea at all who they were. They were drunk, though. That much was obvious. By their drunken slurs, they said they wanted me to get up "off my single ass" and sing with them. I must have appeared to be single. Albeit, I was single, but not alone. Will was… Oh, right; he was gone at the moment.
I tried to brush the girls off, but they were persistent. Next thing I know, I was on the stage with them. And I was holding a microphone. The fuck? I thought. This was way out of my comfort zone, but the music was already playing and the girls looked like they were having the time of their lives. Screw it. I turned to the screen, which displayed the lyrics and started singing along with them.
Right, right, turn off the lights
We're gonna lose our minds tonight
What's the deal, yo?
I love when it's all too much
5 a.m. turn the radio up
Where's the rock 'n roll?
The girls started dancing around and I soon followed suit. It was fun and I began to smile to myself. I didn't have to be drunk to have fun. I looked away from the screen and the lyrics came to me.
Party crasher, panty snatcher
Call me up if you're a gangsta
Don't be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be, never be
Anything but loud, and nitty-gritty
Dirty little freaks.
The crowd sang along with us and the girls were now giggling to a point where they couldn't sing clearly anymore, but that didn't stop me.
When the song finally came to an end and the last note was hit, the place erupted in applause and I smiled and laughed with the other two. We gave a small little bow as a joke and the laughter became louder. As I stepped off the stage, the girls booed in a joking manner, but they soon followed me down and left to join their boyfriends in the front.
I pushed the hair out of my face and spotted Will leaning against the back wall by our table. He looked uncomfortable and I wondered why. I soon realized why when I saw who was next to him. Some blonde tramp was leaning on him very closely. I was surprised she couldn't tell she was making him uncomfortable.
As I got closer, I realized she was feeling his muscles and he was trying to scoot away from her touch. I remembered the girl, Christina. Will seemed like he really liked her. This hoe was about to ruin it for him.
I begin to make my way over to him and put a fake smile on my face.
"Hey, babe," I say and grab onto his bicep. I begin to play the part of his girlfriend. "You ready to go? Our ride's here." I motion to the exit. He seems confused, but then realizes what's happening. He plays along and the girl becomes more pissed off at us. Well, at me. I start to drag Will's ass towards the doors, and he, being himself, tries to look apologetic towards the tramp. When I finally manage to pull him out the doors and towards the truck, Will starts to laugh uncontrollably.
"Hey, babe," he mocks me and puts on a stupid face to go along with the voice. I scoff and roll my eyes.
"I saved you ass back there, Will," I defend myself. "Don't be sassy with me." I warn him. He nods and tries to stop laughing. Instead, he ends up smiling like an idiot. But that satisfies me enough to be quiet for the ride home.
When we were lying in bed later that night (It was actually early in the morning. Towards two or three in the morning.), I was trying to fall asleep, but Will kept trying to make conversation.
"So how 'bout that performance?" he kept asking me. Finally, I said, "Will. Shut the fuck up." You have work in a few hours and I need to sleep for whatever the hell I have then." He fell quiet instantly and fell asleep soon after that.
Four POV
I sat at the bar, alone of course. I was drinking away my sorrows for her. Damn, he absence was tearing me down. I was a mess and I needed her to fix me.
See, that's what I used to think. For months, I was dying from her nonexistence. I convinced myself I couldn't live without her. Up until the moment I had lost her, I never realized I had become so independent on her. It was depressing.
So this is why I decided this was the last night. The last night I would think about her. I had decided that I would get black out drunk this one last time before moving on.
In the morning, I would start working again and I would move on. I would go back to school and fix my grades. I would get back to eating regularly, I would stop drinking and I would wear myself out so that I would have to get sleep. I would give her things back to Chris and Uriah and Zeke. They might not approve of what I was doing, but they would gladly take her things. I would move on. I promised myself I would.
I would never forget her, though. I couldn't will myself to do that, even if I wanted her gone. She would always be there.
I called over another shot. Move on, man.
Another. Do it. You can do it.
One last shot. One last memory.
I know Four's POVs are always short, but I just can't do his. Sorry. I didn't want to make him seem weak again. I mean, I'm cool with men being weak, but that's just not his character. So I'm making him almost give up hope of finding his beloved Tris. But not completely. Also, I have this BRILLIANT idea about how Tris will be found. It is awesome and I can't wait for it to be revealed.
Read and Review! Thank you, chocolates.
~ Viv.
