6Teen
CH. 8. Reconciliation
This must have been a pathetic sight.
Here Jude was, flat on his ass. His cheek, burning red, was still marked with his father's handprint. His eyes, bloodshot, were leaking tears constantly. There was silence between the two for a few moments, until Jude finally came to his senses. He scrambled to his feet, brushing himself off gently. He kept his eyes glued to the ground – he couldn't look at her. He wanted to, he really wanted to but... he just couldn't.
"Jude, are you alright?" Nikki asked finally, breaking the suffocating silence. Jude opened his mouth, and a small heart-wrenching sob made its way past his lips. His hand immediately shot up, grasping his mouth fully. 'What was that? What the hell was that?' Jude thought to himself, the tears now starting to slide down and drip off his hand. Ironically enough, it was his left hand. The hand he punched the mirror with when all this shit started. He used it then to vent his anger, and now he's using it to keep the soft sobs from escaping – to keep his cries for comfort and affection hidden. Newly healing scars littered his hand. They went left, right, up, down, vertical, horizontal – you name it, they went. Thankfully, the swelling had gone down and it wasn't as red anymore. The scars may be permanent but Jude didn't care. They were only marks.
To say Nikki was shocked would be an understatement. The look on her face was one of shock, concern, confusion and... Love. It was also clearly written on her face that she didn't know what the fuck to do. She stood there, obviously shocked, her lips parted slightly. After her noticeable internal debate, focused on what she should do, she started walking towards Jude. Jude, however, started to curl in on himself when she got closer. He hunched over, his body trembling horribly. The tears were raining gently onto the cement below, leaving small droplet marks that would soon evaporate. Sobs wracked his body, mixing with small whines and gasps of breath.
'I can't stop crying. Why? This is so humiliating... everything was fine until I confessed! Everything went downhill from there. Everyone ignored me, everyone started hating me. My parents found out I'm gay! But... if I didn't confess, Jonesy wouldn't have...' His thoughts were cut off when arms wrapped around him. Opening his eyes, which he hadn't realised had been shut tightly, Jude could make out shoulder length plum hair. Nikki was hugging him. His face was pressed into her shoulder, and she was rubbing his back. "It's okay Jude, it's okay. Just breathe." She whispered softly.
He did just that. He started to take slower, deeper breathes. He held it in for a second, before releasing it gently. After 3 minutes of Jude's now calm breathing and reducing sobs, Nikki pulled back from the embrace. She observed in silence as Jude straightened his back, his right hand joining his left. He quickly rubbed at his puffy eyes, drying the last of his tears.
Jude had to admit, Nikki is tiny. She has to be at least 5'3/4" tall. But compared to Jude, it's blatantly obviously why she seems so small. Jude himself stands at 5'11" even though it might not seem that way, with his slightly hunched back and all.
"Alright Jude," She crossed her arms, "What's up? Why are you so upset, and why is your face so fucked up?" She demands seriously, staring at him. 'Thanks for being so considerate of your words, Nik...' Jude thinks to himself sarcastically, sniffing. "It's... ugh. It's everything." He admits honestly.
Nikki gives him a curt nod, her head jerking from side to side, her eyes scanning the area. She motions Jude to a bench, which he nods eagerly to. He needs to sit down. They make their way over, plopping their bottoms onto the hard, cold wood. Jude leans against the back of the bench, his legs intertwining on the ground below him. He places his hands on his lap, playing with the fabric of his shirt. Instead of keeping his eyes focused on his hands, or the ground, Jude looked at Nikki. She was sitting sideways, her right leg dangling off the side while her left leg was tucked in under her body. She kept her left arm on the back of the bench, leaning her face against the palm of her hand. She sat still, waiting until Jude was ready to explain what's been happening.
"My parents... know I'm gay. Everyone knows I'm gay, and it's caused a right shitstorm." Jude said softly, twirling the hem of his shirt around his fingers. The look of shock once again returned to Nikki's face. "I... I had no idea you were gay, Jude." Jude laughed at that. Not a bitter laugh, either. It was gentle, and carefree. There was a short, comfortable silence before Nikki asked the question Jude had been secretly dreading, "Who beat you up, Jude?"
'Well, this is it... time to let everything out.'
Jude looked Nikki dead in the eye, "My dad. He beat me when he found out I was gay. He hit me, not even an hour ago, when I came home from Jonesy's." He took a deep breath, "I snapped, Nik. I fucking snapped. My mom just... just sat there while he slapped me. You should have seen their faces when I told them to shut up. It was like I slapped them. It... It felt so good to tell them off for once..."
Nikki nodded in understanding, her left hand now rubbing Jude's back in comforting circular motions. "I'm sorry Jude. That's fucked up. You have to get someone onto them about this, the police-" Jude cut her off, "No. We're not getting the police involved." He took note of how his voice was quivering. 'Why am I still afraid? Why am I not brave enough to go to the police, and tell them I've been abused? Why?'
"Ok, we won't get the police involved." Nikki said, uncertainty in her voice. "I know we should, but... I just can't." Jude said after a moment of silence. Nikki remained quiet, watching him. "Nikki?" He asked, "Yeah Jude?" She replied. "I'm sorry." He whispered, a small, sad smile on his lips. "What? Why? Jude, you didn't do anything wrong-!" He once again interrupted her, "I meant with Jonesy."
The minute those words left his lips, Jude's mind played back to when Jonesy kissed him.
Jonesy's lips were soft against his own, and the heat... it was blissful. His heart was pounding, his face was flushed red and in the pit of his stomach, it felt as though butterflies had been released. He could feel Jonesy's breath coming out through his nose in soft puffs. And God, Jonesy was a good kisser. Jude was sure he was making sloppy mistakes, but it didn't seem like Jonesy cared. It wasn't long before Jude felt like he needed to breathe. He didn't want to pull back, because he didn't want the kiss to end. He didn't want this feeling to end. Sadly Jonesy was the first to pull back. He rested his forehead against Jude's, and the two stared into each other's eyes. "I love you, Jude." Jonesy softly murmured, smiling. Jude couldn't help smiling back, "I love you too, Jonesy."
They sat there, smiling at each other like dorks. Even though they were both blushing, Jude's face was flushed more. "I like your hair, by the way. It suits you. But why did you cut it? And your hat..." Jonesy trailed off, tilting his head lightly. "Oh... I just wanted a change, I guess. So I cut it. As for my hat... it was old. It's worn out, and torn in some places so I stopped wearing it. My head feels free without it..." Jude laughed gently. Jonesy joined in, chuckling. He grasped Jude's left hand in his own, pulling the scarred flesh to his lips. He planted a soft kiss on the back of Jude's hand, which caused Jude's flush to deepen. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I will from now on. I promise..."
"– Jude!" His eyes refocused at the sound of his name, and he looked at Nikki. 'Shit I spaced out... what did she say?' "Sorry... what was that?" He asked sheepishly, as Nikki shook her head with a sigh. "Jude, it's okay. I ended the relationship because I wasn't happy. Jonesy and I aren't the same as we used to be. We didn't get on like we used to. We've had more fights than I'd like to admit. At the mall, I was so angry at him. There he stood, suit and all. I didn't know what to expect. I thought he was going to beg me to take him back. He looked anxious, before opening that big mouth of his. He said, 'Nikki, I'm so sorry. I had all this planned for you, because I wanted to ask you to marry me but Jude has the ring, and I don't know where he is!' I could just feel the anger build up inside me, and I just decided to let it out. I told him, 'Jonesy, I don't care for you in that way anymore. I ended the relationship because things have been so difficult with you, and I can't handle it. You're so irresponsible and you can be so selfish. You know I get into moods, but you're not man enough to just tell me off when I do something wrong. I just don't want to be with you, and I won't ever take you back. I'm sorry but that's final.' I then turned, and stormed off." She repeated. Jude was stunned, 'Wow... so that's what happened. No wonder Jonesy was so upset...'
"Nikki, can I tell you something...?" Jude whispered, his cheeks flushing gently. "Of course Jude, you can tell me anything." She replied with a smile. "I kissed Jonesy... after we confessed our feelings to each other..." He murmured, unsure of what her reaction would be. He was the one surprised this time when Nikki let out a loud, wholehearted laugh, "I knew it!" She half sang, half squeaked. "What- you knew? Since when? How?" She just kept smiling at him, "I could tell Jonesy had a thing for you. He always had something to say about you when it was just me and him, and he always gave you this... look when you would talk to him, or even just walk past. Honestly... it was a reason to why I left him. And before you freak out! It's okay. I'm fine with the idea of him loving someone else... as long as that person is you." Jude stared at her, 'I-is this really happening? I thought she'd... I thought she'd hate me...'
"Nikki, no offence but... why are you being so nice?" He asked hesitantly. He was afraid he pissed her off when she didn't reply after a moment, but his panic dissolved when she opened her mouth, "I'm on my period." She said simply. 'Ah.' The thing about Nikki is when she had her period, she is the complete opposite of most girls. Instead of being grumpy, or in constant pain, she is like a saint. She is so sweet, and kind. "Oh, and by the way – I can be nice!" She said with a light glare which Jude smiled at. "I know, Nik. Thank you."
Nikki looked down at her watch, and let out a small gasp, "Shit! I have to go. Sorry, Jude but I'm already late." She rushed out, standing. Jude followed suit, getting up. He nodded at her, "It's fine, Nikki. Go, I'll talk with you later." He told her as he leaned in quickly to hug her, "Oh, and... can you and Jonesy be friends again?" He asked, softly. As Nikki pulled back, she raised her eyebrow at him before letting out a sigh, "Ok, yes. Me and Jonesy are friends. We'll always be. Right, I'm going now. Bye Jude!"
Jude watched as she ran off, letting out a sigh. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking the time. It was 9:04pm. 'Might as well go for a walk. I don't want to head home. Can I even?'
Jude made his way out of the park, and was now walking to... well, nowhere in particular. He was just walking, once again letting his legs take control. It wasn't long before he found himself at once of the cities bridges. The drop to the ice cold water below wasn't that far, but still far enough. There weren't many cars around, considering it was late. Walking about half way across the bridge, Jude turned to the railing. He placed his hands on the rusted, chilly metal, looking down to the running water below. Jude closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. 'This is calming. The quiet atmosphere, the only sound being the running water...'
"Are you considering it too?" A sudden, deep voice asked. Jude literally almost shat himself in surprise. His eyes shot open, and his head jerked to the owner of the voice. It was a man, obviously. He looked to be in his early 30's. He looked... down. His hair was a mess, he had dark circles under his eyes, he had beard that would put a hobo to shame. "Considering it-? Wait, oh no! I wasn't!" Jude cried out quickly, his eyebrows knitting together in concern, "...Were you?" He asked reluctantly. The man nodded slowly, his eyes lowered. "Yeah. I've been thinking about it for a while. Just end this mess, you know?" No, Jude didn't know. Well... maybe he did, a little but he would never consider suicide. Jude debated arguing with the man, but decided against it. He turned his head forward, his eyes also lowering. He cleared his throat.
"You know, I've been through... a lot. I've had problems I never thought I'd have to deal with. My parents are cunts, to put it lightly, and my friends found out something I never wanted them to but... it's okay." Jude temporarily closed his eyes when a cool, refreshing breeze flew past. "Everyone has problems and obstacles that they have to work through. No problem is bigger than another or less important. They're all the same – They're all problems." By now, the man had turned his attention from the water below to Jude, listening to him. "I don't know what you've been through, or what you're going through, but what I do know is that you can make it through this. You can make it through the loneliness, the worthlessness, the depression, the hatred..." Jude trailed off, letting out a sigh, "Life is a struggle – But it's also amazingly beautiful and simple. There are so many opportunities to make your life what you want it to be and there are so many solutions to one problem alone. Your life's goal is simple... be happy." Jude turns his head to the man, now staring him the eyes.
"The way I see it is like this: You have two options – Take what life throws at you head on and deal with it or let yourself be consumed by a void of meaningless complication."
There was silence between the two for a few moments, "The decision is yours. Fight or surrender."
It felt as though realisation had finally hit Jude. This is his life. He can't let his parents, his friends, this city or the world bring him down. He has a right to love who he wants, to do what he wants, to feel what he wants, to be who he wants to be. Who gives a flaming rat's ass about everyone else's opinion? This is the only life he'll ever have – He isn't going to waste it. Not anymore.
For the second time that night, Jude felt arms wrap around him. The man was hugging him, and from what Jude could tell, he was also crying. "I-It's just so hard..." The man whimpers, and Jude smiles, rubbing his back gently before he replies, "It can be easier. You just have to work for it."
They stood there embracing for a whole 5 minutes while the man let his emotions out. Jude was willing to wait until this guy was ready. Ready to take back the life which is his.
It was near midnight by the time Jude made it home. After his bro-hug with the man, whose name turned out to be Mark, Jude said goodbye. Mark thanked him about 50 times, and told Jude that he would sort his life out before they both went their separate ways.
Jude made his way up the drive way, his heart starting to beat faster. He isn't afraid like he used to be, but he is slightly anxious. He isn't sure how they'll react to him. Opening the hall door, Jude's eyes immediately connected with the light flooding out from the kitchen. 'They're still up?' Jude asks himself, closing the door. After kicking his shoes off, Jude began making his way to the kitchen. He kept his head up high, ready to face whatever they'd throw at him...
...or not.
There his parents were, sitting at the kitchen table. Nothing strange about that. What made it strange was the fact that they were both... crying. Papers littered the table, and from what Jude could make out, they were tests. His tests, from school. On every single one of them, on the top right hand corner, was either a large 'B' or 'A' – mostly A's though. 'Did they search my schoolbag?'
And then right there, at that moment, Jude heard two words he thought his father was incapable of saying, "I'm sorry."
Jude's eyes widened as he stared at his father. Joseph had his head resting in both his hands, his fingers tangled in his unusually cluttered hair. His body shook with sobs, his tears dripping onto the table. His mother was sitting beside him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Her head was leaning on his right shoulder, and she too was also sobbing away.
Jude sighed. You may think, 'Oh this is great! His parents finally figured out what douches they are, and he finally figured out that his life has meaning. His friends are okay with him being homosexual, and he also has a boyfriend! He should go to them, and share a big hug before becoming the family they were always meant to be!' but no. Jude wasn't going to go to them, and act like everything is okay now. It isn't. They still hurt him, they still abused him. He isn't going to forgive and forget just like that. He has a right to be angry – So he's going to give them a second chance to prove themselves.
"Goodnight." He said, his voice soft. His parents brought their gaze to him, watching as he turned and made his way to the stairs. Once in his bedroom, Jude flopped onto his bed. 'God this was such a long day... I'm tired...'
Jude slept, having a dreamless slumber.
(A/N: Just letting you guys know I've posted this story on Archive of Our Own. It's under the same name, and my username is also RawrrTaiga.)
