Oppies and Ouchies
Ron lay spread eagle on the floor. With his arm bleeding uncontrollably. A steak knife on the floor near by Mrs. Wesley had a head wound but was staring at Ron's bleeding figure. Hermione noticed that his leg was turned to an unnatural angle knee down. "What happened?"
"I'd thrown a rolling pin about five minutes ago and there was a steak knife on the floor with the point up. Ron he-he slipped on the rolling pin and I heard his leg snap when he fell then his arm hit the knife. He yanked it out of his arm and tried to get up he screamed because he hadn't realized that his leg was twisted. So he dragged himself over to the drawer where I keep the rags and wrapped one around his arm but the bleeding won't stop."
"Hermy?"
"Yes Ron." She said crawling over to him.
"I love you." He said as he rendered to unconsciousness.
"Crap. We need to get them to Saint Mungo's or something."
"Miss. Granger go back to Hogwarts and alert Miss. Weasley and Mr. Potter what has happened. Understand?"
"Yes but what about them?"
"I've got them."
Hermione flooed to the completely empty, except for Harry, Gryffindor common room.
"Hermione?"
"Harry."
"Where've you been? I went-"
"Some-something's happened."
"What is it?"
"We went to tell our parents and Ron fell."
"Did he hit his head again?
"No and yes…" Hermione retold the story to Harry.
"We should go and get Ginny. She's in her dormitory."
XXXX
"Ginny?"
"Hermione are you alright? What happened?"
"Ron and your mum are hurt."
"What happened!"
"No time, we've got to get to Saint Mungo's."
"Where's Harry? He should know where we are."
"I already told him he's waiting downstairs."
She turned around and followed Hermione out of the room.
"How are we going to get there?"
"Through the headmistresses office." They walked slowly, silently, and anxiously down corridors and stairs. Their footsteps seemed to echo around in the deserted castle (it was dinner time.) it seemed like time stood still until they finally reached the gargoyle against they wall. "Dumbledore." The gargoyle leaped aside revealing the spinning staircase. They stepped on and traveled to the office, it had transformed greatly since Dumbledore had died; first off there were no longer shiny, interesting objects lying around on spindle leg tables. It now had old textbooks on display dating all the way back to the 1600s.
"She's not here."
"I know, she's at Saint Mungo's. Harry help Ginny look for the floo powder. I've moved around enough already."
Harry nodded and began searching hurriedly for the powder in the chest, as Ginny scavenged the desk. Together they found it in almost nothing flat.
"Okay you two go first, that way you can catch me. Going this way makes me dizzy."
"Saint Mungo's."
"Saint Mungo's" when she emerged on the other side they braced themselves to catch Hermione, no longer the mid-weight seventeen-year-old she used to be but about nine pounds heavier and pregnant.
Hermione took a deep breath and crawled into the fireplace, "Saint Mungos." Engulfed in emerald flames with the world spinning around her she was starting to feel sick, so she shut her eyes. She was thrown out of the grate.
"Think fast!" Ginny yelled as Hermione fell out of the fire. Harry put out his arms and caught her.
"Tipsy huh? I told you to lay off the drinks, not good for the baby you know."
"Harry leave her alone, she's already traveled by floo powder three times today."
"Could-could you stop yell-yelling I'm feeling light headed."
"Sorry." Harry let go of Hermione.
"Yeah, we're sorry. Let's go find Professor McGonagall."
They didn't have to look long, for standing at the check-in desk was Professor McGonagall. They hurried over to her.
"What's going on? Where're Ron and my mum? What's---"
"Now's not the time for quest ions. If you'd follow me."
They followed her on the endless stairs, not well for Hermione's light-headedness, to the floor underground put aside for muggle related injuries (they didn't like to parade around the fact that they treated such stupid things).
"I'll leave you three here, I have to get back to the school, Hagrid can only last so long in charge. Miss. Granger you look a little faint, you had better sit down get some air. Second door on the left."
"Mum!" shrieked Ginny upon entering.
"She can't hear you sis 'cough' she passed out, as soon as you left." He added looking at Hermione.
"Ron y-you're awake," Hermione stammered swaying on her feet.
Ron sat up, "Love, are you okay?" As Hermione fell into peaceful darkness Ron dove off his bed to catch her, he did. Hermione? Come on I'm the one to pass out. Remember? He placed her on any empty bed (they had the ward to themselves). "I'll go get a healer," he said leaving the ward.
"They're out cold. We could… ya know."
"Harry, no we can't. Ron'll be back any minute. "
"That's the minutes we're wasting away," He said with a smirk stepping closer to Ginny.
"No matter how bad we want it, we just can't."
"We could- WAIT! Hold up, stop everything! Did you just say in a way that you wanted me to have sex with you?"
"Did I? Well, we can't." She stated walking over to the nearest bed and sitting down, Harry followed her.
"So you do want it?" He asked pulling the down the sleeve of her shirt.
"Stop it Harry."
"Okay I'm sorry Ginny." He apologized and kissed her cheek.
"I know, I mean I forgive you." She took his hand and kissed him full on, the works.
MEANWHILE…
"I need some help here people!" Ron hollered limping as fast as he could down the hallway dizzy and drunk like.
"Slow down there partner where's the fire?"
"Huh…" he stood there dumbfounded for a few minutes.
"It's a figure of speech."
"Oh right…My fiancé she-she fainted."
"Okay, where is she?"
"This way." He said and took off, but the healer walked very slowly, if he was moving at all, so that Ron had to back track. "What the bloody hell are you doing? She's three months pregnant!"
"That's a horse of a different color."
"Your not a qualified healer are you?"
"Hell yes, but I got fired, now I load the vending machines."
"Can you point me in the direction of someone that still works here?" the 'healer' pointed at himself, "As a healer."
"No."
"Damn!" he spun around and limped drunkly down the hall.
"We're taking trainees if you're interested." He yelled after Ron, "Aren't you supposed to be in rehab? Ron moved faster.
"If there are any qualified employed healers get your ass out here NOW!" he bellowed when something grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into a dark corner. I've been captured by one of those psycho patients or something..
"Lost my dear boy? I believe that you're supposed to in the ward for the critically ins- I mean darling children." Pulling him towards a light.
"What? You again!"
"Look I'm the only one that can help your girlfriend."
"Fiancé."
"A little young to be engaged aren't you?"
"No. Are you going to help me or not?"
"I'll help you."
"Then hurry."
BACK IN THE ROOM…
"Harry put your clothes back on I think I hear Ron coming."
"You're nearly in your birthday suit too."
"Where's my skirt?"
"Here. I had another sock."
"That's my blouse."
"Oh I thought it was a lefty shirt."
"Take it off!"
Eyebrow cock eyebrow cock, "You said that a minute ago but for different reasons."
"HARRY" they finished dressing at warp speed and parted just as the door opened.
"Is this her?" Ian the vender guy asked.
"Yeah."
Ian swaggered over to her opened on of her eyes shined his lit wand in her eye then closed it, then did the same to her other eye. He then placed his hand under her head and lifted it up and down. "She seems a little light-headed to me… Get it light headed?"
"Hilarious. Seriously now tell me what's wrong with my sister-to-be," Ginny reached into her pocket and pulled out her wand aiming it at his heart, "or I'll hex you."
"Good thing we're in a hospital. Spell damage fourth floor… I think. In times of trouble you've got to keep your sense of humor. Back to business, has she been experiencing any light headednessishnessness?"
"Yes, she's traveled three times by floo-powder today and walking, more of running, down the stairs to get here. What kind of word is that?"
"My sister invented it Bryn Elizabe- Never mind not the point."
"No body can understand what you're saying is that why you were-" Ron stopped mid-questioned he didn't want Harry and Ginny to know that he was allowing a half-healer to see over Hermione, his fiancé and mother of his child. Or was it children? I hope it's a boy, a son to teach to play quittich and all those other father-son things with. "Yeah" he said picturing him and his son.
"Yeah what?"
"Calling Ron." Harry said waving his hand in front of his eyes.
"What?"
"Now that we're back to Earth I need to talk to Mr. er-"
"Weasley."
"Mr. Weasley alone."
"Sure." Harry and Ginny left.
"She must nearly be over her first tri-mester by now."
"Yeah she is."
"Has she had any check-ups or sonograms?"
"No, the headmistress gave her the check-ups, she's no a qualified healer."
"Alright while she's unconscious we could give her a sonogram to make sure the baby's alright."
"For the baby's sake I guess so, but can we tape it or something."
"Yes of course. If you would just sit down." He conjured a chair and sonogram. Then he pulled up her shirt.
"Hey don't be touching my fiancé! is that the quote unquote jelly and spoon-microphone thingy?"
"Yes" He smeared and slid the spoon thingy. A constant thudding filled the room.
"That's more than one heart isn't it? Oh no it some kind of freak with two or is it three hearts, an extra head and tentacles growing out of its chest," he said with a smile playing on his lips.
"I think there's more than one fetus; twins, possibly triplets."
"BLOODY HELL!" he yelled standing up and backing away into the closest bed. He sat and buried his head in his hands. "Twins?" he breathed to no one particular.
"Yes… it's nearly mid-night thirty. Hungry?"
"Ian you can think of your stomach at a time like this? And again does Grammar mean anything to you?"
"No and yeah I'm hungry. If you don't want anything I'll just go." He said walking towards the door.
"NO, I am hungry come back!"
"Thought you'd be. Put on your pants take this cane to help your leg, and follow me, you can almost see through those gowns. Yes, we'll get your friend and sister on the way up there."
"So where's the food?" Ron asked as they walked up the stairs.
"Yeah, I'm starving."
Ginny whispered something that sounded a like lot boys.
"We're nearly there." They walked the rest of the way in silence.
"Ian eating late again, I was just closing up."
"Yeah. Ron, Harry, Ginny this is Tonya my half-sister, but I don't see how you can have half a sister I mean it makes no sense to me, any way, yeah- this is Tonya."
"Hi."
"Nice to meet you."
Ron simply put up his hand in acknowledgement.
"What's wrong honey, too hungry to talk?"
He shook his head.
"What's the matter then?"
"Hermione my bother's fiancé, our best friend, is three-months pregnant and unconscious."
"Poor thing. You know what you need?" she didn't wait for a response, she went into the back-room threw some things around and came back with her hands behind her back, "Some candy!" she handed him the lollipop almost as big as his head. Ron's face lit up with excitement. "Can I give them one too?" Ron nodded licking his lollie (Go lollies!).
"Can I have another?" asked Harry.
"No."
"Thanks!"
"You're welcome darling." Tonya said as Ginny put hers aside for later. "Ian, what do you want for dinner, the special?"
"What is it?"
"Salisbury Steak."
"Yeah load um up."
"You're one of those happy-go-lucky guys that takes it easy who always has a smile on his face and a fresh joke on his lips. You're kinda like my other older brothers Fred and
George."
"I'm not always smiling but I usually have a joke; and you're a spunky young lady with an over-active wand hand that gets hex happy, with all due respect if I may say so myself."
"You may."
"R ou gon finiss th ru?" sputtered Harry through a stuffed mouth.
"No Harry you can have it. "
"Thanx."
"No problem."
"Harry chew your food before you put that in you mouth or you'll choke." Ordered Ginny. However it was hopeless for as soon as she said that he began choking. "I warned you and I don't know that spell yet!" she said standing up circling the table stopping at Harry giving him the Heimlich. "You (thrust) are (thrust) so (thrust) stupid." The Heimlich was successful Harry threw-up all the stuff he was choking on.
"Th-th-th-th" gasped Harry.
"Shhh…Don't talk, breathe." She silenced him and kissed his lips.
I think we should be getting back to the ward, oh and Ron you can leave tomorrow morning but come back in a week. 'You lost girly you loser!' They heard someone yell from somewhere on the stairwell, "What was that?" Ginny questioned.
"I don't know and I don't want to find out," said Harry.
"Quickly children get to the ward. If they catch you out this late they'll give you a few potions and send you to the "closed ward", that's the nice name for it. Trust me I've seen it happen." They stared at him disbelieving, "Don't believe me? Stay around."
"See ya!" They said in unison speeding off down the stairs.
Lefty Shirt from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide on Nickelodeon. Of course Hermy is from Harry Potter and the Order Of the Phoenix…I think.
