Author's Notes #1: Sorry for the long wait! I got writer's block for some time. Reading your reviews helped with that. So thanks to everyone who helped get this chapter out at the time it did! Unfortunately, I think my new update schedule is going to be once every two weeks. (Subject to change.) On the plus side, these chapters are longer! (Sorry!) WARNING: Angst. I warned you!

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. Elsewhere was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

Chapter Eight: Never Happened

Inside every heart, there's a light that never goes out.

Roxas can remember Sora's words clearly in his head. His grandfather always used to say sentimental crap like that when they were both still alive. Roxas used to think that he owned one of those motivational line-a-day desk calendars and carried it around with him everywhere, just so that he could recite them to random people on street. But Sora always said, "Nope! They come from here," Then he would point to the side of his head. "...and here." His heart. Of course, that was exactly the type of thing that would be found in a motivational line-a-day desk calendar, but he decided not to press the subject any further.

For some reason, that one particular statement about the light in people's hearts always stayed in his head. He never really understood what it meant. Sure, he had an idea, but Sora always said it with such conviction and enthusiasm that Roxas thought there must've been much more, a deeper meaning behind it.

Still, in this very moment, Roxas didn't understand what it meant, and neither was he interested in finding out since all he could concentrate on was the beating of his own heart as he waited for Axel to arrive.

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

Ding-dong!

The doorbell was followed by several loud knocks and then by more impatient ringing. "I'll get it!" he heard his mother call out cheerfully. He didn't bother to stop her.

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

"Oh, Axel! It's so nice to see you! What brings you over here?" That was the first time Roxas heard his mother say that in a long time. She never said that to Axel anymore after she found the cigarette.

"Thank you, Mrs. Strife." Axel spoke with a fake, yet convincing, politeness. "I just need to talk to Roxas for a bit."

"Oh, sure! He's upstairs in his room. Would you like me to get him for you?"

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

"Sur-"

Roxas stepped out of his room. "N-no need!" he called out to the first floor. "I'll be right down!" He ran down the stairs as quickly as he could, trying not to trip over his own feet. "Let's talk at the door, Axel!" he said, looking him straight in the eye.

'Where there will be witnessess if you strangle me at any point.'

Axel shot him a dirty look. "Sure."

Aerith, unaware of the conflict between the two boys, simply nodded and smiled. "Well, I'll leave you two to talk things over." She turned to leave. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

"Sure, Mom." Roxas said, still not breaking eye contact. He and Axel were momentarily locked in a hostile staring contest until he spat out bitterly, "I thought I told you not to come here."

"I thought I told you I'd beat the crap out of you if you got in my way."

Roxas growled irritably, which pissed Axel off even more. "Just what is your deal? I didn't even do anything to you! Do get some sort of kick from blaming other people for stuff they didn't even do?"

'No, that would be you, Axel.'

"All you're doing is causing more problems for yourself! Jesus! I even walked all the way over here to try to help you, and you give me that crappy attitude!" Axel was almost yelling, which Roxas should've been worried about, seeing as how his mother was in the next room, but instead, he grew offended.

"I'm the one causing the problems?" he seethed. "I DIDN'T INVITE YOU OVER HERE, YOU ASS!"

"Roxas! Is something wrong?" Aerith's concerned voice echoed throughout the house. "I hear yelling!"

"It's nothing, Mom!" Roxas called back. He faced Axel angrily. "Can you keep your voice down?"

"What! That was you she was just talking about back there!" Axel was hissing quietly, trying not to attract any more attention. "See what I mean about blaming people? You never want to blame yourself! You always have to be perfect, don't you?"

Roxas's body tensed. That line. Why did he have to say that line? He might've been okay if he just stopped at the second sentence, but had to add more to it, didn't he?

Memories came rushing back to him.

"Mr. Strife, this could go a lot easier and quicker if you just admit to the truth."

"I am telling the truth! I didn't do it!"

A sigh. "I'm very disappointed in you, Mr. Strife. Lying can do you no good. You always have to be perfect, don't you?"

Roxas spoke quietly. "Axel, I think you're starting to turn into a teacher."

"What?"

"If you're just here to scold me like a child, then you can just leave. Trust me, I've heard enough of it in my lifetime."

Axel only stepped closer. Too close for Roxas's liking. "You are a child. And I'm not taking orders from you."

Did you hear a sound like a twig snapping? That was Roxas's patience.

He yelled as loud as he could. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Roxas! I heard yelling again! If you need help-"

"I ALREADY SAID I DIDN'T NEED YOUR HELP, YOU DUMB BITCH!"

Whoops.

"What did you say!"

Axel looked both amused and digusted. "Nice job, dipshit. Now you pissed her off." He gestured towards the front yard. "Wanna talk outside?"

Roxas reluctantly agreed, stepping outside and closing the front door.

"...You can drop the act now."

"I wish you would stop being all vague and shit."

Roxas sighed. "You can drop the nice guy act now. Y'know, being nice to me all day, coming over here, pretending to care about me..."

'If it's going to happen, let it happen already. If Axel's going to ruin my life today, let it happen already. Because I'm starting to hate him less and less.'

"Pretend? Do you think I don't care about you for some reason? Is that why you're so mad at me? Well...I do. So can we just be friends now?"

"Hah, that's a joke. Care about me? You don't even care about yourself."

"What do you mean?"

Roxas gritted his teeth. "I mean that you don't give a damn about what happens to you. That's why you keep pissing those teachers off. Because you don't care. Because if you did, if you really cared about yourself, then...then...then..."

'Screw trying to keep it a secret.'

"Then why are you smoking!"

Axel froze in shock. "How...how did you-"

"That doesn't matter! All that matters is why!"

Axel sighed. "Look, hear me out, okay? Things...haven't been easy lately. My mom just got fired from her job, and we're tight on money right now. It's really tough. Xigbar said that this was a great way for me to relieve stress and forget about things."

"I hardly doubt killing yourself is worth it! What wrong with you? The Axel I knew wouldn't just run away from his problems like that! He wasn't a coward!"

"Killing myself?"

"Have you been living under a rock? Every breath you take out of that cancer stick shortens your life span! Do you want that? Huh? Do you want to die early? It's disgusting and I hate it!"

Roxas finally realized the real reason he was so angry at Axel for smokng in his other lifetime. It wasn't because of all that bull he said about getting in trouble. He was worried about Axel. He didn't want him to hurt himself like that. Which made him wonder, if he had just said that in the first place, would things have turned out differently?

"And...as corny as it sounds, I want you to be around for as long as possible." He blushed when he heard himself say that. Now wasn't the time for useless sentiments!

Axel suddenly spoke. "Okay."

Roxas looked up at Axel with wide eyes.

"Okay," Axel repeated. "If you don't want me to smoke anymore..." He took the cigarrette out of his mouth and threw it onto the ground. "...then I quit. Forever."

Roxas didn't believe him. It was almost impossible to quit smoking cold turkey. In his other lifetime, it had taken Axel several months to quit the habit. But there was just something about the way Axel had said it that seemed so...adamant.

Axel continued, "If that's what's making you act like this, then I don't want to upset you any further."

'This really isn't like you.'

Axel then moved closer to Roxas. Once again too close for Roxas's liking, but right now, he didn't care. Axel was being so nice! On one hand, Roxas didn't like it because it just wasn't Axel, but on the other hand, it was...nice. It was nice to have someone to worry about him, other than his parents. It was nice to have his friend back. Maybe Axel really could be a decent person if he wanted to.

For some reason, the thought didn't sit well with Roxas.

'To think, my worst day could've been avoided if I had just told Axel the truth.'

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Axel's hot breath on his face. Their faces were almost touching each other. He quickly realized the position he was in. Why was Axel was so close? Images of the kiss came flooding back to his mind.

'Oh God, not that again! Don't tell me he's going to-!'

In the park, he had some room to run away, had he been able to. Now, Axel had him backed up against a wall. No! That can't happen again! He didn't want the awkwardness. He didn't want the mysterious sad and desperate feeling that came over him the last time. He just wanted everything to go back to mormal.

'Axel. I think...'

He pushed against Axel's chest as hard as he could, then ran, trying to get as far away from him as possible. He attempted to run across the street, but...

'...I think I...'

He should've known better than to run out into the middle of a busy street, given the cause of his death. But he acted on impulse. He wasn't thinking. If he was, he would've expected what happened next.

'...I forgive you.'

The series of events that followed were entirely up to Fate and completely out of Roxas's hands. But... looking back at it, he couldn't help but think that everything that had happened was all his fault.

If he had just decided to listen to all of Dormant instead of answering his cell phone, Axel would've never found out that anything was wrong with him.

If Axel had never figured out that anything was wrong, he wouldn't have bothered coming over to Roxas's house to find out the problem.

If he hadn't bothered to come over, they would've never had that argument and Roxas would've never ran out into the middle of the street.

If Roxas hadn't run out into the middle of the street, and if his mind was working properly and not a confused and jumbled mess, he probably would've seen that car coming.

If he saw that car coming...

...Does this sound familiar to anyone?

"ROXAS! WATCH OUT! "

Roxas turned to see a pair of glowing, yellow headlights.

It all happened so quickly.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH...!

A terrible, metallic, inhuman sound tore through the air, bursting through the eardrums of everyone within earshot. For a split second, everything had turned to black as a strong, forceful impact suddenly hit the side of Roxas's body. Unbearable pain immediately shot through him, and he fell on his side onto the rough asphalt of the road. Glass broke, and the sound of a crash filled his ears. And just like that, it was over.

It hurt.

It felt like Hell.

But...he wasn't dead.

He was slightly bruised from falling onto the road, but other than that, he was perfectly fine. He wasn't even bleeding. It was a miracle! The car didn't hit him, and he didn't die!

Then...what was that crash?

The relieved smile instantly dropped off his face as the smell of blood reached his nostrils. It wasn't his blood. It wasn't the driver's, either. Realization found its way inside him and slowly morphed itself into dread. The impact he had felt wasn't from the car. It was hands, pushing him out of the way.

In front of him laid Axel, mangled and broken.

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

Thump.

"N-no..." This couldn't be happening. "No..." This just couldn't be happening! "No! NO!" There was no way...There...was...no...

"Nooooooooooooooooooo...! "

...way.

'How could this have happened?'

"NO! NO! NO! NO!" Roxas pounded the asphalt as hard as he could, trying to get the image out of his mind. There was no way. He must've imagined it. He must've! This was all just a dream. It was all some horrible dream that God was giving him to torture him with. It couldn't be real. There was no way Axel would...Tears pricked at Roxas's eyes. No! Don't believe it! It wasn't real! It can't be...

A pained and tortured cry filled his ears, snapping him out of his thoughts. It was coming from Axel's body.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH! "

Alive. Alive. Alive...! He was alive!

Roxas quickly rushed over to his side, ignoring the pain in his stomach. He felt like he was about to burst, feeling both extremely happy and horrified at the same time.

"R-rox...a...s," Axel choked out, his voice distorted by the blood in his mouth. "It hurts."

Roxas touched one of the wounds on his stomach, trying to see how much damage there was and if it could be treated. His mother could fix this! She could heal the wounds, and everything would be just fine! He winced, however, as soon as he felt red liquid stain his hand.

Yes, Axel was alive, but this wasn't a dream. The blood was real. This was real.

"Wh-why?" Roxas sobbed. The tears were flowing freely now. There was so much blood. It filled the air with a horrible, metallic scent and painted the road a dark red. It pooled around the sides of Axel's body and stained his clothes. Roxas just knew that no matter how many times you could wash them, the stains were never coming out. Just like his hands. There will always be blood on his hands.

Axel started to cough violently. It sounded horrible. Everything about this was horrible. "Aw, c'mon, Roxas," he said, a disturbing smile on his face. Why was he smiling? Didn't he know what was going on? "Don't cry. I know I didn't make friends with some crybaby." He used his finger to wipe some tears off Roxas's cheek. The gesture was so gentle and so soothing that his tears were soon replaced with fresh, new ones.

"Everything's gonna be fine."

Even as Axel said it, Roxas knew it wasn't true. If Axel kept on bleeding the way he was, he wouldn't have any blood left. No one could treat the wounds fast enough. It was too late. Axel was going to die soon.

How? How could this have happened? It didn't happen the last time he lived through this day! Why did this happen?

Then, suddenly, with all the force of a car crash, Roxas realized that it was the same. The last time, he had been miserable. Now, he was miserable. It was the same for both days. Nothing had changed.

He felt himself lifting his hand high up in the air.

Slap!

The force of his hand coming in contact with Axel's cheek left a mark almost as red as the blood. Axel did what any good person would. He turned the other cheek. Roxas cried even harder.

What was he expecting when he slapped him like that? Was he expecting a mask to fall off, revealing the face of an imposter? Maybe. Unfortunately for Roxas, there was never any mask, and he was forced to stare at the real Axel's face, cut up and bruised, still smiling as if he expected all of this to happen. If the scene of his own death had looked anything like this, he truly pitied anyone who had to see it.

At that thought, he suddenly became aware of the rest of the world. Police with wailing sirens and paramedics came rushing in, and the people who lived on his street were standing outside now, screaming at the sight. Official looking men were surrounding the both of them, yelling at Roxas to leave the body alone. They thought Axel was already dead. They didn't know. They didn't know how much pain the two of them were in right now. He held onto Axel tighter, trying not to hurt him. He just wanted the noise to stop.

"Why?" he asked him, his voice dripping with gulit and sadness. "Why would you..." He stopped. He couldn't finish it. Axel's heartbeat was gradually growing weaker, and now it was almost gone. It was almost over. This was the end.

Axel gave one last smile, and to Roxas, it felt like the end of the world. "Because I care about you..." Axel said, his eyes slowly closing, hoping that these were worthy last words. "...more than you'll ever know."

He coughed, and his eyes fluttered closed.

There were plenty of things that had happened soon afterwards that would've left Roxas equally as distressed and disturbed. It could've been the paramedics, who roughly pushed past him, trying to take the body away. He refused to leave, however, no matter how much they yelled. He ended up going to the hospital with them. It could've been the way Roxas saw his mother's face in the crowd of people watching them, shocked to tears and wondering how this all happened. It could've been the way people were staring at him, as if he was the one responsible for the death. Of course, he agreed with them.

But all Roxas could think about were his grandfather's words about the light in people's hearts.

And... that the moment Axel had closed his eyes, one of the streetlamps towering above them flickered out.

Axel died on the way to hospital. Roxas watched it happen.

None of the nurses or doctors bothered to pull him away from the corpse. They didn't reprimand him for screaming at anyone who had tried to comfort him. They didn't even let his parents disturb him. All they did was let him cry bitter, broken tears.

Tears for a death that never happened.


Roxas fell asleep that night on the hospital floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head buried in folded arms. He woke up in Heaven the same way.

Sora didn't greet him cheerfully this time. He looked as if all of the pain and sadness Roxas was feeling was his own.

"Oh, Roxas. I'm so sorry." He said it so quietly, it was almost a whisper. "If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly how you feel."

Roxas had to laugh at that. Really. He just threw his head back and laughed so hard his throat hurt. "No. No, you don't. How would you know? How the hell would you know what it's like to lose somebody like that?"

Sora looked down. Roxas thought he got him there, but he answered, "When I died... I had to leave everyone I cared about behind. Including you."

If anyone besides Axel could make Roxas feel like an asshole, it was Sora.

"You have no idea how much I hate myself right now. So stop trying to cheer me up." He eyed Sora with half-hearted displeasure. "...because I hate you, too."

Sora looked surprised but strangely, not offended. "Me? What could I have ever done to make you hate me?"

Roxas wasn't so sure himself. The words just spilled out of his mouth. "...You died. Four years ago." He brushed some hair out of his eyes. They were starting to water again. "How could you, Grandpa? How could you just leave me here? Who am I supposed to be now?"

Why was he saying all of this? He didn't hate Sora at all. Far from it, actually. But for a while, his emotions overpowered his brain and did the talking for him. He needed to talk. He needed to get his feelings out. He had been holding them in for too long. "Mom and Dad always said nice things about you. I can remember being four years old and hearing them say that they hoped I would grow up to be just like you someday." He looked at Sora's face, observing his features. "They said I even looked exactly like you when you were my age. I wanted Mom and Dad to say nice things about me, too. So I thought...if I just copied everything that you did, they'd like me."

Sora sat down next to his grandson. "Do you want to tell me the rest of the story?"

Roxas, ignoring the question and Sora altogether, continued. "The problem with that is... if you don't teach a kid how to be their own person or whatever back when they're still four, they'll never be their own person. So when you died, it wasn't just you lying in that coffin. It was me, too. It was my entire childhood."

He paused, scared to utter the next words in Sora's presence, but feeling obliged to do so.

"All those tears I cried at your funeral? They were just as much for me as they were for you."

Roxas adjusted himself, sitting upright.

"I had spent my entire life up to eleven just copying someone else's life. With that someone gone, I had no one to be anymore. I didn't know how to behave, I didn't know how to talk, I didn't know when to forgive someone or not, I didn't know anything!"

It was remarkable, really, how a child could be born into this world with no personality of their own.

"I couldn't handle that. Not by myself. I needed a friend's help. A best friend's help. So I ran out in the middle of the funeral and went over to Axel's house. Can you believe that? I bothered him in the middle of the night just to get my tears on his carpet. Seriously. All I did was sit on his bedroom floor and cry my eyes out."

Crying was a sign of weakness. Roxas never wanted to appear weak, especially not in front of Axel, the human embodiment of strength in his eyes.

"At one point, I glanced over to where Axel was sitting on his bed. It suprised me how... unaffected he was by all of it. Though it really shouldn't have. After all, he didn't care when his own father died a few years ago. Why should he care now? The entire night, he didn't talk to me or comfort me or anything. He just sat and stared and waited until I went home. That was it. He acted like I wasn't even there."

Sora was listening intently. "I'm sure he had a good reason," he commented, but Roxas seemed to be too wrapped up in his own emotions to hear him.

"At that moment -and it just came to me out of nowhere- all I wanted so desperately was to be that cold. That uncaring. Because I didn't want your death to bother me as much as it did. It was too painful and pathetic to think that I had nothing left. I wanted nothing in the world to bother me anymore. I would be untouchable. Invincible."

That night, he discovered the true meaning of loneliness hidden somewhere in Axel's carpet. He knew. Loneliness was realizing that Roxas Benjamin Gainsborough Strife no longer existed, and that his best friend didn't even care.

"I have to admit, Axel Parr is never who comes to mind when you think of a role model. Nevertheless, I copied him. All of his strengths and shortcomings. Tried to, at least. The only person who could completely pull off being Axel is Axel."

He smiled sadly.

"It must've worked, because I feel like a real bastard right now." Sora was so absorbed in what Roxas was saying that he didn't even comment on the cursing.

"Part of copying Axel is occasionally being mean to other people. If that included being mean to Axel himself, I was willing to do it. Willing to give him a small portion of the cruelty he gave to others. Besides... back then, I used to think Axel was made out of stone or something. That no matter how much you pushed him, he wouldn't break. He'll just push you right back. I admired him for that.

"So...even though I was upset about Axel not saying anything about the cigarette thing, it didn't really surprise me. I was hurt, but not surprised." Roxas started to laugh. "Isn't it ironic? That the person I admired more than anybody would destroy me in the end?"

'Nope. The ultimate irony would be hating Axel for getting you into a car accident, then inadvertently getting him into a car accident yourself.' Sora didn't have to say it. He knew Roxas was already beating himself up for it.

"But as soon as it happened, a thought came to my mind."

"Uh-oh. I know where this going."

Roxas spoke the next words with a small twinge of regret. "The bar had been raised."

'So that was it, huh? You thought you'd give him as much cruelty as he had given you in an attempt to be more like him?' Sora was beginning to understand his grandson better. It was kind of sad that he was only learning this about him now, after the two of them were dead.

He asked, "So... you started to hate him... because you respected him?"

Roxas chuckled slightly. "You make it sound weird."

"It is weird."

He shrugged. "Well, it made sense to me at the time. They say imitation is the best form of flattery. Anyway..." He lowered his head and shut his eyes tightly, as if trying to forget a bad dream. "...to spend all that time turning yourself into a monster...only to find out that the person you were doing it all for wasn't made of stone...that he had feelings... how could I have done that to him? How could I have..." Roxas felt the familiar sensation of tears pricking at his eyes. Damn it, stop crying!

"Seeing him like that, it reminded me of the day of your funeral, when I ran to Axel for help. I hated myself for crying like that, and I hated Axel for reminding me of it. I had realized what I'd become. And I didn't like it. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to realize that. That I had hurt the person I cared about like that. If there was a way for me to forget -for me to pretend it never happened- I continued to run away from it."

A coward, that's what he was. That was his personality. A selfish coward who would rather make others miserable than take responsibility for his actions. All those teachers were right about him. Now his tear-covered face finally matched his character.

"I convinced myself that I was the victim here. That I was the one who deserved all the pity. Not Axel. My death just gave me more reason to believe that. I took every opportunity and every excuse to hate Axel. I buried myself under walls of self-pity and hollow hatred, trying to forget."

Surrounding yourself with harmful distractions in order to run away from something? It sounded so familiar.

"...As if... trying to consume myself."

Demyx Loreone. Roxas finally found himself able to relate with the fallen celebrity. But he wouldn't end up like that. He wouldn't end up destroying himself.

"Before long, I had turned it into a game of 'Who's the bigger monster?' "The tears came back full force. "But I never wanted to win!"

He broke down. For the next few minutes, all he did was cry and sob, just like on the day of his grandfather's funeral. 'Stop crying!' he kept thinking, but his eyes refused to listen. It felt terrible. The guilt and grief overcame the embarrassment. Unlike the day of his grandfather's funeral, however, someone decided to speak up.

"Roxas." Sora said. "Can I just tell you one thing? Offer you a little insight? I am your Guardian after all." At the nod of his grandson's head, he continued, "I don't think it was ever a question of 'Who's the bigger monster?' I think it was more of 'Who's more miserable?' "

Roxas couldn't believe it. Sora had actually said something that made sense.

"I'm not mad at Axel for not going to my funeral anymore," he said, crying still. "I mean, if I were him, I wouldn't even have wanted to get up off the floor."

"Is that it, then? You're just going to sit here for eternity?"

Sora received a sob as an answer. Turning to his side, he was surprised to see tears freely streaming down Roxas's face. He wasn't even trying to hold them in anymore. "I-I'm not ready," he said in-between sobs. "I can't see him right now, Grandpa. It's too much. I-I can't. I-"

Sora nodded his head in understanding. He would let Roxas take his time. But sooner or later, he was going to have to get over it. They all did.

"I...I don't think I hate him anymore, Grandpa."

"I don't think you need to state the obvious."

Roxas grew irritated at Sora's backhanded comment. "He died for me, Grandpa. Died. Even though I treated him like that. Do you have any idea what that means?"

He didn't wait for an answer. "It means that I'm human trash." He didn't know why it took him so long to figure out that Axel was, quite literally, his life.

Sora gasped, horrified. "That's not true!" he exclaimed, gripping Roxas's shoulders tightly and shaking him, trying to get some sense into his head. "Don't you dare say that about yourself! You were just confused, that's all! That's normal, Roxas. Perfectly normal. You still had a lot of lessons to learn, and you still do. That's why you're doing this."

Letting go of Roxas, he sighed sadly. "And it looks like you've just learned another valuable lesson."

"And what would that be?"

"That sometimes... losing someone you care about is more painful than dying."

The both of them grew silent at that. Sora broke the silence.

"Let me tell you something, Roxas. I'm really not allowed to tell you this, and you might not want to hear it, but I think you need to." Roxas could tell that Sora wasn't too eager to tell him whatever he was thinking about. He looked like he was having an inner battle with himself.

"What?" Roxas asked, not eager himself to find out. Nonetheless, if Sora thought it was important, he was willing to listen.

Sora didn't answer for a while, clearly uncomfortable with the information he had. Roxas almost felt like cutting the suspense with a knife. 'Just say it already!' he thought impatiently.

Sora did.

"Axel... attempted suicide. Sometime after you died."

If Roxas had a heart, it would've stopped.

'W-what...?'

"What! When?"

Sora leaned in and whispered with all the seriousness of Death, "Your funeral."

It took some time for this information to sink in. When it did, Roxas gripped his head tightly and shut his eyes, wanting to forget everything, as always. The tears came back, more bitter than ever.

'No...Don't do that to yourself, Axel. Don't do that just because of me. I'm not worth it. I can't stand it if I have to see you die again...'

Sora continued to speak, "He stopped himself at the last minute. Something must've come over him. I wonder what that is..." Roxas wasn't listening. He was still recovering from the shock of the news.

"Just tell me exactly how much I've hurt him, Grandpa," he choked out. "How much have I tortured him? How much have I done to make him want to do that to himself? I might as well have run over him with the car myself." He wiped some tears from his eyes. "I don't know why I can't stop crying. Even though I know nothing really happened. The next time I see him, he won't even know what happened, right?"

Still...he could still feel Axel's blood on his hands.

'It's the gesture,' he thought to himself, 'If Axel had been there when I died, would he have done the same?'

"And how do you feel about that?" Sora suddenly drawled, mimicking a bad therapist. He laughed slightly while saying it.

Roxas could only stare at him. "Was that supposed to be a joke?"

Sora stopped his laughter, but he didn't look apologetic. "Reversal." he commented. "It's better than therapy. When it comes to dealing with feelings and stuff." He looked up. "I think Axel had the right idea. Maybe he didn't try to comfort you on the day of my funeral because he knew that you could handle it yourself. That you were strong enough."

"I find it truly incredible," Roxas hissed. "...that you could stare right in the face of Death, and it wouldn't dampen your youthful spirit at all."

Sora widened his eyes but still no apology. "But...what can you...? You can't do anything about it, Roxas. It already happened. I mean, I'm not saying I don't care, because I do, but you can't do anything about it. Wouldn't you rather accept things and try to fix them rather than mope about them?" He looked up and smiled. Smiled, for God's sake. "It's nice to be concerned about things, but every one in a while, you just have to let life take control and not try so hard."

Don't... try so hard? The concept was so foreign and unfamiliar to him that he thought that it would be impossible to accomplish.

"You're going to have to," Sora said, as if reading his thoughts. "...if you want to finish this thing with your sanity intact."

He said it in such a way that Roxas wasn't sure whether he should take it seriously or as a joke.

"...Leave me alone. I need some time to myself." Sora wasn't at all surprised or offended by this. He simply nodded and picked himself up. He was about to stride away when he heard Roxas call out, "Hey, Sora! If you happen to find my sanity lying around anywhere, make sure to tell me, okay?"


Sora looked over his sobbing grandson with concern. He started to regret telling him about the suicide attempt. Now he was more miserable than ever. Besides, Roxas was supposed to figure these things out on his own. But he had always spoiled Roxas rotten as a child. Who said he couldn't give him a little push in the right direction?

He glanced down at the bottle in his hands. This, however, was another story. The bottle was found floating around in the lake outside the Gates earlier. The lake was a meeting point between the living world and Heaven, so anything that was lost in the ocean down on Earth was transported there. Sora never really understood why nobody did anything about that. Objects from Earth were forbidden here.

There was a rolled up piece of paper marked Roxas inside the bottle. A message in a bottle. That was new. The stuff that was usually in the lake was old boots and broken fishing poles. You could bet that he was going to read it later. It was part of his job as a Guardian. The question was whether or not to show it to Roxas. If Roxas found out about it, he'll want to know what's inside. Was it worth breaking one of Heaven's most sacred rules?

'I guess it depends on what's in it.' he thought, pulling the cork out.

Even though the sender's name wasn't on it, he knew that this was Axel's doing. Call it a grandfather's intuition.

(...END OF CHAPTER...)

Author's Notes #2: "OMFG, she killed Axel!"

This may be some of your reactions right now. Or maybe not. I don't know, I can't see you through the computer screen. I realize that a chapter like this usually signifies the end of a story, but seeing as how this story messes with the time line, it's far from over.

I also realize that these chapters seem to be nothing but angst, but there are cute/fluffy chapters in this story. I made sure of it.

Second confession time: Y'know the scene when Roxas is telling Axel why he hates smoking? That was inspired by a scene in The Way to Your Heart, a webcomic. Read it if you want! You can find it at emi - art . com (Remove spaces.)

Review, please! They mean a lot to me and really do make a difference on my writing skills. Really! See how these chapters are gradually getting longer? :D