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The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.
Tides
Chapter Seven: Katniss
"Okay," Katniss replied. "Come back tonight and we'll talk."
Peeta was right.
As much as she wanted to forget everything that happened during her last year of marriage, Katniss knew that the subject would come up eventually. Also, Peeta was reaching out to her and as much as she tried to tell herself that he was still a boy—he wasn't.
He had grown up on her—and Katniss was attracted to who he had become.
On the other hand, friendship was something more important and meaningful to her than attraction; because her friends were her family and had been there for her at the worst of times.
Pressed against Peeta, however, friendship felt like the last thing on her mind.
"Are you alright?" he asked her softly.
"Honestly, I'm afraid." Katniss met his concerned eyes. "I'm worried about what you'll think of me after you hear everything. Because in some way, I like that you still see me as the girl I used to be."
His arms were suddenly around her, pulling her close, and she pressed her cheek to his chest feeling his steady heartbeat. Her own arms wrapped around his waist and Katniss leaned into his embrace.
She felt safe with him. That kind of feeling was real and meaningful to her.
"We're trying to be friends," Peeta told her. "We have to accept all of one another, the good and the bad, because that's the next step to lo—" He stopped abruptly. "—to a new beginning."
"I guess you're right." She pulled away and gave him a smile. "So, being friends with you means I'll just have to accept Delly's petty little comments."
He put an arm around her and grinned. "That's my girl."
Katniss put her head on his shoulder as they walked out of the kitchen. "You totally owe me a story about her."
"We thought we lost you!" Cinna said as they entered the living room.
Katniss lifted her head from Peeta's shoulder and looked at the group in her crowded living room.
Her new grey L-shaped sofa was occupied by Annie, Finnick, Delly and Effie. On the matching loveseat were Flavius and Octavia, who were busy typing on their laptops. Portia and Johanna stood by her newly curtained window, drinking martinis, as they chatted quietly.
Prim, Aidan and Haymitch sat on the floor next to her coffee table, stacks of her origami paper on it. The three were diligently folding paper flowers.
"What's going on?" Katniss asked as she went and joined Prim on the carpet.
"Prim was just showing me how to make these beautiful paper flowers," Cinna began excitedly as he held up one of the origami flowers. "And suddenly—it came to me!" He beamed at Katniss. "PAPER DOLLS!"
She smiled at his exuberance. "What?"
"The theme for our next runway show!" He explained. "We'll use paper flowers for the walls and for the arch before the runway!" Cinna went to Prim and lifted her chin, smiling fondly at the young girl. "And, all the models will be doe-eyed and pretty, just like this young lady."
"Sounds perfect," Katniss agreed and she put an arm around Prim. "What do you think?"
"It sounds so cool!" Prim replied with a beaming smile. "I wish I was there."
"Maybe you will be," she said to her young friend.
"She has school," Delly suddenly informed them from her seat.
Katniss looked over her shoulder and gave the woman a tight smile. "Well, I'll just have to arrange a way to make sure Prim sees it," she replied. "After all, she was the muse for the show."
"Haymitch," Peeta called out from the archway of the living room. "Can I speak to you real quick?"
Haymitch looked over at Katniss. "Am I in trouble?"
She shrugged and smiled at the man. "Depends on who you ask." She glanced over at Effie, who was nursing a small pink drink in her hand as she typed on her phone with the other.
"True enough," Haymitch grumbled as he finished the last fold of the flower he was working on.
Standing up, he made his way over to Peeta, but not before dropping the paper flower onto Effie's lap.
"That was one smooth move," Cinna remarked from his spot on the floor. "These Panem men—they know where it's at."
Katniss looked over at Effie who was toying with the makeshift petals, a slight smile on her lips, before turning back to her friend.
She thought of Peeta's strong arms around her and the feeling that his touch seemed to create. There was no doubt; he had an effect on her. She wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing, just yet.
"They sure do," Katniss finally replied before her eyes went back to Prim as she finished another paper flower.
It seemed much too soon for Katniss to see her design team leaving.
"Don't worry," Portia assured her. "Cinna and I will take care of everything in the office. Your Internet connection was just set up. So, we can e-mail or Skype you if there are any issues. I'm also having a meeting with the managers at the flagship store tomorrow." She pulled Katniss in her arms. "When you're ready, come visit, okay?"
"Of course," Katniss replied as they pulled away. "I'll miss you."
"Oh, honey," her friend said sadly. "It'll be hard going into the office and not seeing your pretty little self at your desk, but you need this. It's been a hard time for you—and it's best that you stay here until all of the hoopla dies down."
Katniss bit her lip. "Has there been much?"
"Not much," Portia told her though Katniss could see that she was lying. "You divorced a major Manhattan socialite. Yet, somehow you've come out on top—Cor has given you much more than people think you should be getting in the settlement."
"Well, they don't know what I've been through," she said quietly.
Cinna approached the two women, putting an arm around each one as they began their walk to the limo.
"Flavius and Octavia have already begun looking into the space for the show," he told them, an excited smile on his face. "I should have a stage layout for you later this week." Cinna turned to Katniss as they reached the limo. "I'm going to miss you."
"If needed, I'll fly back," Katniss told him and the man embraced her. "Thank you for being here."
"Of course, baby girl," he replied fondly before he and Portia stepped inside the limo. She had already said her goodbyes to Octavia and Flavius who were already settled in the car.
"I talked to Haymitch." She turned to see Peeta standing behind her. "He's going to stay with Prim this evening while we talk."
Katniss heard a soft chuckle and looked over Peeta's shoulder to see Effie talking quietly to Haymitch.
"Looks like they made up well," she remarked with a grin. Katniss watched Haymitch lift her friend's chin gently with his hand. "The beginning is always the best part, isn't it?"
Peeta nodded in agreement as he looked over at the couple. "If anything comes of this, we can say that we were there to see it all." He turned to look at her, his sky eyes suddenly concerned. "Do you still want to talk?"
Katniss turned to him anxiously. "Just don't think any different of me afterwards, okay?"
Immediately, he pulled her into his arms. "Never. I'm always going to think of you as the teen dream, Katniss."
She smiled against his shoulder, content in his arms, until Finnick wolf-whistled at them from Peeta's porch. Annie and Delly stood next to him, his wife grinning at the two, while the other woman stood with her arms crossed, her expression unreadable. Aidan and Prim sat on the porch steps talking animatedly as her young friend played with a paper flower in her hand.
"I should get back to them," he told her. "I have to talk to Prim about tonight and stop Delly from gossiping all over her teachers' lounge."
"Have fun," she replied and pressed her lips to his cheek.
Peeta touched the spot, his cheeks darkening at the contact. "What was that for?"
Katniss grinned. "If Delly is going to gossip, then we might as well give her something to talk about."
"Right on time," Katniss said as she opened the door for Peeta, later that evening.
"Being a teacher makes you a little more punctual." He stepped inside and looked around the house. "Effie is unbelievable! This place looks completely different!" Peeta looked up at the black chandelier hanging above her entryway. "I never noticed that before."
"You wouldn't," she told him with a grin. "It's one of those things that doesn't really have an effect until it's on." Katniss went to the switch next to the stairs. "It's pretty cool. I can adjust the light, too." She turned the switch to slightly dim the lighting.
"Everything looks great," Peeta said to her.
They went silent for a moment, staring at one another. Peeta had changed into a t-shirt and jeans, while she had slipped into a pair of black yoga pants and her cowl neck sweater.
It seemed like they had each dressed for a long evening.
"We should go upstairs," she finally told him.
"Upstairs?" Peeta repeated, his voice cracking a bit.
Katniss took his arm, entwining it with hers. "We always seem to have the best talks there." She looked to him as they walked up the stairs, taking in his stiff form. "If you're uncomfortable, we can always go to my study."
He shook his head. "No, this is your story. We should talk where you're comfortable." They found themselves at the top of the stairs and she led him to her door. Quickly, Peeta opened it for her. "After you." Katniss went in and he closed the door behind them.
Peeta looked around and gave her a smile. "It looks exactly how I imagined it. Comfortable, yet…chic."
The whole room was made up of blacks, whites, and greys—her dark wood canopy bed being the centerpiece. She watched as Peeta explored her room, his eyes roving over the matching dresser with the flat screen above it. He looked over the photos that hung around the room; some of them were her old sketches that Cinna had archived for her.
He went to her vanity, made of glass mirrors. Octavia had arranged it meticulously.
Picking up her atomizer, Peeta sniffed it and turned to her with a smile.
"You still wear the same perfume," he remarked softly.
Katniss nodded as she settled onto her bed, her back against her headboard. "Yes, there are some things that are still the Katniss Everdeen that you knew." She patted the space next to her. "Get comfortable."
Peeta went to the other side of the bed, settling beside her and he took her hand. "Where do you want to start?"
"What do you want to know?" she countered.
He thought for a moment before responding, "How did you and Cato meet?"
"I was living in Paris," Katniss started. "I was finishing my last year at Sorbonne, living in a small apartment near school and there was patisserie that I always frequented. One day, I walked in and was ordering my usual when this Mercedes just parked in the front of it."
She laughed to herself. "God—I remember thinking, 'What a douche', seeing the car. Then, Cato walked in." The laugh faded from her lips. "I passed him just as he was coming in. He made a complete turn and started to follow me out. He followed me all the way down the street asking for my name. I just ignored him and went on my way to class."
"Sounds romantic," he remarked. "Very Parisian, actually."
"It was a very Parisian romance," she said. "No one had ever paid that kind of attention to me. It was exciting. I mean, who doesn't want to get swept off their feet in the City of Love? At the same time, I knew I had to be careful. For a few weeks, I kept him at arm's length. He came to that patisserie every day, inviting me to dinner or giving me flowers."
"Sounds too good to be true." Peeta looked over at her. "When did you finally give in?"
"He strong-armed my boss at Yves St. Laurent into letting me off early, one weekend." She twisted a tendril of her hair around her finger remembering the dinner they shared at a restaurant along the Seine. It had been a beautiful view and Cato made her laugh with his stories about the trouble he would get into. "He took me to dinner—it was the first time in a long time that I had fun. I had spent a lot of my time in Paris at school, or at my internship. Cato was refreshing and carefree. I wanted to be just like him."
Peeta's eyes met hers. "That makes sense—who wouldn't be swept off their feet?"
"It was great—for a bit," Katniss admitted as she took a deep breath. "We dated for a year. He was always traveling between New York and Paris, or wherever he wanted to go at that moment. When I finally completed my time at Sorbonne, Cato proposed and I accepted. It wasn't a big ceremony—" She reached over and pulled open the drawer on her side table to take a small box out. "—but, he gave me this."
Handing Peeta the velvet box, she watched him let out a soft whistle as he opened it. Katniss knew how amazing her engagement and wedding bands looked. She had been enchanted seeing the two-carat diamond in the elegant setting—it had belonged to Cato's mother and was custom-made.
Katniss remembered the look in his eyes when he slipped the diamond ring on her finger. Because even now, a part of her still believed that moment was when Cato had truly loved her—that small snippet of time in Paris.
"We kept our marriage a secret until we came to New York," she continued. "He wanted to surprise his father."
Her husband had been excited to introduce her and, as she sat down in a trendy Manhattan restaurant, her eyes met her father-in-law's. They were cool and calculating. If only she had known why Cor was so wary of her—Cato had brought other girls to meet him before.
"When Cor found out that we had eloped, he was surprised, but happy," she explained to Peeta. "I didn't know anything about Cato's past—of the other women—and how many of them had sat across from Cor in that restaurant. I, however, was the only one who Cato had ever introduced as his wife."
"It looks like you were getting on well with your father-in-law from the start," Peeta said to her. "Did it cause any jealousy between you and Cato?"
"Not at first." Peeta handed back the velvet box and she looked at the shining diamond before swiftly closing it. "Cato was too busy showing me all of the wonderful things that Manhattan had to offer. The week we returned was the week he bought our penthouse—and that's when I met Effie. She was my first friend in New York."
She smiled to herself remembering her first meeting with the woman. Effie had come in—light hair in a tight bun and wearing an impeccably fitted black suit. She had taught Katniss all about how to turn the industrial-looking penthouse into a comfortable home for her and Cato.
"I must have looked like such a newbie," she told Peeta. "But, Effie was very supportive and Cato was impressed with her work."
Tiredly, Katniss laid her head on Peeta's shoulder. She was getting into the later part of their marriage—the part that she had tried so desperately to move on from.
"Back to your question," Katniss said. "Cato was happy that his father and I were getting along so well. Our first year of marriage, I actually attended a few board meetings that Cor ran. It's how I found out that he owned a textile company."
"Thus began your clothing line." Peeta's thumb caressed the top of her hand. "It's really impressive—everything you've done. Cinna told me all about your company. I know how much you worked for it."
"I approached Cor about starting my own line around our second wedding anniversary," she told Peeta. "Cato and I got into a huge fight. He didn't understand why I needed to add more things to my list. I had already started sitting in on board meetings with his father. I was also assisting with the Snow Foundation on donation distribution. Cato had never really contributed to his father's company. He was content with spending the profits, rather than helping in creating them. During our fight, I brought that up—and he walked out."
"Do you want to keep going?" Peeta suddenly asked, his eyes roaming over her face. "You don't have to—"
"No." She lifted her head from his shoulder and turned to him. "I can't go back now."
He nodded after a moment. "So, Cato walked out?"
"He did," Katniss said. "Most of that year and the beginning of our third year, Cato was out and about. It was then that I met Clove, his publicist." Her mouth twisted just saying the woman's name. "She had been one of the girls that Cor had met before. My father-in-law didn't necessarily approve of her. Clove was more about promoting herself in oppose to promoting the client."
"She sounds like a bitch," Peeta retorted.
Katniss snorted. "Clove really was—and she hated me. The first time we met, she talked all about how she had been the one who had suggested all the restaurants and places that Cato took me to in Paris." Her eyes suddenly filled. "And, she had no morals; especially when it came to humiliating me. Clove always wanted me to know my place—to know that she was there first—and she wasn't going to go away. The worst part was that Cato never stopped her."
"What an asshole," her friend seethed and she couldn't help but chuckle. It was strange to hear Peeta curse; it seemed like he never had a bad thing to say about anyone.
Until now.
"Around this time, I was at the pinnacle of my career. I had just met Cinna, who was actually a co-director in the textile company that Cor owned. I also met Johanna, who became my contracts lawyer—she was there to help with negotiating retail space and creating proper agreements for my clothing line to be sold in department stores. And, she was there, along with Cinna, to attend happy hours with me."
Katniss stopped. It was time to talk about that year—the fourth year.
"The fourth year of my marriage started badly," she told Peeta. "I waited for my husband to show up to celebrate our anniversary and he didn't come home until very late. And, I was so tired—so tired of fighting and at the same time, so tired of being ignored. When Cato crawled into our bed, I let him kiss me even though I was angry. I just didn't want to fight anymore."
A choked sob escaped her mouth and pressed her hand to her lips.
"The next day, there were pictures; pictures of Cato and a woman named Glimmer, who was a friend of mine. They were together at a club." Her eyes closed and the images of her husband pressed against the woman ran through her mind. "It was our anniversary and he spent it with her. This girl was supposed to be my friend—but, I was so fucking naïve."
Katniss let the tears escape her eyes—the humiliation coming back full force. She remembered walking down the street of her penthouse, unable to face the newsstands, fearing the pictures of her husband practically being straddled by that woman.
"You weren't naïve," Peeta told her, his blue eyes angry. "You were married to the man—you loved him. Marriage is about trusting someone and being protected by them. You weren't being protected Katniss, and that wasn't your fault."
"I was pregnant, Peeta." It came out softly—almost disbelieving of her own words.
She had been in shock when the pregnancy test came out positive. She and Cato had been together a handful of times during the end of their third year. Most of the time, he was gone—probably with someone else.
"That one time…during that anniversary that he was late for!" Katniss looked at him, her hands almost shaking. "When I found out, I couldn't believe it—I even made Johanna come with me to my obstetrician."
Peeta's lips were twisted in a frown. "And your husband's reaction?"
"I almost didn't want to tell him," she admitted. "I just couldn't trust him anymore. Finally, one day I told him over breakfast. Cato just sat there staring at me for the longest time. There was no happiness in his eyes. There wasn't any angriness, either. He just looked at me like I had trapped him."
Katniss wiped her eyes hastily.
"Eventually, I told Cor—and he was overjoyed." She laughed through her tears. "Just like a proud grandfather would be. I was so scared, Peeta. I cried a lot during my first trimester, mostly because Cato never came to any of my appointments. It was always Johanna, or Cinna, and a lot of times, it would be Cor. He kept on assuring me that Cato would change—that 'once a father holds his child, everything becomes different.'"
Turning away from Peeta, she reached into the drawer again. This time, she pulled out a photo—a sonogram photo—and handed it to Peeta.
"This was her—my daughter," Katniss whispered.
Peeta met her eyes, his own disbelieving. "Was?"
She nodded, her lips trembling. "Was."
"What the hell happened?" he asked in a quiet voice. "What happened to her?"
Katniss closed her eyes. "I was five months pregnant." Her voice shook as she spoke. "I had just come home and I heard them. Cato, Clove, and Glimmer—in my house—in my bedroom!" She began to sob, her face falling into her hands. "I JUST LOST IT!"
She could feel Peeta's hand on her back. "What did you do?"
"I started throwing things—anything, really—at them. They were in my bed, and there was a camera. And, there was my husband…" Katniss looked at Peeta, her eyes so full that she could hardly see them through her tears. "…and he did nothing."
She felt her throat constrict just remembering the image of Cato in-between the two women, both clad in practically nothing, and Clove's triumphant smile—as if she was telling Katniss she was there, and she would remain there—always between Katniss and her husband.
"I don't know how, but I ended up back out on the street—with Cato chasing after me. We started screaming at each other in the middle of the Upper East Side, not bothering to give a shit who saw us."
Katniss stopped. "Then, it happened—I fell. My lower back hit the concrete somehow."
Peeta turned to her. "Did—did he push you?"
"I don't know," she admitted shamefully. For months, Katniss had replayed that moment over and over in her mind. "I was screaming and waving my hands around. He was in my face, practically doing the same thing. The next thing I know—I'm on the ground. My mind just went blank. So, I hailed a taxi and ended up staying at Johanna's. She was out of town for the week, but she had given me her key."
She found herself in Peeta's arms as they laid back on her mattress.
The memories triggered something in her, causing her to shake horribly. Katniss knew this feeling all too well—this horrible feeling of not knowing if she would ever be happy again.
"I woke up the next morning," she continued, her head against his chest. Her hand gripping his tightly. "I had a noon board meeting with Cor and some of the executives of the foundation. I thought I was fine, so I got ready and headed to the meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I began to feel faint. My father-in-law immediately cancelled the rest of the meeting. I was insisting that he continue when my water broke—"
She felt Peeta's sharp intake of breath, but she continued on.
"I cried the whole way in the ambulance with Cor holding my hand. He kept on telling me that my daughter would receive all the medical attention we could get. He would fly the best doctors in—all the specialists we needed. All I kept asking for was Cato—and he never came." She buried her face in Peeta's chest, another set of sobs hitting her, and she could feel him tightening his hold on her.
"NOTHING COULD SAVE HER!" Katniss burst out. "It didn't matter how much money we had! When I finally pushed her out of me—there was no crying…there was nothing but stillness." Her heavy eyes met Peeta's. "She had dark hair. She was beautiful. Cor said that she had his wife's nose."
The nurses had let Katniss hold her daughter—her baby was so light in her arms. Her skin was paper-thin and snowy, her lips rosy. Her daughter—her little Snow White. However, no kisses would wake her princess. No matter how many Katniss had given her, her little girl would never wake up.
She had apologized to her daughter, over and over, for not taking better care of herself and for letting her anger get the best of her. She had apologized for Cato—because she thought that maybe, one day, he would be sad for losing her.
And, when she let Cor hold his granddaughter, Katniss watched the old man weep and pray for the child, asking his deceased wife to watch over the little girl.
It was the first time that she had seen her father-in-law look so small.
"Cato never came to visit me in the hospital," she said through her tears. "He was in Portugal during our daughter's funeral. When the pictures of Cato, Clove and Glimmer hit the papers, I filed for divorce—with Cor's blessing."
Slowly, Katniss sat up and looked down at the man before her. She felt nothing but emptiness.
"Now you know," she choked out. "I am not the same girl that left Panem and I am not the teen dream. I am nothing but the mother of a dead baby and the ex-wife of a man who had so little respect for me that he fucked two women in the same bed that we made our daughter in!"
Peeta sat up, gripping her shoulders, his blue eyes torn.
"You are anything but nothing. You are everything!" He stopped, gasping for breath. "You are everything, Katniss. To Prim—and to me."
Her hand reached out, covering his mouth, to silence him.
Katniss looked into his wet eyes, navy in the darkness. Peeta was upset, for her and for the situation.
She, however, had learned to repress her pain—to push it out of her heart.
However, it had left her even more alone—until she came back to Panem.
And, the emptiness that she once felt, slowly filled with the sound of Prim's laughter, and the tenderness in Peeta's smile.
"Why don't you kiss me?" she suddenly asked. Her hand fell from his lips. "I know you want to."
Peeta stared at her for a moment before starting towards her. She closed her eyes in anxiousness, sadness, and anticipation—they all felt the same at the moment.
Instead of his touch against her waiting lips, she felt his forehead press against hers gently.
Slowly, her eyes opened and met his blue pools.
"Because, you're not ready," Peeta answered in a hushed voice. "When I kiss you—it's not just going to be a kiss. It's going to be the kiss. The one that we can never come back from."
His words broke something in her—and she sagged against him, her head falling back onto his chest. Slowly, Peeta laid them back down and she wrapped her arms around his waist. His hand went to her hair and he ran his fingers through her tendrils.
They laid there wrapped silently in their own thoughts.
"Katniss?" Peeta finally called out.
"Yes?"
"What was your daughter's name?"
His hand found hers in the darkness and he brought it to his heartbeat.
"Helena."
She remembered the tears in Cor's eyes when she had told him his granddaughter's name.
"She was named after Cato's mother and for the heroine in the Shakespeare play A Midsummer's Night Dream," she explained brokenly. "Helena is the only character in the story whose love was ever truly constant."
"That's beautiful," Peeta told her.
Katniss nodded in agreement. "Now, Cor and I both have a Helena to mourn for."
I'm burnt out—so only two things.
So, Katniss' divorce took awhile—a lot of this took place when she was twenty-seven. It took a bit of time for them to track Cato down once Katniss filed for divorce and for the official paperwork to go through.
The name, Helena, was always what I intended to name Katniss' daughter—it just kept on repeating in my mind.
Once again, hellos, comments and reviews are always welcomed on Tumblr, FF, and AO3.
Next: Chapter Eight, Peeta—the aftermath.
Until then, JLaLa
