I practically yell at him telling him to put me down, but he doesn't. He is still holding me as he kisses me. It is then when he sees my trembling. I want to kick myself for stealing his moment of joy.
"Katniss, are you okay? I'm sorry, I should have known." He says, still holding me in his arms. In answer I begin to sob once again, clutching his shirt in an effort to come back to reality. He sits on the couch in the living room while I let my emotions out to him. I cry until I am all cried out. I wonder what he is thinking of me right now. If he thinks I am pathetic. That I am just a scared child. Because that is all I really am. A selfish, scared, and scarred girl. I will never be able to fathom why he loves me.
Peeta smoothes my hair as I finally release my clutches on his shirt and look up to him.
"I'm so sorry. I'm just so scared." I tell him.
"Why are you sorry, Katniss?"
"Because I can't be happy with you. I have already held this from you so long and I am still doing it."
"You don't need to be sorry. You don't need to be afraid. The Capitol is gone, Katniss. No one can hurt us now. You know that, right? We are safe."
"Every one says that, but I can't help it. Every time I close my eyes, I am afraid of this. I don't want this. I don't want to be selfish, though. Oh, Peeta, I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm so sorry. I am a terrible person!" I say. I think I would be crying again, but I have no tears left. Instead, I am left with a hollow ache in my heart.
"You are not terrible, Katniss. I love you, and we are going to be okay. You have to let me help you brush away the fears." He says, and then kisses me. Just like always, it takes away the fear. When he is kissing me, I can close my eyes and not see children dying a hundred horrible deaths.
We spend the rest of the night as if it was any old night. I am glad he has dropped the subject for now.
Again, I wake up screaming. This time, though, Peeta understands. He holds me until I calm down. I am suddenly glad he knows because now I don't have to hide it from him. He knows what to say to comfort me now. His words are just enough to pull me back, like they always have been.
"Peeta, aren't you scared?" I ask him.
"No. I know we can make it all right. I'm only worried about you."
I sigh, wondering if I will be the only one who is terrified. I am the one who is terrified, and I am also has to carry this child around with me for 8 more months. Why couldn't that be Peeta's job? I am sure it would make him happy.
Looking into Peeta's eyes, an odd feeling hits me. He cannot hide his excitement, and suddenly I feel it too. For a spilt second, I am happy, and not just because I know I am making him happy. It passes quickly, but it is enough for me to hold into, at least for now.
