My laptop seems oddly out of place on his counter plugged into the wall while he makes dinner. I don't know when he remembered how to cook, but I've been thankful for it, because I can't, not well anyway. I watch him with intrigue as he mixes pasta with a spoon. After what happened back at my house with Brock Rumlow I was scared. I'd loved him, and it had all been a lie... he was apart of hydra and was the reason my mother for my mother's death... I feel the tears coming on, but his voice brings me back to reality.
"How long were you two together?"
He asks with his back still to me, I can't see his face, but I can tell that he's most likely staring at the pasta with intensity in his gaze while he stirs the sauce on the burner next to it. I sigh holding in the urge to cry... the last thing I needed him to do was see me cry... again.
"Two years."
I whisper shrugging my shoulders as though it was no big deal. No big deal that while we've been broken up for a few months I still had loved him... He'd gone to my mother's house and various other family events.. I loved him... I trusted him, and he did this.
"Must be nice to love... I barely remember how to."
I look at his back once more feeling bad when I hear him say this. I move from around the counter and to him, making sure my footsteps are heard as I walk. Once I reach him, I move my hand to his back. He tenses for a moment before glancing down at me.
"You will."
He nods looking at me in an unsure fashion, as if he doesn't know what to do or what to say.
"How can you say that when you know the things they've done to me? The things I've done to others... I've killed many people."
I did know... I knew all about how they'd strap him to a chair and wipe his memories all so they could use him to kill whoever they wanted.
"Because you're Bucky Barnes. You're a great man who helped one of the worlds greatest heroes at a time where the world was falling into chaos. You were brave, and beautiful to do so. Captain America was your best friend... I'm surprised you didn't go to him for help."
I state as his gaze intensifies.
"I couldn't go to him... he's always had faith in me, and after all I've done... I just couldn't face him. I can never face him."
I shake my head in protest moving my hand from his back, I guide his body to face mine, and he allows it, but only because he's curious as to what I'm up to. I take his hands in mine looking at them, I loosely grip his metal hand, and I can't help but study it. I couldn't believe that they'd managed to make an arm like this... I sigh before stating.
"A friend like Steve Rogers will never judge you. He knows what you did wasn't your fault and I'm sure he'd only want to help you."
He sighs.
"And how would you know? You've never met him."
I nod because he is right. I've never met the infamous Captain.
"You're right, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret... Do you know how I know he's a good man?"
I ask glancing back up at him as he shakes his head 'no'.
"Because... there's this amazing thing called a museum and sometimes you can go to them and learn things about famous people."
He rolls his eyes when I say this, a faint smile on his lips.
"Watch it smart mouth."
I laugh when he says this, before I move my hands from his, allowing him to finish making dinner. He turns off the sauce pan before straining the pasta. With his back to me he asks;
"Was I really the things you said? Was I brave?"
I smile nodding.
"Yes you were James...To die for what you believe in, and for the good of others without running away is very brave."
His smile returns.
"What about the part where you called me beautiful? Was that true, do you think I'm beautiful?"
I look at him and feel my cheeks begin to redden. I don't want to talk about the fact that he's handsome... I'll just look like an idiot. So instead I move my eyes to the pasta now in the strainer, and then at the sauce in the pan on the stove. Tucking my hair behind my ear I try and change the subject.
"So yeah dinner looks good. Who knew an ex assassin could cook."
He sighs.
"I can't. I just learn quickly, the only good thing about being turned into this monster is that I pick up on things quickly."
Of course he did... he was a highly trained killer. A person who was used to kill over two dozen people, I fold my arms across my chest as I realize that I am still in the company of a man who could hurt me if he wanted. Yes that sounds stupid because of all I know about him, but maybe it was just my way of copping. Maybe pretending he wasn't as much of a threat as I knew he was, was how I could sleep at night.
"Well, it's impressive. Most of the men I know can't cook for the life of them."
He opens the cupboard that seems to hold bowls, and begins to scoop pasta into it. After putting sauce on the pasta he opens the silver wear drawer and puts a fork in the pasta before handing it to me.
"Eat up. We're leaving in the morning."
I take the bowl, my fingers brushing against his as I take it. I smile up at him, but find that the smile doesn't reach my eyes. I knew eventually that we were going to go, but now that it was actually happening I felt nerves. Was I going to get killed in this attempt at righting the wrong? I hoped not, even though at this point I'd already come to terms with the idea that I may end up six feet under by the end of this. I glance at his metal arm as he turns his back to me so he can make himself a bowl.
"How are you going to get through air port security with your arm?"
After I say it I feel rude... I'm sure the metal arm wasn't exactly his favorite, and that it was all apart of the trauma he'd endured during the experiments done on him.
"I'm sorry..."
I whisper as he stands in front of me, his head craning to look down at me.
"... I talk before I think, and I'm rude... I'm sorry."
He simply nods.
"I know how to travel in secret."
I bite down on the bottom of my lip deep in thought before I run my hands through my hair. I was going to have to help him access my father's information... All his passwords.. Everything. I feel anxious just thinking about it. If I didn't do this right, I'd blow it all... I'd ruin his chance at having revenge, and worse the rest of hydra would keep going. I close my eyes for a moment, before I breathe a deeps sigh.
"Can you promise me something?"
He nods once more, not wanting to verbally answer me.
"If I mess up and you do have to kill me... could you do it in a way that isn't painful. Just do it quick."
When I say this something flickers in his eyes. I don't know what emotion dances in his eyes, but I can tell that he's not happy with my question. His jaw sets, and he breathes a deep sigh.
"Do you want me to kill you?"
His voice quivers as we watch each other in an unspoken heated stare down.
"No."
I whimper, as he gives me a bitter look. A look that makes my blood run cold, a cruel smile moves to his lips.
"Then try not to mess up."
He leaning in ever so slightly, his body closer to mine. I feel my breathing hitch as our gazes lock and his lips move in closer... His mouth moves near my ear, and chills go up my spine as he whispers.
"...Because I'd hate to have to hurt that pretty little face..."
He pauses pulling back to look at me.
"...Now eat. We're leaving in the morning, bright and early."
I am moving, but laying perfectly still. I turn ever so slightly and nuzzle my head against the pillow, but the pillow is nothing like the one's I've slept on before. I groan at how tired I feel before I open my eyes. Everything is out of focus, and I feel slightly hungover. I groan once more before trying to lift my head from my pillow, but I find that I can't. My head rests back down on the surface, but this time I realize something... this isn't a pillow. I was laying on a chest, but not just any chest... his. I feel my breathing start to get a bit uneasy as I look up at him. As much as I want to move from him, I can't. I'm too out of it to really move. How did we get here? Had I fallen asleep? After we'd spoken at dinner I felt a little weird, but I thought that was just because that was the first real meal I'd eaten all day... but maybe there was another reason for my feeling off...
"You drugged me."
I whisper watching him as he merely nods in response.
"You were growing anxious about the task at hand, so I made it easier for the both of us."
I look at him in disbelief as I study where we currently are. We're in a car, and my body is pressed up against his while we sit in the back, my head still where it was when I awoken. I go to move away, but he stops me.
"Don't think about trying anything."
I sigh trying to calm my breathing. Right now I was completely useless. I am weak, tired, and frustrated that he'd drug me, but after our conversation prior to this situation I shouldn't be surprised. The car hits a pot hole and my body pushes up against his, my head lightly rising and falling against his shirt covered chest.
"If you wanted me to get closer to you, you only had to ask... no drugs were necessary."
He doesn't respond only breathes, we fall into a pattern of breathing in unison as we sit together my body limp against his. I don't know where we are... were we even in the united states anymore?
"Please at least tell me where we are."
I beg hoping he'll at least tell me that much. He glances out the window before stating simply.
"We're where they made me who I am... Russia."
*** Thank you to the people who've read/reviewed this! :)
