The concert had been fantastic. Jackson had been right, again, they were a good band and Aaron and Flynn had had a great time. It had been so hot in there with all those people crammed into a confined space that it was nice to now be out in the fresh air again. They walked side by side slowly through the streets enjoying the summer night, chatting away contentedly, their bodies occasionally brushing against each other as they headed towards Bar West. They had left the concert saying that they would go for just one drink, that would leave Aaron time to get the last bus home. Now, as they walked, neither of them rushed, neither of them wanted it to be just one drink, they wanted the evening to carry on for as long as possible.
Aaron pulled open the door to Bar West and stood back to let Flynn go through first. "After you."
"Thank you." Flynn said. "Since when did you become so well mannered?"
Aaron smiled. It had nothing to do with him being well mannered, it was just another opportunity for him to check Flynn out without being seen. He was finding himself more and more attracted to Flynn and was struggling to get his head round it. He genuinely had not been expecting to feel like this ever again. When they had bumped into each other that night it was the last thing on his mind. Back then, Jackson was all he thought about morning, noon and night and the thought that he would find himself attracted to someone else and would want to spend time with them just never entered his head. It would never happen, he wouldn't let it happen. Jackson had been the one for him, the only one for him, he wasn't interested in anyone else. Yet here he was, six, seven months later and he was interested in someone else. It made him feel uncomfortable, uneasy, disloyal too but, at the same time he couldn't ignore it. He'd been trying and he just couldn't. Being with Flynn made him happier but knowing that Flynn liked him too didn't make things easy. The way he looked at him sometimes did nothing to stop Aaron's growing feelings for him as he knew Flynn felt the same way about him. This was just typical of him and his life, nothing was ever straightforward.
They had to fight their way to the bar, it seemed like every resident had decided it was such a nice evening, they would all come out for a drink and they'd all ended up here. It was really noisy as well so there was no point trying to speak to each other until they could try to find somewhere quieter. Aaron heard a voice say "Yes mate, what can I get you?" He turned around to order their drinks only to find himself looking into the face of "their" barman, his and Jackson's. His expression changed and Flynn noticed. "Hello, haven't seen you for ages, nice to see you out and about again. So, what'll it be?"
"Er, two bottles of lager please."
The barman turned to fetch the drinks. Aaron was obviously uncomfortable but Flynn couldn't think of a reason why he should be. He hoped whatever it was wasn't going to spoil the rest of their night. The barman put the two bottles on the bar and Aaron handed over the money. He shook his head and leant forward so he wouldn't have to shout. "Keep it, mate. Have these on me. I heard about your boyfriend, I'm really sorry. Don't suppose that helps though does it?"
Aaron smiled a little smile and put the money back in his pocket. "Not really but cheers anyway pal" he said. He picked up the two bottles, handed one to Flynn and walked off without a word, knowing Flynn would follow him.
They made their way towards the back of the bar where it was usually a bit quieter. There was nowhere to sit so they stood leaning against a wall facing each other sipping their lager. It was so loud that they had to put their mouths virtually in the other one's ear to be able to hear what was being said.
"What was that all about, you and the barman and getting free drinks?" Flynn asked. The warmth of his breath against Aaron's neck and face as he spoke to him felt good, very good. Aaron was momentarily distracted but soon recovered. He sighed and explained what had happened that first time with him and Jackson and what had happened every time since.
"Great, so whenever he's working, you can go and get the first round in then" Flynn said grinning.
"I wouldn't get your hopes up. I think this'll be the last time. I think he had a soft spot for Jackson."
The smell of Aaron's aftershave filled Flynn's nostrils as Aaron had leant in to speak to him. He smelt lovely and Flynn's breath caught in his throat at how close they had to be to each other to have this conversation.
"Well, Jackson's not here and you still got your free drinks so maybe it's you he secretly likes."
It was only after he had spoken that Flynn realised what he had said. He silently kicked himself for being so tactless. He looked into Aaron's eyes to see what reaction might be coming his way. Aaron was staring off into space but then, he seemed to refocus and smiling said to Flynn, "Well, if it is me, you can't really blame him, can you?"
Flynn breathed a sigh of relief. Another potentially awkward moment between them had been successfully dealt with.
"Yeah, there's no accounting for taste. I suppose the rough and ready thuggish look appeals to some people."
"Oi, watch what you're saying you. I happen to be very sensitive underneath this appearance. My feelings are easily hurt you know."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really."
Aaron was finding it difficult to concentrate. Every time Flynn came close to say something, he found himself getting lost in the feelings that being so close to him was producing. He leant forward again and said to Flynn "So, do you think the barman is the only person in here who likes my thuggish looks as you put it?"
With his ear leaning towards Aaron, and his face turned slightly away from him, Flynn smiled. He hoped this was leading to where he thought it was leading but he needed to be sure. More importantly, he needed Aaron to be sure. He put his mouth close to Aaron's ear and said " I doubt it. With this many people in here, you're bound to be someone's type aren't you?"
"Someone like you maybe. Could I be your type?"
Aaron moved back slightly to watch Flynn's reaction, moving his eyes between Flynn's eyes and mouth and back up to his eyes again. Flynn noticed the small movement of Aaron's eyes because he had done exactly the same. He leant in close and said " I don't have a type Aaron but I do like you, a lot."
"Good, because I like you too."
They both moved at the same time, their mouths meeting and pressing against each other, gently, tenderly as they shared their first proper kiss. There were only centimetres between them but it was too big a gap for Aaron. He placed his hand around the back of Flynn's neck and pulled him closer so their bodies were pressed against each other. Flynn's arm wrapped around Aaron's waist and his hand pressed into the small of Aaron's back. Their kiss deepened and, as far as they were concerned, they were the only two people in the world at that moment. They broke the kiss at virtually the same time stepping back slightly before it became obvious to anyone who cared to look at them just how much they were both enjoying themselves. They smiled shyly at each other, both surprised at what had just happened between them.
"Wow, that was unexpected" Flynn said.
"Yeah, wasn't it just" Aaron replied looking down at the floor.
Both of them stood there, their minds working overtime trying to decide what to do next.
"Here, hold this for me" Flynn said handing his bottle to Aaron "I'm just going to the loo." He needed to put some space between the two of them, just for a couple of minutes, give them both a chance to clear their heads. When he got back, he looked for Aaron but couldn't see him. A horrible feeling of panic washed over him as he looked around the bar searching through the crowds but Aaron was gone.
Damn it he said to himself. Why did he let Aaron kiss him, he should have known it would freak him out, that he wasn't ready but, having said that, if he wasn't ready, he'd done a pretty good impression of someone who was. Aaron had been the one who asked him if he was his type, Aaron had been the one who'd pulled him closer as their kiss had become more intense. Maybe he shouldn't have joined in the flirting, reminded him that they were supposed to be just friends before things went too far but he'd wanted that kiss to happen. He'd wanted it for a while and, by the feel of it, Aaron had wanted it too. He pulled out his mobile and dialled Aaron's number. It just rang and rang, then went to voicemail. "Aaron, what are you playing at? Look, that took us both by surprise, just phone me and we can talk about it ok?" He hurried through Bar West, checking his watch pushing his way through the crowds of people. Aaron had missed the last bus so there was only one place he could be, the taxi rank. When Flynn got there, however, it was deserted. Where the hell was he? If anything happened to him, he would never forgive himself. He phoned Aaron again, again it went straight to voicemail. A taxi arrived and he got in, holding his phone, willing it to ring but it didn't. He left a final message, his fifth one, at twenty past two in the morning - "Aaron, please mate, I'm really worried about you. If you don't want to talk to me yet that's fine, just text me to let me know you're ok. I'm sorry if I freaked you out, I didn't mean to. I hope you know that."
Back home lying on his bed, Aaron listened to Flynn's voicemail just like he'd listened to all the other messages Flynn had sent him. With each one, Flynn's voice had become more and more concerned, the panic ever more evident. Aaron switched his phone off and threw it on the floor. His head was a mess as he went over the evening's events. He reckoned he had gone through every emotion known to man in that one night. The pleasure he got just from being in Flynn's company, the comfortable feeling he got just spending time together with him, the ease with which he had been able to turn their usual banter into something more serious. The way his stomach lurched when Flynn had said how much he liked him, the anticipation he felt just before they kissed. Then, there was the kiss itself. The kiss had been amazing, every nerve in his body had seemed to come alive as their lips met. He couldn't close his eyes now no matter how tired he felt because whenever he did, he just pictured that kiss. He had been completely caught up in it all until Flynn had left him to go to the toilet. Then, the reality of what had happened hit home. The euphoria disappeared, gone in an instant to be replaced by an overwhelming feeling of panic and a need to get as far away from there as he could. He'd ran to the taxi rank and was lucky there was a taxi waiting. He felt sick all the way home and had to open a window, the cool fresh air blowing in his face making him feel a bit better. Then, there was the embarrassment of leaving Flynn stranded without saying a word to him, the embarrassment of revealing his feelings to Flynn and acting on them in such a public place followed by anger that he had allowed himself to end up in that situation in the first place. Now, he was left with a horrible all encompassing feeling of guilt. Guilt because Flynn was blaming himself when it had been him that had started it, guilt that he hadn't let Flynn know that he was ok, that he'd left him worrying but most of all guilt because he had betrayed Jackson. It felt to Aaron like he had cheated on him. He knew that didn't make any sense but that was how he felt. He'd kissed Flynn like he used to kiss Jackson in the beginning of their relationship and the feelings he felt as he and Flynn kissed were exactly the same too and that's what he couldn't cope with. It was just wrong, however he tried to justify it, it was wrong but, if that was the case, why did it feel so right too? Exhausted, he fell into an uneasy sleep, his body's natural need for rest winning the battle against his overactive mind.
