"I killed thee ere I killed thee. No way but this, killing myself, to die upon a kiss." – Othello: Act 5, Scene 2, lines 369-370.


Chapter 8: "Jacob..."


"He's dying," Stephanie sobbed.

"There's nothing I can do," Carlisle said slowly.

I felt my knees buckle. With all my strength, I still couldn't hold myself up. What was the use of being a vampire if I couldn't even stand up straight?

"I didn't see this coming," Alice said, feeling guilty, even though it wasn't her fault. She closed her eyes and turned to hide her face, leaning against Jasper for support.

"We should back off," Rosalie suggested. She and Emmett pulled far back. Alice and Jasper followed them slowly.

Stephanie's hand slowly touched Jared's back. He was shaking, both with fury and with despair. His head shot back, howling with unfathomable pain. The ensemble of strained howls sounded off in a garbled, terrified harmony. The sadness in the tone sharpened the ache. My still heart protested against the hurt. I felt the spasm of memories shoot at me. All memories I thought I had moved past. But was it really possible to forget my best friend?

"Jacob," I cried. I wanted to reach toward him. "Jacob, Jacob..."


"Something has changed," Alice announced. Her pace quickened.

"What's changed?" Esme asked; worry clear in her wide eyes. "Is someone else going to get hurt?"

"I don't know what happens," Alice sighed. She closed her eyes for a second, looking drained. She was putting too much pressure on herself.

I tried to ease the atmosphere, but she still seemed worried. Esme's mood shifted though. She was more hopeful. I could feel Carlisle's mood shift as well. Only Alice remained pessimistic.

"It will be fine," I assured her. "Angela said there were only four of them, and there are nine of us."

"True," Alice agreed. "But, with Jane there, that leaves only Bella."

We both knew what that meant. We didn't want to count on Bella. She couldn't handle four vampires. She hadn't had to defend herself before, so she couldn't have enough skill. Strategically, the best outcome would require Bella to take out Jane. But, that was unlikely since Jane was probably trained and Bella was not.

We were rushing into danger, and there was nothing I could do to convince Alice to stay behind. I knew she would want to come, and she would never be happy staying behind. I knew she could take care of herself if the circumstances were different. But, with things as they were, I wasn't sure how to protect her.

"Edward and Bella are ahead of us," Alice said. "They disappear...in one minute...so they should meet up with Jane then. Hopefully Bella will be able to do something about Jane."

I wasn't that hopeful, and I knew Alice wasn't either. Esme was, but Carlisle held the same perspective I did. We couldn't count on Bella for this. She was inexperienced.

Time was running out. We would reach the point where Alice's insight vanished soon. Once that point was reached, there would be nothing to count on—no stability—no certainty. I couldn't count on Alice's safety. I couldn't be sure that we would make it out of this scrap alive. The only guarantee was that Jane would render us useless quickly. If I could surprise her, I could immobilize her, but could she use her ability when her body was broken? When her head was detached? I couldn't trust that her power would fail. And then there were the others...They might assist Jane, prevent me from removing her.

I ran through nine different possible strategies, but all of them ended with the possibility that Jane would still be able to fight back. We weren't protected.

I wished that Edward had allowed Bella to learn how to defend herself. We needed her now, to be able to protect us all. It was impossible to deal with Jane otherwise.

We weren't far now. As soon as Alice had envisioned what Angela had told Bella and Edward, we had taken off after them. They weren't too far ahead. Chances were they would meet up with Jane before us. Angela was surprisingly fast, and she knew the exact location. We had to follow their scent.

Edward's and Bella's scents were the easiest to pick up. Angela's was lined with human blood, so I had to swallow back the venom that built up in my mouth. I had forgotten that Angela's blood smelled so tempting. Not as tempting as Bella's had been, but still, strong enough.

I picked up a new scent—not of our kind.

"Whoa," Alice gasped.

"What is it?" I asked. Was it some chance that Jane was out of the picture?

"My range of blindness expanded," she explained. "The werewolves have come to the rescue, making me blinder. That doesn't help us much, but I think we could use this to our advantage."

"With them as a distraction, we could sneak in, maybe get Jane before she notices us," I suggested. It was risky, but it might be manageable.

"The fourth has joined them," Alice grumbled. "This isn't good. I don't like the look of him."

"Have Edward and Bella met found them yet?" Esme piped.

Alice shook her head. "But they will soon. Any second now..."


There, ahead of us, the Quileute wolves gathered around the four vampires, snarling. They barely had a chance to attack before Jane immobilized them. Jane's surprise was clear on her face. Demetri, mangled, trying to put himself together, was paused. He was in mid-sentence when they had arrived. The newest vampire, Andrei, was more surprised than the rest of them. I saw inside his mind; he was remembering when he had faced a fierce pack of the Children of the Moon in Europe. He had barely escaped with his life. He was as terrified of werewolves as Caius was.

"Are we almost there?" Bella asked.

"Almost," Angela whispered. "They're up ahead."

Bella looked worried. I wished I could assure her, but what could I say? I knew how Jane frightened her.

Memories returned to me, flashing and ebbing at the sore spots in my mind. The most painful memory, of when I had lost Bella...That was Jane's fault.


"Bella, don't give up, please. Bella, please. Carlisle is coming. Wait; be strong, just until then."

I held Bella close. Her weakened bloodied body was barely breathing. Her lungs shook with the effort of inhaling.

"Edward," Alice whispered; her voice hoarse and strained. I looked at her, she shook her head. I saw in her head—I saw the ending she saw.

"That's not going to happen Alice!" I refused to believe that was even a possibility. Carlisle was coming. He could help her. He had to.

"I'm sorry," Alice sobbed.

"Bella, you're going to be okay," I promised her. I wasn't sure if she could hear me. She couldn't keep her eyes open. Sweat drenched her forehead. She was so pale. "Bella, please."

She coughed. I tried to pretend for myself that she could recover. I tried to forget all I knew about the possible survival conditions for the human body. I tried to tell myself that she would live—but my mind wouldn't listen to me. The blood leaving her body, paling her pallor even more—she couldn't recover.

She heaved in another breath. She struggled to open her eyes. She clung to me, with all her strength. There was no strength there though, her fingers slipped from her hold on me. I clung to her closer.

"Promise me," she rasped; her voice was so weak, so quiet that I had to strain to hear. "Promise, no Volturi, Edward. Stay alive."

"You're going to live, Bella," I protested, knowing what she was trying to tell me.

"Edward, please. Stay alive, for me. Please," she begged.

"I promise."


"Edward?"

I was pulled into the present. Bella was alive.

I hadn't hid my pain very well. I could tell, from Bella's voice, that she could see it. She grabbed my hand.

"I won't let Jane hurt you," I vowed.

"And I won't her hurt you," she promised.

She sounded confident, but I knew better. There was apprehension in her darkening eyes. Her fear was obvious, and I couldn't blame her for not trusting me. As much as I wanted to assure her that Jane wouldn't touch her, Jane was a formidable enemy, with the ability to stop me before I could lay a hand on her.

At least I could be confident knowing that Bella could defend herself now, if I failed.

"We're here," I announced quietly. Bella's breathing stopped. I gently squeezed her hand.

Who is this girl that looks like Bella? Jane wondered. How are there so many of these creatures? Are they working together? Was this how they defeated that large group of newborns so many years ago?

Jane was quick—I'd give her that much of compliment—but I wasn't going to give her the chance to figure anything out. She was going to die today. Aro wouldn't protect her this time.

Not another one of those creatures, the one named Andrei thought in fear. He remembered his last encounter with one of their kind. His ability hadn't come in quick enough, and he had been almost killed. Having him fearful gave us an advantage, however small.

Andrei hates them, Selena thought. I won't be able to count on him if he freezes up...I'll have to defend him.

Selena was his mate—and she was a fighter. She was strong. If Jane incapacitated me, then Bella would be in danger of those two—Andrei and Selena.

Demetri was cursing, thinking of only Jared. He wouldn't be a problem. He was tied up at the moment, piecing himself together. Jared had done a good job on that.

Jane will die today, Angela thought.

It wasn't her own emotions clouding her vision; it was her gift of knowing. I felt confidence in that. If Jane died, then it was guaranteed that Bella would be safe. Once Jane was taken care of, the others wouldn't be too difficult to eradicate.

"They're here," Demetri announced glumly. His eyes shot up, finding our exact location without any difficulty. A smile spread suddenly to his lips. His laughter shocked his companions. "Jane, you might want to allow them to come out before you take any action. There's something you'll want to see."

I took in a shaky breath. This was what I been afraid of. The advantage that Jane didn't know about Bella's revival could also be very dangerous for Bella.

Jane didn't listen to Demetri. What could I possibly want to see? Jane thought.

Angela shrieked in surprise of the piercing agony Jane shot at us. I was knocked to the ground immediately, and the pain took all thoughts of planning away.

"Edward!" Bella screamed.

No, Jane thought.

"Edward," Bella cried, trying to comfort me, but she found herself useless. She released me out of her grip.

"Stop hurting him," Bella demanded.

Jane's eyes were wide. Her mouthed popped open and closed, trying to form words. No, no, no, no.

"Did you not hear me?" Bella snarled. "Stop it!"

"You were dead," Jane whispered; her breathing staggered. "I heard your heart stop."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, tough. I've alive. Now stop it!"

Bella was panicking. She hated seeing the pain Jane was inflicting.

"NO!" Jane shrieked. "YOU WERE DEAD! YOU CAN'T BE ALIVE! NO, NO, NO!"

"Well, I AM," Bella rasped. Jane was startling, and her fierce eyes caused Bella to flinch backward. "Stop hurting them!"

"No," Jane breathed. Somehow, the pain worsened. Somehow, I was able to forget everything—my past, my present, my Bella—and only remember the pain. I searched for Bella, for my memories of her, but the pain was all I could find. I searched for anything to hold on to.

"EDWARD!"

And everything stopped. It took a second to register what had happened. I felt the ease of oxygen flowing into my lungs. I knew what had happened, despite the impossibility of it.

Noit's notit can't beimpossible!

I jumped to Bella's side. She looked at me with wide eyes. Her breathing was laboured.

"How?" she asked.

"You're doing it," I explained.

"I can't be," she protested. "Can I?"

She shook her head. "It's so weird. I can feel it...like I'm...it's hard to describe. It's like...like I'm stretching a magical, protective balloon over you. I know that sounds stupid, so don't laugh at that. But I feel like it's going to pop any second now."

"Well, you are keeping Jane from touching Edward, me, Rosalie, Emmett, and the wolves right now," Angela told me. "That takes a lot of concentration. So, don't slip up."

Bella laughed nervously. "Huh, thanks, Angela."

"Jared," Stephanie sighed, smiling weakly. She was still down on one knee, paralyzed by Jane's influence. Bella's shield wasn't wide enough to cover her. But Jared was safe.

"I'm afraid to stretch it anymore," Bella confessed guiltily. "It might collapse."

Stephanie crawled backward, wincing with every breath, every movement. But, soon she was right next to Jared, and Bella's power protected her.

Stephanie grinned, relieved. Her arms stretched around Jared, squeezing him a suffocating grip. Jared wheezed.

"You dumb, dumb, stupid, idiot," she sobbed into his shoulder. "You moronic, fury blockhead. Why did you have to do something so hebetudinous? You are thick-headed and dense, Jared Black, and I love you. I love you and I swear to God—if there is a God—I swear on my sister's grave—I swear that I am never going to leave you. And if you ever run off again I swear to kill you myself."

"What's going on?" Andrei demanded. "Jane?"

"I-I can't touch them," she stuttered, still wide-eyed—completely terrified.

"Useless," Andrei growled.

"They shouldn't be able to resist," Selena gasped. "They shouldn't be able to move."

"Bella is alive," Jane whispered. "I killed her...but she's alive."

"And she can stop you," Andrei stated sourly. "But can she stop me?"

"I don't know," Jane admitted. "It's possible."

"There's no harm in trying," Demetri suggested. His arms were attached again.

Is she protecting the wolves too? was Andrei's only thought. The situation with the wolves was all that mattered to him.

Let's take the scary guy out first, Leah suggested.

Quil and I will take him out, Embry will be our back-up, Jacob ordered. Seth, take care of the wounded one.

I never have any fun, Seth complained.

Leah, you back him up, Jacob directed, trying to keep her out of it as much as possible. Be careful.

You too, Leah thought.

The other wolves moaned at that. Their minds were flooded with thoughts they labelled as 'mushy garbage'.

I could still read the minds of those inside and outside of Bella's protective circle. I tried to read Bella's mind, but I was still blocked.

Jacob looked at me. Is he dangerous?

I knew who he was picturing; I nodded.

How about the other guy?

"Seth can handle him," I assured Jacob. Seth wheezed a low bark in approval.

You bet I can, Seth bragged.

No more hesitation then, Jacob agreed. Seth, you take down the wounded one quickly, and then you and Jared can take the girl. Jacob's eyes turned to me again. Can you cope with the puny one?

I didn't need to be a mind-reader to know what he was doing. He had reserved Jane's punishment for me to deliver. I was grateful. I was going to enjoy annihilating her for good.

I gave him a quick nod. "It will be my pleasure," I said, hoping he would understand I was thanking him. We both despised Jane, for what she had done, for taking Bella's life away—for taking Bella away from us.

Go, Jacob ordered.

"Stay here, and keep your concentration," I told Bella. I kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes.

"Be careful," Bella whispered.

I lunged at Jane. She screamed and clawed at me, but she didn't have enough speed to escape me.

"I'm sorry I can drag this out," I whispered, a tad more seductively than I had intended to be.

Jane muttered uncontrollably, and tried to get free of my grip. We struggled around for a second, but I had her. I touched my jaw to her neck, and I wrenched her head off her shoulders. And I really did wish I had a way to torture her, but I knew what Bella would think of that. Taking Jane's life relieved some of the pain of the memory. It couldn't happen again—that was certain now.

Selena proved to be a fiercer fighter than I had expected. She injured an unsuspecting Embry, and took a sharp swipe at Seth. Demetri dislodged Seth's shoulder. They were both very good fighters. I hadn't seen enough of their minds to predict their skill. I had thought Demetri was simply good at finding people. That was an incorrect assumption.

Emmett was fighting with Rosalie, telling her to let him into the fight, but arguing that she had to stay safely next to Bella. Emmett eventually gave up on Rosalie and launched himself at Demetri. It took a few moments, but Emmett got the advantage, and tore Demetri to shreds.

Andrei caught his victims on fire. He was able to light people of fire with his mind. It was strange power, but very deadly, especially to a vampire. The wolves howled when the fire singed at their fur and skin. They rolled over, while another wolf continued on the attack. Andrei wasn't as skilled a fighter as his companions, and his terror of the wolves sent his mind reeling in panic. However, it made his attacks more wild and savage. When the wolves got close enough to him, he tried to rip at them and bite them. Our venom was poison to the wolves; they had to stay away from his snapping jaws.

All this happened in less than a minute. But, as the minute ended, the confidence and the advantage we had fizzled out. Within one second, the mood shifted dramatically. All heads turned, and the sharp moan of the wolves confirmed the tragedy.

Jared lunged at Andrei, and Selena rushed to his rescue, seeing her mate in danger. Jacob acted quickly, seeing Selena when Jared didn't. With a sharp and precise movement, Selena's hand stabbed deeply through Jared's back and Jacob jumped in the way of her teeth. Her jaw closed around Jacob's shoulder. Jacob's paw cleanly sliced off Selena's head. I could see the blood coming from Selena's decapitated head. The gob of flesh her mouth was a portion of Jacob's shoulder.

"Selena!" Andrei roared. He swiped at Leah, who was in front of him, shoving her to the ground. He seemed to be just as strong as Emmett.

Andrei swept up Selena's motionless body in his arms and scooped up her head. He snarled angrily, shaking his head in despair.

"Selena," he cried.

Andrei's eyes fell over Jacob's crumpled form. Jacob was suffering from tremors of pain, and it wasn't because of Jane. Venom had gotten into his system. A lot of it.

I'm going to tear you head off, you filthy mongrel, Andrei thought. He gently laid Selena's body down and then moved to Jacob's side and readied himself to carry out his thoughts.

Stephanie grabbed his arm and snapped it behind his back. Jared's jaw bit off a portion of Andrei's thigh. Andrei growled and threw Stephanie off him, bending her elbow in an unnatural direction to do so. Jared snapped at Andrei, furious at him for the injury he caused.

Emmett tried to incapacitate Andrei, but Emmett was caught up in a sudden flaming storm. Rosalie assisted in putting out the flames that burned Emmett's skin.

I didn't hesitate in taking Emmett's place. Andrei saw me coming, but, I could predict his moves, so it was easy to be where he didn't expect me.

Andrei fell to the ground—what was left of him, in any case. The scattered pieces of his body were gathered, along with Jane's and Selena's remains. It took a while to gather up Demetri—Emmett had gone a little overboard.

"How much did we miss?"

I caught Alice talking to Bella.

"Um, a lot," Bella piped. Her eyes were wide, scanning to see if there was anymore more need for alarm.

"You can relax now, Bella," Angela laughed. "There are no more bad guys."

"That's good," Bella sighed. She relaxed.

"Jared, are you okay? She really took a heap out of you," Stephanie said. And she wasn't exaggerating. Jared was seriously wounded. If he were any normal large wolf, he would be dead.

The wolves gathered together, going through who was wounded and who was fine. Their thoughts vanished. They were completely silent.

"Jacob?" Stephanie gasped in a voice too high for her, startling all of us.

"He must have venom in his wound," Carlisle observed, taking a closer look. Leah, Jared, and Stephanie crowded beside him.

"Can't we take it out?" Stephanie questioned—her voice still too high.

Carlisle shook his head.

"Why not?" Bella asked. Her voice sounded dead, with no tone of life to it. I could see in her eyes how numb she was. "Edward did it with me, why not Jacob?"

"It's too late," Carlisle explained. "Maybe if we had got at it right away...But it's impossible now. Any attempt would just quicken the rate in which the venom is spreading."

The jumble of Jacob's thoughts was unbearable to sift through. I tried to block out the suffering, but the mood in the air intensified. Jasper backed up, wincing. I could feel the pain without having his ability—so I couldn't imagine what he was feeling. Every face was either in shock or the void of hope.

Except Bella; Bella's face was empty. Her eyes were empty. I stood by her and touched her cheek.

"Bella," I murmured.

She looked at me. Emotion fleeted across her face. Her eyes darted to where Jacob lay, his body stopped trembling.

"Oh, no," she mumbled. She bit her lip and shut her eyes tightly. "Edward...He's not...dead...is he?"

I shook my head. "But he will be."

"We can't save him," she whispered hoarsely.

"No, we can't," I answered.

The numbness left her. Her hands gripped me, and her breathing stopped.


"He's dying," Stephanie sobbed.

"There's nothing I can do," Carlisle said slowly.

I felt my knees buckle. With all my strength, I still couldn't hold myself up. What was the use of being a vampire if I couldn't even stand up straight?

"I didn't see this coming," Alice said, feeling guilty, even though it wasn't her fault. She closed her eyes and turned to hide her face, leaning against Jasper for support.

"I thought it was Jared," Alice continued. "How could I have seen...How could I know...?" Her features crumpled with the torment she was going through.

"We should back off," Rosalie suggested. She and Emmett pulled far back. Alice and Jasper followed them slowly.

Stephanie's hand slowly touched Jared's back. The distress in her eyes reminded me of how much she knew. Jacob meant a lot to her to. He was the love of her life's father. He had been her imaginary friend when she was little—an escape from being my copy. He had been her sister's first crush—and first obsession. He had been the only person Issie had loved, when she was alive. And, through my eyes, and through her dreams, he had also been her best friend.

But she hadn't seen him first hand, like I had. She could remember him; remember his kindness from her dreams. She could say that she had gotten to know—that he had kept her company when Edward was no longer the lead in her nightly strolls into my memories.

But he hadn't saved her from insanity. He hadn't been the only one to hold her onto the earth when all meaning had vanished. He hadn't been her meaning. He hadn't held her hand. He hadn't reminded her what laughter was—how it sounded, how it felt. He hadn't been her sun. He hadn't kissed her passionately—he hadn't ever wanted her. He hadn't helped her live. He hadn't been the one to make her think that a lonely life was the only possibility. He hadn't helped her heal.

It was me. I was Jacob's first love. And Jacob was the stitching that had put my heart back together again. Jacob had a part of my heart all to his own.

Jacob. Smiling Jacob. Jacob like the sun. My personal sun. In the garage, helping me go behind Charlie's back; teaching me to let go of the grenade; saving my life when I decided to haul myself over a cliff...Kissing me, even when I couldn't admit I wanted him to. My best friend. My soul mate. My Jacob.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to let all my agony runs from my eyes, leak away, as if that could release the bitterness from all my happy memories of him. His name echoed in my mind, and with each repeat I felt the torment increase. It was excruciating—it was unbearable—and I could see how much more this was hurting Leah.

I could see her eyes only fixated on Jacob. I could see the emptiness in her as she realized her whole life was about to die. She would have Jared, she would have Emily, and maybe she might let Stephanie into her life eventually—but the joy in her life was dying.

Jared was shaking, both with fury and with despair. His head shot back, howling with unfathomable aguish. The ensemble of strained howls sounded off in a garbled, terrified harmony. The sadness in the tone sharpened the ache. My still heart protested against the hurt. I felt the spasm of memories shoot at me again. All memories I thought I had moved past. But was it really possible to forget my best friend?

The happy memories slipped away, all too bitter to hold onto. I could see Sam's Jacob. Angry, cold, and as bitter as the good memories now. But, worse than that, I could see Jacob's face, crumpled in pain. I hadn't seen that face in a long time. Young, vulnerable, and the person I wanted to protect. My Jacob, in pain. My Jacob, dying.

"Jacob," I cried. I wanted to reach toward him. "Jacob, Jacob..."

Leah's howl never sounded. No sound came from her. She was frozen over him, barely breathing. She had forgotten to breathe for the longest time, but the howls reminded her of her screaming lungs. Her breathing was shaky, just moving enough to allow her to live.

I could see Jared, trying to decide to edge closer or to back away. I felt the same dilemma. I wanted to touch Jacob once more, while he was still—the word sent shivers across my skin—alive.

"Jacob...Jacob," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if I was saying it aloud anymore. I felt Edward's arms around me, trying to keep me from falling to pieces.

"Jacob..."

"Carlisle, thanks so much," Edward said, translating the wolves' thoughts. "We would appreciate it if you would leave us alone."

Panic struck me, strangling me from the inside out. Was I going to be forced to leave? Was there no time allowed for me to say goodbye?

"Of course," Carlisle said. He took Esme's hand, and they disappeared into the forest. Alice and Jasper left too. Rosalie and Emmett were already long gone, even before the wolves' request.

"Bella," Edward whispered weakly. "Do you want to leave?"

I couldn't answer him. "Jacob," was all I could say.

Stephanie looked up and met my gaze. She had no expression, just a hallow understanding. Her eyes shifted to meet Edward's.

"She can stay," Stephanie assured him.

At once, her eyes fell back on Jacob. She leaned on her knees, close to the ground, her arms locked around Jared. Leah sat, staring at Jacob with tears the size of grapefruits pouring from her eyes.

I lost track of the time spent there. I lost track of how many times I called his name. I only remembered when the wolves all turned their backs and began walking away into the forest. Edward dragged me along. I glimpsed back once, seeing Jacob's face—his human face—with Leah's on top of it.

And I saw Jacob—my Jacob, my sun, my soul mate...and I knew there was no way he was my Jacob. He was her Jacob—Leah's Jacob, Leah's sun, Leah's air, Leah's life. She had married him. She had him as much as he had her.

But, then again, he wasn't ever really my Jacob, was he? I had never deserved him. I had chosen Edward—and I didn't regret that—but I regretted losing Jacob. I had no claim on him. I never did.

"Jacob..." I closed my eyes.

"I'm going to get Carlisle to fix up Jared," Stephanie told Edward. "Is he back at the house?"

Edward nodded.

"She'll be fine," Stephanie told Edward unconvincingly. Or maybe it seemed unconvincing to only me, because I didn't feel like I could ever be fine.

"She won't stop saying...she seems catatonic," Edward sighed. "I've been trying to talk to her..." Had he tried? I hadn't heard. I didn't remember seeing his lips move. "It's no use."

"She'll be fine," Stephanie insisted. "She practically killed him last time. She should stop blubbering."

Edward glowered at her coldly, and growled.

"Don't start with me, Edward," Stephanie hissed. Her tone was lethal. I stopped saying Jacob's name. I looked at her. Her eyes, bright today, were frightening. She looked like...a vampire. Out of a movie. Dangerous and cold.

Her eyes flashed to me, measuring me with bitterness in her expression. But, behind the facade, I saw the hurt, saw the sorrow, and knew she was trying to be strong. And I knew she really was angry—viciously, venomously angry—but I couldn't figure out why.

She had all my memories and all her memories. She had two lifetimes of memories. I envied her. I would have liked all that extra time to spend knowing Jacob.

"Go home, Bella," she ordered. "Don't you ever talk to Leah Black. Come to the funeral, if you have to, but don't you dare talk to her. Don't even let her see you."

I flinched at that. Did Leah resent me? Or was it just Stephanie who commanded this?

Edward growled at Stephanie again. Stephanie snarled at him.

"Why not?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

"It will hurt her too much," Stephanie confided. "And she doesn't deserve anymore pain."

"That sounds fair," I agreed.

"I'm not going with you, when you leave Forks," Stephanie announced. All her confidence drained away and she looked so unnaturally pale—even for a vampire. "I know you won't leave until after the funeral, but...I'm not going to leave Forks. Ever. I can't."

"Fine," was all Edward said.

I didn't respond. More than that, I didn't understand.

Stephanie had wanted to leave. The only thing tying her to Forks was Jared, and she was willing to leave him behind before. Sure, things had changed—they had really changed—but was the only reason she was staying because of that? Was that one single change big enough to affect her too? Was she staying merely to console Jared? Or...was there some other reason?

My brain was too exhausted by the significant change to fathom the workings of Stephanie's mind. I wanted to go home, and I wanted Edward to do whatever he could to distract me, to make me forget all the hurt inside of me. Edward was the only one who could; he could do anything.

"If I don't see you before you go," Stephanie garbled, unable to make eye contact with either of us. "Then, good luck, with your new lives."

Her eyes shot up. She didn't look at me. She didn't care I was there. She didn't even seem to care that I was her half-sister, or that we had both been changed into vampires in the same startling night, or that we shared similar memories—similar lives, even—or that we had both loved the same perfect person.

All she cared about, in that moment, was that one perfect person. Her eyes met with Edward's, and melted. She was—in her own mind, at least—very far away. She hadn't just seen Jacob die, and she hadn't been in a battle to save her true love's life. She wasn't a vampire taking her werewolf boyfriend to the vampire doctor. She wasn't anything—except a girl. She was a girl in love with a boy. That's all that was there, clear in her soft, sparkling eyes. She didn't care that Jared was a few feet away from her, or that I was standing right next to Edward, with his arms around me, taking all this in. She was just a girl.

And I wanted to be her.

"Goodbye, Edward," Stephanie said softly.

Her words weren't special. I'd said them myself a million times, regretfully. I'd seen it in movies. I'd heard others say it, in the hallway at school, so many years ago, or over the phone. I had heard it a million different ways, some much more special and poetic and beautiful than this one time. But none were as significant.

It wasn't because she was the one who said it, or because of the person she said it to. It was because of the effect it had on me. I realized that it was exactly what I needed. I needed a goodbye to Jacob Black, and I wasn't going to get a chance to say it.

Stephanie headed forward without another pause or hesitation. Her hand rested on Jared's tall back and they sauntered forward, just barely hanging on as Jacob's death crashed down on them.

"Bella, do you want to go home?" Edward asked me gently, trying not to cause any waves, not to upset me.

"Yes."

I pulled at my legs. Nothing happened. The will to move myself was nowhere to be found. I wanted to be gone, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. My body wouldn't so much as stumble.

"I can't move, Edward," I confessed.

My arms were tight around me, hugging myself, holding the fragile pieces of me together. My shattered heart would fall out of place if I didn't hold completely still.

Edward swept me into his arms and carried me swiftly home. I was grateful.

"Not home," I rejected. I couldn't go there. I couldn't be confined in one small room, knowing that there were prying ears downstairs. I couldn't be in the same house with Stephanie so soon. And I didn't want Jared's presence to remind me of Jacob.

My Jacob. Jared was a lot like my Jacob. The Jacob I once had a chance at. Except, Jared belonged to Leah too.

"To our meadow," I requested.

Edward didn't refuse. He just changed course and obediently catered to my whim.

It was dark when we arrived. The wildflowers waned in the gentle, cool breeze. There were in bloom. The soft, pale colors glistened under the moonlight. The leaves on the branches of the trees surrounding us swayed fractionally, taking their chance with pirouettes in the wind. The trickling of the stream, soft and high like violin, all alone after a sad, exquisite requiem, was the only sound. I could make out some creatures of the night, but they strayed far, as if they were allowing me some peace. To be all alone, with Edward in the moonlit meadow.

After some time, I realized that I was probably frightening Edward. I hadn't moved in so long. I took a breath, to hint to him that I was alive.

"Do you want me to put you down?" he asked.

I nodded. He didn't release me form his arms though; he just set me on my feet. I was grateful for that too. I needed his support. I needed him close to me.

I pressed my face into his chest, hiding from the world. It was easier to forget that I was in agony when he kept me so completely together.

I don't know how it started, but I began sobbing. I knew a long time ago I had promised myself not to cry for Jacob Black, because it hurt Edward. But I had broken that promise so many times, and I couldn't hold myself back now. Not for this.

"Bella, what can I do?" he pleaded. "How can I help? Is there any way I can help you? Please, tell me. Anything."

I didn't need time to think about it. I knew right away. I knew there would be no goodbye for me, no last chance to see Jacob alive, smiling like my sun again. I knew there was only one way for me to stop crying.

"Make me forget," I begged. "Make me forget that he's gone. Make me forget he was ever here. Make me forget I knew him—that I loved him. Make me forget Jacob Black."

"Bella, you don't want to forget," Edward argued weakly. He wanted me to feel healed, but not to be hollow, which would happen if I forgot that entire part of my heart. If I tore out Jacob Black, I tore out half of my existence.

"Then make me remember," I said, changing tactics. "I don't want to think about him right now. I want to be happy. I want to forget this—this pain. I want to think of you. Nothing else. Everything else hurts. I need you to distract me—to keep me from thinking of him. I need to remember something good."

I knew I was reaching. It was unattainable and unthinkable to grasp as being happy instantaneously. But I could try.

"Bella."

Edward held me tighter. He kissed my forehead, and he tucked my head under his chin, consoling me like the weak child I was. Delicate, and more breakable than I ever had been—even when I was human.

But I could pull through the night. I could pull through days. So long as I had Edward, I knew I would heal. I just wondered how long it would take.


This story is nearing it's big finish! Just a head's up. And I know Edward's point of view didn't really sound like him, but...deal with it. REVIEW PLEASE!!