Greetings! So, uh, here's the next chapter. This story is winding down to the end, which is crazy because it seems like just yesterday that I was cranking out what was supposed to be a 10k-long one-shot. Crazy how life works, isn't it?
Anyway, enjoy the chapter, let me know if you see anything super crazy since this is unbeta'd, and for the love of all that is holy, MIND THE TAGS. Haha XD
Chapter Eight
Coming to Terms
Sakura dodged too late and went flying fifty metres across the field, the air knocked out of her.
She managed to twist in mid-air, landing hard with the entire side of her body in increments instead of letting her legs, arms, or back take the brunt of it, but it was still enough to jar her. Her teeth smashed together, the coppery tang of blood flooding her mouth as her teeth caught her tongue, and she grunted at the sharp pain that accompanied.
Despite the lack of oxygen in her body and the blood that oozed out from between her lips, she instantly rolled out of the way as Sai rushed her again, his fist impacting the grass where her head had been a tenth of a second ago.
She felt a stab of panic in her bones when Sai continued to relentlessly attack her, not giving her a split-second to catch her breath or defend herself properly. It was her undoing in the end, because she hesitated for a split-second when she realised he wasn't going to stop attacking her even after she had held her hands up in surrender. In response to her brief moment of weakness, he simply pummelled her into a ball of worthless flesh, giving her a good old-fashioned beat-down like a common thug as if she was not the powerful apprentice of the Godaime but instead a civilian child. It was humiliating how easily he beat her into a pulp without showing any signs of fatigue, because she had lived through some serious shit in her life with the war and Tsunade herself but this was on a whole different level. Honestly she hadn't even known that Sai was capable of it.
She gave up and curled into a foetal position, helplessly trying to protect her internal organs from Sai's brutal onslaught, and after a long minute the pummelling mercifully stopped.
In the aftermath of the rather humbling beating she had just received, her body immediately shuddered heavily, nerve endings shrieking in pain, and she couldn't help but close her teary eyes and vomit all over the blood-splattered grass.
She heaved until only a small trickle of sick, drool, and blood crept down her cheek in a warm line, every single molecule of her body throbbing with agony. Her breathing was short and wet, probably indicating a punctured lung if the pain was anything to go on, and she mentally screamed at herself for wasting so much chakra. She could've activated the seal and flooded her body with chakra in order to heal herself, but she had no idea if Sai was done with her yet. Until he called their training session and gave her the go-ahead to piece her broken body together, she would lie in wait. Just in case.
She heard him kneel by her head and hissed like a cat when he grasped a handful of her pink locks tightly, yanking her head back so she was forced to look him in the eye. His face was carefully blank, giving Sakura no indication as to whether he was concerned about her well-being, and to be honest she was actually terrified because this was not Sai. This was not her friend, her comrade, her brother. This was a monster with unyielding ferocity and single-minded dedication to get what he wanted from her.
When he spoke it was just as cold: "Weak. You're weak, Sakura. You have just as much chakra as I do and the training of the Godaime to fall back onto, but you allowed me to break your body like a toy. I shouldn't even take you in as a sponsor if you're going to embarrass me like this. You won't possibly pass the examination at this level." His eyes hardened and in a soft whisper, he said, "You're useless, and I refuse to belittle myself into assuming otherwise. I believe you should find another sponsor or cancel your application entirely. It's the only possible solution, Sakura."
It's not true, it's not true, he's just using this against you so he can break you, she desperately tried to assure herself.
But this is Sai! another part of her screamed. Sai doesn't lie, even if he's training with me! He wouldn't say it unless it was true! He's not talking about a mission – he's talking about you personally, which means that he is telling the truth! You know that you're rusty, and you know that you're weak in a lot of aspects, so it makes sense!
Sakura's eyes stung from the rush of tears that threatened to spill, both from the feeling of worthlessness as well as the deplorable pain she was feeling physically, but she refused to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Sakura was rusty, and she was weak in some ways, but she was not useless. She had accomplished so many things in her few years that most shinobi, ANBU or not, would never hope to achieve, and because of that she knew that she had to stay strong. Even if Sai was telling the truth and wanted her to find a new sponsor, she would not buckle underneath the overwhelming feeling of worthlessness. She wouldn't.
Partly because she was furious, and partly because she refused to let him get to her, she gathered the last dregs of her chakra and punched him in the face.
It didn't do much damage to him, since she had no strength or stability to pull from (and her arm and fingers were broken to boot), but it still gave her the satisfaction of knowing that she wouldn't go out without putting up one hell of a fight. Her punch, as pointless as it seemed to be, was her way of telling him to go fuck himself.
After a bloody, sick-smelling grin, she fell into blissful unconsciousness.
It took forever for her to come to, though time was muddled and hard to figure out.
She could hear shuffling around, some sniffing, and clicks that sounded suspiciously like a shogi board but the most familiar and constant sounds was the hum of a respirator and the even beeps of a heart monitor. Somehow she figured that time had jumped between the sounds not directly indicative of the hospital, because sometimes she heard familiar voices that never seemed to match in the flow of conversation. Either she had more people crowding her room than allowed by regulation (possible, considering that her friends and family weren't people the staff could really say no to) or she was drifting off sporadically and missing the transitions.
Absently, she took note of her body, feeling a spark of relief when she noted that her chakra was busy working to repair what remained of the damage. Her levels were rather even too, which indicated that she had been sleeping for a while and her life force had been allowed to regenerate naturally, as the chakra seal on her forehead was still intact. Nevertheless, someone (probably Tsunade, judging by the amount of injuries she had sustained and the seamless way said damage had been repaired) had done the majority of the work for her, so all her chakra needed to accomplish was the superficial injuries that hadn't been bothered with as well as the massive headache thundering behind her eyes.
It took her a bit of time to do all of the above, still bleary from sleep and wary of going too fast and injuring her brain, but eventually the headache faded into a whisper and she decided to have a go at opening her eyes.
It didn't hurt, surprisingly, as the lights were dim and the windows were black due to it apparently being night, but her eyes watered nonetheless, crusty at the corners and heavy with exhaustion. She forced herself to blink rapidly to chase away the vestiges of sleep, and then focussed on the only body she could see from her current position.
Sai was reading quietly, the crisp rustle of turning pages and his even breathing the only sound that cut into the hum of equipment surrounding her bed. The light of the lamp by his side gave his pale, sallow features a more healthy glow, and there was a similar flicker in his dark eyes. He appeared to be completely involved in the words of his book, probably something on philosophy if his usual tastes were to be trusted, and she knew just by the calm composure and casual reading that everything was okay.
Without looking up from his book, he said in a low murmur, "It's considered rude to stare, Sakura-san."
She smiled.
"Well," she said in a croak, voice weak from disuse and the last traces of sleep, and she stopped her sentence. She attempted to wet her lips, though her mouth was so dry (and foul tasting if she was completely honest) that it was nearly futile, and then cleared her throat and began again. "There isn't much else to be doing, and you're directly in my line of vision."
His eyes flickered on his book, as if he had almost torn his eyes away so he could look at her but had ultimately decided not to, and then he nonchalantly flipped another page. As his eyes vaguely read the lines of kanji on the page, he said, "You did well."
The smile on her face dimmed a bit as she remembered his words from the training session how many hours or days ago, but then she questioned, "Is it always going to be like that?"
"No," he replied. "I wanted to begin with the hardest task, and get it out of the way so we could focus on your repertoire of various jutsus, particularly genjutsu. We'll focus on offence next, making sure that nothing like that ever happens to you in the field."
She took a few seconds to digest that and then said evenly, "It was a humbling experience, I will admit. I didn't know that you were capable of that, though we didn't really fight together during the war so maybe I just didn't know."
He finally looked away from his book and settled his eyes on her face. They flickered, taking in every aspect of her physical appearance, perhaps to search for any misgivings or lies in her features but more likely to take stock in how she was faring. After a moment, he said, "I had the advantage of fully understanding your fighting style and mentality. I used your weaknesses against you so I could gain the advantage and tactically bring the lesson home. An enemy won't have that advantage."
"Seems like I have a lot of those," she mumbled, perhaps a bit sardonically. In all truthfulness, she was more than a little self-deprecating at the moment, because he had used it to his advantage and had literally broken her to pieces. Once again she felt the spark of pride in herself for delivering that weak, but deliberate punch at the end, because otherwise she would've been able to convince herself that she really had been weak in totality. He had used her as a punching bag and preyed on her confidence issues like a master mind fuck, but at least she hadn't given in.
"Surprisingly enough, you don't," he responded, ignoring her tired eye roll at his statement that resolutely contradicted her internal thoughts. He continued without prompt, "You have an appalling lack of long-range abilities outside of your talent of destroying an acre of solid ground and rock, but that will be rectified when we teach you more rounded jutsu that is compatible with your nature. You have confidence issues, but that will be absolved with the more tactical experience you gain during your training and the jutsu we are going to teach you. Otherwise, you are an incredible kunoichi who didn't give up when I had used your own self-confidence against you. Not well-rounded, but that will change rather soon. You've always been a fast learner when you put your mind to it, so I have no doubts."
It was quiet for a long time, Sakura pondering Sai's words and trying to let his confident words penetrate her self-deprecating thoughts, and then she said quietly but with all the honesty she could convey, "Thank you, Sai, for what you did. I needed to be knocked down a few pegs, and now that I know for certain my limitations, I can work to either eliminate them or not let them affect me as much."
He looked at her with an unreadable expression and didn't reply.
The weeks flew by in a comforting, but ultimately demanding routine.
She woke up at six as per usual, inhaled her standard cup (or three) of coffee, ate a light breakfast, and then made her way to wherever in the village her trainer-of-the-day happened to designate. From there, at seven in the morning on the dot, she spent anywhere from two to eight hours training in whatever was determined that day, and was not allowed to train directly for longer than that. Then she would heal herself if needed and go home, where she would shower and eat a late lunch, and afterwords she would spend the rest of her night with friends, her makeshift family, and of course with Kakashi, dutifully arriving for dinner at seven every night. After her dinner with Kakashi, she would meander her way home, have a cup of tea as she decompressed from the day, reading or watching the telly mindlessly, and would be in bed by ten or so.
Of course, training was a twenty-four hour spectacle. Her trainers, and whoever else they had enlisted to help, would jump out at her at any time, or would infiltrate her house in the wee hours of the morning. She was always constantly aware, ready to take action at a moment's notice, which helped her response time (which was already pretty legendary) drop from half a minute to only a second or two. Not only that, but they laid traps all around the village that were tailored to her chakra signature, so she was always on guard wherever she went to practise, constantly vigilant of her surroundings. Most of it was harmless, like water balloons or genjutsu, but some of it was pretty nasty, like a barrage of kunai directed towards her face or a paper bomb in some of the out-of-the-way places she frequented.
The direct training itself was the hardest thing she had ever done, and thankfully not one of them went easy on her. She had practised withstanding and delivering torture, had been given a workout routine that was on par with Gai and Lee's insanity (though she was certain that Gai had had a hand in developing it, since Kakashi was ruthless when he tutored her in a way he hadn't before), learnt a multitude of jutsu that were in her natural earth element, developed and/or mastered a plethora of genjutsu, and on one memorable session that had lasted the full eight hours, had been taught the basics of both emotional and physical seduction techniques courtesy of Yūgao and her partner Hyō.
That had been one hell of an experience, because stripping to nothing but her skin and then seducing the both of them (with various tips and tricks being delivered throughout the session, which she would immediately apply) had been the craziest thing she had ever done. After all, she had never wanted to learn how to get a woman off, which she had done to Yūgao without complaint, or how to fake pleasure convincingly as they did the same to her, and how to get information in the midst of it all. Surprisingly, that had been both the most informative training thus far, not to mention the most exhausting. Learning to lap dance and seduce and properly weasel information out of people while making them climax and not giving the game away had been crazy, particularly as they had all gone to dinner afterwards without it being too awkward after eight solid hours of stripping and literal sex.
And sex was exhausting even without the mind games that went into it, so she had been quite knackered at the end of it. She had practically fallen asleep at dinner, which had tickled Kakashi when she had told him that she was fatigued because she had been having sex all day.
And about Kakashi...she had finally made the rounds to her makeshift family – Naruto, Sai, Shikamaru, Lee, Shizune, and Tsunade – to tentatively ask for their input on her potential situation with Kakashi, which had gone down in strange ways.
Sai had been the first she had cornered after coming clean to her parents, because she could get the majority of her nerves out of the way while simultaneously getting a blunt, honest opinion out of him. It had been a very short conversation in the end though, because she had just point-blank asked for his opinion and he had replied, "According to my research, you are both very compatible and would have an agreeable relationship because of it, so I am unconcerned and support your decision." Then he had tacked on to her utter horror and confusion, "Though the dickhead said that you were already married, so I'm confused as to why you're asking me if I would accept such a relationship after you have already consummated your bond."
Naturally, she had barrelled into Naruto's flat immediately after leaving Sai's, shrieking like a banshee regarding him spreading rumours about her. After she had gotten all of her ire and mortification out of the way by screaming at him, Naruto cowering in his kitchen while Hinata bit her lip to keep from laughing, the three of them had sat down at the dining room table and talked it out. Hinata, as expected, had said that they would be happy together and fully supported her; Naruto, on the other hand, had drilled her about everything and anything he could think of to really understand her thoughts about the whole thing. Despite his joking with their friends and various villagers about Kakashi and Sakura already being practically married, he still had concerns: whether Sakura was serious, whether she thought that Kakashi would return her feelings if she did go for him, that it was strange since they were team-mates and he had been her sensei, if it would cause problems between them because of Kakashi being Hokage and Sakura being either ANBU or an active jōnin, that it was weird because he was so old and would die before she did, along with multitudes of other things. It had taken hours to hash it all out, but before she left for dinner he had finally accepted that they could actually work and had given his blessing as well.
It had taken her a week after that to corner Lee, since she was saving Shizune for last (since Sakura wanted to break the news to both Shizune and Tsunade at the same time to minimise the inevitable carnage) and Shikamaru was on a 'mission' in Sand. Lee had been the most exuberant of them all thus far, unsurprisingly, instantly proclaiming that it was a "destined bond between two youthful shinobi" and "would result in much happiness and contentment" while also hugging the life out of her.
A month after her talk with her parents, Shikamaru had returned from Sand in good spirits, though that had faded rather quickly when she had met him at the gates and dragged him to his flat against his will. Despite his insistence that he had to give an after-action report to Kakashi as soon as possible, she had thrown him into his apartment and said pretty candidly, "Do you think it's a colossal mistake for me to start a relationship with Kakashi?"
That had been an altogether unexpected conversation. Shikamaru, fresh off his Hokage-sanctioned steamy liaison with Temari, had been a bit more forthcoming with his advice, which Sakura hadn't expected. He was usually pretty quiet about his own relationship with Temari, mostly due to the literal mountains of bullshit politics that forced them to be separated nine months out of the year and somewhat because he was generally a quiet person when it came to personal things. However, they had both talked about their respective situations, because he had questions and concerns about his own relationship as well as hers.
He had asked a lot of the same questions that Naruto had, albeit a lot more carefully, which she answered honestly. He had even asked if she was okay with the idea of a sexual relationship with him, and she had replied with an "absolutely" with no hesitation. He did open some fears for her though, things that she hadn't even considered before. Kakashi was the last of his clan, as far as anyone knew, so it was possible that he would want at least one kid in the future to carry on his name. This, obviously, was a concern, and knowing that if she asked Kakashi he would be honest with her, she vowed to ask him at some point before she started to chase him (because it was looking like everyone in her family was okay with them getting together, and Sakura was actually pleased about it). Also, he had brought up the fact that Kakashi might not be okay with starting a relationship with Sakura, and had asked her if she was okay with the potential outcome of Kakashi completely cutting off ties with her in order to get some distance. That had scared the living shit out of her, having someone so bluntly tell her that it was a possibility, and it was something that worried her every time she thought about it.
Shikamaru had been weighed down over his relationship with Temari, and his old team-mates weren't exactly the best people to converse about it considering that Ino was a harpy and Chōji was a man with a man's perspective. Sakura had been absolutely staggered when he said that he was going to ask Temari to marry him, but wasn't sure how to go about that. Additionally, getting married to Temari came with its own plethora of issues – they were already forced to be apart a majority of the year and there was no way that that could change. Shikamaru was a jōnin-sensei with brats to take care of, was one of the heads of the strategy division, and was also a valued member of Kakashi's (and soon to be Naruto's) council, not to mention that he was now head of the Nara clan since Shikaku had passed over the mantle. Temari, on the other hand, was Gaara's right-hand advisor, in charge of the intelligence division in Suna, and was the Suna ambassador to the other four Elemental Nations, a job that she couldn't just leave without breaking years of hard work to establish rapport.
If they were going to get married and start a family, having three months in a year to do that wasn't a stable way to go about it.
Sakura had had no idea what to even say to him, but did ask him if he had any options that he wanted to start working with the council and Kakashi. Shikamaru had shrugged, and then said, "I don't care if you talk to Kakashi-sensei about this. I was planning on having this conversation with him anyway, to come up with a solution, so feel free to break the ice with him." After that, he had told her, "Well, we either have to spend six months in one place and then swap out, which neither one of us really want to do when we have kids, or she's going to have to start easing herself out of Suna's politics so she can move out here permanently. It sounds bad, but those are the options we have. She can train replacements and pass on her duties to other people, and I can too in some ways, but I have clan duties here and I literally can't give that up. There's no one that I could pass it on to." He had sighed, a heavy one that seemed to come from the tips of his toes, and continued, "It's either one of those two options or we have to break it off completely. And I'll go missing-nin before I leave her, Sakura, I swear I will."
It was totally out-of-character for him to be so forthright about his emotions and fears, but she was so thankful that he had opened up to her. Not only would it help him get some of that weight off his chest, but it showed that he trusted her as family just as much as she trusted him.
After that, she had found Shizune and dragged her to Tsunade, who had been in the village for a few months overseeing a new wing in the hospital – and to irritate the hell out of Kakashi, but that was beside the point. After a few minutes of small talk, mostly Sakura telling her to lay off Kakashi and to give Shizune room to breathe at the hospital, Tsunade had demanded Sakura to spill it already. So she had, and unexpectedly Tsunade had started laughing rather than throw things (or Sakura herself) against the wall.
"Well hell Sakura, it's about time you came to me about this," Tsunade had said after she had gotten her mad cackling in control. "I was starting to think you were just going to keep me in the dark until you two ended up moving in together or tying the knot in some border city." Then, after some spluttering on Sakura's part, Tsunade had continued, "Everyone knows you two have been together in an unofficial manner for years, and if you haven't killed each other yet I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, when you find someone that you're that compatible with, you have to go for it with all you've got. You might never get another chance."
Shizune had agreed, giving her a big hug, and Tsunade had heard Sakura's side of the story, complete with wondering if she should even try in the first place if Kakashi might never reciprocate her feelings. At that, Shizune had gone beet red and hid her face in her palms while her mentor started cackling again. Sakura, suspicious, had questioned their actions and Tsunade had said with a mischievous smirk, "Well, normally I'd say that, as my surrogate daughter, I will have to threaten to tear off his dick if he broke your heart, but...I had that talk with him about a year ago."
Understandably, Sakura had gone nuclear.
"Oh shut up you brat," Tsunade had grumbled after Sakura had nearly passed out from fury and embarrassment, her throat sore from yelling at an ear-splitting decibel. "He had no idea what I was talking about and tried to tell me that I had heard a rumour that wasn't true. When I told him that he was a moron and you two had been dating for a year – and what's the fucking point of being in a relationship if you aren't having sex anyway? – the little bastard actually went red and had the gall to throw me out of the office I so graciously shoved down his throat against his will. I've never been so pissed off in my life, but since he looked confused I guess he really didn't know what I was talking about. But anyway, he sure as hell does now, so I'm sure he's thought about it and he'd be an absolute imbecile if he didn't wholeheartedly know that you two were born for each other. He's probably just keeping it quiet because he's not sure where your head is at and he's terrified that I really will tear his dick off with my fingernails if he hurts you. Trust me, kid, he sees the potential and knows that if you give him the smallest inkling of mutual interest, he'll be done for. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, girl."
Sakura had just stared at her mentor's face for a few minutes, Shizune nodding in agreement at Tsunade's words with an apologetic smile on her face, and then turned on her heel, shakily leaving Tsunade's apartment without a word.
When retelling the conversation to Ino an hour or so after leaving Tsunade's place, her blonde friend had laughed so hard that Sakura had been sure she would burst an aneurysm.
Sakura sighed, unfolding herself from her meditative pose.
She had been at it for about an hour, after showering and quickly getting rid of the lactic acid in her muscles and the multitudes of bruises that had resulted from her four-hour taijutsu training session with Tenzō. She didn't usually meditate after training, because she was normally zen enough to go about her day, but today she had felt that it was necessary.
After her talk with Tsunade the day before, and the subsequent dinner with Kakashi that had followed (it had been a little awkward, Sakura unable to meet his eyes until she had forced her brain to shut up and not think about Tsunade's words), she just needed time to herself. She needed to be alone, to think, and meditating was a good way to ease some of the residual adrenaline that had built up after her spar.
She stood up, stretching towards the ceiling to soothe her numb legs, and then meandered into the kitchen, absently pulling out the leftovers from her lunch the day before. As she popped it into the microwave and started the kettle, she allowed her mind to wander in the direction that she had been avoiding for weeks.
It was time to figure everything out.
As for blessings from her family, Tsunade, and by extension literally everyone else she had talked to, already thought that Sakura and Kakashi were good for each other. Because of that, she knew that her parents and makeshift family were okay with a potential relationship and were supportive of it. All of them were on board, and some were even outright encouraging her, so that was now a non-issue.
When it came to the fear of Kakashi never being able to reciprocate, her family was unanimously convinced that she had nothing to worry about. Tsunade had even had The Talk with him already, so Sakura instinctively knew that Kakashi had mused over it afterwards. He always did, when it came to information or the sort that was unceremoniously thrown at him. The fact that he continued training with her, eating dinner with her almost every night without being late, and had told or shown her things that he hadn't told many people ever gave Sakura the inkling that Kakashi had contemplated it and then arrived at one of three conclusions: that the potential for an intimate relationship was there but he didn't want to jeopardise his friendship and camaraderie with her; that the potential for an intimate relationship wasn't there but a supremely close platonic relationship was since they were so compatible; or that the potential for an intimate relationship was there but he was too wary of being rejected for whatever reason (or that Tsunade really would tear off his bits) and therefore kept quiet.
There was, of course, the possibility that he wasn't interested at all and was actually rather uncomfortable with the idea of it, but if that had been the case, Sakura knew without a doubt that Kakashi would've started distancing himself away from her. However, that hadn't been the case, and he had actually opened up more to her in the past year (following Tsunade's confrontation about the whole possibility in the first place, which was fishy in and of itself).
She was also sure that if he didn't reciprocate in the slightest, he would've brought it up to her regardless of how embarrassing the conversation would've been.
Her reasoning behind that was pretty simple. Kakashi knew Sakura inside and out, and knew better than most what she was like when she was either attracted to someone or in love. She had always been pretty open about her past 'relationships' with him too, so he knew how she acted and went about herself when she was with or interested in someone. Because of this, he had to know that she didn't have those kinds of feelings for him (yet, her traitorous mind supplied unhelpfully). So, if he hadn't reciprocated, he would've tried to clear the air with her immediately. Probably in his lackadaisical, lazy manner by telling her about the rumours going around and how bonkers they were, and how he didn't understand why friends could be misconstrued that way. Judging by how Sakura had initially reacted with Ino, she would've wholeheartedly agreed and that would've been the end of it, because it hadn't occurred to Sakura that the potential existed until Ino had pounded it into her head. And even if Ino got to her afterwards, probably due to Sakura raging through the village about said rumours in the first place, Sakura would've known due to Kakashi's reaction that it wouldn't be an option and she would've buried the potential deep until it was forgotten.
But he hadn't done that. Instead, he hadn't mentioned Tsunade's accusations at all to her, and had opened up to her even more than before, granting her the opportunity to take a slot in his life that a sparse few had ever achieved.
That was telling. Maybe Kakashi preferred a close friendship or maybe he was too uncertain about where her mind was at, but Sakura couldn't help but feel in her bones that he felt something for her, something more than what they had going on already.
Kakashi likely had a lot of reasons as to why he would be wary of a romantic relationship between the two of them. He had been her sensei, and now was her Hokage, which would cause chins to wag. He was fourteen years older than her, though age gaps weren't really a taboo thing. He had to be understandably terrified of losing someone else that he loved, because the last and only time he had been in love, Itachi had been ostracised and eventually murdered by Sasuke before Kakashi could really do anything about it. Not to mention that he was self-admittedly terrified of losing anyone he was supposed to protect really, which was only exacerbated by the fact that he was Hokage and regularly sent his people on dangerous, potentially lethal missions. Sakura being in ANBU, where Kakashi himself would have to assign her missions that regularly sent operatives back in pieces, would probably tear him apart if they were together.
But everyone, particularly Tsunade and Naruto, was right. They were already so close that it practically was a relationship, and she knew that he loved her in his own special way. Bridging that gap wouldn't make him love her any more or any less – it would just be a different variation of the love he already felt. And yes, it would be hard if she was to die on him, or if he was to die on her, but in the end they had to take advantage of every moment because they might not get another opportunity. Her mentor had been destroyed when Dan had died, but she had come back from it with a bittersweet fondness that she had had those moments with him before the end. Naruto had gone his entire life alone and hated, but if he hadn't reached out for friends and a new family despite the danger he put them into because of his jinchūriki status, he would still be that scared little boy without anyone to love him. Hell, even Kakashi himself had reached out towards Itachi all those years ago, and while he had regrets, Sakura knew he still cherished it even if it made him unbearably devastated when he recalled what he'd lost.
As for Sakura herself, she knew that she was already done for. She wanted it. She wanted to be able to reach for his hand so she could tangle his fingers with hers. She wanted to bury her face in his hair and breathe in the scent of his shampoo and his dogs. She wanted to wake up in the morning and see his face, relaxed in sleep, only a short reach away. She wanted to tell him that she loved him as they both sleepily nursed a cup of tea before they fell asleep in each other's arms. To be honest, she wanted to feel him in between her thighs, feel his bare skin against her fingertips, feel his lips against her throat, feel him breach her with a low gasp.
She just wanted him.
She also didn't want to hurt him.
In the end though, she knew that that wasn't her call. Sakura had made her decision, and Kakashi would have to make his. Whether he thought the personal risk to himself was too high, or whether he jumped head-first into a future with Sakura with the determination he was famous for in battle and in policy, it had to be his choice. She couldn't force him into anything, and she wanted him to be just as confident as she was that this was what he wanted, irrevocably and without doubt, for as long as they were good together.
Sakura was torn out of her thoughts when kettle began whistling, jumping at the unexpected sound. She shook herself lightly and then switched off the burner, picking up the kettle and pouring the boiling water into her prepared cup. Absently, she watched as the water went murky, the infuser oozing out tendrils of brown. She glanced at the microwave, which had probably finished reheating her meal ages ago without her registering the beep of completion.
Setting down the kettle and moving towards the microwave, she pulled out her rice and veggies before sitting at the island of her kitchen, staring down into her food. Suddenly she wasn't very hungry, though she knew that she needed to eat after her intense workout, and so she forced the food into her mouth, already starting to ponder how she was going to go about all this.
Because she was going to go for it, and she needed to gather her thoughts beforehand.
Sakura walked quietly into Kakashi's office ten minutes before seven.
Despite her calm approach though, she was very nervous. It wasn't like she was planning on just waltzing up to him and kissing the poor man on his mask-covered mouth (though she was going to barrel into this discussion like a raging bull) but she was still nervous. She knew that the majority of it had to do with the fact that she had finally made up her mind, but she still wondered if she was crazy for trying. Crazy for opening up this can of worms when she had no idea what his reaction would be.
She put the bag down on the table and he immediately began digging into it, barely glancing at the tops of the containers before sitting them down haphazardly where the warming cloth was. His familiar, efficient divvying of their meal was just another kick in the gut, and for the first time since ever meeting him, butterflies erupted in her stomach.
"Everything okay?" she heard him ask, and she tore her eyes away from his confident hands so she could look at him in the eyes.
"Yeah," she managed, a bit more breathless than she would've liked, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm okay. Just...heard a few things that surprised me, and I'm just trying to wrap my head around them."
He cocked his head at her like one of his pups, silver hair catching the light and transforming the strands into variations of gold, and then he simply replied, "Okay." Then, as they both sat down and simultaneously reached for take-out containers, he inquired, "Who's the unlucky target of the gossip mongers today?"
That startled a bubble of laughter from her, and she shot back, "Everyone, like always."
Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow at her, clearly seeing her avoidance of the question, so she laughed again and gave him a two-fingered salute in response.
They were quiet after that, scooping out whatever food they fancied on their plates until Kakashi poured the tea for the both of them and they both tucked in, Kakashi's mask pooled around his neck like was now customary between them. It was a comfortable silence, which was reassuring since the butterflies were slowly fading away, and she simply revelled in the companionship. They didn't have to fill silences with conversation, forcing words out when nothing was needed, and she loved that. Gods, did she ever. Why in the hell had it taken her so damn long to realise that the man she could spend the rest of her life with had been right there the entire time?
Steeling her resolve and knowing that this inevitable conversation was one they should've had a year ago, she swallowed a mouthful of noodles and washed them down with a sip of tea. Then she said point-blank, "People think we're dating."
To Kakashi's credit, he didn't choke on his chunk of beef, but he did swallow rather hard if the strain of his neck was to be trusted. Calmly, he took a sip of his own tea and then leant back in his chair, crossing his arms and studying her intently.
As a way to break the insanity of what she had just said, she added, "Also along that vein, Shikamaru is going to ask Temari to marry him and Hinata's pregnant."
Kakashi let out a huff of what might've been laughter, but was probably exasperation. Evenly, he said, "Naruto told me about Hinata earlier this morning, and I figured as much when it came to Shikamaru and Temari. It's going to be a nightmare sorting through all the bureaucratic nonsense so they can have a life together." Then, after a long pause, he said simply, "I know."
She discarded her nearly empty plate like Kakashi had, reaching for the warm porcelain cup that held the pumpkin black tea, Kakashi's favourite. Just like at Sasuke's, it gave her something to do with her hands, though she wasn't going to take her eyes off of Kakashi's bare face during this conversation if she could help it. With a small sigh, she told him, "Ino brought it to my attention two months ago, the day after you first showed me your face. Apparently using your given name while being utterly exhausted at the same time was enough to entice her into an inquisition. Since then, I've been talking to everyone, trying to see what everyone else was seeing and figure everything out in my head." She snorted and said with laughter in her tone, "Naruto told Sai that we were secretly married, so he was really confused by all the questions."
Kakashi rolled his eyes, then continued to look at her just as attentively as before. There was a long moment of silence, long enough for Sakura to finish her tea and refill both of their cups, before Kakashi questioned almost carefully, "And?"
His tone plus the question itself made the fluttering in her stomach return, though with less force than before. Not only was she about to come clean, but he was clearly curious as to where her thoughts were on this. Sakura figured that was a relatively good sign.
She inhaled and exhaled deeply, making sure to maintain eye contact, and answered quietly, honestly, with no shame or trepidation, "It would be the easiest thing I've ever done if I allowed myself."
His eyes narrowed minutely as he watched her silently, mouth set in a firm line, taking in every micro-expression she made with his keen gaze. She could practically see his mind whirling madly as he put together everything and digested her words, and she let him muse over his thoughts without asking or demanding his input or feelings.
Then he murmured, his mouth barely moving, "Yes. It would be."
Though she kept her facial expressions as controlled as she possibly could, drawing into the deep well of stoicism that she had accumulated over the past eight years of her shinobi training, she still felt his words deep inside her like a punch to the chest. Her voice remarkably steady, she replied, "There are a lot of factors that keep me from pursuing it, of course, but at least we're in agreement on the potential."
"Such as?" he inquired.
She took another deep breath and let it out in a turbulent rush. "Well, for starters, I'm not putting myself into another situation like the one I had with Sasuke. I won't put myself on the line for you or anyone else unless I know that I'm not the only one who is willing to give one hundred percent of themselves to it. Also, I don't want to put you in the situation where your reputation is harmed or your leadership is questioned because I used to be your student, or because you're my superior in general. I don't even know if I'm too young for you, even though I'm not bothered by the age gap myself, but you might want someone more...your age. Not to mention that I'm terrified that if something goes wrong and we don't work out, our friendship could fall apart. I don't want to lose you in that way whatsoever." She paused, quickly gathering up a bit more of her resolve, and then continued, "I also don't want to put you in this position in general. I'm going for ANBU, the most dangerous rank besides yours, and that means that you'll be overseeing mission assignments for me if I get accepted. I know that I'm strong enough and a good enough medic to keep myself alive and relatively sane out there, but I can't imagine what it'll do to you to authorise those assignments, not knowing if I'll come back broken or in a body bag. I don't know what it would do to me if I made you go through that. Not after you've lost so many of your friends, not after you lost your family...and not after Itachi."
She sighed and continued, "It's not my choice to make though. It would be unbelievably easy to love you because it's already easy to love you in a platonic way now, and crossing that line into intimacy would be as simple as breathing. But at the end of the day, all of my misgivings are about you getting hurt or losing our friendship, which I don't think could ever happen between us because you're one of my best friends and I won't let you go that easily. So...really it's on you, because I'm not going to give it a go unless you're committed to it and absolutely sure that the pros outweigh the cons. So it's not really my decision, because I'm open to whatever you want. I will spend the rest of my life completely happy with just a close friendship, because you'll always be that first and whatever else second."
By the end of her speech of sorts, a lump had caught itself in her throat, making her voice shaky. She cleared her throat after the last word and took a drink of her tea, finally looking down into the dregs instead of his eyes. She couldn't bear to look at him now, not when he had stayed utterly impassive during her monologue, no hint of what he was thinking in his expressions or body language. She didn't want to think about the fact that, despite his almost easy confirmation that there was possibility for moving into intimacy, everything she had just told him could be the catalyst that could break apart their effortless camaraderie. She would do everything in her power to fight for said friendship, but if he made up his mind to distance herself from her she would be powerless to deter his stubbornness.
The silence, which before had been comforting, was filled with an undeniable tension that set her teeth on edge. She hadn't felt like this around him before, and wondered if she was the only one that was feeling it because he hadn't moved or said a word. She could still feel his eyes boring into her, threatening to bring out a flush on her cheeks.
Gods, she hoped she hadn't screwed everything up with her direct approach. Perhaps she should've gone for the sly route where she subtly flirted with him until the date of her departure. It had been a good plan, cornering him right before she left, telling him that she would return either a success or a failure but whatever happened, she would be waiting at seven on the dot in a very pretty dress for him to take her out on a date. It would've been good too, and he would've had six months to come up with a course of action, and all he would've had to do was tell her no when she got back if he wasn't interested.
Suddenly, his low voice said, "My leadership and reputation wouldn't be damaged, since the village is already of the opinion that this has been going on for years. The only person I'd be worried about is Tsunade, and she's already said her piece."
Sakura couldn't help but let out a breathless chuckle, heart in her throat and eyes on her tea. "Yeah, she told me, that damn harpy. I'm sorry about that, Kakashi. She had no right."
She heard him shrug, a minute shifting of his jōnin-standard shirt. "No she had every right. She was just looking out for her the woman she considers a daughter, and it wasn't like her suspicions weren't justified. Everyone is saying it, and has been for a long time." Sakura echoed his shrug, running her index finger around the rim of her cup, and then he said lightly, "Sakura, look at me."
She took yet another deep breath to steady her nerves, and then obeyed with shaking hands.
His charcoal eyes were soft as he met her gaze, and something inside of her uncoiled because she instinctively knew that he was okay, that it was okay, that this really was about to happen. She felt a sting behind her eyes and registered that she was going to cry, that it was unavoidable, but it was probably going to be one of the best cries of her life. She steeled herself though, wanting to make it through everything he had to say before letting go of her tears.
"I'm not worried about the rumour mill, or your age, or us losing what we've built upon. You're..." He bit the corner of his bottom lip and let it drag out slowly, his teeth shining in the lights of his office. Then he continued, "You're never going to let that happen and I won't let it either, because you're my closest friend and I'm not just saying that."
Her traitorous emotions denied her vehement wish to stay dry-eyed through his words, the first tear falling despite her resolve. She almost angrily wiped it away, placing the teacup on the desk so she didn't drop it, but didn't let her eyes break from his as he said quietly, "I'm afraid for you in ANBU, and I'll hate sending you out on those missions, but it's our lifestyle and what you want, so I can't fault you for that. If I lose you, then that's how it was supposed to be, and I'll figure it out just like I've always done. I know that you'd be just as supportive when I go back to active duty after this glorified desk job is over, so it would be hypocritical to attempt to shield you from it and it doesn't do your abilities justice anyway."
Then he smiled, a shaky one at best but still there, and told her, "And I don't do anything halfway. In fact, I usually go past one hundred percent straight into stupidity. You know that just as much as I do."
She laughed, a bit hysterical, and buried her face in her palms, silent tears of relief beginning to leak out of her eyes, and she heard him get out of his chair and walk to her. She felt him fall to his knees in front of her and suddenly he was pushing her hands away so he could cradle her face in his palms, cheeks gently brushing the tears from her smiling cheeks. His eyes flickered back and forth between hers, and that faint smile was still curling his shapely lips.
"I have no idea how to do this, because I'm thirty-four and have never done this before, not really, but I'm willing to try this out and see what happens. I don't want much to change, though considering we have evidently been dating for at least two years I don't think it has to change too drastically, but I'm in this if you are. We'll figure it out as we go because it's going to be different as we feel each other out, but no matter what happens we're in this together, okay?"
She bit her lip in an effort to hide her smile, then gave up because the smile definitely wasn't going anywhere for the time being. The emotions rolling around in her body made her feel like a tightly coiled spring, chest fit to bursting, and she nodded once, then twice, then repeatedly as she raised her hands and brought them to his.
Their hands fell to Sakura's thighs, lightly threaded together, his hands warm in hers. He cocked his head, the smile fading into a contemplative expression, and he said with an air of someone who was up to something, "Though I think we should test it out. Maybe by this point we're too damn close to know if it's actually promising or if we'll end up fizzing out because it's more sibling-like."
"Nice, Kakashi," she said sarcastically, though the happiness absolutely ruined the effect, and she leant forward slowly to press her lips against his.
It was just a soft touch, neither of them moving or pushing it deeper, and Sakura's eyes closed as her body flared to life. She could feel the electricity that resulted in something so simple, a connection she had never felt before in any relationship, and she knew with every molecule of her being that this was it. His lips were soft, not dry like she had expected though that was probably the tea's doing, and when they broke apart and pressed their foreheads together, she could feel his breath on her skin.
"This is going to be so easy," she breathed.
"Absolutely," he whispered back.
They connected again, and now that the confirmation was registered Kakashi didn't waste any time whatsoever. He disconnected one hand to cup the back of her neck, tilting her head so he could slot his lips with hers again. This time, she could feel his intent, a controlled heat even as he carefully began working to figure out what made her tick, and she kissed back without restraint. Her lips parted and his followed, their mouths meeting and separating twice before she took the leap herself and cautiously let her tongue wander.
He met her calmly and their tongues danced, causing Sakura's heart to slam against her chest and her skin to break out in gooseflesh because holy hell he was good at this, just the right amount of burning passion, not too wet, so clever and unpredictable with his mouth and tongue that she was floored. She pushed into another kiss after they managed a quick gasp of air, her fingers burying themselves in his coarse hair so she could get him closer, ever closer, never close enough, and her entire body was on fire.
When they finally separated, Kakashi's teeth dragging deliciously on her bottom lip and both of them panting, she inquired breathlessly, "Is it considered bad form on a first date to take advantage of the Hokage in his own office?"
She felt him smile against her lips and he replied a bit hoarsely, "How else are you going to be able to know what you're getting into if I don't put out on the first date?" As she snickered, he added very sincerely, "But in all seriousness, it's definitely not a requirement, and besides, ANBU are lurking in this section of the tower, not to mention the Elders. Do you really want to make that kind of impression on your future co-workers?"
She pulled away with a mischievous grin. "Well then," she said conspiratorially, pleased when his eyes widened and he swallowed thickly. "Your official flat is closer than mine, and it has the added bonus of being in this very building."
He eyed her, a bit wild with a light flush building on his cheekbones, and asked, "You sure?"
She replaced his mask and then dragged him to stand with her, grin never wavering. They both looked ruffled, even Kakashi despite the majority of his face now covered, and it was insanely obvious that they had been snogging. She pecked him on his masked lips once, amused and not the least bit nervous, and then threw his own word against him: "Absolutely."
He blinked, and then immediately began dragging her out of the door by the hand. Sakura giggled madly into her palm as he said to the ANBU guards outside, "Don't even fucking think about following us or I'll murder you both with fire. Dismissed."
The ANBU on the left started laughing (and she knew that laugh, because she'd been listening to Genma's laugh for years) and said teasingly, "Make him beg for mercy, Sakura-chan."
Their new relationship would be the talk of the village in five minutes.
Sakura had been shy the first two times she had taken a man to bed.
There had been this image in her mind that she would, as the woman, be more passive, letting him make her feel good. Plus she had felt a little self-conscious because it had been the first time outside of a medical examination or mission mishap that anyone had seen her naked, even though objectively she knew that she was in good shape and probably didn't look horrible without clothes. Ichigo, her first (and only, really, because Kakashi was not going to be classified as something so juvenile) boyfriend, had been good to her, making sure that he took care of her needs like a proper gentleman. So after the first two times they had slept together, she had been pretty confident that she was not only attractive naked, but was also allowed be a bit more vocal and take a tiny bit of control.
She had been seventeen at the time, and by the time they broke up six months later she had figured she'd found her groove, but getting back into the dating game had been an educational experience. Between all of her short flings and one-night stands, she learnt a great many things about men in the bedroom (or wherever, really), but two things definitely took precedence: one, that men didn't mind when a girl took control entirely, because showing masculinity didn't mean always exerting constant dominance and power; and two, that men didn't mind when she explicitly told them how to make her feel good because they wanted the boost of self-confidence to know that she was losing her mind because of them.
Also, men turned into total morons when she touched their dick, but whatever.
So she didn't feel any trepidation or anxiety when she pressed close to Kakashi, arms wrapping around his middle so she could tease his black, long-sleeved shirt upwards, her fingertips trailing over his lycra-covered abdomen. She could feel ever ridge of his musculature like he was crafted over steel, the material warm with his body heat. She heard him turn the lock on his front door but he didn't turn around to face her, simply breathing in tune to her as he raised his arms above his head, letting her throw the shirt into a corner of his entryway.
She pressed a soft, open-mouthed kiss to the ridge of his spine, right in between his shoulder blades (the highest she could reach without stretching). Her fingers, restless and wanting to touch every centimetre of him, traced his torso in a steady caress as her mouth moved to the hard muscles of his right shoulder. He tasted like warmth and salt, and she deeply breathed the scent of his clean skin as her fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his trousers.
She felt him shudder in front of her, but she didn't go too low, simply untucking the undershirt he wore slowly and dragging it up with her wrists so she could place her palms on his heated skin. His stomach was sharp and littered with the bump of scars that she already knew were there, his pectorals strong and beginning to move erratically as his breathing became uneven, and she loved the feel of his strong, defined shoulders and arms as she finished pulling off the shirt with its attached mask.
It fell to the ground by their feet, for she dropped it absently and entwined her fingers with his, trapping them against the door.
She allowed her mouth to explore as far as she could reach, pressing her lower body against his as she kissed every muscle and scar she could see and touch in the moonlight-drenched darkness – both scapulae, deltoids, teres major, infraspinatus fascia, rhomboid major, latissimus dorsi, and finally from the seventh cervical vertebra to the thoracic, unable to reach any further down without disconnecting their fingers against the door. She could hear his shaky breathing, feel his muscles flutter and flex against her lips and body, his fingers beginning to clench against the wooden door, and it sent a bolt of energy through her because she was doing this to him, making him shudder in her grasp.
"Still okay with this?" she murmured against his skin, pressing another kiss to his spine.
He cleared his throat and said in a gravelly voice, "Definitely. Are you?"
She smiled against the warm skin of his back and said, "Clearly."
Then he moved, turning around quickly and burying his fingers in her short hair, letting her hitai-ate fall heavily to the floor. He slanted his lips on hers, pushing his body against her, and it was so consuming that she moaned in the back of her throat, just trying to keep up. Her nails dug into his lower back but he didn't seem to mind, if his low groan was anything to go by, so she dragged them up his back lightly.
He broke off his lips from hers with a sharp inhale and then pushed her against the nearest wall, his body a long line of heat and power. He slotted a thigh in between hers, and her head fell back against the wall as she sighed, absently pushing her hips forward for something to quench the need in her. She could feel him against her, rigid and definitely okay with their actions, and she pushed into it, wanting to hear him groan.
He didn't disappoint, and he soon latched his lips and teeth to the sensitive skin of her neck as his own fingers began unzipping her top where it was latched at the side, the slow sound of it barely registering because of the pounding of her heart in her ears and the near-constant gasps she sounded. He was letting her rock against his solid thigh for friction as he dragged his teeth to her pulse, working the flesh and probably leaving a damn mark that she didn't mind having as a memento. When he was done, he pulled back a bit to unfold the fabric from her and she whined at the loss, knees weak and her core contracting for something more substantial.
He unwrapped her bindings with ease, eyes following his own movements as the wraps fell to the ground and exposed her small breasts, breasts he had seen before but not like this. She couldn't take her heavy-lidded eyes off him as he studied her, fingertips trailing from her collarbones to her navel, so lightly it almost tickled. It should've distracted her from her arousal, his gentle exploration replacing the almost overbearing need she had been experiencing while he had worked her neck with his mouth, but it didn't, and he hadn't even managed to do more than softly swipe the pads of his thumbs over her nipples (which oh gods) before she simply couldn't take it any more.
"For the love of all that is holy, Kakashi, touch me," she managed to get out through the hum of arousal, and to emphasise where exactly she wanted to be touched, she grasped his long-fingered hand and led it to her black shorts.
He looked up once, grey eyes almost black with desire, and then he kissed her, almost desperate, as he slipped his hand past her shorts and knickers and finally touched her.
She was already so aroused that the first finger that immediately pushed into her caused Sakura to shudder violently against him, a keening sound falling from her lips. She clenched around the digit and ground her clit against the heel of his hand, needing it, and gods it was good as he pushed into it, his finger stroking upwards and sending sparks up her lower spine. Her legs were shaking and she threaded her fingers through his hair again so she could hold something concrete. He added another finger just as he went for her throat again, and she let out a low, drawn out moan at the dual sensations.
She wasn't sure how long he went at it, her blood churning and the ball of tension getting tighter and tighter as she quickly (too quickly, how was he doing this to her so fast?) approached her peak, but a particularly rough thrust of his fingers made her cry out and she couldn't stand it any more. With an unsteady gasp, she tore her hands from his hair and immediately started working at the button on his trousers, earning a groan from Kakashi as she worked it open. He pulled his fingers out, which made her huff at the loss until he echoed her, pushing down her shorts and knickers down just as she dragged his trousers down.
Their tongues never faltered their heated dance even as they both toed off their sandals and kicked the rest of their clothes away, but she had to disconnect when she trailed her hands down the sharp bone of his bare hips.
Fucker hadn't been wearing any pants.
"Easy access?" she teased, then nipped at the flesh where his neck met his shoulder, intent on leaving her own mark.
"Unconscious," he murmured in her hair. "Genma might've set my dresser on fire looking for my mementos, so I didn't have any clothes except the spares in the office."
As she pushed him backwards, both of them naked and pale in the moonlight streaming through the large window in the living room, she said in a low whisper, "I'll bug you about that later. Right now I'm taking advantage of you and I need my full concentration."
He snorted, running his fingers through her short locks and lightly kissing every inch of skin he could as he let her manhandle him through his official flat. He kissed her when they crossed the threshold of his bedroom, still heated but clearly taking his time instead of echoing the frenzy from just a minute ago. She wasn't sure if she wanted that, because despite their interlude taking a bit of the edge off, she still felt too close to the edge to delay it any longer. She wanted to feel him inside her, preferably sooner rather than later – after all, they had more than enough time in the future to fully worship each other's bodies slowly.
She smiled at the thought of having that future and then playfully pushed him on his bed with the aid of a little chakra.
They both took a second to just look at each other, his heated gaze tracing every curve she possessed while she enjoyed the sight of his long, pale, gorgeous body. She was already familiar with it both inside and out, but seeing him laying there, covered with a light sheen of perspiration and his cock hard for her, was more than enough for her to whisper, "Gods you're beautiful."
Before he could reply – though the flash of tender affection and desire in his eyes told her more than he could ever hope to verbalise – she fell on her knees into the firm mattress and began making her way up his body. She trailed her fingers up his strong legs, letting her mouth follow her right hand hotly, traced his hips, and then she very slowly sunk her mouth down on him, tasting the tang of his precome on her tongue and feeling the rigid warmth of him down her throat. She groaned as she pressed her lips at the root of him, a sharp twinge of arousal making her core spasm, and he let out a desperate sound at the vibration that resulted.
She didn't stay long, though, just as slowly pulling off, eyes greedily taking in his cock all shiny with her saliva with pure want, and when she finally let him go with one last unhurried lick of her tongue, she scooted herself up and took him in her hand, positioning him right where she needed him, right against her wet opening that was positively aching for him.
For the last time, just to make sure, she asked hoarsely, "You still okay? Can I—" She swallowed thickly, her voice shaking with lust, and managed to choke out disjointedly, "—Kakashi, is this oka...can I...please."
He opened his eyes (blazing, burning charcoal grey) and responded by thrusting inside of her, all the way, smooth and throbbing and hot.
She cried out as her back arched, her hands scrambling to the sharp protrusions of his hips because she wasn't sure if she would stay upright if she didn't have the support. She felt him shudder beneath her, his own hands falling to her spread thighs and grasping as he gritted his teeth, and she let out a breathless, shaky laugh. "Holy shit, you feel good," she gasped, and then lifted her hips only to slam back down again.
He let her set the pace, his tightly shut eyes eventually fluttering open so he could watch her work above him, his breathing erratic and choppy through his teeth. She tightened her inner muscles around him and dug her fingernails into his hips, wanting him to lose control with her, because her arousal was spinning out of control and she definitely wasn't going to last long. As if he had read her mind, his hips began meeting her in the middle, his thrusts smooth but hard and pushing into her so deeply that the only thing she could think was more. Her cries were ceaseless now, and the volume only increased when one of his hands left her thigh so it could settle in between her legs, his fingers playing with her clit in time with his thrusts.
Just as the fire in her blood and the coil of her arousal grew to overwhelming heights, her body dangling on the edge of reason as her body tightened in preparation, suddenly she felt a spike of Kakashi's chakra and the hum of gentle electricity on her clit – oh gods oh gods he's unbelievable I didn't even know that you could evendo that with chakra – and she snapped.
He surged up and swallowed her scream in a kiss full of tongue and teeth, Sakura barely able to respond as she climaxed almost violently, her body frozen against him as it tore through her like a hurricane. She felt him push inside of her twice, shallowly since her body had clenched around his cock hard to keep him inside her, and then she felt him empty himself inside her in pulses. His groan as he came was deep and guttural in the back of his throat while he continued to kiss her through it all.
As it waned, both of them very slowly starting to loosen their tight holds on each other, she could finally hear her voice whispering his name, in between kisses and heavy gasping, and he was saying "I know, I know" over and over again in response, his voice strangled. At length, Kakashi very abruptly seemed to lose every millilitre of tension in his body and so they both fell back against the bed, Sakura's shaky arms barely able to keep all of her weight from slamming into him.
They laid there for a long minute, Sakura highly aware of his cock softening inside of her but unwilling to move from his chest, legs draped over his waist carelessly. He didn't seem concerned with disconnecting their bodies either, though he was probably oversensitive and her core's involuntary, sporadic shudders probably were on the brink of painful. In fact, every time she felt her internal muscles spasm, his breath would hitch and his cock would twitch inside of her, so sleepily she asked, "Do you need me to get off?"
He let out a breathless laugh that choked off when she spasmed again, and eventually teased, "Pretty sure you just di—"
Tiredly, she smacked his bicep.
He laughed again, a bit stronger as he nuzzled his nose into her damp hair. "No, it's fine," he eventually answered, letting his fingers oh-so lightly caress her thighs. Gooseflesh broke out on her skin in response, and she returned the soothing gesture with her own fingers gently scratching his scalp. He sighed and she smiled against his sweaty skin, pressing a light kiss to his sternum, and then shivered again when she felt him shift inside her, causing her to clench around his cock. Gods, she was already starting to feel her blood swirling towards her centre, so soon after her earth-shattering orgasm, and she involuntarily pushed and ground her hips against him once to get friction against her clit.
She lifted her head up to look at his flushed face, just as he groaned from her actions, and asked curiously, "Did you use chakra before?"
His eyes opened, heavy and dark, and he smirked at her, crooked and devilish and unbelievably sexy. He said in a deep rumble, "What, you mean this?" His fingers lit up with blue chakra as he suddenly flipped them both over, his cock slipping out of her wetly in the process, and he immediately pushed two glowing fingers inside her while his thumb pressed against her clit. It hummed and vibrated, and she felt her entire body tighten up so fast, too fast, too soon, and she all but shrieked as he tore her apart, rapidly throwing her head-first into a second orgasm without warning.
And over the course of the night, he did it again and again and again with fingers and tongue and cock until she ultimately passed out from the stimulation, curled up in his arms and utterly, perfectly wrecked.
Note: Yeah, so I haven't quite figured out why people always make the girls in fanfiction smut these docile, passive creatures that are constantly assuring their partners that they've given consent. Now, don't get me wrong – consent is a really important thing. However, it's just as important to get consent from a male partner too, ladies, especially if you're rather...uh...in control over the whole sex thing. So hurrah for breaking gender boundaries? Meh I don't fuckin' know. All I do know is that Sakura was the one who propositioned it and was pretty much in control the entire time, though Kakashi didn't decline (because, y'know, sex and love and all that jazz), so I thought it was important that Sakura be the one to get reassurance that Kakashi was okay with how OFF THE FUCKIN RAIL THIS CHAPTER WENT.
Like, seriously. The original plan was for Sakura to flirt with him 'til the day she left for her isolation training, and then tell him that she was gonna doll up and wait for him to take her out on a date (just like Sakura internally muses in the chapter). But nooooooo, these little shits just decided to get all bonk-y and I simply couldn't stop it. Seriously. I actually bashed my head against the keyboard in utter annoyance when I finished writing this chapter. No joke.
Anyway. Uh. Hope you liked it?
