A/N: I know I've only written fluffy, sap, funny moments here so far, and that's what I'm most comfortable with, but past memories made me think of Harvey and Donna in this scenario and I thought the only way to take it out of my mind was writing it. It's angst, but I like to believe I ended it with a hopeful tone. I considered posting it as a separate piece, but this series is about their life as a couple and this is something that can happen to anyone. I apologize if it's triggering to anyone, I wrote it from my perspective on the subject.

Thank you, Loren, for reading it and sharing your insightful opinion on it.

I'll let you guys read it now and I'd love to get your feedback on it.


She sighs as another cramp hits her. He squeezes her hand and that makes her want to cry. Again. She cried at home, she cried in the car, but she hasn't cried ever since they got to the hospital.

"Are you sure?" He asks her once more. "Are we really going to do this now?"

She lets out a nervous but excited laugh and nods. "I mean, it doesn't mean it will happen right away. With my age, I doubt it will. So we would just be leaving it to fate… what do you think?"

He hugs her by the waist and pulls her close. "Let's do this."

It happened on their first try. Her fertile period had been a fun week. Not that they needed a reason to have sex, but they did it every single day for a week, always going for a second – sometimes even a third – time. Once she had even put her legs up on the headboard.

"What are you doing?" He asks confused, pointing at her legs.

"Oh, I've read somewhere that it helps. Even fate can use a little help." She says with a shrug. He just smiles and goes to the bathroom.

"Ms. Paulsen? If you could follow me." The nurse gives them a sympathetic smile and leads the way to the room, pointing where she could change and telling her the doctor would be there in a few minutes.

She feels Harvey squeeze her hand one more time and she wishes he would just stop. She knows what he means. She knows it will be okay. But right now, nothing feels okay.

Since they had decided to forgo all types of contraceptive methods, she kept telling herself it was okay if it never happened. It took them thirteen years to get together and she didn't want to waste this new moment of their lives obsessing about a baby. Sure, she had thought about being a mother a few times, but the more time passed, the least she visited the idea, accepting the fact that it might never happen and truly being okay with it.

However, after they talked about it, it felt like the possibility was back on the table and she couldn't help but picture Harvey holding a tiny baby and doting on a red headed little girl.

She went for a blood test even before she was late. It was okay if it never happened. Bullshit. She wanted this. She wanted it all. She had tasted what true happiness felt like when they finally got together and she was high on it. So when he had approached the subject, she decided she wanted to see if it was possible to feel even more.

It came back positive. She was ecstatic! She didn't feel like a mom. No, far from it. And it was okay. She had also read that some women only felt the connection after the birth, after holding the baby, and that made total sense to her. Her happiness came from the feeling of accomplishment. She was happy that after waiting so long to be together, they wouldn't have to wait for the next step.

Harvey was over the moon and that only added more excitement to it all.

She started bleeding on the same day she got the results.

Once again, she had read it was common. Something to do with the egg implanting itself in the uterus, so she had paid no mind to it.

She scheduled an appointment and went on about her days. She already felt extremely tired and her breasts hurt like crazy, which made the idea more real and the bleeding more insignificant.

Until this morning. She woke up feeling a strong pain in her lower abdomen and immediately she could tell something was wrong, the moisture between her legs telling her the once insignificant bleeding was crying for attention.

She was terrified upon seeing the amount of vivid red blood instead of the barely there brown one from the past few days.

She started crying and called for Harvey.

"Get ready, I'll call Ray and we'll go to the hospital."

"Harvey, it's not even 5 a.m. yet."

"I don't care. I'll call Louis too and let him know we won't go to the office today." His voice was calm, but firm. He kissed her on the forehead before leaving the bathroom.

She dried her tears and took deep breaths in front of the mirror before entering the shower.

Another squeeze.

Donna can feel Harvey's hand on hers and she can hear the doctor speaking, but she feels numb.

The cramping is back and she's still bleeding.

The doctor is saying that it's more common than they think. That some women would miscarriage and mistake it for their regular period.

It's her body reacting to something that probably wasn't right, dealing with it now instead of letting it advance.

The exam had showed no traces of it in her uterus, so there was no need for any procedure, her body would take care of the rest. It also indicated that there was no need for them to wait to try again, although she should check in with her regular OB-GYN.

She also registered him asking if she wanted to take something for the pain and she felt herself nod at the question.

It wasn't much later, when she was sitting on their couch, Harvey's arm around her, his hand caressing her hair, that she felt like she had finally come to terms with what she was feeling and decided to talk.

"It isn't a feeling of loss, you know?" She says with a hoarse voice.

Harvey stops the caress for a few seconds, not having expected her to talk any time soon.

"Can you describe what it feels like?" He resumes his movements, his fingers weaving softly through her hair.

"Frustration?" She says with a rising tone, experimenting the word as if to see if it really matched what she was feeling.

"Frustration." He simply repeats it.

"Does it make me a bad person?" She finally looks at him. "I only had time to think of it as an attained goal, I was happy, and I dare say proud, that we got it right on our first try, even against the odds. So now I'm frustrated. Do you know what I mean?" Her feelings were so clear to her on her head, but voicing them was something completely different.

"I do. Maybe I feel the same? I don't know. It was all still too abstract to me. You are the one who had already started feeling the changes." As soon as he finishes speaking, he realizes he hasn't really thought about losing his future child. He was worried about her. Since she had called him in the bathroom and he saw the blood. He wanted her to be okay. He wanted to make sure she was fine. He hadn't really thought about anything else.

"It just feels like a heavy rain on the sunny cheerful days we've had since you showed up at my doorstep. It was all happiness, and now this." A single tear runs down her cheek and he catches it with his thumb.

"Hey, it can rain and still be sunny. That's how we get rainbows, you know?" He asks even though he knows she knows. She smiles tiredly at him and sinks into his embrace, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

Not even a few seconds later she let's out a humorless chuckle.

"What?" Harvey asks.

"Funny you should mention that. I read that that's what people call a baby that comes after a miscarriage or a stillbirth. A rainbow baby. As a symbol of hope and renewal." She smiles at him.

"That's a beautiful metaphor." He kisses her forehead, letting his lips linger there for a few seconds before speaking. "So we will carry on with our sunny days and wait to see if our rainbow comes. But in case it doesn't, I want you to know I'll gladly spend the rest of my life under a plain blue sky with you."