Risty: Hmm. Cousin Zilo's a bit tied up! Who'll do the responses?
Zilo: Just because I'm tied to a chair doesn't mean I can't talk! We can still do this! Now, lana-rinreed, Oucast Martyr, thank you sooo very much! I appreciate your kind words!
Risty: (watches) Annora-san's my hero! (looks adoringly at Annora)
Envy: (bangs on the sealed lid of the dumpster)
Zilo: Wandering Hitokiri, I think Annora has a new admirer! (points at sparkly-eyed Risty May)
Zoe: It's what he deserves, little crossdressing prick!
Zilo: Thank you, unfortnateforever and Half Human Homunculi! I am so glad the two of you liked the Omake. uf, your compliments make me so happy! And HHH, yeah, he did. You know how Scar's so into sci-fi, so it's not a stretch...XD
Risty: writingdreamer, thank you for your kindness!
Zilo: CAKE! (starts eating without utensils)
Risty: (sweatdrops) Um...anyway, thanks also for the luck! I'll try!
Zilo: (jumps up) I'm free! Thanks, Maire blaze!
Envy: (who is plot-holedly out of the dumpster) (takes the opportunity to slam Zilo back into the chair and tie her back up) Being tied up's a plot point, remember, stupid?
Zilo: (pouts) Well, fine. I STILL GET A COOKIE! (takes cookie with her mouth and starts gnawing on it)
Ed: I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
Risty: That's mean! No glazed cookie bar for you! (smiles at Mb) Yes, I always use pancakes, but spam and pudding are good too! And I know what you mean! Paranoid people like me probably have it right!
(others enjoy their cookie bars)
Envy: (eye twitches angrily) I'm...going to pretend you didn't say that. Don't EVER say it again.
Zilo: (mouth full of two kinds of cookie) Burt urnt urt tru? (But ain't it true?)
Envy: SHUT UP!
Zilo: Oh, well, that explains everything then! Thanks, Koinu-chan!
Ed: ?
Risty: Hey!
Ed: AND WHAT KINDA FREAK ARE YOU?
Zilo: (sweatdrops)
Zoe: (covers Risty May's eyes)
Zilo: Uh, but thanks again anyhow!
Risty: Cake, then two cookies! Hmm...if Zilo eats anything else sweet, won't she get sugar high...?
(Nervous looks go around the room)
Zilo: Hey readers! If I let you read this chapter, will you untie me?
EIGHT: Fighting For Two
AKA "Don't Let Ed's Body Die Or Go Alone"
Risty May's P.O.V.
Scar and I both whirled to see Envy standing casually on the ledge of the building to our left, smirking down at us.
"You're like a conforking stalker!" I found myself exclaiming at him.
"You," Scar said in the same dangerous tone he had just been using with me, "unholy creature. You're another of them, aren't you?"
"By 'them' I assume you mean a Homunculus, scarred one?" Envy said smugly. He jumped and landed in the alley a few feet away from us. "Why don't you run along and murder some State Alchemists, hmm?"
Scar didn't look compelled to do any such thing.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"You know, it was so entertaining to hear your little story again," Envy said to me. "It was so good the first time, I just had to pass it on to someone I know. This someone now wants to meet you and talk in-depth about the whole body switching matter."
I blinked. "Really? Well, I'm not all that awesome a storyteller..."
Okay, so I had a dumb moment. Stop being mean. It can happen to anyone.
Envy raised a brow. "Does it matter?" he said. "Now, are you going to come quietly, or do I have to get rough?" It sounded like he would enjoy getting rough and would take any excuse he could get to be rough. Jerk.
"You will not leave here, Homunculus," Scar said, taking a menacing step closer, his right fingers curled like claws. I had no problems flattening myself against the wall as he advanced on Envy, who looked mildly peeved at having to beat up Scar. Envy shoved me down on the ground, saying, "Don't go anywhere, kid."
I fell on my butt. "Ow!" I said, but I was being ignored. Envy and Scar stepped towards each other.
"You don't want to mess with me, Ishbalan," Envy said dangerously, his playful mood gone.
In response, Scar lunged at him, right hand outstretched. Envy easily dodged the attack, and Scar blew a crater into the wall behind him. I ducked under flying debris and decided to use the cloud of dust as cover to get away. I got on my hands and knees and started to crawl to what I hoped was safety.
Before I knew it, I had been kicked in the face. "Didn't I say don't go anywhere?" Envy said in an exasperated tone as I cried out and clutched my now throbbing nose and eye.
Scar, taking advantage of the distraction, tried to palm Envy's face again, but Envy was too quick. I watched through one eye as, in a flash, he dodged and used a roundhouse kick to knock Scar to the ground. At this point I tried to crawl away again, but Envy caught me by the hem of my coat and slung me through the air. I hit a wall back first, pain shooting through my back and shoulder, and let out a whimper as I dropped to the ground.
"You don't listen too well, do you kid?" Envy said, picking me up and slinging me over a shoulder. He had me facing forward, maybe because he didn't want to look at Edward-butt.
"I don't wanna go!" I managed to gasp, weakly pounding his chest with my automail fist.
"Oh, suck it up," Envy told me, turning to jump out of the alley. I looked down and saw a hand wrap around Envy's ankle.
I have to say, for someone who had their lower leg obliterated, Envy showed great strength of character. All he said was, "UGH!" and he dropped to one knee. I twisted around a bit to see Scar getting to his feet, looking a little off-balance.
Before anyone could say boo, Envy's leg regenerated itself, layer by layer. He (Envy, not the leg) threw a murderous glare at Scar as he stood and without further ado kneed Scar in the gut. "Congratulations, you've officially pissed me off," he hissed, kicking Scar in the face.
"Stop, you'll kill him!" I cried as Envy delivered repeated blows to Scar's face and stomach area.
"Shut up," Envy snapped, about to beat Scar unconscious.
"Envy!"
The kickaholic paused from where he was about to stomp Scar's face, and he and I looked over to see Lust. "We can't kill him yet," she stated. "He still has some use."
Envy sighed, seeming to be officially de-pissed. "Yeah, yeah." He lowered his foot and walked over to Lust.
There may be a question as to why I just hung out on my perch over Envy's shoulder, instead of trying to fight or get away. Oh, maybe because, I don't know, I got kicked in the face and thrown against a wall. Besides, how could I fight off someone as tough as Envy? Even alchemy wouldn't help me; I could only blow things up or turn them to dust.
Hmm...
Inspiration struck, and I clapped my hands together. Envy, seeing me out of the corner of his eye, reached out lightning fast to grab my wrists, but I quickly slammed both palms into his chest, going for nothing in particular.
It worked. Envy's chest went boom. Envy let out another, more drawn out "UUUUUUGH!" and I used my Ed-agility to flip myself off his shoulder. I somehow curled myself into a backwards somersault, scrambled to my feet, and took off, regretfully stepping over Scar.
Unfortunately, then the thingies came into play.
...If you're going to laugh at me, you can just leave. Fine. They're called fingernails? Okay. Jeez.
So, the fingernails were suddenly around me. There were five-two at each side, one at each shoulder, and one at my neck. They were so close to my body that one move might have Shishkabobed me, and I didn't want that. I froze, not turning to look for fear of losing my neck, but knowing it must be Lust pinning me in place.
Lust's heels clicked on the ground, and I heard the nearly silent footsteps of Envy with her. "You're not going anywhere," Lust said to me.
Envy rounded to face me, his chest just finishing up its regeneration. There was smoldering anger in his eyes, and it didn't take me long to figure out that I hadn't accomplished anything but to piss Envy off. I swallowed hard, anticipating pain, and no sooner had I begun to anticipate than Envy's fist shot out and connected with my stomach. All the air was forced from my lungs, like a twisted Heimlich, and I swear I saw stars. I felt my body give way, and dimly felt fear of being sliced to pieces, but Lust seemed to have retracted her deadly nails.
I thought I would hit the ground, but Envy seemed to have caught me. He slung me over his shoulder again, sparing no gentleness, and my poor abused stomach complained. I got a wonderful glimpse of Envy's naked torso before I passed out.
I seemed to have trouble retaining consciousness. I woke up again briefly, long enough to note that I was on someone's back and some lady was saying something along the lines of "Yes, the poor dear's so tired I couldn't bear to wake him," and then I passed out again.
The next time I woke up I managed to stay awake long enough to figure out that I was on a train and lying down somewhere with my hands tied behind my back. I could hear Lust, and she was saying, "But that sounds so incredible," and then Envy was saying, "Yeah, well, I wouldn't have believed it either if it weren't for..." then he rattled off some list of stuff.
Then Lust was like, "So where do you think her body is now?" And Envy was all, "Don't know, don't care," and then I could sense that somebody was near me, and I heard a stomach growl, and then Lust said, "No, Gluttony. You'll eat later, but you can't have her," and the presence moved away.
Creepy.
Anyway, I blacked out again, and the next time I woke up it was because someone was smacking me.
"Wake up, kid," Envy said in an almost jolly voice, slapping my face. "We're here."
"Mmuh?" I grumbled, not fully aware yet. "Where's here?"
The narrow thing I was lying on jostled, and I realized it was Envy's shoulder, and he was trying to shake me awake. I shook my head and blinked, clearing the fog in my mind, and realized that we were somewhere.
Okay, don't be mean. That statement isn't as stupid as it sounds.
What I meant was we weren't in the alley or on the train anymore. We were in some kind of big house where sun was shining through windows and junk. It seemed vaguely familiar, and I had to force myself to focus. I'd seen it before, but I didn't know where.
Envy sighed, sounding exasperated, and dropped me. I fell on my butt, getting jarred awake. "Ow! Hey!" I snapped up at him, rubbing my tail.
"We're here, which means I don't have to carry you around anymore," Envy commented, grabbing the hood of my coat and pulling me to my feet. He shoved me towards two double doors. "And if you try any more alchemy, we're tearing off a limb. One of the real ones. Got it, brat?"
I flinched and turned to stare at him, noticing that Lust and Gluttony were with him as well. "Y-Yeah. I got it," I mumbled, unconsciously rubbing my still sore head.
Envy smiled unpleasantly. "Good. Now go." He shoved me again in the direction of the double doors. I stumbled forward, but caught the clue and stepped up to them, pushing them open.
The room was big, and it looked darn familiar. In a chair facing one of the windows, I saw an old person's head over the back. As I walked into the room, Envy's presence close behind to assure I didn't do...whatever, the old person stood and turned to face me, revealing an old lady. I drew in my breath as I realized why this place was familiar, and why this woman looked familiar too.
It was Dante.
LeForge!
(Sorry, bad inside joke)
"Well well, so you're the one I've heard so much about," Old Lady Dante (as I call her) said, her voice and her smile deceptively friendly. "I apologize if your invitation here was a bit forced, but I simply had to meet you."
I blinked. "Well, you've got a painful way of showing it," I commented, rubbing my head. I hoped to channel Zoe's spirit so I didn't burst into tears right then and there. It became a WWZD moment (and I'm sure you've guessed what that Z is).
"My apologies. The Homunculi aren't known for their gentleness."
Behind me, Envy snorted, and I grimaced. "Well, okay, I'm here, so what do you want? I've pretty much figured out that it isn't because you're lonely."
"You're quite the smart girl," Old Lady Dante said. She paused for a moment, and then said, "You are a girl, correct?"
I nodded, figuring it didn't hurt if she knew that.
"And what's your name, hmm?"
I was beginning to wonder where the evil plot was going to show itself, but I figured playing along for now, and playing partially stupid, might help me. I hoped they would underestimate my smarts and I could slip away and escape. After all, this was Dublith, or near it, right? Izumi would be here somewhere, and if I could convince her to join the five "on the inside" maybe I could survive long enough to find a solution to my original problem.
"Risty May," I said. "Risty for short. Hey, umm, so what do you want from me anyhow? If you want something, you should know that I'm not too happy about your palm tree kicking me in the face." As I said this I turned and looked pointedly at Envy. His brow twitched, and I saw Lust blink in surprise.
Oh. I bet no one had called him "palm tree" before now. Whatever.
"Some things simply can't be avoided," Dante said, appearing totally unfazed by the palm tree thing. Envy, however, looked like he was considering impaling me. "Now. Perhaps we should get to the matter of this whole visit."
"Yeah, let's do that," I said, still channeling Zoe's spirit.
"How about you tell me exactly how you came to take control of this body?"
Zoe's spirit vanished like whoof. I stared at Dante, making the awesomest impression of a dead fish. "How I...what?" I squeaked.
Dante's smile didn't seem so friendly anymore. "You've been inhabiting Edward Elric's body for two weeks, have you not? And not a single side effect, hmm?"
"Well...I guess not, but..."
"So you'll tell me how you did it," Dante said, as if it were all settled.
"I can't!" I burst out. "I mean, I know, kind of, but not really, and even if I did, you're totally evil, and stuff!"
Dante raised a brow at my rambling, her smiling face otherwise unaltered.
"Look, even if I totally knew how I did it, which I don't, and actually shared it with you, which I won't, it probably wouldn't help you at all," I went on. "I'm not even from here. I'm from another dimension. You're not, so it probably wouldn't work on you!"
"Hmm," Dante said.
I didn't know if it was a good "hmm" or a bad "hmm", so I decided to air on the side of caution. "Look, how about you just let me go and I'll get back to Central and pretend I have temporary amnesia?" I suggested.
Dante's smile looked a lot less friendly now. "You think I'm going to let you go?" she said, her tone not having changed at all. "I'm afraid you're sorely mistaken, Risty May."
I swallowed hard.
"In fact, I think you know much more than you're telling. And I have no plans of letting you go until I know what you know."
"Hey, I'm just a kid," I said nervously, holding my hands up. "I don't know much of anything. You're wasting your time."
Dante seemed to consider. "Hmm. Perhaps you're right. Perhaps I should just have you killed right now?" She made the slightest of motions, and Envy stepped forward. His arm was now a deadly spike, and he looked practically gleeful to run me through with it.
I gasped, jumping away from him. "No!" I cried, clapping my hands together.
Envy seemed to take that as the perfect opening and leaped at me. I tried to touch him, blow him up like before, but he was ready and dodged both my hands, driving the spike towards my head. I threw myself backwards, barely avoiding it, but Envy corrected and sliced towards me again. I hit the ground, the spike stabbing so close to my ear I felt a sting of pain. Envy pinned me down by sitting on my stomach.
Old Lady Dante held up a hand, and Envy didn't totally decapitate me. "Perhaps you have something useful I might want to hear now?" she said, sounding smug.
My breath was coming in little trembly gasps, a sure sign that I was scared for my life. I forced myself to stay silent, not wanting to aid the evilest of the evil.
Dante shrugged. "Very well."
Envy yanked his spike from the ground, and it changed to a blade. He put it to my neck. "So long, brat," he sneered.
OMG! I'm gonna die! I'm really gonna die!
Then I remembered whose body I was in. I realized that I had no idea what would happen if Envy ended my life here. It was possible that I could just be sent home, and Edward would be left to die. Or we could both die. Either way, someone was dying, and if I let myself die in Ed's body, what would happen to him? I had to protect his body at all costs until I could give it back to him.
"Wait, please!" I cried, hoping it wasn't too late. "Don't kill me! I'll help you! Just don't kill me!"
Dante's smile was so unfriendly it was like an electric fence topped with barbed wire. "Oh will you?"
I was crying now. My fear had stretched not only to my own life, but Edward's as well. How unfair would it be for him to possibly die when he never had a chance to defend himself? "Yes, yes," I said through my tears. "Whatever you want. Just don't kill me."
Dante's eyes glinted briefly with triumph, and she held her hand back up. Envy looked disappointed at not getting to slit my throat, and he threw me a dirty look before standing and pulling the blade away, morphing it back into his hand. "Get up," he ordered.
I did so, scrambling to my feet while wiping tears away. "Now how difficult was that?" Dante said. "Let's all go to the tea room, and we can continue our chat."
(Edward's P.O.V.)
My eyes opened to the sight of Zoe's butt. She had on a very uncomfortable-looking, very thin piece of underwear that didn't really cover anything. She was pulling on a pair of dark blue shorts with a flap in the front to make it look like a miniskirt.
I saw all of this in about .3 seconds, before I quickly squeezed my eyes shut. "Zoe, I'm awake!" I yelled accusingly.
"Oh! Sorry, Eddie." There was some rustling, and then, "Okay, you can look."
I warily cracked open an eye. Zoe was kneeling next to the bed, giving me a thumbs-up sign. Along with the miniskort, she had on a sleeveless white shirt under a navy buttoned up vest. I opened the other eye and sat up, sighing. "Didn't that seem like a bad idea, considering the circumstances?" I said.
Zoe shrugged. "I didn't think you'd wake up. Mrs. F said to let you sleep."
"What time is it?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.
"Ten. Why don't you get dressed? Breakfast is almost ready."
Zoe's extra effort to be nice didn't escape my notice. I threw back the covers and swung my legs out of bed. Zoe had laid out the orange shirt and denim shorts she had picked out the night before, along with a short-sleeved denim mini jacket. I picked up the clothes and looked down at them. A brush and comb dropped into my lap, and I looked up at Zoe.
"The hair," she said, tapping her own head. "It's an abomination." She left, shutting the door behind her.
I unconsciously touched my hair, and felt several flyaways. I got dressed quickly, grimacing at the shortness of the shorts, and pulled my hair out of the braid Rose had put it in. I brushed and combed it, and then re-braided it. I caught my reflection in the mirror and decided I had done Risty May's figure justice.
When I got to the kitchen, Zoe was already there, "sampling" some bacon. There was a plate of pancakes and a bowl of bacon, and a jug of orange juice all on the table. Rose Fernandez was just exiting the kitchen area with plates and glasses when she saw me and smiled brightly.
"Good morning, Edward!" she said cheerfully. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I said, sitting down in the chair I had used before.
Rose put plates and glasses down on each mat. "Good, very good. Every new day is a good one, right?"
"I...guess," I said, not having been asked that question before.
Zoe had finished her bacon and was now appraising my head. "Hmm. It just doesn't look right," she said.
"What doesn't?" I asked.
In response, Zoe grabbed my chair and dragged it over next to hers. "Hey!" I protested, nearly spilling out of it, but Zoe paid me no heed and grabbed the braid I had just done. She started to undo it, despite my protests that it was fine.
"No, it's not," Zoe said, combing her fingers through the loose hair. "It's too boring for Risty May. But I'll fix it." She pulled it into a high ponytail, but it felt like the ponytail was off-center. When finished, she moved over and started again, and then I realized she was doing more than one. I sighed heavily.
"There!" Zoe said when she was finished. She patted the top of my head. "Much more Risty May-like."
"If you say so," I grumbled, scooting my chair back to its place. Zoe reached out and flipped the two high ponytails over my shoulders before I was out of her reach. I glared at her and she gave me a sunny smile.
Rose chuckled. "Don't be sour, Edward. That is one of Risty May's cuter styles. You look fine."
"You ought to try it when you're back in your own body," Zoe teased.
"Hell no!" I said hotly.
Rose dished out pancakes and bacon, and I realized how hungry I was. After all, I had held back at dinner. I noticed Zoe's stares as I ate like I normally do, but Rose just kept smiling and dishing out the pancakes. I appreciated that.
"Hold on," Zoe said a little bit later. "Isn't that your fifteenth pancake?"
I glanced up briefly from where I was pouring syrup. "So?" I asked.
"Are you trying to turn Risty into a whale?" Zoe demanded, sounding horrified.
"Zoe, let him eat," Rose instructed.
"But you're not in a guy's body anymore," Zoe protested. "Think about how mad Risty May will be at you if she switches back and has rolling love handles!"
I didn't even pretend to know why a girl would care about...whatever "rolling love handles" are. I shrugged. "Okay, fine. This is my last one."
Zoe sat back in relief. Rose just smiled and shook her head.
A little later...
"Okay," Zoe sighed, doing that seizure thing again with the computer, "let's see if there's anything else in here to help."
I looked up from the science book I was reading. "From the girl, you mean?" I asked.
"Yeah...are you reading a schoolbook?"
"I suppose. Why?"
Zoe just stared at me, then rolled her eyes. "You gotta be a child prodigy 24/7, huh?"
"Why the hell not? I can't read a book without your approval?" I said dryly.
"Well, sure, but you just look like you're showing off," Zoe grumbled, turning back to the computer. "And stop sitting like a boy. You're making Risty May look vulgar."
I sat up a little straighter, but that was it. Then I heard a strange ping noise from the computer, and Zoe exclaimed, "It's her!"
"Who?" I asked, looking up again.
"The psycho! MRS. F!" Zoe yelled. "PSYCHO GIRL SENT AN IM!"
I got up and came over to the computer. "What's an I-M?" I asked.
Zoe sighed heavily and pushed her chair to the side a bit, tapping the screen. "IM stands for Instant Message. It's a popular way to talk to people on the computer. It's real time like a phone. Anyway, check this out."
I peered at the box Zoe's finger was on.
EdwardsWife77: hey MM i got ur message. wat's up?
My brow creased. "Why can't this girl write full sentences?" I asked.
"Because IMs are all about quickie. It's not too hard to understand. They just replace some words with a single letter or number, and shorten other words," Zoe explained.
I sighed, pondering this "EdwardsWife" girl's IQ. "Well, are you going to respond?" I asked.
"You bet," Zoe said, as her fingers flew over the keys.
MistaMarista: for "ur" info, bitch, this is Zoe, Risty May's best friend. that psychotic chain letter you sent her made her warp to Amestris, and now EDWARD ELRIC of all people is inhabiting her body, and she's in his! what the hell did that stupid letter do?
My brows raised, and I glanced over at Zoe. She shrugged. "Hey, I'm pissed," was her explanation.
There was another ping, and we turned back to the computer.
EdwardsWife77: ed elric? NO WAY! CAN I TALK 2 HIM?
"Hell no!" Zoe and I both yelled.
Just then, Rose came in. "What's going on?" she asked. "Zoe, did you call me?"
"Yeah. The psycho's IMed back," Zoe said, motioning for Rose to come over. "We're finally gonna get some answers." She started typing again as Rose joined us, leaning over Zoe's other shoulder.
MistaMarista: you wanna talk to my FIST? TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW WE FIX IT OR ELSE!
EdwardsWife77: ok, ok, just chill. nothing special, i just sent MM the chain letter n begged her 2 try it. i thought it might work
EdwardsWife77: but wait, they switched bodies?
MistaMarista: uh, YEAH, that's what I said, idiot.
EdwardsWife77: well, that shouldnt happen, she shouldve been sent 2 amestris, not switch bodies w/ ed. wat did she do?
MistaMarista: she missed the dumb deadline. she waited like four hours or something. tell me how to fix it!
There wasn't a response. We exchanged glances. Zoe typed again.
MistaMarista: HEY! are you still there?
Still nothing. Zoe looked steamed. Rose seemed to be contemplating.
MistaMarista: ANSWER ME!
Finally, there was a response.
EdwardsWife77: 4 hours?
MistaMarista: are you like retarded? THAT'S WHAT I SAID! TELL. ME. HOW. TO. FIX. IT.
EdwardsWife77: omg...
EdwardsWife77: i dont know but she shouldnt have waited
Zoe gasped, and then glared daggers at the computer.
EdwardsWife77: hello?
MistaMarista: are you DARING to BLAME THIS ON RISTY MAY? THIS IS YOUR FAULT because YOU sent it!
EdwardsWife77: look i don't know what else u can do but go 2 amestris urself and get her
MistaMarista: ...WHAT?
EdwardsWife77: im sorry but all i can do is re-send u the letter. u can wish urself and ed into amestris and figure it out from there. im sorry but im sure shell be ok
MistaMarista: you're kidding me!
EdwardsWife77 has signed off.
MistaMarista: what? oh no you didn't!
EdwardsWife77 has signed off.
Zoe sighed heavily. "Little manipulative, stupid-"
"So this girl is re-sending the letter?" Rose interrupted. "And then what? Who's going into Amestris? And how will we solve this once we get there?"
"I don't know, and I don't know," Zoe said, sounding miserable.
I read and reread the conversation, musing, as Zoe and Rose continued to try and make sense of the situation. There was a little ding from the computer, and Zoe flipped to another screen. "There it is," she sighed, pointing with the mouse icon to a line of text that read "RE: MISTAMARISTA YOU MUST TRY THIS".
"Then let's open it, and you two get going," Rose said firmly.
Zoe stared at her. "You want me to go?" she said in shock.
"Certainly you don't expect me to let Edward go alone?" Rose replied.
"Well...I guess not, but what am I gonna do?"
"It's a fact that I have no knowledge of Amestris, or the abilities people can have there. And the last thing I would want to do is put my own child in more danger by being there." Here she gave me a mom glare. "I expect you to protect her. And I expect you-" the glare swung to Zoe "-to be a comforting presence for Risty May. You're her best friend and her confidant. You're an obvious choice."
"Well, yeah, but you're her mom."
Rose nodded, smiling. "I know." She didn't offer any more explanation than that. I got the feeling she wasn't your average mom.
"Well? Open the letter and let's do this," I said.
"Oh. Right." Zoe clicked on the text, and the familiar words popped back up. This time, I got to finish reading them. "Okay, so I guess we wish out loud to be in Full Metal Alchemist," Zoe said to me.
My brows raised, but I nodded. Zoe took my hands, as if that helped, and then said, "I wish I was in Full Metal Alchemist."
I repeated it, feeling really weird. Then we both said it two more times, and Zoe jumped back on the computer like it was going out of style and started clicking wildly. "I got ten minutes," she told me as the windows started to flash and I got that seizure-y feeling again.
Next to me, Rose watched also as Zoe clicked and hit keys with a frenzy. Finally Zoe finished, checked her watch, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Eight minutes," she said. "So, now what?"
"I suppose you have to go to sleep for it to take effect," Rose said.
Zoe nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess. What do we do until we fall asleep?"
"I have some sleeping pills I can give you," Rose said.
Sleeping pills. I'm quite familiar with those.
"Yeah, let's do that!" Zoe said, sounding relieved. "Oh, and we should put on some socks and shoes and stuff. We'll probably be walking around a lot."
"I'll go get the pills and some shoes for Edward. Why don't you two set the table for lunch?" At our surprised looks, Rose smiled again. "You can't save my daughter on an empty stomach, now can you?"
"Hmm, that's true," I said.
Zoe gave me a look and sighed.
Risty: Zilo, do you get some sort of...joy out of putting me in scary situations?
Zilo: Me? Why, no.
Lust: Yeah, right.
Roy: And why am I not in this chapter?
Ed: Stop being such a spotlight hog, bastard.
Riza: I agree. You have paperwork. (points to a wheelbarrow full of papers)
Roy: (giant sweatdrop)
Risty: Oh, and there's an Omake! Please read!
OMAKE THEATER
Interview With Some Homunculi (and this guy and girl)
The Interviewer (known from this point on as IV) smiled at her victims...interviewees. Envy, Lust, Scar, and Risty May sat in chairs arranged in a semicircle, with IV's chair facing them. Their expressions, respectfully, were bored, irritated, mildly annoyed, and confused.
"So!" IV said cheerfully, uncapping her pen, "how was the fight scene?"
"Stupid?" Envy tried.
"I was only in the last half," Lust pointed out.
"...I don't care," Scar said.
"Kind of scary! Envy kept slinging me around," Risty May said.
Envy shrugged. "Well, you wouldn't stay put like I said."
"But come on! You're not supposed to hit girls!" Risty May protested.
"Please. I kill girls all the time," Envy said.
Risty May looked green.
"Next question!" IV butted in. "So, Envy, I hear you don't like fighting because you could get hurt. Is this true?"
"What are you, some kind of idiot?" Envy asked. "Haven't I said that?"
IV continued unruffled. "Lust, I hear you had a little tiff with the writers about how little screentime you got. Tell us about that."
"Why? You've obviously made up your mind already," Lust said.
"Uh..."
Scar stood up. "This is pointless," he said. "I will not subject myself to being interviewed for the pleasure of some insane fans."
"AHA! So you are having an affair with Edward!" IV declared.
There was a confused silence as everyone stared at her. Scar looked eternally peeved at that comment.
"But isn't Edward a guy too?" Risty May asked innocently.
Envy smacked his forehead. "Someone corrupt this girl before she says anything else stupid," he growled.
Lust stood up as well. "Come on, Risty May," she said, an evil look barely concealed behind her violet eyes. "I'll tell you about a little something called 'Yaoi'."
"Okay!" Risty May agreed easily, following her.
Scar pointed at IV. "You," he said ominously, "are a quack."
Another confused silence.
"My gosh, you're really playing into the 'idiot Ishbalan' stereotype," IV said, busily writing.
"I'm WHAT?"
"Quack is for doctors, dumbass," Envy said, standing up and kicking his chair back.
Scar was about to say something else, but a piercing scream interrupted him. Risty May came flying by, hands pressed tightly over her ears, screaming, "EEK! EEK! EEK! EEK! EEK! EEK! EEK!"
Envy pointed after her. "A prime example of dumbassity," he said.
