martyr

-lilacwrath-

3/4/2017

Shanghai

A/N: The wait was longer than usual because I had to take the first monthlies, so thank you all for your patience! If it helps, this chapter is noticeably longer than the ones before, even if it's only a tad bit.

So, things are starting to go uphill at a much faster pace from here on out.

By the way, Munchausen34 and The Happiest collaborated and edited the original fanart of Uchiha Sakura for this fic! Links aren't working on this website anymore, but the URL is still exactly the same and displayed on my profile page. It's wonderful! Go check it out and compliment the artists, please!

Also, shout-out to Tongue Tied Baby for correcting me that the Yamanaka and Nara do not possess kekkei genkai. I've already went back to edit the mistakes!

See you at the bottom :)


-chapter vii.-

so this is war


"There were always those nights

where her mind went to war with her heart.

The fight between what she knew

what she felt

and what she had to do.

Sometimes

the hardest decisions

are made under the moon."

-Rhsin


"I repeat myself again: observe and do not interfere at any circumstances—unless the situation truly, truly calls for it," the Sandaime Hokage says, taking a pinch of tobacco between his fingertips and sprinkling it into the chamber of his pipe. "The west border is extremely dangerous. This will be your first assigned B-rank. If things take a turn for the worse, you will very likely find yourself dealing with a hazardous A-rank mission. Please do stop looking so excited, Inuzuka-kun. It will not be an enjoyable experience, I assure you."

"War never is," Sakura murmurs. 'The time has finally come.'

"I'm not excited," Kaito protests. "I'm just eager."

"So, um," Mika says, fidgeting with an anxious and unsure expression on her face. "We just stand on the sidelines and watch people fight? Just…observe?"

"That's one way to phrase it," Shikaku replies. "In other words, we'll be scouting the perimeter and hovering over the edges of the battlefield, but our fellow shinobi will be the ones doing the actual fighting. This will be your first confrontation with war, so watch closely. This is going to be a lesson you will not—cannot—forget. Trust me, the experience will come in handy in the future."

"How does that make this mission a B-rank if we're not actively participating?" Kaito asks. "We're just going to be watching people fight, that's all."

"What do you mean, that's all?" Sakura says, quirking a judgmental eyebrow. "You are a shinobi, are you not? You should be able to understand why genin teams are sent on missions like ours in times of war. We're certainly not the first and only team to be assigned to this mission, you know."

"Oh, really?" Kaito gripes, but she can tell that he does not contain any real heat. He's been her teammate long enough to become accustomed to her occasional patronizing and know-it-all manner. "Do enlighten me, o' wise Uchiha-hime. Please, go right on."

Sakura fixes him with a level gaze, sparking slightly with impatience. "There is a saying among the warriors of the Uchiha clan: Victorious shinobi win first and then go to war, while defeated shinobi go to war first and then seek to win."

Kaito stares at her incredulously, "That's gibberish—"

"Supreme excellency coheres of breaking the enemy's resistance without outright fighting," Sakura continues. "Deception is the key to warfare. Hence, when we are about to attack, we must appear unstable. When employing our forces, we must seem indolent. When we are close, we must make the enemies believe that we are far away, and when far away, we must make them believe us to be near." Her mismatched eyes are unseeing as they gain a faraway visage. "In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity. One may know how to conquer without being able to do so—so watch closely, Kaito. Watch very closely, for there are things that cannot be accomplished without first being observed."

The ensuing silence stretches for such a long period of time that Sakura starts to feel the telltale warmth of embarrassment prickling along the back of her neck, because 'dammit, I've gone too far again, haven't I?' Gathering the last remaining scraps of her dignity, she's about to tactfully divert the subject when Kaito speaks up.

"Wow, I don't think you've ever spoken so much before. You know, you sounded very hip and cool when you said all that," Kaito drawls, looking far too amused and even more confused. "But really, all I asked for was an explanation to why this mission is a B-rank when it should be a C-rank."

"Well, you posed a question and I offered an answer," Sakura bristles, more flustered than irritated. "And haven't you been listening? Sharpen your mind as you may grind a kunai on a whetstone. Why do you think Shikaku-sensei is such a valuable shinobi? Certainly not because of his delightful and alluring disposition, I'm sure."

"Hey," Shikaku grunts, hand shoved deep into his pockets. "That was uncalled for, Sakura."

"Don't worry, Shikaku-sensei," Mika comforts him, patting his arm. "You are a very sweet man, truly."

"Eat lunch first. You'll probably return tonight or at tomorrow dawn, but you may hand in your reports in a week from now. You have two hours to prepare," the Hokage dismisses them. "Brace yourselves."

[martyr]

After the door shuts behind them, Sarutobi Hiruzen takes a long haul from his pipe.

"What a strange child," he contemplates aloud, before turning to the lone ANBU operative stationed in the corner of his office. "How mystifying, don't you think?"

"Yes, Hiruzen-sensei," the ANBU replies, voice slightly muffled by the porcelain mask. "But you know what they always say: There's no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion."

Hiruzen shoots him a wary look. "I do hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking, Jiraiya."

"What do you take me for, you dirty old man?" the ANBU yelps indignantly, "I am so not into toddlers. If you must know, that little oddball of a girl was the one who wouldn't stop sneaking weird little glances at me—"

"Jiraiya!"

[martyr]

'That ANBU in the corner back there had got to be Jiraiya,' Sakura thinks absentmindedly as the team moves swiftly away from the village. She must be correct if the familiar feel of his chakra is anything to go by, and 'alright, there's really no way of mistaking that magnificent mane of his. Honestly, what use are masks if the operatives don't even try to cover up their hair?'

"Inoichi-jii-san told me that teams like ours are extremely rare," Mika says, leaping between one branch and the next, bringing Sakura out from her thoughts.

"That's true. The first handfuls of jutsu theft squads emerged in the Warring States Period from the Uchiha clan," Shikaku explains. "One reason it's been kept quiet is mainly because we don't talk about it, as doing so would just reduce its effectiveness. The other is that such teams are only established in times of war. I was actually quite surprised when the Hokage informed me of my genin team's purpose."

"Surprised?" Kaito asks. "Why?"

"Because after the treaty between the Uchiha and the Senju transpired, resulting in the founding of Konohagakure, jutsu theft missions have always been assigned to teams of ANBU that consists of at least one Uchiha." Sakura answers, "My father once commented that a genin team operating so prematurely as a jutsu theft squad is something practically unheard of."

"Well, it's not like we've been doing concrete jutsu-theft-centered missions, anyways," Kaito frowns. "Come to think of it, we've been practicing those horrible exercises all the damn time, yet we haven't done any actual jutsu theft at all!"

Sakura shoots him a deadpan look, "Don't be dense. We're still genin."

"Those horrible exercises you speak of may very well save your life someday," Shikaku adds.

Mika speaks up before Kaito can retort, "I think Sakura-chan means that only when we've been promoted to chūnin can we be granted permission to perform real jutsu theft, Kaito-kun. It's just a little incredible that we've been informed of our team's special purpose at such an early stage. And it's a very, very special purpose, too."

"When you become chūnin, you'll have to directly fight enemy-nin on the center of the warpath." Shikaku says, "Our task will be to bait out techniques while Sakura watches, hidden from sight. Because, honestly, are you really going to be running at a Uchiha with your best techniques in tow when the Sharingan is activated?" At Kaito's pointed look, Shikaku quickly continues, "And I'm not referring to your clan's combat combination techniques with your ninken partners, because even though the Sharingan may learn the workings of such a honed technique, it does not always enable them to use it. The secrets of a clan are kept very well-hidden from any outsiders, after all."

"About that," Kaito says, glancing sideways at Sakura. "I still don't quite get how your flashy eyes work. I mean, yeah, I understand that it copies movements and jutsus and stuff—but the question is, how?"

"What's so amazing about the Sharingan is that it doesn't just let me copy hand signs," Sakura answers. "It also allows me to copy any techniques using hand signs. In some occasions, a few hand signs are left out, but that's easily solved with some simple calculations. Another problem that will probably surface is that I might not have enough chakra or control required for a particular technique."

"Ah, and that's where the rest of team comes in," Kaito says excitedly, nodding with dawning understanding. "Together, we can strip the technique layer by layer, figure out what exactly makes it tick, learn to master it to take back to Konoha, and then we'll be revered as heroes forever! Now we're making sense!"

"That's what made Sarutobi Hiruzen so valuable and formidable in the Second Shinobi World War," Shikaku says. "He could figure out a S-rank ninjutsu technique, and was able to master it and even teach his comrades a superior version in the span of a single day."

"Hence the name The Professor," Mika echoes, blue eyes wide with stars-struck wonder. "Hokage-sama is amazing."

"Ergo, don't be fooled by his kindly, grandfatherly appearance and mannerisms, for he is even more renown as the Shinobi no Kami," Shikaku says. "The hat isn't handed out so freely, after all—" he cuts himself off abruptly, canting his head to one side. After a short moment, he twitches his fingers in a hand signal, motioning for the team to hold their positions.

While Sakura is not a skilled sensor type like Uzumaki Karin, she's long ago learnt how to utilize her abilities well enough to scour her surroundings. Her skin tingles as her senses awash with over four dozen chakra signatures, flickering erratically yet steadily. And if she sends chakra to her ears and strains some more, she can hear the unmistakable clash of weapons, distant yelling, and the impending onslaught of pounding footsteps.

"There is fighting frontwards," Sakura reports. "They appear to be heading for Konoha, but something seems to be preventing them from doing so. It is likely that a group of enemy-nin have somehow managed to sneak past our front defenses, and our comrades are now staving them off."

"You're right," Kaito nods. "There are sounds of battle ahead—and so, so much blood." He wrinkles his nose up in distaste, and beside him, Ryū paws uncomfortably at his snout.

"We're not even close to the border yet," Mika's pale eyebrows draw downwards in a worried frown. "They've made surprisingly deep progress into our territory before getting detected."

Glancing around, Sakura sees that her teammate's statement is indeed correct. A sitting duck between Iwa and Konoha, Kusagakure's terrain is marked by characteristics of each. Having plunged deep into Kusa area in the past, she'd been fascinated by the woods of colossal mushrooms and bamboos. It is a land of rolling hills snaked with slender rivers and steep ravines, covered with trees but not exactly forested. So far, she's only spotted a scant few clumps of bamboos scattered here and there, and the mushrooms she's seen are evidently native only to Konoha. It should have been another two hours before they arrive at the west border where the largest battles take place, yet the fighting is already close.

"We're short of shinobi at the moment," Shikaku shakes his head solemnly. "We can't have every ninja lingering outside of Konoha in case the village suddenly becomes the heartland of attack. Even though enemy-nin cannot possibly know the formula to breaking Konoha's protective dome, the barrier jutsu cannot hold forever."

"Someone should've notified the village by now, though," Kaito says. "But it's likely that this has only just happened. Should we go aid them or send for more backup?"

"Mika, scout ahead," Shikaku orders. "There's a thrush perched five branches above from us. I'll shadow-bind it so it won't take off. See it? Ah, a little more to the right—yes, that's it, there's the little fella."

Kaito moves over to Mika, supporting her body when she goes limp as her consciousness is transferred into the small bird. She launches herself away from the branch, nearly toppling downwards in the middle of her flight before regaining her balance with several forceful flaps of her wings. It must be difficult adjusting to a non-human body, so Sakura thinks she deserves some credit, because even Ino hadn't progressed so far in such a short matter of time.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Kaito asks, looking up at the dimming sky. The sun is setting below the horizon, painting the heavens with dying streaks of orange and purple.

"Mika is a talented kunoichi who is currently inhabiting the body of a tiny woodland bird," Sakura replies. "I daresay she will return to us in one whole piece."

"Yeah, I know, I know," Kaito sighs. "I guess I just needed a little reassurance from someone else." Something in his voice makes her turn her head around to look at him, and as she watches, he brushes Mika's pale locks away from her face and tucks a stray strand of hair behind an ear. There is an uncharacteristic tenderness in his expression that she is all too familiar with, and it makes her a little uncomfortable to witness the gesture.

Not wanting to intrude on a moment obviously meant for privacy, she turns her attention to Shikaku. The man is currently leaning against a tree, eyes closed as he twirls thick stripes of shadows about his feet. Sensing her observation, he makes a tendril of shadow slither towards her, taking the form of a giant squirrel the size of a small housecat. She lets the shadow-squirrel scamper up onto her shoulder, nearly squeaking in surprise when Shikaku makes it prod its cold nose against her neck.

They do not have to wait very long before a soft squawk and a rustle of leaves signify their teammate's return. Mika stirs in Kaito's arms, shifting her body as she raises her head. The thrush trills in alarm before flapping furiously away in a cloud of feathers. Kaito quickly removes his hand from her hair, gazing down at her innocently.

"That was way faster than I'd expected," Shikaku remarks. "Unfortunately, that must mean that the enemy is closer than we'd originally thought them to be."

"I've always disliked using this technique on animals," Mika mumbles to herself, raising two fingers to gingerly rub over her temples. "That wriggly little worm back there looked alarmingly appetizing."

"The mission," Kaito prompts. "What did you see?"

"Oh, right—oh, it's terrible!" Mika exclaims. "Sakura-chan, you were right. Two dozen or so Iwa-nin have managed to intrude across the boundary between Kusa and Konoha, and our fellow shinobi are trying to chase them off, and even worse news is that—"

"They've brought the fighting straight to us," Sakura finishes grimly even as the ground rumbles ominously beneath the soles of their shoes. "Give us your word, Shikaku-sensei."

Shikaku studies them silently with the cool-headedness he is so often praised for, and when he does speak, his voice is without a single quiver.

"Konoha needs our assistance," their teacher says. "As the jōnin sensei of my genin team, I hereby declare the original mission extricated. Until I say otherwise, we will defend our homeland until every one of those enemy-nin are chased out. I only ask you to choose your battles wisely and to never put down your guard, not even for a split-second—and please, for the love of Kami, stay alive."

"Hai, sensei!"

'It's time.'

[martyr]

When the first person dashes from the trees with two dozen more shinobi hot on his heels, Iwa insignia glinting proudly on each of their hitai-ate, Sakura streaks forward and unleashes a horde of vehement flames upon the enemies. A few of them topple to the ground, screaming and writhing as the stench of burnt flesh stings the air, while some of those who are able to react fast enough vaults over the deadly blazes—only to be brutally shredded apart by a bellow of "Gatsūga!" and a tornado of teeth and claws.

"This is for my sister, you bastards!" Kaito roars, drenched in the tattered remains of his downed opponents, before he flings himself back into the fray again. Ryū leaps after him with a hair-raising howl, unsheathed claws slashing mercilessly.

When Sakura sees several Iwa-nin turning against their comrades who lets out startled cries, she knows that Mika is busy at work. 'To your right, Sakura-chan!' She hears her teammate's voice shout in her mind before she ducks down, an axe sweeping over her head. 'I'll try to keep an eye on all of you!'

Coldness brushes past her legs as Shikaku's shadows slither and spike in every direction like black lightning, ensnaring and impaling enemies faster than she can even blink. It's wonderful to be able to witness the man's marvelous battle prowess once again.

'For Konoha!' a voice in her mind shrieks over and over again with increasing volume until the words nearly tear themselves from her lips. 'For Konoha! For Konoha!'

Above them, the final rays of the fading sun are fully swallowed, plunging the world into another night of moonlit darkness.

[martyr]

As Sakura fells enemy-nin left and right, her heart slams against her ribcage so hard that it aches, her lungs are strung tight with suppressed breaths, and she can feel every vein and every fiber, every bone and every nerve, all awake and buzzing as if her entire body is crackling with hot electricity.

Only a few years ago, she had been all alone, left behind to wander and stifle through the charred ruins of a crumbling world, to ponder her shame and despair in seclusion. She had no purpose to continue dragging on a pointless life, no incentive to persist fighting a battle she would never be able to win.

Not for the first time, she wonders if she'd been the one to end her own sorry life. Had she really been twisted to such a coward? Had there really been no other way out?

Now though, fighting side by side with her team, she finds that she doesn't much care. She's been given another chance, and she'd be damned if she doesn't use it well. It gives her strength to have somebody to fight for, because while she may not always be able to fight for herself, for others—she can kill. The urge to fight and defend has awakened something purely primal and ancient within her. There is something gruesomely satisfying and familiar in the way torn flesh and splintered bones slides wetly over her skin.

It's been such a long time since she'd last fought so freely. Her ears are plugged with the roaring of blood within, her heart beats a steady tattoo in her chest, and raw chakra undulates smoothly through her body as relentlessly as endless waves crashing ashore—

Her teammate's voice is like a startling douse of ice water.

'Kaito-kun!' Mika's shriek explodes in all their minds, and white spots dance behind her eyelids from its sheer volume. 'Behind you!'

Half-turning from the collapsed form of the opponent he'd just defeated, Kaito can only watch with wide eyes as the chokutō soars towards him at a speed too fast for him to dodge or deflect—only for the weapon to be intervened by a blur of grey and white. Ryū yelps as he crashes to the ground, legs spasming in agony, and a pool of crimson rapidly fans out from below his body. Moonlight catches onto the steel blade protruding from his flank.

"Ryū!" Kaito cries. Caught in horror at the sight of his fallen ninken, he does not notice another figure lunging towards him.

Sakura clears the clearing in less than a heartbeat. She rams her body into his side and sends him crashing away, flipping a kunai up just in time to parry the enemy's sword. Over the clash of steel, she locks eyes with a man—boy— who looks only a few years her senior. With a flex of her muscles and a rush of chakra to her arms, he goes skidding several feet away with a surprised grunt. He had clearly not expected so much strength from a baby-faced assassin.

"Why, you're just a child!" the boy exclaims, lowering his sword until the tip drags along the ground. There is a hesitance and unsureness etched across his face that breaks her heart to see, because unlike him, she has no such conservations.

Her resolve has long ago been hardened, her heart bitterly steeled.

"And so are you," she says sadly, looking him in the eye because he deserves that much, at the very least, before appearing behind him. His skull seems softer than mushed rice as she drives the kunai into the back of his head. He crumples to the ground, twitching for another few seconds before going limp under her iron grip, and only then does she let go. His pooling blood is sickeningly bright against the moonlit earth, but it's nothing she hasn't seen before.

"Sakura!"

She reels around at Kaito's panicked shout. She finds him crouched beside a patch of dense foliage, Ryū unmoving body cradled in his arms. Narrowing her gaze, she's relieved to see the barely visible rise and fall of the dog's bloodstained flank.

"Do something," he begs as she kneels down next to him. "Help him, please."

Wordlessly, she gently takes Ryū body from his hold and lays him onto the ground. Glowing hands rapidly rove over his injuries, and she frowns at what she discovers.

"Guard us," she instructs Kaito.

"Will he be okay?" her teammate inquires. Face twisted with worry and fear for his dog, he's never appeared so close to tears.

"That depends on how well you fend off the enemy-nin," she replies, already turning back to her patient. It doesn't take her too long to find a sturdy stick in the undergrowth. "Bite down when the pain comes," she says to Ryū, and the dog only whimpers back in reply.

Wrapping one hand around the hilt of the short chokutō protruding from his side, she raises the other above the damage, letting wispy trails of green trickle into the seeping wound. When she starts pulling at the blade, both Ryū's forelegs and hind legs spasm violently again, tail thrashing and thumping wildly against the ground. The piece of wood cracks and splintered as he crunches down on it, and a shrill whine escapes through his clenched teeth.

"Easy, Ryū, easy," Sakura soothes. "It'll be over soon. You're going to be alright."

The blade drops to the ground silently, slicked with blood, and she finishes up on his skin and flesh after knitting back together his impaired internal damage.

"How is he?" Kaito drops down beside her. At the look she shoots him, he hastily continues, "The area's clear. We've taken care of the enemies. Shikaku-sensei ordered us to retreat."

"Speaking of sensei, where is he now?" Sakura asks.

"The last time I saw him was only a few minutes ago," Kaito threads his fingers gently through Ryū matted fur, avoiding the freshly healed wound. "He said to get back together with our team and wait for him. I think he went to talk with some of our shinobi, because we were just finishing up on sweeping through the area together. Where is Mika? I haven't seen her in a while."

In reply, Sakura looks up at the dark sky a few moments before a figure plunges from the trees, and then Mika lands down beside them, looking bruised and painfully cut-up.

"Mika!" Kaito exclaims with heavy relief. "I was wondering where you were."

Sakura stretches out a hand to cup over Mika's swollen-shut eye, glowing a faint green for a mere few seconds before pulling away, leaving the eye as good as new.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan." Mika gives her a smile that appears rather wobbly and almost pained. Not even a second later, her expression completely crumples and she emits a strange gurgling sound from her throat. "I—I-I'm so sorry for…for acting like this," she chokes out. "It's just that…I was…so—so scared." Ashamed of her outburst, she buries her face in her hands, wet sniffles escaping through the gaps between her fingers every so often.

Just as Sakura opens her mouth to comfort the girl, Kaito beats her to it.

"I was scared, too," Kaito says fiercely, "Fuck, I was scared shitless. I thought I was going to die. I thought we were all going to die. And I was scared for you guys, too. Kami, I—" he cuts himself off, taking in a whistling breath down his throat. "So," his voice is barely a whisper, "this is war, huh?"

His eyes are frighteningly empty, his face haggard, clothes mottled with blood. Mika is huddled beside him, knees locked together and drawn up to her chest, and even in the dark, Sakura can see how badly the arms wrapped around her legs are shaking. As she watches, Kaito lifts a bruised arm to circle around Mika's waist, and the girl leans closer into his embrace.

Sakura's heart breaks for them. She mourns for the loss of their innocence, for the darkness that has now undoubtedly crawled within, and will slowly fester and grow with every passing day until it is inevitably deformed into something black and vile.

"You weren't scared," Kaito suddenly says. It is not a question, but a self-affirmed statement, and it takes her a moment to realize that she's the one he's talking to when he holds her gaze.

"No," Sakura replies honestly. "No, I wasn't."

"H-How did you do it?" Mika whispers, "Can you teach me how to be brave, too?"

Sakura almost laughs outright even as she feels her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. It's funny how she's proven wrong every time she thinks her wound cannot be opened wider anymore. Hadn't she already become numb to everything decades ago? After all, you can't break a heart that's already broken and worn-out. Isn't that how things are supposed to work? Oh, how she misses the little girl whose dreams had no barriers, and who believed in a world where anything was possible with a heart that was full and unbroken.

"War is a soul-shattering experience for anyone and everyone, no matter how hardened they become," she instead murmurs aloud. "That was not bravery you saw from me. I was merely carrying out my duty—eliminating the enemy. It never occurred to me that there was a greater need to protect myself."

"But—"

"Yes, the two of you were scared," Sakura continues. "Utterly terrified, even. Scared shitless. Yet, despite it all, despite your fear, you still did it anyway, didn't you? You kept on fighting even though you were aware of the fact that you could drop dead any second, sure that the next person you knocked down would be your last. Yes, the two of you were scared. You'd be an idiot if you weren't. And you wouldn't be brave either."

"Wait…" The space between Kaito's eyebrows creases. "Doesn't that make you an idiot because you weren't scared?"

A breath of laughter whooshes from her mouth. "Perhaps."

"Isn't there anything that makes you scared?" Mika asks, rubbing away the last of her tears.

At that, Sakura smiles. "Of course. I'd be an idiot if there wasn't."

Shikaku arrives soon after that, shrewd eyes roving almost frantically over their bodies for drastic injuries. Only when they repeatedly reassure him of their verdure and wholesomeness does he set them on the direct path back to the village. They don't speak during the journey, each of them opting to sort out the chaos in their heads in stilted silence. It is unspoken but painfully tacit that their mission had veered onto a very different path than it was supposed to have taken. Sakura tries not to imagine what the Sandaime's reaction will be when he reads their reports.

[martyr]

It is approaching dawn by the time they enter the village, the sky shell pink and faintly gold, and the moon only a slip of silver in the distance. Shikaku hurries them over to the hospital for a final checkup before sending them back to their respective homes.

Carrying an exhausted Ryū in his arms, Kaito offers Mika to walk her to the Yamanaka clan compound, to which she accepts graciously with a shy smile. That is enough cue for Sakura to let them alone, and after bidding each other goodbye, she heads back to her own house.

She is surprised to find the lights dimly lit when she steps over the doorstep. The sound of running water and clattering of plates travel out to the hallway. Who could be up this early already?

"Come into the dining room, Sakura-chan!" her mother calls.

Curiously, she pads across the hall and into the room. Her mouth salivates when the heady aroma of warm food washes over her, and her full attention instantly hones in on the plate of tempura like an eagle to a white-tailed bunny-rabbit. Her mother props her hip against the table, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Okaeri, Sakura-chan." She smiles warmly, but it fades slightly when her eyes linger on her daughter's blood-soaked and battered appearance.

"Tadaima, kaa-san," Sakura greets her, making a move to drag the plate over.

"Ah-ah," Mikoto pulls the plate lightning fast out of her reach, waggling a finger in her face. "You know the drill. I've already laid your pajamas out on the counter. I don't want you getting any of that filth on my furniture. All that blood and grime comes off; you hear me?"

Sakura makes another grab at her salvation, but her mother simply raises it higher above her head, raising an eyebrow meaningfully. Sakura gazes at her food for a long, mournful moment before finally heaving a sigh. "Yes, kaa-san."

She emerges from the bathroom in record time, hair barely dried and still slicked against her scalp, water dribbling thin paths down her neck. Ignoring Mikoto's stare of exasperation, she plops onto her chair and starts shoveling food into her mouth without a single pause.

"Don't inhale your food like that," Fugaku says as he enters the room, expression mildly disgusted. "You'll just bring it all back up if you continue at that rate."

"Look at her," Mikoto murmurs to him when he walks over to the counter, filling himself a cup of tea. "She's ravenous, our poor girl. Wasn't it supposed to be only some sort of espionage mission? She was covered in blood when she came in, you know."

Sakura barely hears them. She can't get the image of Kaito's haunted eyes and Mika's tear-streaked face out of her mind, or how Shikaku had appeared ten years older when he'd returned to them, and the slick softness of the boy's brains when she'd driven a kunai into his head, and maybe, someday, she'll finally learn to love herself and stop being sorry for the things that make her who she is—but not today. Not today.

Now that the adrenaline and excitement of the battle have all but faded away, she realizes just how tired she is really feeling. There is a lethargy that tugs at her bones and weighs down her limbs. No matter how much experience she has gained, her physical body is still not quite used to getting so much action all in one day.

She does not have a clue to when she'd fallen asleep during her meal. One moment, she is hurling food down her throat at the dining table. The next, she blinks awake to being carried upstairs to her room in her father's arms, the rhythmic swaying of his steps working like a sedative to pull her deeper into an abyss of darkness.

"Tou-san…" Sakura mumbles as he stoops down to lay her onto her bed.

"Hn?" He brushes damp hair away from her face, frowning when water drips from the black strands and dampens her pillow.

"I'm so...so tired," the words manage to push through her barely parted lips.

"I know, Sakura. You can tell us all about the mission after you've gotten some rest," Fugaku says as he tucks the blanket under her chin. "You'll need it, because Itachi wouldn't stop asking for his big sister all day long. You have no idea how much of a hassle it was making him go to bed. He's usually very well-behaved, you know. You can bet he'll be hogging all your time tomorrow for sure. So, for now, sleep."

If she were any less fatigued, she would have informed him that no amount of sleep will do any good if it's the soul that is tired. She's an ancient soul caged in a young body, and she's so, so tired.

Instead, seeing as she is, she obeys him dutifully, already swiftly slipping into a dream she will not likely be able to remember in the next morning. She has accepted the fact that, sometimes, all she can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before she falls apart.

The last thing she registers is the calloused yet gentle fingers of her father combing through her hair, lulling her into a fitful sleep.


-to be continued-


A/N: Oh, I do love me some team bonding. What are your thoughts on Kaito and Mika? And as far as I know, Kishimoto has never confirmed that Jiraiya had ever served in ANBU, but nevertheless, I like to imagine that he had been in ANBU at some point in his life, and plainly because ANBU Jiraiya is something real awesome—I mean, seriously, imagine all that magnificent snowy mane behind the mask. Can't believe he died. Damn it, Kishimoto.

Feedback is appreciated!