Chapter 8:

"Ever wonder about what he's doing?

How it all turned to lies?

Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns

Doesn't mean you're gonna die

You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Gotta get up and try, and try, and try

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try"

-Pink "Try"

Ava had remained quiet and let him say all that he needed without interruption. Her face had remained still as stone and cold to boot. She gave nothing away. But inside, Ava was churning with indecision.

"I understand why you didn't say anything. It wasn't my business. But I have a daughter to think about. I like you and the club, Koz—really, but I don't know that I can associate with you. You guys are in gun trading. People die over shit like that." The change in Kozik's expression when she said that told her that people had already died—some by him and the Sons. "Thanks for telling me, but I think you need to leave now." She looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. She knew she would give in and fall into his arms if she did.

Kozik swallowed thickly—the tightness in his chest suffocating him. "We're gonna vote tomorrow. We're looking at going legit—getting out of gun running." He needed to get to her, "I fucked up. I get that. I understand that you have Dylan to think about," he reached for her face and held it in his hands so that she would look at him, "But I would never let anything happen to either of you."

"Kozik, you barely even know me. And I really don't know you apparently. Get out!" Ava stood and looked angered and hurt more than he had seen since the discussion had begun.

Kozik made his way toward the door and opened it, but stopped before leaving. "I'm not giving up. You want me as much as I want you. I know it."

Ava looked at him. "Yeah, I do. And we may be able to be friends, but I'm not going to be with someone I can't trust. You should have stayed away, Koz."

Her words stung him worse than a bullet piercing his flesh. He had nothing to say that could change the way she felt.

Kozik closed her door quietly and made started making his way across the street. His mind was too muddled to pick-up on the signals—the rumble of the engine that inched closer, the crack of the shotgun being cocked, the bullets tearing through his flesh.

Ava heard it all. She rushed to the door, yanking it open and running out into the street as the black SUV ripped away from the scene. She studied the plates for a moment before her feet reached Koz's still body. His breath was shallow, his eyes wide with shock. There were three wounds that Ava could see—one to his shoulder, one to his side, the last to his chest. She guessed that the chest shot may have clipped a lung from his struggled breathing.

She wasted no time in clawing the cell from his jeans and calling 911. She stayed with him, head in her lap, until the ambulance arrived. She told the EMTs that she was his fiancée so that she could ride with him. On the way to the hospital, she called Jax's number that she found in his cell. The guys were going to meet them at the hospital. As she closed the phone she grabbed Kozik's hand. "You can't die, Koz. You're not giving up on me, remember?" Tears stung at her eyes. She hadn't realized how much she needed him to keep trying until that moment.

Kozik squeezed her hand just before flat-lining. Ava was sobbing as her hand was torn from his and the medics began working on him. She could see the life draining from his body. She wanted to kiss him and tell him he would be fine. She wanted to will him to breathe, but she sat back, a sobbing helpless mess.

Her helplessness only deepened as she stood in front of the closed double doors after he had been wheeled through. She scrubbed her tear-streaked face with her hands before she slugged her body to the small waiting room steps away from his surgery room. She looked down at herself. She was still barefoot. Her legs were exposed in her favorite cut-offs and her white tee shirt was stained with Kozik's blood. It had started to dry, but she couldn't care. It was a part of him. She sat in silence until Gemma and Tara silently made their way into the room. Gemma sat beside her and pulled Ava into her as she began shaking and crying silently.

Jax and Tara took a seat on one of the chairs in the small, isolated waiting room. Clay sat next to Gemma who was still holding Ava. Tig, Juice, Opie, Chibs, Happy and Bobby took the rest of the seats in the waiting room.

Ava felt an unusual calm come over her. She sniffled a few times and wiped at her face before sitting up. Bobby looked at her alarmed, "Shit. Are you okay? You get hit?" He motioned to the amount of blood on her.

"It's Kozik's." She looked up at the group with sad eyes. "He came over to talk to me about last night. I told him to leave," the utterly helpless look of regret crossed her face plain as day. "I heard the shots. I was running to him when the black SUV was speeding away." Her face looked alert for a moment, "TAZ326. That's the plate ID."

Juice scribbled the information down and stood. "I'm gonna head back to the clubhouse and see what I can find."

Clay nodded and rubbed a hand across Ava's back, "You did good. Gemma's gonna go to the gift shop and see if she can't find you a shirt and some shoes. Don't need you getting sick."

Ava nodded as Gemma stood to go find the girl some items. The guys stood to huddle in the chapel of the hospital. They needed to sort everything out. Happy decided to wait with Tara and Ava. He moved to sit by Ava when Tara needed to use the restroom. She uttered something about the baby sitting on her bladder and walked away.

"He's my best friend—had my back for years. He's different since he met you. A good different." Happy looked at Ava sideways, "He's stubborn as shit. He ain't going anywhere."

Ava smiled at the small gesture. "Thanks, Hap." She had a feeling he was a good friend to have. She hoped he wouldn't mind having her around, because after all of this, she wasn't leaving Kozik alone. She needed him. She wanted him. And she was going to hold him to her promise to keep her and Dylan safe.