She sat by her daughters' beds until they fell asleep. She washed the soot out of their clothes and her hair. It was well past two in the morning when Charity went to bed.

She closed her eyes. Her head was aching of tiredness. She tried to think about something happy and peaceful. A field full of flowers, for example. The day they painted the bedrooms, all the family together in their previous home. Caroline was only three. The shore near her parents' house.

She drifted into the sweet peace of sleeping.

Phineas runs into the fire. Her scream is inaudible in the roar of the flames. The building collapses.

Her eyes flung open. She turned on her other side. She thought about the cool breeze of the sea to calm down.

Helen is struck in the circus building. She waves through a window in panic. Caroline runs towards the building. She tries to move, but she cannot. She can't scream.

She turned the lights on and laid back on the bed. Her eyes were burning with tiredness.

Phineas runs into the fire. Caroline and Helen cry and run after him. Phillip is shouting. He runs into the fire. Lettie follows him. And then Anne, and W.D. and all the others. Even O'Malley runs into the building. The roof collapses with a crack. She can't move her legs. A carriage arrives and a woman steps out of it. Jenny looks her in the eyes with her stunning cool blue gaze, then hurries towards the building which is roaring and the flames grow bigger and bigger until they reach the sky. Jenny steps on the stairs of the circus. And finally Charity can scream, and she's screaming and screaming and screaming -

She was screaming. She sat up on the bed and blinked confusedly in the bright light.

She boiled some milk and drank it. She didn't try to go back to sleep, just sat in one of the leather sofas in the dark and waited for Phineas to come home. He may not come home until morning, she thought. She let the pictures swirl in her mind as she was too exhausted to concentrate on any of them.

'Anne - no, she got out of the fire. Everyone got out. Where are they going to live now? Do we have enough money to restart the circus? They could live in our villa for some time, some of them at least. Phillip - oh my, he's in the hospital. What if -? No, he'll make it through. He must. Why did Phineas come home early from the tour? Will Phillip survive? No, don't even think about that he might-. So, so Phineas? Is he alright? Did he miss me this much? Really? Why is he not home yet? Oh, yes the fire -,' and so her thoughts bounced in her head until the sky began to lighten up.

It was still early in the morning when she heard some noise from the entrance door. 'It must be Phineas,'- she thought and sighed in relief. She hurried towards the door, but, oh no, it was only the morning post. The letters and newspapers were waiting in a neat pile on the corner of the table. She sat down and began to sort them out. Her heart jumped at the fourth letter. She would recognise this envelope anywhere, anytime - a notice from the bank. She hesitated, as she had opened up every letter that came for her husband while he was on tour, but now she should just leave it to him. On the other hand, Phin was still out somewhere and he might not comes home until the evening. She shouldn't let him be concerned about this then. She got up to find the letter opener, but she only took a few steps when she started crying. She was tired, so tired, not just physically but mentally, not just because of that night but also because of the previous months. Doing everything alone. The stress, the loneliness. She tried to stop crying, but she was sobbing more and more. Suddenly all the weight of her life came on her shoulders. Always being worried about Phineas' new and daring ideas. Being happy and always looking happy around people - she's never realised before how tiring it was. Being a wife and being a woman - not being able to go anywhere, to do anything, to work, to libraries, to go out alone in general, to meet interesting people, to build friendships that go beyond talking about the latest fashion and the fresh rumours on parties...

She wanted to feel alive.

She surprised when she realised that she was thinking about Jenny Lind's life. She's never thought that she'd be jealous of any aspect of her life - fancy events, expensive dresses, admirers, the best hotel rooms in the world, in these she had no interest - but the singer met many people. Interesting ones. Not just royalties, but scholars, highly educated noblemen, even artists like Chopin or Andersen. While she, herself, was only a disinherited woman, who was even despised by her neighbours.

She wanted to feel alive.

She has a good life, she reminded herself but it was implausible at that moment. She dropped the letter and curled into a sofa. She wanted Phineas to be there.

After she calmed down, she decided to leave the letter on the floor and make some breakfast for herself.

Only when she sat down at the table with a cup of tea, her toast and a boiled egg did she remember the post, as she got used to reading the newspaper during breakfast while Phineas was on tour. On her way to the table where the letters and the newspaper stood in a pile she picked up the bank's letter from the floor and returned to her breakfast with it and the New York Herald.

She opened the letter and read it through. Then she read it again. She couldn't believe the words. Her hands were shaking. 'Could Phineas...? Without asking her?' She hoped for a few seconds that it is only a mistake, but when she read it again - she knew half of the words by heart already - she knew it wasn't a mistake of the bank. She knew Phineas loaned money from the bank for the tour. A lot of money. And the insurance - it wasn't only the circus, then. Especially now that it's burned down. She stood up, leaving her breakfast untouched on the table, already listing in her mind the things she should pack. Where would they go? Well, Phineas might be able to find a small flat that they can rent. They'll find someplace for sure.

Thinking calmed her down a bit. She knew that it'd be pointless to wake the girls up, it wasn't even seven o'clock yet, only to pack their clothes and toys. It can wait an hour more. She can wait until Phineas comes home and they discuss it.

Still, she felt betrayed as she looked at the letter in her plate, on top of her toast. She thought that at least Phineas trusted her enough, he found her clever enough to discuss such things with her.

She threw the letter out of her plate and sipped her tea. She took the newspaper in hand which she clumsily threw upside-down on the table before. She hoped that it may distract her thoughts a bit from the bank and Phineas.

And Phineas - Phineas was on the front page as she folded out the paper. Her eyes widened. Phineas. Kissing. Jenny. Lind. Her eyes looked for the headline: "Jenny Lind quits". She looked at the picture again. Her whole world collapsed in a second. "The Barnum scandal", stated the title under the picture. She tried to read the article but her eyes always wandered back to Phineas' face on the paper. It triggered a rush of memory - the first concert. She managed to convince herself that there wouldn't be anything between Phin and Jenny - but there it is, black and white on the paper. She couldn't cry anymore, not as much as she wanted to, but her head ached and she breathed heavily and there might have been tears but maybe she just stared into the air - she couldn't tell, she somehow lost all abilities to sense her surrounding or even her own acts properly. Everything seemed painfully new around her, her thoughts ended up unfinished, everything was messy and way too clear at the same time. After some time a servant appeared then left quickly then someone tried to give her a glass of water politely but firmly. She couldn't speak, couldn't recognise the face, so she just took the glass and drank a few sips. Her mind started to function. She heard someone was talking about calling a doctor. She shook her head - she didn't want a doctor.

'Buy every paper,' she said to the people around her. They started chatting, someone hurried out.

After some time she remembered the letter from the bank and realised that she can't wait for Phineas to come home and that there's only one place on Earth where she can go with her daughters - her parents' house. She promised to herself that she'd never go back there, but there was no other option. She got up and started to pack a suitcase.


That evening they stood next to each other on the shore.

'I brought hardship on you and our family. You warned me, and I wouldn't listen.' Phineas couldn't decide whether it was really the end or the tearful Charity would ever be so good to forgive him. He knew that he didn't deserve her forgiveness. 'I just, I wanted to be more than I was.'

'I never wanted anything but the man I fell in love with,' she replied.

They knew each other as much as they had been the same person. Their hug was a promise, a promise of forgiveness, of trust, of love.