~~Let me know what you're thinking everyone! Great, Horrible, Decent?

Edward dropped me at my car. I drove home quickly, just wanting to shower, and relax in some Pjs. The whole drive home, I was regretting not inviting him over, for dinner, or a movie, or just to have him sit silently on my couch and relax away my worries just by simply being there.

I was halfway through my front door when it occurred to me. Today was the first day since I realized Jake had left that I didn't hesitate before going inside my house. I couldn't hold back my smile. I was going to be ok. If I were being honest with myself, Jake and I were over a long time before he had left. After my breast cancer surgery, after I was over the worst of everything, he started being around less and less. And by the beginning of the year, we had become more of friends than anything else, it makes sense that that's what we agreed to be not long after. Jake was my best friend before he was anything else, so it just made sense, he would always be my friend, and I'd always love him as a friend, and he'd always hold another part of me as well. It was time to be honest with myself, yes I loved Jake, and yes I missed him. But I wasn't devastated because my boyfriend left me. I was terrified of being alone again. I had been single for about 3 years before Jake and I started dating. When we decided to take our relationship farther, I was ready to settle down. I depended on him entirely too much. I got so lost in us that I forgot how to be just Bella. Having to remember that…how to be just me again was what was killing me. Edward was bringing Bella back. He didn't agree with me for the sake of agreeing. He challenged my opinions and made me fight for them. He made me stand up for myself. He was making me strong again. It didn't seem possible, I had just met him, but I could feel myself teetering on the edge of falling for him.

I was about to take a shower, and humming some upbeat poppy love song, acting like the type of girls I loathe. You know those ones who are too happy, who just love everyone…blah! I hated it…but it felt wonderful. I stopped humming, thinking I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. Crap! I threw my tank top back on and ran through the house, almost breaking my neck in the process, hoping to catch the call before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" I gasped, still rubbing my toe after almost breaking it on the stupid couch.

"Bella?" I couldn't place the voice, but it was familiar.

"Umm yeah, who's this?"

He laughed. "Did you forget me already? It's Jake of course."

"Oh." was all I could get out. I had to sit down before I crumbled. Every single emotion I had been feeling for the past almost 3 weeks came flooding back.

"Bella, baby, are you ok?"

The sound of him calling me baby was all it took, and all of those emotions turned into just one…anger.

"AM. I. O.K. Really Jake?!?! REALLY?!? Am I fucking ok." I couldn't help but laugh. Then I took a deep breath, struggling to find my words. "Yes, Jacob, I am ok, if you had called me 3 weeks ago, or hell a few days ago, the answer to that question would have been no, but now, yes I am ok." I spat into the phone.

"Baby…" he started, but I interrupted.

"Do NOT call me baby, infact, don't call me anything. I don't exist in your world Jacob, I know this because if I did…if I mattered at all to you, 3 weeks ago, I wouldn't have driven to your apartment at 7 am, to surprise you with breakfast, only to find it empty. Every single sign of you gone. No kiss goodbye, not phone call, no letter, hell not even a worn out speech about how we'd stay in touch and always be friends. You just left, and then you didn't even have the nerve to tell me, you had your brother send me an email. You are a coward Jake." I flashed back to the night with Edward in the restaurant.

"Bella, I really am sorry. I just…I just didn't know what to do with things. Our relationship was just so intense. Nothing is ever easy with you, it was hot and cold, you wanted me, then you'd push me away. And then, you were sick, and it was just crazy. We agreed to just be friends, I guess I didn't think you needed an explanation, I don't know what I thought, I guess…I just didn't think. I really am sorry Bella, I never wanted to hurt you." He really did sound sincere, but the way he pointed out all the ways I made things difficult, just made me angrier.

"Jacob Black, don't you dare…" I had to stop and breathe before continuing. "Don't you dare blame it on me. I am very aware that I am not an easy person to love. I know I'm damaged, and I know I'm complicated, and I even know that you dealt with a lot of things that you shouldn't have had to. But none of those things are an excuse for the way you just left me. I loved you, nothing…NOTHING, could make me intentionally hurt you. So don't you blame me because you weren't strong enough. I know it gets better than that. I know that there is a man here, who likes that I'm complicated, and who's willing to do whatever it takes and NOT run away!" I threw Edward in his face before I could stop myself.

The line was completely silent, I wasn't sure he was even still there. "Hello?" I asked.

"Wait, there's a guy?" I could hear the anger building in his voice. "You were so incredibly heart broken that it took you all of 3 weeks to move on. I admit I left, and that was wrong, but you're disgusting Bella." He said my name like just saying it burned his tongue.

"Oh give me a damn break, you think I didn't notice the way you and your neighbor were before you left, you think I didn't notice…" I stopped myself. "You know what it doesn't even matter, I don't owe you any apologies or explanations, you left me, and I was stuck here alone and hurting. So I don't owe you anything and I will not apologize for the ways I chose to fix what you broke. I'm getting myself together again, and if that disgusts you, well then that's your problem, I'm actually pretty damn proud of myself for a change!!" I slammed my phone shut and almost threw it across the room as I fell to the ground sobbing, in hurt, but mostly in anger.

I tried to calm myself down some, and began fumbling through my phone, searching for Alice's usually easily found number, finally after two tires, I hit the send button.

"Hello!" Her happy voice sounded just like bells.

"Alice…" I couldn't finish, I just cried.