Normally, I would not update so quickly, but I've had a lot of help from fellow fanficians and I watched a movie that just made me want to get to the top 7 quicker. By the way, I'm making it top 7 now. I don't have the heart to do a double elimination and cycle 16 of ANTM only had 5 girls go to the exotic location so, on with the show!


-Now opening credits-

Galadriel popped up on the screen, "Hey, what about my screen time?"

Writer: "Stop breaking the fourth wall!"

Galadriel puts her hands on her hips, "Make me!"

Writer grabs an eraser, "Don't make me do it!"

Galadriel holds out her phial, the writer then erases the phial. Celeborn suddenly runs out and falls to his knees. "Writer! Please, I don't like my wife anymore, erase me please, she's so scary!"

Galadriel glares at Celeborn and he shudders.

Writer: "How about you go somewhere nice with Cele-sorry, Kellogg's products for a bit?"

Celeborn nods and the writer has plopped him down in a Kellogg's winter wonderland. He then begins to devour eggo waffles with a river of maple syrup.

Galadriel glares at the writer, "Why did you do that?"

Writer: "He needed a break; I could send you to some fabulous Caribbean beach if you like. I feel kind of bad for taking your husband away."

Galadriel suddenly has about 6 designer suitcases packed, "When do I leave?"


-At the (boardwalk) the model house-

"I feel oddly lonely." Aragorn said.

"That's because you haven't had any screen time yet." Elrond said as he started plating Aragorn's hair. He wanted to give him corn rows.

Frodo walks in with a bag of popcorn. "Whatya doing?"

"Giving Aragorn corn rows."

"What you're gonna plant corn in Aragorn's hair?" Pippin asked, he suddenly popped out from behind the sofa.

"How long have you been there?" Elrond almost had a heart attack. "First Glorfindel, now you? What is it with all these people popping up over the place?"

Pippin shrugged. "I miss Boromir."

Gandalf walked in wearing a lamp-shade on his head. "How is Faramir holding up anyway?"

"He locked himself in the Gondor room and won't come out. He's really upset." Aragorn held up a mirror to admire Elrond's handy work. "Why are you wearing a lampshade?"

"I was at a party with Stephen Fry." Gandalf said. "Where's the tequila?"

"You want to know who I miss?" Merry said, popping out of a random grandfather clock that wasn't there a minute ago.

"Who?" Elrond said through gritted teeth, he was getting really tired of this crap.

"Fingolfin and Finarfin," Merry said sadly. "And Lego and Eomer and Gimli…"

"I'm still here!" Gimli yelled from upstairs.

Pippin looked around. "I feel weird, like I shouldn't be here, but I should."

"That's because the writer didn't write that you're still in from last panel. She forgot to." Frodo said, checking his nails. "It's one thing to keep forgetting Gimli, but to forget Pippin…."

Suddenly the palantir let off a siren and Gandalf ran to go look. He came back holding a letter. "It's from… the Rubiie…" He shuddered. "This must be important."

"You mean she didn't use the writer?" Merry dropped a bowl of chili onto the floor. It went everywhere.

"I always thought the writer was Rubiie." Pippin said.

"No, the writer is someone else." Elrond noted.

"Who?"

"How the heck should I know?" Elrond waved a hair brush at Pippin.

Gandalf cleared his throat nosily. "If you'll let me read please."

"My little hobbits, elves, humans, dwarves and wizard type guy,

First off, Frodo shut up. You have no idea how painful it is to say goodbye to some of your favorite characters. Well not Gollum or Grima, don't like them, but it was painful to write about Boromir getting shot with an arrow. Faramir needs to cheer up. Someone make him some cookies. Double chocolate fudge is his favorite. Pippin, I am so sorry that I forgot about you. You know that you're one of my favorite characters. And before Gimli starts yelling at me because I almost always forget about him until editing time , look, I remembered you, ok? I don't hate you, but you're as stubborn as a mule. Whatever. I'm sending in Glorfindel to help. And Arwen...maybe…

And at that moment, Glorfindel struts into the living room. He's wearing Channel sunglasses and he wipes them off in a very dramatic way and does a hair flip too. He's such a diva. "Models, I'm here to cheer up Faramir, and Arwen is here too."

Arwen is suddenly sitting in one of the arm chairs in the living room. Frodo walks up to her.

"This statue is amazing, it looks almost lifelike." Frodo reached out to touch her face. Arwen turned her face to look at him. "Holy crap!" Frodo jumped. "You're real!"

"Yes, I'm also very beautiful." Arwen said with almost no emotion in her voice.

Aragorn slide up next to her. "So, what kind of music do you like?"

"Whatever kind of music you like." Arwen smiled. Aragorn face-palmed.

Glorfindel dragged Faramir out of his room. He waved a cookie in front of Faramir's face. He cheered up slightly.

"Models, I also have a bit of a challenge for you. This has something to do with the photo shoot."

"Why, is the palantir still moody?" Gandalf asked.

Glorfindel nodded. He picked up a wicker basket that had a blue bow on it. Suddenly the basket began barking. Arwen held up a wicker basket with a pink bow on it.

"Puppies!" Pippin yelled excitedly and grabbed 5 puppies from the basket Glorfindel was holding and snuggled them.

"Yes. And Puppies and kittens." Glorfindel said. "They're a part of your photo shoot."

Faramir's face lit up. "I want a kitten!" Glorfindel passed him a tiny little kitten that was no more than a ball of fuzz (figuratively). Farmair smiled. "I'm going to name you Antonio Banderas because you look like Puss in Boots!" Faramir snuggled the kitten who began to purr.

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow, "Is that a letter from one of the producers?"

Gandalf nodded. Gimli sat with his arms crossed and sulked. "They all hate me, I just know it."

"Psh, they don't hate you, they just think you're arrogant." Glorfindel sat down next to him with his legs crossed, having given Merry and Pippin the dogs to play with.

"I hate being the only dwarf." Gimli pouted some more.

"Hey," Elrond poked Gimli in the chest, "Out of all the other dwarves, you got picked. Only you. So stop moaning. You could have a horrible doom coming your way or something."

Gimli sneezed. "Argh, stupid pet dander allergies!" Glorfindel passed Gimli a bottle of allergy pills.

"Oh my Tolkien! Pippin's drowning!"

"Merry, save yourself! It's too late for me!" Pippin cried from somewhere in a sea of dogs (meaning there are a load of dogs running around, not a sea made out of dog fur or something. That's cruel and disgusting) And that last thing we see before a commercial break is Pippin's hand sinking underneath a tidal wave of puppies.


-Commercial time!-

A cartoon chibi of Celeborn is shown prancing around. Happy music is playing and there are rainbows everywhere and fluffy pink clouds and bunny rabbits and puppies and other cute fuzzy animals. Celeborn prances around some more before glancing over at his shoulder at us.

He smiles. And then his tummy rumbles, you can tell because there's squiggly lines radiating from his belly. "Uh oh, I'm hungry; I wonder what I should eat…" Suddenly a bunny sitting on a pink cloud floats down to Celeborn and throws a box of breakfast food at his head.

"Ow," Celeborn rubs his head then picks up the box. "Celloggs? Hm…" He sticks his hand into the box, grabs a fistful of food and eats it. The happy music cuts off with that generic sound you hear when someone quickly takes off a record from a record player. An angelic choir is heard.

"This is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten!" Celeborn announces. He then is seen by a river off maple syrup, dunking a Celloggs pancake in it and eating it. Next is a shot of him jumping around under a waterfall of fruity snacks.

A voice over now says: "Cellogs, the most delicious breakfast and snack food ever."

-End of commercial-


The models are all traveling in the mega TNTM bus. Everyone is enjoying some virgin margaritas because Gandalf got yelled at the last time he turned up to a photo shoot drunk and no one else wanted to follow his example.

They all stumble out of the bus because it was driven by a maniac, Haldir for this episode.

Glorfindel was standing next to possibly the biggest hound the models had ever seen. The hound sat on his hind legs and said: "Models! My name is Huan; I was in the Silmarilion, not like anyone ever reads the Silmarilion, at least not without a bottle of ibuprofen. But yes, I am a talking hound. And yes, for those of you who have actually read the Silmarilion, you'll know that I was only allowed to talk 3 times before I died. Well, not anymore! I can talk all I like and you know what? I LOVE Whitney Houston! I don't care what anyone says about her, she is one of America's greatest treasures! Annndd IIIIII will always lllooovveee yoooooouuu." Huan began to sing, when he got to the you part he howled.

Glorfindel and the models clapped their hands over their ears. Huan stopped and stared at them. They all clapped quickly. Glorfindel stepped in before Huan could sing again. "So, like I told you yesterday, you'll be having something to do with puppies and kittens. Well the challenge is that you'll be modeling not only with puppies and or kitten, but modeling with a fellow model.

Glorfindel pulled out the hat from out of nowhere. "So, the teams are: Merry and Frodo, Pippin and Gandalf, Aragorn and Elrond, Faramir and Gimli. And remember, this is casual, but still model, think of it as if you're a celebrity doing a shoot for an animal charity."

Huan scratched his ear. "Go get into hair and makeup!"

Pippin and Gandalf were first; they had matching tank tops and skinny jeans on with a "statement" necklace and pumps. Their makeup was a smoky eye but muted so they didn't look they had raccoon eyes. The puppies bounded around their ankles. Pippin picked a puppy up and began snuggling with it. Gandalf held a puppy up near his face and made kissy faces.

"Aw," Huan said, "Cute, but no try lying down and Pippin, try not to drown in the puppies."

"Did Glorfindel tell you?" Pippin asked

Huan and Glorfindel nodded. Pippin and Gandalf began to model together, they sat crossed legged on the floor with the puppies between them, they smiled and smized. Huan got some great shots of them.

Up next were Aragorn and Elrond. Elrond had a blazer on with a short, cute skirt and Aragorn had a wrap sweater and leggings and low heeled boots on. They had to work with kittens. Aragorn immediately picked one up and mimed it saying: 'I can haz cheezburger?" to Elrond, who began laughing uncontrollably. Huan began clicking the camera. He glanced over at Glorfindel who was smiling.

"Best work these two have done yet." Glorfindel said. Huan nodded.

Gimli and Faramir showed up after Elrond and Aragorn. Gimli had had some troubles with the first outfit that had been picked for him (a summer dress and strappy heels, as they were supposed to match like Pippin and Gandalf, but he hadn't shaved his legs all competition….) so they had had to go for those jean capris that are always in during summer, whatever those things are called, an off the shoulder top and visible tank top straps with converse skimmers. Faramir was wearing a sun dress instead with strappy heels and bangles and his hair was curled so he looked extra cute.

They got to have kittens and puppies. Gimli had taken several allergy pills before coming onto set but he was sneezing like crazy, especially when a kitten began winding around Gimli's legs.

Huan shot Glorfindel a nervous look. "He doesn't do well with direction." Glorfindel whispered.

Faramir tried to help Gimli the best he could, but Gimli had had enough and shut down completely. Faramir was almost in tears because of Gimli not helping, so Faramir grabbed his kitten, Antonio Banderas and tried to make the best of it.

Merry and Frodo were last. They were wearing jean shorts, Merry had a plaid shirt that was kind of big on him, but made him look cute. Frodo had a more of a blouse style shirt on that was light green. They're hair had been lightly curled so they looked like they were just at the beach. The kittens and puppies began meowing and barking. Merry had an idea that Frodo should get on his hands and knees while Merry pilled as many puppies on as was possible.

"Like a piggy-back ride!" Merry said.

"You're so weird, whatever works darling!" Huan said.

Frodo flipped a stray bit of hair out of his face and smized.

At the end of the photo shoot Huan had gone off to go drink a bowl of water, so Glorfindel stuck around to tell them any extra stuff.

"Faramir, we want to tell you that you can keep Antonio Banderas." Glorfindel handed Faramir Antonio. Faramir was in a state of disbelief. "Because he makes you happy."

Gimli sneezed and side stepped away from Faramir.


-Commercial time!-

Orophin is shown using liberal amounts hair spray on a girl sitting in a stylist chair. Rumil is shown holding a positively ginormous bag and bedazzled sunglasses walking into a salon. Next he is applying makeup to a customer, who is frightened. Haldir is also there, talking into a phone and looking magnificent. Lorienlicious appears on the screen in bright blue and diamonds.

Coming this season: Lorienlicious, only on Bravura channel. Watch. All. The. Drama.

Then shown is Rumil cat fighting with some dark haired elf.

-End of commercial!-

The models are hanging around the house, doing a workout video, except for Gimli who had shut himself in his room. Halfway through doing a half moon pose, the palantir lets off a sound like a thousand beluga whales. Elrond almost fell over if it weren't for Aragorn catching him. They all went into the hall.

"Only 7 of you will be going to our new exotic location, so one of you will be eliminated. Also, you have a new judge joining us for a while."


The scene switches so that the models are all in the judging room. They have all had to put masks on, so as to keep the new judge a surprise.

"Models, you can all take off your masks now." Galadriel said.

The models do so and all of them gasp. It's Legolas sitting next to Galadriel and Feanor. His hair is now back to being long and blonde and he waves at the models. "Miss me?" He said.

Pippin and Merry run over and hug Legolas. He hugs them back and they go stand with the other models.

"See, Celeborn is off in Cellogg land, so we needed a judge, so we brought Lego back!" Erestor explained.

"So, you guys had a photo shoot this week with Huan and a load of other animals, we'd like to see first: Gimli and Faramir." Their photo then materializes onto the mirror. It was of Faramir looking teary eyed and Gimli mid sneeze.

"Hm," Legolas said. "I see you haven't improved at taking directions Gimli."

Erestor looks worried. "Faramir, were you about to cry?"

Faramir nodded. "I'm just so depressed about my brother, but now I have Antonio!" He held up his kitten.

"Aw…he's so cute." Erestor smiled.

"And the bad thing was that all of your photos were like this," Galadriel said, she wasn't happy.

Frodo and Merry stepped up next. Their photo was of them laughing with the puppies sitting on Frodo.

"Huan said that he was very happy with your work." Galadriel said.

"I think you forgot to model," Feanor said disapprovingly. 'I know that Glorfindel said that it was about having fun…"

"No, don't listen to him! You work it Gimli! Work it like you were born to!" Erestor glared at Feanor. Feanor shrugged.

Pippin and Gandalf were next. It was the photo of them sitting with the puppies around them and they were smiling and generally having a good time while still looking model-esque.

"Wonderful!" Legolas said.

Galadriel nodded. "Fierce."

"Pippin, do that little walk again," Erestor said. Pippin strutted around the room again. Erestor beamed. "You've improved your walk."

"Yes I have," Pippin said.

Lastly were Elrond and Aragorn. They strutted up together with their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders. Their picture showed up: it was the one of Aragorn holding a kitten and Elrond laughing.

"I'm so glad that you two have become such good friends." Legolas said.

Feanor stared at the picture. "You sort of lost your neck in the photo Aragorn." He pointed out. "And Elrond, you look a bit like a horse."

Aragorn shuffled around. Elrond stared back at Feanor.

"I think you did wonderful." Erestor said.

"Do you just say the opposite of everything I say?" Feanor asked.

Erestor did a hair-flick. "Perhaps."

Galadriel stepped out in front of the desk before Erestor and Feanor's argument could escalate anymore. "We deliberated before hand and our winners are: Pippin and Gandalf."

The two of them ran forward grabbed their photos, waved happily at Legolas and stood to the side.

"Merry and Aragorn, Elrond and Frodo," Galadriel said sadly. "Which leaves Faramir and Gimli in the bottom two."

"Seriously Gimli, three weeks in a row?" Legolas yelled before he could stop himself.

Gimli shook his head sadly.

"So, Gimli, three weeks. We do love you, but you can be so stubborn and we understand that you have a pet allergy, but there was no reason to shut off and leave Faramir like that. And Faramir, we understand that it's traumatic that your brother is dead and that Gimli was well you know…"

Faramir burst into tears. Gimli just stared at a spot above Erestor's head.

"So the person who's not going to the super exotic location is: Gimli." Faramir sank to his knees. Gimli nodded, hugged the other models and walked out of the room.

"Models!" Legolas said, suddenly wearing winter clothing. "I'm going to be your guide to the super exotic location!"

"And where exactly is our super exotic location Erestor?" Galadriel said with a gleeful tone in her voice.

Erestor waved his hand and about a dozen satyrs came out and started dancing along with at least 6 talking animals. "You're all going to Narnia!"

The models jaws dropped.


And that's how the models are now trekking up the side of Caradhras in a blizzard so they could go into the Mines of Moria and somehow end up in Narnia.

"I really hate C.S. Lewis for this." Pippin muttered. "Making people trek up a mountain, why couldn't we have gone through a bloody wardrobe?"

"I think the mountain wants the ring!" Frodo yelled. "Nonsense!" Gandalf replied, 'Why would a mountain want the ring? Besides, I thought you destroyed the ring months ago!"

"Yeah, about that…"

Suddenly the mountain rumbled, "Frodo of the shire, give me the ring!" The mountain then caused an avalanche. The screen goes black for a second.


-Instead of a commercial, a please stand by message is shown-

When we rejoin the models, they're right outside the mines of Moria and Legolas' head pops out from the snow that is now there. "Did the mountain just…eat us?"

Gandalf struggled to be free of the snow, he stared at the riddle. "Does anyone remember what the word was?" Everyone shook their heads. Merry and Pippin began to throw stones into the water, they forgot that a giant squid thing lived in there.

Aragorn grabbed Merry's wrist, "stop! There are things in that lake!"

"What kind of things?" Merry asked.

"I like things." Pippin added.

However the squid raised a tentacle out from the watery depths, grabbed Gandalf and pulled him under the water. Everything is quiet for a few seconds before the water starts bubbling then the kraken is suddenly spewed out of the water. (Cut to a scene of the Caradhras in widescreen where a blackened calamari that's on fire is flying through the air, the only thing heard is the wind whisteling.) Gandalf came up from out of the water, his clothes were smoking slightly.

"Well, enough of that, let's go into the mountain, I've suddenly remembered the password." Gandalf said and strode up to the door.

Pippin shrugged and followed. Antonio Banderas wrestled free from Faramir's grip and ran into the mine. "Antonio! Come back!" Faramir ran after the kitten.

"Faramir, we mustn't get lost!" Legolas put his hands on his hips, but everyone else went running after Faramir.

Eventually all the noise caused a whole load of goblins to run after them. Goblins like cats, but they like humans and hobbits better. Not elves though, they taste like flowers and prissy stuff like that.

Faramir eventually chased Antonio Banderas out of the mine all together. He stopped and shielded his eyes. There were 4 people waiting outside, two boys and two girls, they all looked bored.

"When the hell are they gonna get here?" The dark haired boy asked.

"Sit down will you?" The light haired boy said.

Faramir was tempted to go back into the mine when the presumably youngest and smallest of them grabbed him by the wrist. "Oh look, here's one, the others should be along any minute! What's your name?"

"Faramir," he said. "And what is yours little girl?"

"Lucy and I am not little."

"I'm Edmund," said the dark haired boy, "This is Peter and Susan," he pointed to the blonde boy and the older girl.

"Faramir, don't run away from us again." Legolas said, 'You know it ruins my hair, having to run like that through a mine, by the way, there are goblins after us. Good going."

Susan, who until that point had been braiding her hair suddenly sat up and smiled at Legolas. "Ooh, you've been chased by goblins? How…manly," she batted her eyelashes at him.

The other models then saved Legolas by running out of the mine and pushing a conveniently located boulder across the exit.

Peter gasped. "You're all covered in filth! You have to come back to Cair Paravel with us! It's also going to be your super-duper hot new model house from now on, aren't you lucky ducks?"

The models all looked at one another, shrugged then followed the kings and queens.

"Galadriel told us to wait right here for 8 people to come out of the mine." Lucy explained, "She gave us very specific instructions."

"Be quiet Lucy," Edmund said, "They probably want a rest, not here you twitter on about things."


Many thanks to TheseAngelWings for coming up with Peter being prissy and Susan flirting with Lego, and the part with Edmund, Erestor, Feanor, and Glorfindel that shall be shown in upcoming episodes.

And to StrawBaby Chick: Thank you for the photo shoot idea!

Ichipup: I didn't forget Pippin this time! I don't think I forgot anyone else either…

Cellogg land needs explaining: The C in Celeborn gives off a k sound so essentially it's Keleborn. A commercial for Kellogg's just so happened to be on while I was writing, so Cellogg's it is! I had a bit too much fun writing the commercial.

Lorienlicious: the thing, not really a word licious is now being stuck onto every word you can think of for example : divalicious and fergalicious.

Also, Narnia fans, I now love the series; I read the first four books in one day, which is pretty good I think, I don't know how fast you guys read so I have nothing to compare it too. And I love it not just because of the movies; I had to read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe years ago. I was the only one who knew what the word "parcel" meant.