Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I just do things with them. Rated M for mature content, foul language, and lemony smut. Please stop reading if you feel you might be offended.

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Alice devised a strict plan for me to follow tonight at the party, and she was quite adamant about it. She sure can be a feisty little thing when she's determined about something.

But I had clear instructions.

"Until you suck it up and talk to Edward properly, you're not allowed anymore, um…fun with him," she so delicately put it. "And, that means you won't put yourself in a situation where you might be tempted."

Alice scrunched up her nose in distaste as she unwillingly considered what about Edward might be so tempting. But then she took a deep breath and continued. "So no touching, no dark corners, and no beds." She glared at me, clearly remembering the scene she had so unfortunately witnessed earlier in his room.

"But how can I talk to him now that I know he doesn't want to be with me," I whined, feeling petulant and bratty and downright sorry for myself.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yea. Right. Even you know that's bullshit Bella."

"But he said it was better that it wasn't anything serious." I emphasized his nefarious words with air quotes and an eye roll of my own.

"Well no shit Bella!" Alice growled, obviously growing exasperated with me. "Of course he'd say that. Why wouldn't he?"

I looked at her blankly. I had no clue what she was getting at.

She sighed dramatically and took my hand in hers. "Bella, sweetie, think about it. Of course it's easier for him if things aren't serious between you two. But that doesn't mean that's really what he wants."

I blinked a few times still trying to figure out what she was telling me.

Alice paused, considering her next words. "It's Edward. You of all people, Bella, know my brother. And he's not going to step out of his comfort zone just like that. Not if he doesn't need to." She raised an eyebrow, eyeing me pointedly.

I said nothing but looked down at my feet.

"Exactly," she said, taking my silence as confirmation. "Why would he need anything more when you're already giving him everything he thinks he wants?" She paused before continuing. "And frankly, Bella, I think he might be a little bit scared."

I snorted at that. Edward, scared? That was absurd.

"Seriously Bella, think about it. You're his best friend, always have been. And now that there's something, um...else between you, well, I'm pretty sure he's feeling more than he ever has with a girl. Edward's never had a relationship that's been anything more than physical. And with you, well, it could never be just that. He knows it, and that's something he hasn't had to deal with before."

I looked at her, and she waited patiently while my mind absorbed everything she'd said. Was it possible? Could he actually want more? Then why the hell didn't he say something? Or, more importantly, why did he tell me that things were better the way they were?

Alice responded to my unspoken thoughts knowingly. She's very perceptive, that one. "Think about it Bella. He's not just gonna put himself out there and risk rejection. Edward's never had to work hard at anything, and I doubt he's ever been rejected by anyone." She rolled her eyes again, but she had a point.

"And I think," she continued. "He's probably terrified by what he's feeling for you right about now."

I scoffed at that comment but let her go on.

"But I'd be willing to bet that he's even more terrified that you might not feel the same way." She looked at me knowingly. "He's worried he likes you more than you like him. And he's never had to deal with that before."

I nodded, mulling over her comments. Could she be right? She usually was. And I'd never bet against Alice.

"So," she concluded. "If you're too chickenshit to talk to him about it. Then we need to force his hand a bit." She smiled wickedly at that, and, for a moment, I could truly see the resemblance between Alice and her brother. Edward…

I had feeling whatever Alice was about to suggest I do about Edward would not be all that easy for me.

"You need to make him realize that he wants more than whatever fucked up thing you have right now. And you've gotta prove to him that you're worth that – give him a reason to take a chance. And, Bella," she looked at me pointedly. "You've gotta show him that you're not just gonna be available whenever he wants you."

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The party was just off campus, and we walked together. Emmett, Alice, Edward, and I. Edward and I hadn't really spoken again that afternoon, much to Alice's annoyance. So nothing had been resolved. I still desperately wanted to know what Emmett had said to Edward earlier. And I still wanted to tell him everything. But I was more than terrified that an outright confession could ruin everything. And I wasn't sure I was ready to take that chance.

So, tonight at least, I was playing by Alice's rules.

As we walked, I let myself to fall a few paces behind Em and Alice to walk beside Edward. Even if I couldn't allow myself to be "tempted" by him tonight, I still wanted to be near him. To feel the crackle of energy between us. And I had to wonder, did he feel it too?

We'd fallen a bit further behind Alice and Emmett when I felt Edward's hand on my lower back. I trembled slightly under his touch, but then he leaned down, and I felt his warm breath tickle my ear. "You look hot tonight Isabella. I just might not be able to keep my hands off you."

I gasped at his words, and I could hear him chuckle softly. My eyes snapped forward, searching through the darkness for Alice, but she was too far ahead to hear.

He slid his hand down and brushed my ass lightly, before I felt his fingers graze the exposed skin on my thigh just below Alice's super-short skirt. My breath caught and my stomach tightened, as he slipped his hand up under my skirt. Please.

His hand moved higher, fingers pressing into the too-soft skin of my thigh. I was so wet, and I knew how absurdly difficult it would be to resist him, resist this. And the bad Bella voice inside my head screamed at me: Why would you even want to resist?

I had to admit she had a point.

His hand inched higher until his fingers reached my underwear, burning and touching. I wasn't breathing, and I couldn't help but hope that he'd just strip me down and take me right here. My eyes flickered to his and, in the darkness, I could see them flashing darkly with want. But I could hear the music from the party and Em and Alice were right there and no. So I slapped his hand away and hurried on ahead.

The streets were already lined with cars. And I thought Stanley's last party had been big… The guy who answered the door greeted Edward and Emmett enthusiastically. He then proceeded to eye Alice and I appraisingly and, deeming us acceptable, ushered us through the door with over-the-top gallantry.

I was certain he made some obscene gesture behind our backs because Edward laughed appreciatively, and Emmett smacked him playfully on the shoulder.

"Careful man, that's my sister."

"That just makes it even better," I heard him respond, and I couldn't help but smile.

But Edward didn't seem the least bit protective of me… Of course not Bella. I reminded myself quickly. Why would he be? Oh yea…because you've been friends since grade school, and he fucked you up against his door not six hours ago.

Stop Bella. Not now. Not tonight. Remember what Alice said. Have some fun and make him want you…and not just as friends.

So Alice and I drank, we flirted, and we played beer pong with two guys who stared at us entirely too much. But we still lost badly, as was expected. And laughter came easier now as we drank more and more.

Although I found myself often scanning the crowd for Edward, I was definitely having fun. And we danced, my arms around Alice's waist, her hips against mine, her back to my chest, simultaneously not encouraging and not dissuading the various guys who would press themselves against us, touching, groping, dancing, not dancing, whispering vacant compliments in our ears in the hope of getting laid tonight.

At one point, though, I noticed Edward standing in the corner. He was not dancing, just watching me intently. And our eyes locked briefly and, fuck me, his were literally smoldering, burning into my mine. Suddenly want and warmth and lust and love surged through my body, my legs tingled with anticipation, and I felt shivers of pleasure run down my spine.

Shit Edward. If one look can undo me like this, then we sure as hell are meant to be together.

And I had just about worked up the nerve to go over and talk to him right then and there, but I looked up again and he was gone.

But I was drunk and happy, and the room swayed with the music and I swayed with the room and it felt good. So I forced myself not to think about him.

A short time or a while later – I'm not sure – I felt strong arms around my waist, sliding under my shirt, hands gripping my hips. I knew without looking that it was Edward. I felt the warmth and sweetness of his breath on my cheek, as he leaned in to murmur in my ear.

"You're teasing me Isabella. I don't like to be teased. And I don't like the way all these guys can't stop staring at you, touching you." His words were low and gritty and laced with want.

And my body responded instantly to his voice. I twisted in his arms, and turned my face to his, bringing my lips dangerously close to his mouth. But I responded coyly, drunk and pleased with myself for not giving in. "That's okay Edward. We both know I'm not in a serious relationship or anything. Can't a girl have a little fun?"

And every part of me was screaming now. Why the hell did you just say that Bella!? Take it back. Take it back! Talk to him. Tell him that you love him. But I was too chickenshit and too drunk and still kinda pissed about his comments earlier.

And sometimes I just say and do some really stupid things.

He dropped his arms from my waist and turned and walked away without another word. And my body ached at the loss of his hands on my skin. I felt a little sick, but I told myself that it was just the beer and that it was better this way… right?

But, for some reason, I just wasn't so sure.

I danced some more, I drank some more, I played a few rounds of caps with Emmett, but I was no longer having fun.

I saw Edward an hour or so later, and I decided I couldn't stand it anymore. I was gonna give in, go talk to him, tell him everything, be with him.

But then I saw him wrap his arm around this skinny redhead who stood on tiptoes to whisper in his ear, and I stopped dead in my tracks. He looked at her and smiled and nodded. I quickly ducked into another room praying he hadn't seen me, and I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter. I was okay with it. But that was a lie.

I found Alice again. I wanted to go home. She looked at me in understanding and went to find Emmett, promising we'd leave soon. I stood there alone awkwardly for a few minutes before deciding to find a bathroom. The walk home wasn't long, but I needed to pee.

I made my way to the back of the house, wandering into an empty hallway lined with closed doors. Surely one of these was the bathroom. The first door I tried was locked. The second one opened at my touch, and I pushed it open. Darkness. A bedroom or something. Not a bathroom. But…

I could hear them before my eyes even adjusted to the dark. The sounds of bodies twisting on sheets, panting, moaning. I gasped, mumbled "sorry," backed up toward the door, and stumbled -- trying to get the hell out as quickly as I could. God damn it Bella.

"Shut the fucking door."

But then I froze because I could see…

Edward. Sprawled out on the bed. Eyes screwed shut, jeans pulled down just below his hips. Red head bobbing up and down.

My head spun and I felt horribly nauseous. And then his eyes flashed open and they locked on mine. And every ounce of pleasure melted away, to be replaced with horror, shock…shame?

And I turned and was running from the room, stumbling once more, nearly falling but staying on my feet. Out into the hall, slamming the door shut behind me.

"Bella, wait!" I could hear him yelling after me.

What Edward? Bella, wait, stay and watch? Bella, wait, it's not what you think? But of course it was. And how could I have expected any differently?

Just because he was with me this afternoon… Emmett was right. Sex never really means anything to Edward, outside of the moment at least. And he will never change.

I knew I had no right to be, but I was incredibly angry. And I was hurt. But he'd made no promises to me. I hadn't expected any. And I'd pretended to be okay with that.

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Edward's Point of View

Well, fuck.

Did that really just happen? And what the hell was I thinking?

I pushed Victoria off of me, and she glared up at me in anger. Great. Now she would be pissed at me too, but I really didn't give a shit about her now. And it's not like anything was gonna happen anyways…

But Bella… Bella.

I felt upset, annoyed, and angry of course. But I also felt something completely unexpected and foreign. I felt guilty.

And I was mad. No. Not at myself. Well, not really. Although, even I had to admit that that was a pretty dick move on my part. But I'm always a dick, so what's new?

No. I was mad at Bella because she, more than anyone else, knows me. She knows that this is what I do.

And I was mad at Bella for making me feel guilty for something I'd never normally think twice about. But fuck. I hadn't even enjoyed it; I didn't even finish. Which is saying a lot. And, yet, I still felt guilty.

But there was more to it. And I couldn't deny it anymore. Bella had gotten to me in a way no girl ever had. And I couldn't believe I'd ever allowed that to happen.

Especially because she didn't want me…

At first I'd been terrified that things were changing between us. After that first night when we woke up together in my room back in Forks… Did she actually expect something more between us?

Did I actually want her to? That thought scared me even more than anything.

The thought that I might want more.

And maybe that was it. Maybe that's why I was here now. Why I finally gave in and let Victoria suck my dick, all the while trying not to let images of Bella on her knees, my palm resting on her head, fingers weaving through her hair, seep into my head.

Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that she hadn't really affected me like this. After all, we were just Edward and Bella. We shared everything. Always had. So why not sex?

That shouldn't automatically mean that our friendship had to change. We worked just fine the way things were. Sometimes it just didn't need to be anything more. And we were comfortable with that, right? That's what I tried to tell myself at least, and that's what I'd meant to tell Emmett earlier when he'd cornered me about her.

But things were different now. I knew it. Emmett knew it. So why the hell didn't Bella?

And why did I let her push me away like that? And why did I immediately run off and fuck things up just like I always do?

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Earlier, after Emmett and Alice had come back to the dorm, I'd disappeared into my room to work on a paper. But it was pointless. I couldn't get anything done because I couldn't stop thinking about her.

She was out on the couch with Alice watching bad TV and ignoring me.

Every so often I swore I could feel her eyes on me, but I would turn to look and she'd just be staring in the opposite direction at the television screen.

And I wanted to go out there and ask her to come into my room. I wanted to touch her, talk to her, and try to figure out what the hell was going on between us because I knew that things were different now. And she had to feel it too.

And the sex… The sex, of course, was great. And I'm pretty sure I'd be willing to give up sex with anyone else if I could only have her. But…

But I wasn't really sure if she'd have me.

I'd tried to tell her earlier. When we were on the couch together. Before Em and Alice had come in. Before I'd pulled away from her like we had something to hide. And yes, perhaps my palm print analogy might have been a little cryptic. But I think the point was clear. You've changed me.

And she was talking about sunsets and being back in Forks together and everything falling into its right place. And I thought maybe, just maybe she understood, but I didn't know for sure.

And then she and Alice had left to go shopping or whatever, and Emmett had come into my room. He sat on the end of my bed and looked at me for a long while, as if he were waiting for me to say something.

"What, Emmett?" I asked a bit more harshly than I'd intended, but he either had something to say or he didn't.

"What's up with you and Bella?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Uh huh. Sure…" he saw right through me, as always.

"I don't know Em. I mean, I love her. But I always have. I just don't know. Did she say anything to you? You know, earlier."

God, did I wish he hadn't seen anything in the hallway this afternoon. Emmett and I were close, but I didn't want to be having this conversation now. Not until I had a chance to figure out what was going on between us…what she wanted.

He nodded, and I looked at him expectantly.

Em sighed dramatically before telling me what, exactly, she'd said after I left here there with him. "She said it was no big deal Edward. That you two were just messing around. And then she made me promise not to tell Alice because it was 'nothing.'"

I nodded in response. Okay. If that's how she felt.

But Emmett continued, "But that doesn't mean I believe her, you know?"

I nodded again. Sure, sure.

"Have you slept with her?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Yea."

He nodded; Emmett wasn't surprised by my admission. "Well," he started after a long while. "Don't fuck with her. She's not like other girls Edward."

"Yea, I know," I responded. You could say that again.

He left, and I collapsed onto my bed feeling quite miserable. For the first time, it seemed, I wanted a girl who didn't really want me.

We're just messing around… it's nothing. Damn. I never thought those simple words could make me feel so god damn awful.

But the more I thought about it, the more I began to convince myself that it was better this way. Easier anyhow. I mean, I was here, and she was still in Forks. Relationships take time and work. And I was never good at that sort of thing.

Besides, we had a good thing going now, didn't we? What more did I need?

And then she came into my room, all nervous and uncomfortable and so fucking adorable. I knew what she'd come in to say, but I just couldn't let her say it. I couldn't let her confirm everything that Emmett had said. Everything I already knew.

So I'd kissed her and slid my hand under her shirt. And soon she was moaning and panting and squirming beside me, grinding her crotch against my thigh. I love all the noises and sounds she makes when we're together. So damn sexy. And she kissed me back because, well, this was what she wanted anyways.

At one point, she tried to speak, but I cut her off. It didn't matter anyway.

And then she was on top of me, and her hips started rocking and moving in a circle and searching… I was rock fucking hard and ready to go all over again. So I unbuttoned her pants because we were gonna do this again.

It was weird, though, because part of me was actually screaming that this wasn't the way things should be. Not with Bella. It should be more than sex.

But it was always just sex; that's how it's always been for me. Bella knows that, and evidently she's okay with this fucked up arrangement. Sex. And our minds trying to ignore what our bodies keep telling us. But who am I to say otherwise?

But then there was Alice. Fucking Alice. And Bella left.

But she'd smiled and blushed that beautiful shade of pink when I told her I'd finish this later. I know she still wants me, some part of me at least.

Maybe someday we'd both want more. But for now, I guess I'll settle for the way things are.

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I was actually excited about this party. I was excited to spend more time with Bella, but more than that, I couldn't wait to take her home with me afterward.

And things seemed to be going well as we walked across campus. She fell back to walk beside me, and I couldn't help but touch her. Her skin was soft and smooth and sent sparks through my fingers with each touch. And she gasped and sighed, and I could feel how wet she was. How wet I made her. And I wanted to grab her hand and say screw the party. I wanted to take her back to my room and strip her down and take her… But she and Alice were so happy, and I could wait.

But then we got there, and Bella ignored me completely. She and Alice were off doing God knows what, and she wasn't with me. But Victoria was. She was all over me actually.

I found Bella again later. I felt her suck in a breath when I pulled her against me, my fingers digging into her hips. But then she turned, twisting in my arms, and looked at me with that mischievous little glint in her eye.

And she basically told me to back the fuck off and leave her alone.

C'mon Edward. I'm not in a serious relationship or anything. Can't a girl have a little fun?

I should have told her that it didn't have to be that way. I should have wrapped my arms around her little body tighter, and brushed her hair back from her neck, and told her that I wanted to take her home with me right then.

But it was becoming increasingly clear that she didn't want just me. So when Victoria approached me for like the fifteenth time tonight and pressed her sticky lipsticked lips to mine. I finally said fuck it. Why the hell not? And I let her lead me to an empty bedroom, and I closed my eyes and tried not to think about Bella. Bella…

Because Bella was off getting sloppy drunk with Alice letting every asshole there feel her up on the dance floor. And she was happy.

She could have her fun, and I could have mine.

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a/n: I know I know. But don't be mad at me. I'm just telling the story.

So what happens now? Frankly, I'm just as irritated at Bella...

Reviews make Eddie and Bella realize what complete idiots they were tonight. Edward especially...