Author's Note: Originally, I was going to break this into two chapters, but I thought it'd be cruel to make you wait any longer. This chapter is rated M for Mature.


It's the first morning I've woken up without a smile since Piper's stay at The Waters. Why did I let her back into my life? Couldn't I have ignored her presence? I should never have gone to her cabin to tell her we shouldn't see each other; I set myself up. Her mere existence is a trigger for me. She makes me feel so fucking deeply. Since joining the staff at The Waters, I've worked hard at self-discipline, and all that work went right out the window the moment Piper arrived.

Kaia knocks lightly on my bedroom door. "You awake?"

"Yeah."

She opens the door but doesn't come inside. "Who were you with at the party last night?"

I roll over, hugging my pillow. I'm going to tell her the truth—there's no reason to hide it any more. "Her name is Piper Chapman. She and I knew each other a long time ago."

"She's been here all week?" Kaia looks surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"She's with her girlfriend who doesn't know I exist." I slowly sit up, dangling my legs off the bed. "I didn't want to stir the pot."

"Was she your lover?" There's no jealousy in her tone—only surprise.

"Yeah. I mean, she was more than that." I blink up at her. "She's the person I traveled with when I was in the cartel."

Kaia looks shocked. "Wow…I had no idea."

I stand and shuffle to the bathroom.

"Did you rekindle things since she's been around?"

"No." I think twice about my response. "Well, kind of…" I try again. "It's not as clean-cut as a yes or no. There was some unresolved stuff between us, but we cleared the air. We've been hanging out a little, and last night, I thought…" I don't finish that sentence for fear of hurting Kaia.

She stands just outside the bathroom. "You're still attracted to her?"

I look at my gloomy reflection in the mirror and sigh. "Yes."

"Were you worried what I'd think if I knew all this?"

"To some degree, yeah." I turn to face her. "I don't want to fuck things up for any of us."

"Alex?" She puts her hands on my forearms. "We agreed a long time ago that we wouldn't stand in the way of each other's happiness, even if it meant being with other people. I meant it when I said that; I hope you did, too."

I nod. She's a pretty incredible woman.

"So, if that's your future wife out there, by all means…" she trails.

I throw my arms around her and sigh for what feels like the hundredth time. "I don't know what's going to happen but thank you."

"Thank you for being honest with me." She pulls back and smiles softly. "I can cover your first massage if you need to hang back for a bit."

"No, I'll be fine." I try to return her smile.

"Do you want to talk?"

I shake my head. "Not right now."

"If you want to talk or hide or need a break from reality, let me know." She kisses me on the cheek.

"Ok, thanks." I'm blessed to have Kaia in my life; I need to tell her that more often.


Even if it kills me, I'm staying away from Piper today. She's the one who left last night. I made it pretty clear that I wanted to be alone with her, and she has to know I didn't mean just to talk. If she wants to find me, she knows where I work. Maybe I'm being passive, but I'm tired of playing games.

I skip the special yoga session that morning for fear of putting both of us in an awkward position, and I spend the first two hours with clients in the massage hut. Both couples are happy and in love. I needed that kind of positive energy around me this morning.

By noon I'm feeling better, and Kaia joins me in the garden for lunch. Her presence has always been soothing, and I'm never more grateful for her unassuming company than I am now. She asks if I've seen Piper, and I tell her I haven't. She doesn't spend much time on the subject, and I'm guessing it's because she can sense I don't want to discuss it further.

On my way back to the hut, I see Tess walking into the Art Barn. She glances my way but doesn't smile. Either she doesn't see me, or Piper talked to her last night, and it didn't turn out well. I hope they broke up. That's a mean-spirited thing to think, but I'm frustrated as all hell, and my unfiltered thoughts reflect my discontent.

I'm glad my schedule is packed for the rest of the day, and I hold true to my promise not to seek out Piper. Truth be told, I wish she would've come to me, even if it was to say she and Tess decided to press ahead with their relationship. I don't do well without closure—after all, it took me years to cope with no communication from her. If she leaves The Waters without saying goodbye, I'll be exactly where I was eight years ago, but I don't know if I have the stamina to dig myself out of that gaping hole of self-pity again.

This forces me to examine what I truly want from her. Up until now, I've been satisfied with the ball being in Piper's court—let her make the decisions, not me. Then I think about how much I struggled with allowing things to happen in my life rather than making them happen. I don't want to return to that old way of thinking.

I finish my last appointment and take the long way home, giving me time to think. I'd never deny that I want to have sex with Piper—that has and always will remain true. There's too much chemistry between us to ignore. We're good between the sheets—really good. Even in fits of fury, we had incredible sex. I assume the same would be true now.

The question is, would I like more than sex? That's not a realistic question if she's still with Tess. Regardless of her current situation, would I want to be in a committed relationship with Piper? I don't know. We haven't gotten to know each other as much as we could have on this short trip. I like what I've seen so far. She's still smart, inquisitive, open to self-improvement. Hell, she's at the most open-minded, thought provoking retreat center in the country—that counts for something.

I walk down a set of rickety wooden stairs, following the sandy path on the cliff. The view from down here isn't as grand as it is from above, but it's more private. The canopy of trees behind me would conceal me from anyone near the employee cabins, and I like the thought of being out of sight from the human eye. I stop in a place where the sun is glistening across the ocean, but it's not bright enough to make me squint.

As I breathe in the salt air, I think about how close Piper and I were last night—both mentally and physically. I loved having her near me, invading my personal space as only Piper could do. I was ready to take things to the next level, and with us, it might've started out as gentle kisses, but we would've ended up in bed. That's the way it always was between us—explosive.

I don't have to know what I want from Piper, though I'd love some clarity for the sake of feeling like I'm in control, but when she leaves The Waters, I'll go back to my normal life. There's nothing wrong with the way I live; in fact, I like it. I'm surrounded by people who heal—people who make others' lives better. This is a great place to be.

I close my eyes, listening to the waves crash against the rocks below. Although it's violent when you think about waves crashing, it's also cathartic. Between the waves crashing, seagulls chirping and the sea breeze blowing my hair off my shoulders, I feel at peace. I'm exactly where I need to be right now.

And then I feel arms glide around me from behind. One slowly rolls around my waist, the other around my shoulders. I don't need to open my eyes to know who's holding me. My pulse increases as I cover each of her hands with my own and breathe in the scent of her. My face remains neutral; I wonder if she's coming to say goodbye.

"Is this a private beach?" she asks, chin propped on my shoulder.

I open my eyes and smile lightly. "Everything around here is private."

"Good," Piper whispers into my ear.

I only have to turn my head slightly to the right to find her lips. They're warm against the chilly air. We kiss briefly—intentionally. Another, and then another peck on the lips like we're rediscovering what kissing each other feels like. I fuse my forehead against hers and swivel my body until we're facing each other, that euphoric feeling pulsating through every vein in my body. Kissing Piper always felt like an out of body experience, and now is no different.

"Are you here to say goodbye?" I ask, fearful of her answer.

She shakes her head. "No."

Relief washes over me, and my whole body relaxes. No matter what she tells me next, it's not going to be a permanent goodbye.

She weaves a hand into my hair. "I had a talk with Tess."

"Yeah?"

"I can't let you go." Piper tilts her chin up, and we kiss again. "Even if it's just for another minute, another hour, another day."

"Is that what you want?" I nip at her lower lip. "A fleeting moment with me for old time's sake?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "I mean, I want this, but I don't know what I want down the road. I just know it's not Tess." Piper juts her head back and stares at me. "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you, Alex."

I run a hand down the back of her head and smile, elated that she feels the same way as I do. "I know the feeling."

"It's like you've crept into my soul," she whispers.

I kiss her, this time with passion, and it feels so fucking right. "Please tell me this means you'll come back to my place this time."

She smiles. "I thought you'd never ask."


Kaia isn't home when we arrive. I peek into her bedroom to be sure, but she's not here. I grab Piper's hand, leading her into my bedroom, and we waste no time putting our mouths and hands all over each other. She tastes sweet and salty, and I can't get enough—I will never get enough.

I rip her shirt over her head, and she does the same to mine. My right hand covers her breast, and my left travels down her stomach. We don't question where this is headed or why. There's time for slow exploration later—right now, I need Piper's naked body against mine. She pulls her jeans down while I take my pants and underwear off, and somehow, we don't let go of each other. As her hand inches up my belly to my chest, she scratches me with her fingernails, and the mild pain reminds me this is real—I'm not dreaming. Before I have a chance to shimmy down her body, Piper beats me to it. She looks up with her head between my legs. I bend my knees, and she dives in without finesse.

The first lick nearly kills me as my hips buck off the bed. The second and third are equally astonishing. Her face is buried in my pussy with no signs of letting up. I cum quickly, convulsing in her mouth. She kisses my mound, and then rolls up my body until our mouths meet in another fervent kiss.

"Holy fuck," I pant, brushing her hair out of her face.

She nips at my jawline. "I love the way you taste."

I tuck my hands under her armpits, lifting her slightly. She knows how I want to do this. She walks her knees up until they're on either side of my face, and then holds the headboard as I crane my neck forward, nestling my lips between her folds and sucking her clit. Piper lowers her pussy onto my face, and I go to town. I can't breathe, but I don't care. She reaches one hand down to open herself to me, and I smell her. I bury my nose in it for a moment before letting my tongue go to work. I'm able to stick a finger in her opening, and that's all it takes for Piper to scream so loud anyone within the vicinity of my house would hear.

"Don't stop," she demands, making primal sounds that only serve to drive me further over the edge.

She bends her back and is halfway sitting on my chest while her pussy is still attached to my mouth, and somehow she's able to tickle my clit with her fingers. That sends me clear over the edge, and I cry out almost as loudly as her. When we finally come down from two satisfying orgasms, Piper collapses next to me. I cover our worn out bodies with the blanket and snake an arm under her neck.

She snuggles against me like a cat. "I forgot how good sex with you is."

A chuckle escapes. "I didn't."

Piper lets out a tiny laugh of her own.

"I've wanted to do that since I saw you on the first day," I say, looking into her eyes.

"Me, too." She drapes an arm over me. "I couldn't admit it to myself until later. It made me angry that I was still so attracted to you. I am still attracted to you."

I kiss the tip of her nose, gentle smile crossing my lips.

She lifts her head. "I noticed this when we were in the baths." She traces the cursive words tattooed above my heart. "Living in the breath. What's it mean?"

"It's the foundation of mindfulness." I turn my head on the pillow and watch her. "It reminds me to transform negative feelings into positive energy."

She blinks up at me, a sense of wonder on her face. "You really have changed."

I kiss her forehead. "I was stuck before coming to The Waters—wallowing in self-pity, guilt, resentment. I blamed other people for the hand that life dealt me. It took me a long time to realize I was the only one who could change myself."

"I'm proud of you." She cranes her neck to kiss me, and it's a sweet, tender, appreciative kiss. "And a little envious—I have a long way to go in terms of self-improvement."

"If you have the will to change, it'll happen." I rub her arm. "It's not like you wake up one day and, bam, you're a new woman—it's a never-ending journey that requires openness and honesty with yourself…and a fuck-ton of meditating."

She lets out a low laugh.

"So, tell me..." I lie on my side, facing her. "What went through your head when we met the other day?"

"I didn't know what to think." Piper exhales. "I was angry with you about the whole Chicago thing, but there was the undeniable attraction."

That earns her a kiss. "Believe me, I know the feeling."

"I couldn't get you off my mind," she admits. "And when you were naked in the baths, well, that was…" she trails off, blushing. "It took all my strength not to ravage you, starting with these." Piper licks my nipple.

"I wanted you so badly," I whisper, smile on my face. "But I knew if I caved to the physical desire, it wouldn't change a thing. We had to talk, air our grievances and get to know each other again if I wanted any sort of future with you." I pause, thinking I might have said too much. "I mean, future as in what would happen 48 hours later—being here, appreciating each other in more than just a carnal way."

"I'm glad we didn't have sex that night, though I really wanted to. This is way better." She runs a hand down my arm until our fingers lock. "After we spent time in the baths, I went back to my cabin and thought of you while I touched myself."

That sends a tingling feeling to my center. "That's hot, Pipes."

She kisses me, and I can sense her desire is revving up again. "I knew I was in trouble when I didn't want to have sex with Tess—I only wanted you. If I couldn't have you in the flesh, the next best thing was my own fantasies."

I snake my hand down to cup her ass, pulling her impossibly close. "I can relate."

We kiss and explore each other's body much more leisurely this time. It still takes me less than ten minutes to cum even with her slightest touch, but I'll work on my stamina some other time. I spread Piper's legs wide and take my sweet time bathing her pussy with my tongue. She writhes beneath me, eventually bucking into my mouth and grabbing my head to show me how she wants it. Without needing to put a finger inside of her, Piper cums hard and loud for the second time.

"God, I love sex with you," she says, arm slung over her forehead.

I crawl back up her body, wiping my mouth on my arm. "We were always good in bed."

She turns on her side, and we lie in silence for a moment. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if someone offered me a million bucks. This is where I want to be, quite possibly forever.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Like a glass of water for hydration?" she asks with a grin, repeating something she'd said after the first time we had sex.

Another laugh, this one a bit more pronounced. "Water, lemonade, another orgasm?"

"Don't tempt me." I can tell by the weight of her body that she's not ready for a third round.

I hear Kaia enter the cabin and am glad my bedroom door is shut. Until it opens. It's not Kaia.

"You fucking tramp!"

"Tess, what are you doing here?" Piper pulls the covers higher and looks stunned.

"I heard you having a fucking orgasm!" I swear there's smoke coming out of her nose like an angry dragon. "We broke up last night, and you couldn't wait 24 hours to fuck Alex?"

"It's not like that." Piper sits up and her shoulders are raised high with tension. "Alex and I have a history—it's not like I jumped into bed with the first woman I saw."

"We built a life together," Tess yells. "We fucking live together, and you're throwing it all down the drain!"

I silently hand Piper a shirt, which happens to be mine, but that's beside the point right now. She should be clothed for this conversation.

"We've tried to build a life together. It's just not working." She tugs it over her head. "Let's go in the other room to have this discussion." Piper steps out of bed, pulling on her jeans. I guess there's no sense in pointing out that her thong landed on the bookshelf.

"No." Tess stands her ground, still fuming. "No, we'll have this discussion right here in front of your lover."

"I never meant to come between you," I offer. Judging by the stank look on Tess' face, I would've been better off keeping my mouth shut.

"You," she begins with malice. "You're the reason Piper broke up with me. Did you get off on giving her a massage the other day?"

"No," I lie without further elaboration.

Tess is not looking for answers—she's just letting her anger out to make herself feel better and to make Piper feel like shit.

"Fuck you, bitch!"

Piper approaches Tess, finger in her face. "That's enough!"

I avert my eyes, deciding it would be best to give them the room. I get out of bed, quickly moving into the bathroom where I pray there are a pair of shorts or pants or anything to cover the lower half of my body. For the life of me, I couldn't spot my leggings in the bedroom. Then I remember they're buried under the sheets at the bottom of the bed.

"I'm sorry you walked in on this," I hear Piper say through the half-open bathroom door. "And I'm sorry things didn't work out for us. We tried—I tried, but it wasn't enough."

"You're a slut," Tess says, and I hear a slap.

I step out of the bathroom and see that it was Piper who did the slapping. Tess has her hand on her face, mouth hanging open.

"Get out of my house," I demand in a surprisingly calm voice. "Or things will get very uncomfortable for you in here."

"Is that a threat?" Tess spits. "I thought you were supposed to be all Zen? You wouldn't dare hurt me."

"You have no idea what I'm capable of." I take a step closer, chin high. "And you have about 10 seconds to find out just how unZen-like I can be."

She loses the staring match with me, and then turns her attention to Piper. "I want your shit out of our apartment by tomorrow night."

"I'm staying here, so that will be impossible." Piper's eyes dart my way, as if she's sorry for filling me in about her plan to stay a bit longer like this.

"Eight, seven, six," I count down.

"Then your stuff will be on the curb when you return." Tess turns to walk out. "Fuck both of you!"

Piper's legs seem to give out as she collapses on the edge of the bed, head in her hands.

I didn't want things to end this way. I sit next to her, arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry."

She shakes her head. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"We could've waited," I offer.

Piper looks up at me, teary-eyed. "I could hardly wait the moment I saw you."

I pull her into my arms and let her cry. We sit that way for several minutes, until she pulls back.

"All my stuff is still in the suite." Out comes practical Piper. "How am I supposed to get it with her in the room?"

I kiss the top of her head. "I'll get it."

"She might maul you."

"Let her try," I chuckle.

We remain silent for a moment, and Piper finally stands, confused look on her face. "Where do we go from here?"

I shrug. "You're staying a few extra days?"

"Sorry that's how you found out."

"It's ok." I stand, taking her hands. "I'd like that."

"I didn't even check with you to see if I could stay here."

"You can." I smile. "Kaia will be ok with it."

"You're sure?"

I nod. "But if she's not, Kat has a spare bedroom. We can stay there."

She wipes the last of the moisture from her face and looks around the room. "That's where my underwear is." Piper walks over, grabbing the thin piece of material.

"You can borrow a clean pair." I grin. "Want to take a shower?"

"Yeah."

We shower, and of course, she wants to have sex under the hot spray. It's nice to know some things never change. I oblige, though she comments on shower sex not being my favorite, and promises to make it up to me later.

"Is it possible to leave the property for a few hours?" Piper asks.

"That sounds like a great idea." And it does—I leave so infrequently that it would probably be good for me, as well as for us, to get off the grounds. "Do you have any interest in eating a burger?"

"A hamburger?" She shoots me a quizzical look as she puts her clothes back on. "Sure, I guess. Why?"

"Cheeseburger, actually." I shrug into a clean pair of yoga pants. "I've been a vegetarian for the past ten months, and I've been craving a cheeseburger the whole fucking time."

Piper smiles. "I will happily support your meat-eating ways."

"Good." I kiss the top of her head. "I'm going to go get your things, and you can wait here or go to the sanctuary or something."

"I'll wait here." She walks into the living room. "What should I do if Kaia shows up?"

"Tell her you're waiting for me." I shrug. "I'll talk with her as soon as I can about everything. Don't worry, she's not going to go all ape-shit on you like Tess. She's different."

Piper nods. "Ok."

I kiss her once more before heading back to campus.