Helena screws up royally, the couple return to Vegas, and the outcome is decided.

Notes:

This is the second-to-last chapter. I'm sorry it sort of ends on a cliffhanger, but I am half-way through the next one and wanted to get this one out in the meantime. And don't be too hard on Helena; fear is a powerful motivator.


Myka said her goodbyes to her colleagues early, making vague excuses as to Helena's whereabouts, before taking her car back to the city alone, as she'd arrived. She tried Helena several times on the journey but her calls just went through to voicemail. She didn't know what to think. They had… they had made love, this time, not just stupid drunk sex, and they both said the words. And now Helena was gone without a note or a word and Myka's unease grew and grew until she reached their apartment. She rushed inside to find that Helena wasn't there – it wasn't as if there were many places to hide. She'd clearly been at the apartment – her small travel case, which she'd used for the weekend away, was propped up near the door, still full. So where was she? Myka was left to wonder, because texts to Abigail and Claudia were not returned and neither Pete nor Leena had heard anything from their respective lady friends or from Helena. Charles hadn't heard a thing and apologised profusely when Myka called.

"It's been a while since she's done something stupid, Myka. Perhaps she's just gone out to get drunk with those two reprobate friends of hers?"

Myka couldn't think of anything else to do, so she went running and exhausted herself so much that it was all she could do to pull down the bed and climb in after she'd showered.

There was no sign of Helena the following day, either, so Myka made her way to work as normal, for want of anything better to do. When she approached the door to her building, someone stepped in front of her and she was annoyed and then confused when she realised who it was.

"Sam? What do you want?" she asked, somewhat ungraciously. He was dressed as he always was for the office, come rain or shine – expensive suit in sober colours matched with an expensive wool coat and shiny shoes.

"Myka," he said, with a knowing smile, and she felt an unaccountable urge to punch him.

"Sam," she replied, one eyebrow up. What the hell did he want?

"I think we both know why I'm here," he said, and she shook her head.

"I think we don't," she replied, and he smiled patronisingly.

"It's all right, Myka. You don't have to pretend anymore. Your friend told me. I know that I was… hasty, in deciding that we shouldn't be together. You have stood by me for so many years. So I'm here, to tell you, that you are good enough," he said, sincerely. To her horror, he sank to one knee on the sidewalk, a ring in his hand. She looked at it incredulously, and then more closely.

"Is that – is that the engagement ring you bought the first time you proposed?" she asked, and the unease she'd been feeling since Helena disappeared was replaced with a cold, splintering feeling in her chest.

"It is. Your friend, she told me how you were feeling, and that I should take you back. She's right, Myka. You are good enough for me. We can do this, you and I. We can make this work. I can accept your faults, and you can give up your job once I get partner, and we'll have a family then," he continued, but Myka had tuned out. Her friend. Her friend who gave him the engagement ring. The engagement ring that had been in Myka's purse.

"Sorry, Sam. I have to go," she said, plucking the ring from his hand and heading into work. She had something she needed to do here, first, and then she needed to see her lawyer. Tomorrow was the day they were going back to Vegas for their six-month hearing, and she was determined to be ready.

Helena arrived at the courtroom early, hoping to catch Myka before they started speaking to the judge. She had made a colossal, monumental mistake. She had fallen in love with Myka, but that wasn't the mistake. It was what she had done after she realised she loved Myka that was the mistake. She had run, like the coward she was, because she wasn't good enough. She couldn't be good enough for someone like Myka, so she found Sam and she gave him back his stupid engagement ring and she told him that Myka still loved him. Even though Myka had told Helena only the night before that she was in love with her, she told Sam Martino that Myka was in love with him, and she ran away like a scared child, hiding at Abigail's until it was far too late to fix any of it. She had to fix it now, before the hearing. Surely Myka had to appear before the judge arrived?

The court clerk announced their case number and, just as the judge looked up, Myka walked in. She was dressed up in her usual professional office garb, her hair tied back and her glasses on. She looked tired and sad. She didn't look at Helena, just sat next to her lawyer.

"I see you two ladies are back. So how did things go? I believe Mrs Frederic is here to give her report," the judge said, gesturing to the back of the courtroom for the lady herself to appear on the stand.

Mrs Frederic sat down, her ever-present purse on her lap, and she gave a brief but glowing report of their progress.

"Believe it or not, these two ladies are actually a wonderful match. Helena allows Myka to relax and enjoy life, and Myka encourages Helena to take life and herself more seriously. You can see that Helena – Ms Wells – has started her own company with a friend, designing and building components for a variety of manufacturers, and she has entered her writing into a number of competitions, publishing several pieces. Myka – Ms Bering – is in line for a partnership in her firm, largely because of her hard work and, I believe, the encouragement and support provided by Ms Wells during the last six months. To put it simply, they work as a couple, despite all appearances to the contrary."

"Thank you, Mrs Frederic," the judge said, and he looked from one side of the courtroom to the other, appraisingly. "Now, how do you wish to proceed? Are we splitting this money and ending this marriage, or awarding it to both of you as a couple?" he asked, and Myka leaned over to speak into her lawyer's ear. The woman, who Helena had never seen before, appeared to be arguing with Myka, but Myka was clearly not to be moved.

"Your honour, my client wishes to be granted a divorce, and has dropped any claim to the money she won while she was last here in Las Vegas."

The judge looked at Myka, confused.

"Are you sure that's what you want, Ms Bering?" he asked, and she nodded firmly. The judge nodded reluctantly, and bashed his gavel loudly, granting the divorce. Myka stood and, standing in front of Helena silently, took off her wedding ring and placed it on the table in front of Helena along with another, much more expensive ring. Her engagement ring. Helena winced, and couldn't meet Myka's eyes. When she looked up, Myka was gone.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit," Helena said, and Claudia, who was sitting next to her, looked at her sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, HG. At least she gave you the money, though, right?" she asked, and Helena nodded mechanically. Yes, she had the money. But now she'd give it all away to have a chance to make this up to Myka.

The thought of giving the money up sparked an idea, a way she might be able to resolve this, and she hoped that Myka might still be at their apartment when she got back to New York, so she could explain.

One flight and a cab ride later, Helena found that her hopes were unfounded. Myka had packed up everything, her closet, her books, everything. There was nothing of her left in the spotlessly clean apartment, except for a key on the kitchen counter.

Helena sank down onto the grubby couch. She had completely fucked it all up. She had finally met someone who understood her, who accepted her but dared her to do better, and she'd fucked it up. Myka was gone, and she might never get a chance to fix this. But she had to try.

Myka left Sam kneeling in her wake, already forgotten. She took the elevator to her floor on instinct, and didn't even notice when Sally Stukowski tried to trip her up on her way to Artie's office, a foul look on her face.

"Ah, Myka," Artie said, as she knocked on his door. "The woman of the hour. I'm sorry if Sally was rude to you, it's just that I told her that I'm giving you the promotion, and she didn't appreciate it…"

"Artie," Myka said, holding up a hand to stop the flood of words. "I… I quit. I'm sorry. I don't… I need something different, in my life. This is not for me. Give the promotion to Sally; she really wants it, and she'll work hard for you. My heart isn't in this, Artie. I'm sorry."

He looked at her silently for long moments before smiling broadly.

"Myka Bering, I always knew you were too good for this job. Go, do whatever makes your heart sing, and make an old man happy," he said, throwing his arms around her and surprising her intensely.

"Thank you, Artie," she said, and his smile was so wide that she actually, for a moment, felt good about what she was doing. She went to collect her things from her desk and looked around the office one last time, feeling an intense sense of relief about leaving this world behind. She went back to the apartment and, as she sat on the couch, her momentary sense of determination deserted her. She was… she didn't know what she was. She had made love with Helena, after six months of marriage, and the next day Helena was gone, and she'd done this fucking horrible thing, and now Myka didn't know what the hell to do. She sent a message to Leena to ask if she and Pete could come help her pack. She wanted to be gone before (if) Helena came back.

She was moved out before the end of the day. She vacuumed and cleaned the apartment to within an inch of its life, taking out some of her frustration on the bathroom tiles and stubborn stains in the kitchen. Leena said nothing, watching her carefully while she helped, and Pete lugged her belongings box by box to his car stoically. She stayed at Leena's that night and cried herself to sleep before taking the first flight to Las Vegas that morning. She waited around the corner from the courthouse until her lawyer texted her to say that their case was up next, and she walked in at the last minute, averting her eyes from Helena, her heart clenching. She'd made up her mind; she wasn't letting herself be hurt anymore. She had already told her lawyer what she wanted to do, and despite the woman's protests, was determined to go through with it before taking another flight back home to Colorado. Tracy had already agreed that she could stay for as long as she needed, and she could always help out in her dad's store if she got bored. She sat through Mrs Frederic's proclamations that she and Helena were perfect for each other, trying hard not to snort in derision, and after a short argument with her lawyer, stood up and deliberately took off her wedding ring, placing it on the table in front of Helena, followed by her engagement ring. Helena didn't look at her, so she walked away, leaving Helena behind along with what was left of her heart.

It had taken some manoeuvring, both legal and otherwise, to arrange what she had planned. A way to make it up to Myka. Now it was almost time to see Myka, to fix this, if it were even possible to fix the colossal fuck-up Helena had made of her relationship with Myka. She had travelled to Colorado almost immediately after emptying her belongings from their tiny apartment, making a few stops before checking herself in to a hotel near where Tracy lived. Tracy had closed the door in her face at first, but after Helena explained her plans through the closed door, and confirmed that she wanted and expected nothing in return, Tracy had let her in.

"You don't deserve her," Tracy said, as she handed Helena a cup of hot tea.

"I know," Helena said simply, her head bowed. "She is far too good for me. I just want to make sure that she has the life she deserves. Once I have done that, I will be on my way."

Tracy looked at her, eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

"What on earth possessed you to run away? To… I mean, I understand thinking you weren't good enough for her. Because you're not," she said, with a sharp glare. "But Sam? Why would you bring him into it? You know what he did to her. Jesus, Helena."

"I know. I just… he makes good money, despite his obvious faults. He worked hard, and she deserves someone who'll look after her the way she looks after them."

"She deserves someone who loves her for who she is, Helena. Someone she loves. And that, despite all that's happened, is you. You fucked up, but you might be able to fix this. She still loves you. If she didn't, she would have moved on already. But she cries herself to sleep every night, Helena. She'll be at that place she loves, with the trees and the water and… you know where it is. Go and find her, and fix this. If you're lucky I won't have you murdered before your wedding," Tracy said, and in that moment she was terrifying. Helena could almost believe that she was some sort of shadowy assassin.

"Okay," Helena said, finishing her tea in one draught. "I will tell her what I've done, but I'm not going to push myself on her. I believe she deserves a lot better than me," she said, standing and holding her hand out to Tracy. "Whatever else happens, it's been a pleasure to have known you, Tracy."

Tracy shook her hand.

"Fix this, Helena. Get down on bended knee and fix it."

Helena nodded and left, making her way to the wooded area Myka had shown her the first time she'd visited Colorado. She walked slowly, her body not entirely convinced by her brain's insistence that they needed to face Myka. Myka, her now ex-wife, who she'd fucked over royally. Myka, who she loved so very deeply.

Myka had her back to Helena when she eventually arrived in the little glade with its tinkling water and overhanging greenery. She looked to have been waiting. Helena sat next to her and Myka didn't look at her, just sitting there in silence. Helena took a deep, shaky breath.

"I won't make you suffer my presence for too long, Myka, I promise," she began, shifting awkwardly. The rock she was sitting on was not designed for the human bottom. Myka still didn't look away from the tiny waterfall, her features still.

"There is no excuse for what I did. Firstly, for running away after the night we had together," Helena said, and then stood, because really her arse was hurting and Myka wasn't looking at her anyway, so she might as well pace and get out some of this nervous energy.

"The night we had together… after that wonderful weekend, with your colleagues and your boss – honestly it was the most fun weekend I think I've had in a very long time. And I… I have never felt that way before, not about anyone or anything. Have you ever realised, Myka, that there's something or someone in your life that you love so deeply that you just can't be without it? Because I realised that as soon as I woke up that morning, when I saw your face."

Helena took another deep breath and scrubbed at her face roughly with the sleeve of her fleece jacket. If there were tears on her face, well, it was her who'd put them there.

"So. I realised that… I realised how I felt, and so I did what I am best at. I ran away. Because then it wouldn't matter. It couldn't matter, if I… if I lost you. Because I wouldn't have lost you. I wouldn't have tried, would I? So it couldn't be my fault. And I did the unforgivable thing. I took that ring and I gave it to that idiot because I thought you would be better off with someone who could at least take care of you financially. Of course, I should have realised given his past actions that he is so very unworthy of you, Myka Bering. But I did what I did, and I understand that it was entirely unforgivable. So that is not why I am here. I am here because you left the money for me, Myka. And I cannot let that stand. I don't deserve it. And you deserve…" Helena paused, pinching the bridge of her nose between her finger and thumb. "You deserve the world."

She turned back to see that Myka was still sitting in the same position, her curly hair moving a little in the breeze. She was so beautiful. Helena had been married to her, however accidentally, and she'd managed to fuck it up. How could she have done that? It was… it was unthinkable. She bit her lip hard to keep the sob that was welling up in her throat from escaping.

"I spoke to a few people and I managed to persuade them that this was the best course of action. Primarily, your Mr Kosan, but obviously also your father and mother. Your parents are actually quite pleased about this turn of events, despite their obvious desire to set me on fire for hurting you. So these are the deeds to the building – Bering and Sons and the apartment above. The business is yours to do with as you wish, as is the apartment, and there is a bank account set up in your name here which holds the remainder of the money, minus necessary expenses only, I swear to you. You shouldn't feel under any obligation to run the business yourself, your father says, but of course you can discuss that with him whenever you wish. So there it is. I am sorry, Myka, for everything that I did to you. And if it matters at all, I love you. I love you so deeply that it caused me to do the most stupid of things. But that isn't your fault, it's mine entirely. I do hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me someday."

Helena walked back to where Myka was perched, placing a large envelope filled with documents and keys on the rock where she had originally sat down when she started her little speech.

"Goodbye, Myka," she said, leaning close to Myka for a moment before losing her courage and backing away. She didn't deserve to kiss Myka goodbye. She turned and walked away, tears streaming down her face, the last hope trickling away as she realised that Myka really wasn't coming after her.