Knock First, Damn-It!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my preciousssss (LOTR rocks!).

A/N: as i was typing the apologies that always seem to dominate these first author notes, i had an interesting thought. how many people actually read these? i mean, some authors notes are interesting, but those are other authors. mine are just what i said…half-ass apologies and empty promises. even so, if you're reading this, thank you, i guess. you probably have even less of a life than i do …just kidding! anyway, on to business. i'm SO sorry. i'm a terrible person. i really am. and no excuses are gonna cut it this time, i'm thinking. of course, i've been in a frenzy preparing for my SATs (which i'm taking tomorrow, april 1st, btw) and making plans for my b-day party (april 10th i turn 17! woot!). i also hurt my left and right knees in succession these past three weeks as well. but as i said, those are just empty (even though they're true) excuses. so anyway, here's chapter eight. i like it okay, i guess. i hope you do, too. enjoy!

Chapter 8- The Not-So-Blushing Bride

"Draco Malfoy! Stand still or die!" Hermione Granger snapped, taking a pin from between her lips and sticking it violently into the white material in front of her.

Draco yelped, "Easy on the goods, darling. Wouldn't want to damage anything before the honeymoon or Harry will murder you."

"Oooh, I'm quaking in my heels," Hermione muttered sarcastically, "That'll never work on me, Draco. I stopped being afraid of angry!Harry years ago."

"Darn," Draco snapped his fingers, "Now how will I control and manipulate you in order to make you do my evil bidding?" Draco asked dejectedly.

"Sorry. Guess you'll just have to whip Ron into shape instead."

"Oh god," Draco moaned, "Please don't ever use the words 'Ron' and 'whip' in the same sentence ever again."

Hermione laughed, "You know what, Draco? You really are an okay guy. And you're just right for Harry. I see why he fell for you."

Draco smiled, "Thanks, Hermione. That means a lot coming from you." They smiled at each other for a while until Draco's face suddenly fell, "Dear God," he muttered.

"What's wrong?" Hermione questioned urgently, afraid he'd finally gotten the dreaded cold feet.

"I'm really making friends with the Gryffindors," he looked surprised.

Hermione rolled her eyes and cuffed him on the head affectionately, "Idiot."

"That's more like it," he nodded. Hermione laughed. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "What?" Draco called irritably.

"A package for you, Mr. Malfoy," a muffled voice recited.

"Come in," Draco stood up as Colin Creevy (still an avid fan of Harry's and unfortunately dating Ginny) walked in carrying a large white box. "Put it there," Draco indicated the small dressing table on the far wall. "Thanks," he smiled.

Colin rushed out, muttering about crazy saviors and overly nice Malfoys. Draco smirked and turned his attention to the package. He immediately knew who it was from when he saw 'Dray' written on the envelope attached to the lid. Draco tore open the letter and read:

Dray,

On our special day, I have a gift for you

Something old, something new

Something borrowed, something blue

Is what they normally wear, hun

But I thought I'd have some fun

And start our own tradition.

See you in about thirty seconds, love.

Harry

Draco was puzzled. What was Harry getting at? Had he been high when he'd written this? He looked at the last line and shrugged, "Whatever you say, Leo."

He pulled the top off the box and pushed the tissue paper away. He stared. And stared. And stared. His eye twitched and he suddenly regained his ability to speak, "Where the FUCK is he? He's DEAD. His ass is MINE!" and he threw open the door, "HARRY POTTER!" he bellowed.

"What's so horrib- oh," Hermione blinked when she saw what was in the box and had to quickly stifle a chuckle. She noticed that Draco had stormed out the door, so she hurried after him.

Draco was furious. Where did he get off doing a thing like that on their wedding day? Huh? HUH? Draco burst into Harry's dressing room and screamed at the top of his lungs, "POTTER!"

Harry stood up casually from the trunk he'd been bent over and rubbed his neck, "Y'know? That could be considered hypocritical, Dray. You burst into tears every time I call you Malfoy."

"SHUT UP!" Draco cried, "DON'T TALK BACK TO ME WHEN I'M YELLING AT YOU!"

"Whatever," Harry shrugged and Draco suddenly noticed that his soon-to-be-ex fiancé was wearing one of those sleeping masks that cover your eyes. He blinked, "Why are you wearing a mask?" he demanded.

Harry shrugged again, "Muggle tradition. I don't want to see you till you're walking towards me down the aisle."

"Screw your muggle tradition!" Draco was getting angry again, so he strode right up to Harry and ripped the mask off of his face. Harry yelped, but kept his eyes firmly closed. Draco growled, "Look at me, damn-it!" Harry ignored him. Draco growled again, "Fine. But why the HELL did you send me a freaking WEDDING DRESS?"

"Err," Harry blushed, "because Ron dared me to because something similar happened at his wedding when the twins dared 'Mione to do the same thing," he said in one breath.

Draco was disgusted, "A dare? How middle school of you, Harry. If Weasley jumped off a bridge, you would too, wouldn't you?"

Harry grinned, "Yes, to save him."

"Humph," Draco pouted.

"But, love," Harry groped blindly in front of him, searching for Draco's body. He touched his stomach and used that as a guide to jerk the blonde into his arms, "I'd do the same for you and more."

And so, when Hermione finally found the two men, she was quite satisfied to see that they'd not only made up, but were in fact making out. And Harry's eyes were still squeezed shut.

&#&

"Where's Harry? It's only two hours until the wedding march! I haven't even seen his hair all day! Merlin me, but we'll never get anything done!" Mrs. Weasley wailed as she rushed past Draco's dressing room.

Draco peered through the crack in the door and watched her retreating form. He shut the door silently and turned to his fiancé, who was lying blearily on the couch, shirt still wide-open and sleeping mask firmly in place.

"Is she gone?" he asked, lifting his head slowly.

"Yes, for the moment," Draco murmured, walking over and shoving Harry's legs to the side so he could sit down. "You've been hiding in here for three hours. When are you going to be a man and face old Mum Weasley?"

"When you're man enough to let Hermione back in to finish tailoring your outfit," Harry retorted.

"Hey, that woman and needles is a dangerous combination! Give her a pin, say goodbye to Draco Junior!" Draco looked terrified.

So did Harry, "Good God, no! Not Draco Junior! We've become so close over the years! We're like brothers! Wait, eww, no…"

Draco laughed, "You, Leo, are slightly drunk from that champagne we nicked."

Harry grinned, "Yes, yes I am."

"How could you?" Draco cried, slightly drunk himself, "Drunk on our wedding day! You're going to be a lousy husband, you bastard!"

"And you're going to be such a pretty little wife!" Harry giggled.

Draco saw red, "Wife? WIFE? I may be the shorter, more feminine one. I may be the bottom. I may secretly think you're a big, strong man who'll protect me at all costs, but I am not the wi- well, okay, maybe I am, but you can't call me that!"

"Why not?" Harry, in his drunken haze, continued to foolish taunt the frazzled wizard, "I'm going to be your husband. If I can't, who can?"

"NO ONE!" Draco bellowed and threw himself at Harry.

Harry scurried away from him and felt quickly for the doorknob. He found it, but not before Draco grabbed him and again ripped the sleeping mask from his face. Harry slapped his hand over his eyes, wrenched the door open, and flew from the room, away from his murderous fiancé. Draco tore after him, "Get back here, Potter! I'm not finished with you, yet!"

Hermione, who was just stepping out of her own dressing room, jumped back so as not to be run over by the two men sailing past her. She squinted at their quickly disappearing backs and sighed, "Those two are perfect for each other."

She heard a thump and saw that Harry had run straight into a wall. She rolled her eyes. "You idiot!" Draco was screaming as Harry scrambled to stand back up and cover his eyes at the same time, "Just look at me already!"

"Noooo!" Harry wailed as he again took off down the hall, "I can't see you before the wedding…" And their voices and footsteps faded away.

"Oh yes," Hermione muttered to herself as she rubbed her temples, "Perfect for each other."

&#&

"There now. Isn't that so much better?" Mrs. Weasley patted the now-sober Harry's shoulder.

"Umm, Mum, you didn't do anything. It looks, well, the same."

"Ronald Weasley! How can you say that? Your mother did an excellent job! See that piece there? It's much straighter now."

"Geez, Dad, you give the woman way too much credit. Ronnekins was right. It does look exactly the same."

"Fred! That's not true! Harry looks totally different! A lot more pained than usual, to be sure."

"George!" Mrs. Weasley swatted the twin's arm, "that's enough of that. We have no time for your jokes. The ceremony starts in half an hour! Out with you all! Except you, Harry," she grabbed the brunette's hastily departing arm.

Harry turned and smiled at her sheepishly, "Thanks for trying, Mrs. Weasley," he motioned to his hair.

"It was a pleasure, my dear. But now, listen to me. First, you mustn't be angry with me."

"Why would I be angry with you, Mrs. Weasley? You've practically arranged this whole wedding on your own!" Harry chuckled.

"Well," Mrs. Weasley wrung her hands, "I did a rather foolish thing, Harry. In the joy of the moment, mind you."

Harry looked at her cautiously, "What did you do, Mrs. Weasley?"

"I, umm," she gulped and suddenly blurted, "I invited the Dursleys!"

Harry blinked and then started to laugh, "Oh, is that all? No worries, Mrs. Weasley. They wouldn't come within a hundred feet of me unless they were given a million dollars!"

"All right," Mrs. Weasley still looked doubtful.

"It is all right," Harry smiled and bent to kiss her cheek, "Thank you for everything…Mum."

"Oh, Harry!" and she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. She pulled away and wagged her finger at him, "Oh you! Trying to distract me! Off with you, now. Go finish getting ready!" And she shoved him to the door.

Laughing, Harry exited the dressing room and started down the hall. "BOY!" a gruff, very familiar voice yelled.

Harry stopped short and shut his eyes, "Oh no. Oh, please no…" he prayed. He slowly turned around, only to come face to face with three people he'd never wanted to see again.

"Hello, Harry," his aunt, Petunia Dursley, said primly, her mouth set in a thin line.

Harry couldn't help himself, "What on earth are you doing here? You hate me and I hate you! It was a lovely arrangement we had for a while there. You know, not seeing each other for four years."

"We got an invitation in the mail," Vernon Dursley said gruffly, "and it said there was a wedding. So we decided to come."

"What, for the free food?" Harry sneered.

"You watch that tongue of yours, boy! It's going to cost you someday!" Uncle Vernon roared.

"It already has," Harry agreed sadly, "every time I open my mouth and tell him he can buy something…"

"Him?" Aunt Petunia questioned in her usual clipped tone.

"Yes, h-"

"Anyway, boy," Uncle Vernon interrupted mercilessly, "we're not here because we want to be."

"Then why come at all?" Harry asked flippantly, starting to lose interest.

"We're here about your marriage," Uncle Vernon growled.

"Isn't everyone?" Harry asked carelessly, looking wistfully away, "I'm pretty sure that's why all these people are here, anyway."

"Why, you little…"

"Vernon!" Aunt Petunia laid a hand on Uncle Vernon's arm, "Just tell the boy why we're here, please."

"Ahh, yes, I'd forgotten in the blind rage that comes over me every time I see him, dear," he replied sheepishly.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Oy."

"Quiet you," Uncle Vernon barked, "There's a family that just moved in next door to us. Nice people. But they also have an unfortunate…problem, as do we," he glared at Harry, leaving no question as to what the problem was.

"Poor them," Harry muttered.

"Their daughter, Matilda, is having trouble finding someone willing to…commit to her," Aunt Petunia continued, "So we offered you. They're going to pay us one thousand pounds a year."

"For…what?" Harry was starting to feel very nervous.

"For her dowry," Aunt Petunia snapped, quickly becoming annoyed. Harry gulped. Did they mean…

"You have to marry the bitch!" Dudley Dursley, who'd been hiding behind his parents, popped up and cackled merrily.

"I…what?"

"You have to marry her, boy. We even decided we'll give you ten of the pounds every year to live on," Uncle Vernon said grudgingly.

"I can't marry her! I'm marrying Draco! And even if I wasn't, I wouldn't marry someone you picked out for me just so you can get some extra money!" Harry was furious.

"You can and will marry her, Potter! And what kind of girl's name is Draco, anyway?"

"And who'd want to marry you of their own free will?" Dudley mocked.

"Look, I can't deal with this right now. I want you to leave, but if you must stay, and only if you must, try not to cause any trouble, all right? Or else, I'll turn you all into frogs. I have to go now, because my wedding starts in fifteen minutes," Harry started to walk away, "oh, and Draco is a man's name."

He smirked as he heard a sharp intake of breath, a thump, and a "POTTER!"

&#&

"So, Harry," Ron asked companionably as they tied their ties side by side in front of the mirror in Harry's dressing room, "What happened with the Dursleys?"

"Oh, they were just trying to get me to marry some chick," Harry replied flippantly.

"Really? Well, how'd you stop them?"

"By telling them Draco's a dude," Harry shrugged.

Ron laughed, "Yea, that'd about do it."

"Hey, Ron? Is it normal to become increasingly nervous and suicidal minutes before your wedding?" Harry gulped.

Ron frowned, "Well, most men usually get really nervous. But suicidal? That's probably just because of who you're marrying."

Harry considered that for a moment, "Yea, you're probably right."

Ron grinned and started to say something when the door suddenly banged open. Harry immediately slapped a hand over his eyes, "Draco?" he asked, annoyed.

"N-no," a choked-up voice answered.

Harry's eyes flew open, "Ginny?"

The redhead darted into the room, "Harry! I have to talk to you!" she said urgently.

"What about?" Harry asked, pretty much already knowing the answer.

"About us."

"Ginny," Harry said softly, "there isn't any 'us'."

"But there could be!" she wailed.

"No, there couldn't be," Harry stated firmly, "C'mon, Gin. What happened to the dating-dynamo I remember from school? And plus, you have Colin, right?"

"I'm only with Colin because he loves you as much as I do."

"I could have gone my whole life without knowing that," Ron muttered.

Harry smiled in spite of himself, "Look, Ginny, there was a reason why I broke up with you when I did. It wasn't just because of the upcoming war, but because I loved you more as a sister than anything else."

"I don't believe you," Ginny muttered, "You could have me and yet you want him," she wrinkled her nose.

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair (negating all of Mrs. Weasley's hard work in one fell swoop), "Yes, I love him, Gin, more than anything. Sometimes he's the only reason I get up in the morning and he's always the reason I go to bed at night. You guys are the closest thing I've ever had to a family; heck, you are my family. But it's time for me to start my own, as well. And Draco is the only person I could ever imagine doing that with."

"Maybe this is all partly my fault," Ginny rubbed at her eyes, "I never should have let you go in sixth year, or we'd still be together now."

"But, Gin, if I thought the kiss with Cho was disgusting…"

"Go marry Draco, Harry. I'll eventually find a way to make you mine," and she strode determinedly from the room.

"Wow," Ron looked shocked, "Is she on drugs or something?"

"I don't know," Harry shook his head sadly, "but that certainly isn't the girl I remember."

"Harry!" Fred burst in, "Are you ready?"

Harry looked at himself once in the mirror and turned to smile at the redhead, "As ready as I'll ever be."

"No urges to jump out a window or turn your wand on yourself?" Fred asked seriously.

Harry chuckled, "Nope. Well, not right now, at least."

"Then come on, you two! The bloody thing's starting in like five minutes!" and Fred started to hurry out.

"Hey, Fred?" Harry grabbed his arm, "Draco isn't lurking around anywhere out there, is he?"

Fred grinned, "Nah. Hermione's still using him as a human pincushion in his dressing room."

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, I really am ready now," he opened his eyes and strode confidently from the room, Ron and Fred in his wake.

He was going to get married.

&#&

"Ow, damnit!" Draco growled, glaring at the woman on her knees in front of him.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "If you'd just stand still and stop twitching…"

"Excuse me, but Malfoys do not twitch," Draco sniffed.

Hermione sat back on her heels (no small feat in a floor length dress) and looked curiously up at the blonde, "What's wrong, Draco? You're being more hypocritical and upper crust than usual."

Draco raised a delicate brow, "Nothing is 'wrong' as you so bluntly put it, Granger."

Hermione looked hurt for about two seconds until she broke into a wide grin, "I know what's wrong with you," she said sweetly.

Draco looked down his nose at her, "Oh?"

She smirked, "You're nervous."

Draco was shocked, "Who? Me? Nervous? Pfft. Malfoys don't get nervous."

Hermione chuckled, "Malfoys don't marry Potters, either."

Draco's face went blank and Hermione laughed, "Don't know what to reply to that, eh, big-shot?"

Draco sighed, "Fine. I'm nervous."

"I thought so," Hermione shot him a triumphant grin.

"I don't know why, though," Draco started to pace, "I mean, I love Harry with all my heart, right? So why do I feel like I'm going to heave?"

"Because it's the reaction everyone has right before their wedding. When it was time for me to walk down the aisle, I tried to walk out the door to the street instead of into the church. But, luckily, Harry was there and he stopped me."

"Harry wouldn't stop me," Draco muttered forlornly, "he won't even look at me."

Hermione hid a small smile, "Draco, it's a muggle tradition. The groom isn't supposed to see the bride (Draco snorted) the day of the wedding until the ceremony itself. And you know Harry. When he sets his mind on something, he sticks with it."

"I wish he wouldn't stick so firmly. It's weird not to see his eyes. Especially when he kissed me. I'm used to these really soul-searching looks he gives me afterwards. But all there were was…eyelids."

"Draco!" George barreled in, "the wedding was supposed to start five minutes ago!"

Draco gulped and started to back away, "I can't do this."

Hermione grabbed him and shook him, "Calm down! Yes, you can! You love that man out there! Now go and experience one of the happiest moments of your life!" And with the combined efforts of George and Hermione, they got him out the door.

He was going to get married.

&#&

Harry smiled at Albus Dumbledore as he sidled up next to the elderly headmaster, "Hello, Professor."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "I think that, seeing as it's your wedding day, you can call me Albus now, Harry."

A grin tugged at the corner of Harry's mouth, "Really?"

"Really, my boy, really."

"By the way, thanks for letting us have the wedding at Hogwarts. It looks perfect, si- Albus."

Dumbledore smiled and let his glance sweep over the Great Hall. It did indeed look glorious. The magnificent hall was decked out completely in white and gold: white roses, gold candles, and white and gold hangings. The house tables had been replaced with row upon row of pews, and instead of the High Table, there was a beautiful gold arch full to bursting with white roses, under which Harry and Dumbledore now stood.

Dumbledore had been delighted when they had asked him to officiate the ceremony and have the wedding itself at the school. It was a coming home of sorts for two of the best wizards that Hogwarts had ever seen.

"You ready for this, mate?" Ron, Harry's best man, clapped him on the back.

"He's ready," Fred, George, Neville, Seamus, and Dean, his groomsmen, chorused together.

Harry nodded his head and gulped, trying to keep the butterflies in his stomach under wraps.

Suddenly, the wedding march started. What seemed like the entire wizarding world rose from their seats and turned to look at the back of the Great Hall. Harry's eyes snapped to the door.

First, Draco's groomsmen entered one by one (so, yea, things were a little unconventional for this wedding): Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Theodore Nott, and Charlie. Then Hermione, his maid of honor (read: UNCONVENTIONAL), floated in looking beautiful in a silk dress of pale lavender.

And then, in walked Draco. Harry's breath caught as he watched the most beautiful man in the room walk towards him slowly, their eyes locked the whole time, and he knew at that moment that the trouble he'd went through not to see Draco that day had been worth it.

Many say brides look their best on their wedding day, and this was no exception in Draco's case (however reluctant a bride he might have been). His pure white, perfectly tailored tuxedo and white loafers accentuated his dark grey eyes and blond hair perfectly. Of course, many would find Harry's black tuxedo to Draco's white one quite ironic and symbolic later on. Yet, as he reached Harry and they clasped hands, gone were the light and dark wizard, replaced by one person.

Smiling at the two men, Dumbledore began, "We are gathered here today to join Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in sacred matrimony. Anyone who objects to this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace," and he made the customary pause, "Now-"

"I OBJECT!" a strong voice declared.

And so, in keeping with tradition, Mrs. Weasley fainted.

To be continued…

A/N: ain't i a baddie? to stop right there is something only an evil, sadistical, completely and utterly cruel person would do. hi, my name's carrie. heh. so, yea, that was kinda mean, huh? but, hey, life's tough, my friend. lol. but i've got a way to cheer you up! i propose a contest (god help us all…)! for this contest, you need to make sure i have access to your email address (especially if you're not a member) so i can send you your prize (yes, there are actual prizes!). and the contest is this: who (or what…lol) is objecting at the wedding? that's pretty much it. heh. the person (or people…hey, you never know…) who wins will get chapter nine a whole week early! yup. so, if you think you know who it is, review and tell me! and even if you have absolutely no clue, review and guess anyway! you could be right! don't underestimate my insanity, after all. and just to confirm, this is not just my sad attempt to garner 100 reviews (of course not…heh heh).

also, for those of you who do not guess correctly (or who don't even bother entering the pathetic thing), don't be discouraged! though i have absolutely no idea when i'm going to post chapter nine (which is about half done, btw), i will post it eventually! erm, yea. i know i've been rather undependable, but i still swear that i'm committed to this story and will finish it. so, please, your continued support of my pathetic little self would mean so much. i love you all!

and wish me luck tomorrow on my SATs. i'm gonna need it…