Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
A/N – Here it is the first JPOV! I never planned to do a JPOV, but he is very convincing…lol! I hope you enjoy!
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Chapter 8
Just Smiles
JPOV
I woke up early Saturday morning to the sound of my dad talking in the living room. I got up to find him and Charlie getting ready to go fishing.
"Good morning, Jacob!"
"Good morning, Charlie" I repeated with a yawn.
"So, I hear you make a mean grilled cheese sandwich."
"Yeah, I guess so" I laughed and then smiled knowing that Bella had told him that.
His voice got serious as he continued "I'm so glad that you guys started hanging out, she just seems so much happier when she comes home from here or I guess I should say happy at all. I don't even remember how long it had been since I had seen her smile or heard her laugh."
I nodded remembering how she was on the first night.
"I've actually been worried about her. She just looks so tired and skinny."
"She doesn't sleep much."
"Yeah, she said she didn't sleep well."
"That's an understatement" he said automatically, but then looked like he almost regretted that he had let that slip out.
I looked at him with great concern so he went on in a very somber tone.
"She screams every night. It's the most horrific screaming you could ever imagine and when she's not screaming well, I can hear her sobbing pretty much the whole time she's awake in her bed at night or in the morning. It's no better when she's not screaming or crying."
"What do you mean?"
He hesitated, but went on. "Well, she has conversations…sometimes arguments…with herself."
"Ever since he left?"
"Yeah" he said looking at me skeptically probably because I avoided his name just like Bella does.
"Did she tell you why he left?"
"No and I didn't ask."
"Well, I suppose you should know. He was diagnosed with kidney failure and the whole family left for Johns Hopkins in Maryland. Carlisle got a job there and they just up and moved. He didn't even say goodbye to her. He had Alice do it. He hasn't even been in touch with her since. I keep hoping that his condition will improve and he'll call her, or at least just call her, but she acts like he's already died.'
At the beginning of this conversation my father got visibly upset and wheeled himself to the kitchen. I knew he didn't like the Cullens. He was a superstitious, old man who still believed in all of the old stories of our ancestors, but he wasn't the only one on the rez that felt that way. The night they left, the night Sam found Bella in the forest, at least a dozen people were out acting like a bunch of crazies lighting fires and hooting and hollering into the night.
"We better get going while the fish are still biting." Charlie exclaimed loudly for my father to hear, we nodded our goodbyes, and they left for the day.
My heart broke for Bella knowing how much pain she was going through. I already knew she was in pain, but just picturing her all alone and imagining her screams the way her father had described them it made me want to cry. In that moment I hated them, or at least Edward, as much as my father did, although not for the same reason.
The only thing that made me feel better was picturing Bella how she was when she was with me. She had started to laugh and smile again. She wasn't the same Bella she had been, as I pictured the Bella I had danced with at prom, but maybe in time she would be.
I couldn't wait for her to come over. I just kept thinking how alone she must feel. I knew those girls she called her friend weren't her real friends. She herself said I was her only real friend and I knew that. After all how could someone that really knew and cared about Bella expect her to be a cheerleader or think that she would even enjoy it. I have to admit that Bella as a cheerleader was the sexiest thing ever, but I knew it wasn't her type of thing and I was glad that she didn't think she would actually make the squad. Someone with Bella's coordination would end up in a full body cast by the time football season was over. I shook my head as I let out a little chuckle thinking about how clumsy she was. I knew in my heart I would protect Bella from anything…even herself.
I walked into my room that was actually pretty clean for once. It was an easy few steps to the bed when the floor was free from the usual dish, dirty clothes, and other random stuff that had littered it before I cleaned it yesterday. There was no way I would have let Bella in my room the way it looked before. I had worried about having Bella in my room at all because I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. She didn't though, she never hesitated, and either way I left the door open just to make sure she knew she could trust me. I wouldn't have even planned for us to be in my room, but I really wanted her to listen to the CD with me. Ever since the night on the rock when she had said "good morning" in Quileute I had wanted her to listen to it with me, to speak the words with me. She sounded so cute, like when the small children first learned how to speak and say the same words in their little voices. I was already fluent in Quileute, my father had made sure of that just as his had made sure with him, but I wasn't going to tell Bella that.
I grabbed the pictures from the photo booth off of my dresser and plopped back down on my bed. It made me feel better to see Bella's funny expressions looking back at me, but what made me feel better still was her smile. After looking at all of the comical poses that were so adorable the last one was still my favorite, the one that was just smiles.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I closed my eyes picturing that smile in my head. I slowly drifted back to sleep never letting go of the pictures in my hand.
BPOV
I woke up with a start and jerked myself into a sitting position. It was morning and the sun was already up. I looked around frantically and full of confusion. Only I would be alarmed to be not screaming when I woke up, but there was a sound coming from somewhere. I turned my head to my nightstand and realized the phone was ringing. I grabbed it and gave a scratchy "hello".
"Hey Bella, it's Mike."
"Oh, hi Mike, how are you?"
"Good. I didn't wake you did I?"
"No, I was just lying in bed." I was glad that I wasn't in one of my sobbing fits when he called, but ordinarily I would have just been lying in bed.
"That's good. I was just calling because it's really slow today so you really don't need to come in."
"Oh, ok." I was beyond glad, but tried to mask it.
"Um, Bella?"
"Yeah"
"I was just wondering if maybe you would like to go out sometime?"
If Mike wasn't anything else he was persistent.
"Like on a date?"
"Well, it could be."
"Mike, I don't know if everyone has amnesia or what, but I have a boyfriend and I don't really think he would appreciate me going out with other guys."
"Oh, I um...uh…er...I just…um" Wow, I guess I had that affect on people.
"Mike, it's ok. I'll see you at school, bye."
That was terribly uncomfortable, but at least I had the day off. This meant I could go down to Jacob's all that much earlier.
I started to get out of bed and realized how much better I felt actually getting some sleep and not screaming my head off. Not having that nightmare alone made me feel a hundred times better. I actually didn't dream about anything at all.
I sat at my desk wondering how early would be too early to go down to Jacob's. I looked up and grabbed the pictures that sat next to the shell and stared at them. I looked almost happy sitting next to Jacob, my sunbeam, and I was happy just not the same happy that I was capable of…before. Looking at his funny face reminded me how it was so easy to laugh and smile around him and it not be fake or forced. I loved that goofy face, but most of I loved that smile and how that smile always made me smile. Jacob was my only real friend, my best friend and that's what we looked like in the last picture, the one with just our smiles, my favorite one.
Not knowing if Jacob had other plans for the day I decided to give him a call and ask him if it was ok that I come earlier.
JPOV
I was startled by the sound of the phone and jumped out of bed to answer it almost tripping on the way since I was still half asleep. I was kind of sad Bella wasn't here to catch it, she would've gotten a big kick out of that and I laughed thinking about it.
"Hello"
"Hi Jake, it's Bella"
"Oh, hi are you still going to come over later?" I was really worried that something had come up and I tried not to sound disappointed, but I was really looking forward to seeing her. I couldn't explain how much it pained me to think about her all alone and although I had been afraid that my touch would make her uneasy I believed she actually found it comforting, that it made her feel less alone.
"Actually, that's why I was calling" Darn, she really was canceling.
"I don't have to work today and I wasn't sure if you had plans or not, but I was wondering if I could come over earlier?" "If you want me to." She added to the end, of course I wanted her to.
"No, my only plans were to hang out with you so it would be awesome if you could come earlier."
"Cool, I'll be down in about an hour"
I got dressed and tried to stay busy while I waited for her get here. The sound of the loud truck that once belonged to my father had never sounded better than it did when she would pull into my driveway.
I thought about calling Quil and Embry and making sure they didn't come at all today instead of just in the afternoon like I specified last night. When I got back in from walking Bella to her truck last night they had made fun of me at first until they started talking about her in a way that made me so angry. I knew how cute she was in her little outfit and when she spoke in Quileute it would bring a smile to anyone's face.
I was deep in concentration and was amazed that I hadn't even heard the loud truck pull up. I jumped when I heard banging on the front door like someone was kicking it with their foot. The front door was open, but the screen door, that is mostly glass, was closed and I could see her standing there with two paper bags in her small arms. I quickly ran to the door and jerked it open for her and grabbed the bags from her arms. They looked like they probably equaled the same size she was.
"What's all of this? Are you moving in?" I loved teasing her.
"No, it's food and stuff so I can make dinner. I thought since Charlie and Billy were fishing today I would just make dinner here for everyone."
"That's a good idea" and she just nodded at me.
"So what are you making?" I asked as we stood together unpacking the bags and putting the perishables in the refrigerator.
"Lasagna, garlic bread, and cherry pie for dessert. Oh, and I'm making a salad too although I'm probably the only one that's interested in that." She laughed a little when she said that.
"That's probably true since I really didn't hear much except cherry pie." I smiled at her and she smiled back and all of my worry from earlier started to fade and I was so glad that she was here.
BPOV
I pulled up to Jacob's and was surprised that he was nowhere in sight. I looked around to make sure he wouldn't materialize out of thin air and scare the crap out of me like yesterday. He probably just fell back asleep I thought as I grabbed the bags of food out of the truck. I was feeling a bit bad about leaving leftovers for Charlie so I thought that I would just cook dinner here tonight and that way I could stay longer and have dinner with Jacob, it was win-win.
I made it across the yard and up the porch steps, but knew that I couldn't open the door so I kicked it with my foot a few times hoping that Jacob wasn't sound asleep and that he would hear it quickly.
He did, he came running and opened the door and grabbed the bags from me in one quick flash.
We stood at the table unpacking the groceries and I was so happy to be here. I told Jacob what I was making for dinner and he seemed pleased, well at least with the dessert. I looked up and my eyes met with his and I could see a sense of relief in his.
"You look better."
"Yeah, I slept pretty good last night."
"Really? Did you have sweet dreams?" I smiled remembering how he had said that softly last night when he kissed my head.
"Actually I didn't dream about anything" which was sweeter than he could possibly understand, but he nodded his head like he did.
"So what do you want to do?" I asked him when our work in the kitchen was finished, for the time being anyway. It was still early and we had plenty of time before I had to start cooking.
"We could go for a walk in the woods."
"Ok" I wasn't much for that type of thing and I hadn't even been back in the woods since…that night, but with Jacob I'm sure it would be fun.
A moment later we were headed out the door and into the woods.
As soon as we stepped into the wooded area with all of the sticks, roots, and rocks everywhere taunting me and threatening my safety with every step. Jacob quickly grabbed a hold of my hand and never let go as we continued to walk.
We walked at a slow pace, which was good for me, and just talked. Jacob would occasionally point out a bird or an animal track and identify it to me. It was interesting and relaxing all at the same time. This seemed like a rather normal thing to be doing and I thought that it seemed a heck of a lot more sensible than me breaking my neck trying to be a cheerleader or trying to do whatever else teenagers were doing. I draw the line at body piercing and tattoos I thought to myself. Edward was old fashioned at heart, as expected since he was nearly a hundred years old, and thought that even he may draw the line at that teenage craze. I winced as my hand shot up to my chest to where the searing pain filled the hole that was left there. I was angry with myself for letting my thoughts get so carried away.
I looked up to see Jacob's concerned face.
"Are you ok?"
"Uh huh" I nodded and it was an unnecessary lie since he already knew the answer.
"Let's sit down" he motioned over to a large log that was right off the path we were walking on.
I sat down and tried to catch my breath. Jacob had let go of my hand when I sat down and now they were both clutching at my chest. I leaned over, but it was more like I tipped over and I laid with my head in Jacob's lap and my legs on the log for quite awhile. He sat there and patiently stroked my hair until I eventually calmed. I didn't really feel like moving. One of his hands was on my shoulder and the other was still on my hair taking turns between stroking and running his fingers through it, but never twirling…thank God.
I wasn't thinking about anything when I heard my name.
"Bella?"
My response came out in no more than a grunt to confirm that I was listening.
"You don't think he's coming back do you?"
I turned around so that I was looking up at him with a dazed look on my face.
I turned back over to my original position and laid my head back down and shook my head. As much as I tried to believe the lies that I told myself, the lies that everyone else believed, in my heart I knew. I just never let myself think it until now and I started crying.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."
He had nothing to be sorry for, I couldn't live in denial forever. I was sobbing pretty heaving by now and I could tell that Jacob was panicked with guilt. He scooped me up in his arms like a small child and held me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rocked me back and forth until my crying finally ceased. He was still stroking my hair when I looked up at him.
"Do you want me to carry you back to the house?"
I nodded my head and marveled at our unspoken understanding that still didn't cease to amaze me. Generally I was opposed to being carried around, but I didn't have the energy to walk much less care and I felt like if I left his arms that I would probably break down again anyway.
Somehow he got the front door open without putting me down and he carried me back to his bed and laid me on the plaid bedspread I thought was comfortable last night, but now I didn't think much of anything.
After he set me down he laid on his side next to me, but gave me some space. I slowly inched over to him and put my head on his arm.
He cupped my head with his hand securing it against himself just as he had done that night at my truck.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, I feel so bad," I knew he felt bad and that made me feel bad…or at least worse.
"You didn't upset me" that was the truth. "I needed to accept the truth, but the truth is so painful."
"Bella?"
"Yeah"
I was looking up at his face that was a few inches away from mine, but he didn't respond. Instead he leaned closer to me until his mouth slowly went past mine and although his lips did not touch mine it felt almost as if they had brushed against each other, it wasn't the electricity I was used to but it was something.
His mouth stopped at my ear and he whispered "I will never leave you. I will always be here for you. I promise."
I almost started crying again, but I felt so much relief at that moment I didn't. It was harder having to deal with the truth that lingered in my head instead of forcing myself to believe the lies, but at least I wasn't alone anymore, at least I felt safe.
I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my face against his shirt and fell asleep.
JPOV
I knew I shouldn't have asked her that stupid question. I sat there on that log for a long time pondering whether or not I should when I finally decided that I should. I don't know if that was the right decision or not. I knew she wasn't being honest with herself and she was right she did need to accept the truth, but I hated to be the one that opened her eyes. I hated to see her fall apart like that. Even one tear from Bella's eyes was too much for me to bear.
There was more too. She knew things that other people like Charlie didn't know, but I knew she wasn't ready to talk about that so there was no way I was going to ask.
I had never felt about a girl the way I feel for Bella, that I had always felt for her. I didn't care if she only wanted to be my friend or if she was only capable of being my friend. I knew she needed me nonetheless and I could never leave her. I had to tell her because I knew it would make feel better, put her mind at ease and it had she was now breathing slowly as she slept against my chest. When I whispered in her ear I did want to kiss her, but I knew that was not what she wanted and it was beyond the wrong time. I had been surprised when my lips passed hers there was this feeling it was like a spark, like a magnetic spark.
My eyes started to close as I listened to Bella's rhythmic breathing. Her breathing sped up slightly and I heard her say "no" a few times in a quiet voice and I think I heard the word "monster". I started to pat her back trying to soothe her back into sleep but she leapt out of my arms so fast that I just laid there puzzled. I will never forget the sound that invaded my ears. It was nothing like I had imagined it was horrific and painful but it was more than that, it brought tears to my eyes it was so sad. It seemed like she had been screaming forever, but it was probably one a few seconds and then she turned and looked at me with tears streaming down her face. I held out my arms not knowing for sure if she wanted to stay or not, but she collapsed in my arms.
Her face was pressed against my chest again which muffled her cries but I heard her repeated mumbles "I'm so tired" and I knew she wasn't talking about sleep.
BPOV
How many times am I going to break down today?
I was beginning to calm down which was a lot easier when Jacob was holding me and I felt so much gratitude for everything he had done.
"Jacob?"
"Yes, Bella"
"You're my best friend."
"I know"
"I know you know. You know everything." He just laughed.
"You want to help me make some pie?"
"You had me at pie" he smiled and I smiled back as we headed to the kitchen.
A/N – So, there is a lot of emotion in this chapter especially from Jacob since this is the first time his point of view is shown.
I wouldn't read too much into this, or anything, because there are a lot of twists and turns ahead.
I'm not sure if there will be anymore JPOV.
Reviews are better than sleeping in Jacob Black's bed…maybe.
Please review or you will break Jacob's heart and make him want to cry…lol
