A/N:
Hi... Please don't hate me.
I'm not even sure how long it's been since I updated, but I'm pretty sure it's been less than a month, so... That's ok, right?
I know, I'm sorry. Bad author. Bad, bad author.
Well, to make it up to you, I'm writing you a juicy chapter! Yay!
Forgive me now?
...
Baby steps.
Enjoy! :)
- Haley
Blood. Rain. It was everywhere.
God, it was everywhere.
Leo. Leo's dead.
Never coming back.
Brothers. Brothers are coming.
Have to get out. Have to run.
Can't run.
Another way...
Pain. Pain in his chest.
Relief.
Coward.
Raphael is a coward.
Raphael...
Raph...
Raphael!
"His heart rate is off the charts!"
"Hold his arms and legs. He's gonna hurt himself if he keeps thrashing around like that!"
"Raph-R-Raph, can you hear me? Open your eyes, bro, it's not real..."
"Come back to us, Raphael. Open your eyes."
There were too many voices. His head pounded so badly that he dreaded opening his eyes. When he did, it took a bit for him to focus properly. All he could see were three green blobs standing directly above him.
"I think it's working."
"Thank God."
"Raph? Jesus, dude, what the shell was that?"
"Michelangelo!" Thwap.
"Ouch! Sorry, Sensei..."
Raph groaned. He didn't realize the pressure on his limbs was even there until it was gone and he could move freely...not that he could really do much. He attempted to sit up and immediately felt somebody come to his aid, who he tried to swat away. Probably Leo. Always the mother hen.
Little by little, he was able to see a bit more. Leo was closest to him, kneeling by the right side of his bed. Mikey was sitting on the left side, but was closer to Donatello, who was standing at the end, cast on his arm. Master Splinter stood by the door at a safe distance. They all looked concerned, to say the least.
"Ugh... Do I wanna know what happened?"
"We were hoping you could tell us," Leo supplied. Raph narrowed his gaze in confusion.
"You were having a nightmare. One that was... Abnormally intense." Donnie, playing doctor. "Do you remember what it was about?"
Blood. Rain.
Shudder.
"Uh...nah. Bits and pieces," Raph lied, shaking his head. It wasn't until now that he noticed Don held a book in his good hand. The purple banded turtle flipped through the pages restlessly, as if searching for something.
"Have you had nightmares a lot lately?"
"Why're you askin me all this? I'm not sick, Donnie, I just had a bad dream. Don't act like you've neva had one before," Raph growled in annoyance. Don returned the glare and snapped the book shut. "The fact is that whatever's going on with you is jeapordizing your shell's healing process."
"'Going on with me?' Nothin's 'going on!'"
This time Leo spoke. His voice was much gentler than Don's. "Raph, Michelangelo has heard you scream in your sleep at least once a night ever since I... Came back from Central America." Leo and Raph locked gazes, and Raph knew what Leo really meant. This had happened every night since the rooftop/tunnel incident.
"It's true, dude," Mikey cut in, interrupting Raphael's thoughts. Raph turned to look at him. "It's kinda freaked me out, to be honest."
Raph let his gaze drift to Master Splinter, who just watched him knowingly. The older rat raised an eyebrow at Raph in suggestion, and Raph knew exactly what he was suggesting. He quickly looked away, down at his sheets.
Leo nudged him slightly. "Hey. You alright?"
"Yeah," Raph lied. Again. "Just hurtin."
"Well I'm gonna need to look you over, now that you're conscious and semi-cooperative." Don put the book down and began hooking Raphael up to machines. It was then that Raphael realized that he wasn't even in his room. He was in Donnie's infirmary, laying on the cot. Must have been a pretty bad scene for them to move him down here.
"Guys, if you don't mind, I'm gonna need you to give us some space."
"Of course, my son," Splinter said, ushering Leonardo and Michelngelo out. "We will return to check on Raphael when you are finished."
Once everyone left, Donnie remained surprisingly quiet. Raph watched him out of the corner of his eye, but said nothing. He liked the silence. Not much of a talker anyway.
About 15 minutes passed before Don said anything. "Everything seems fine," he informed. "You were lucky. The way you were thrashing... I thought for sure you had hurt yourself further."
"Thrashing, huh?"
Don sighed and pulled a chair next to the cot, sitting in it backwards with his good arm folded over the back. "Yeah." He watched his big brother for a moment, expression melting into one of concern. "Raph, what was your nightmare about? I can't help you if I don't know everything."
He was met with silence. Raph wanted to tell him, of course, but how could he when he hadn't even told Leo yet? As expected, Donatello shook his head and gave up, standing and putting the chair back where he found it. Great. Now the nerd's feelings were hurt. "Don, wait."
Donnie paused, looking at Raph skeptically. Raph chose his next words carefully.
"I did something bad. Really bad. That's what my nightmares have been about." There was a moment of silence, and just as Donnie opened his mouth to say something, Raph spoke again. "I can't tell you what it is. Not yet. I can't... Talk about it. Not now." Raphael fidgeted with his hands. Don's gaze softened.
"Well... It sounds like you may be dealing with a form of PTSD."
Raph blinked. "PDS-what?"
"PTSD," Donatello repeated, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's a mental condition most prominently found in military veterans, but it can affect anyone who has gone through a traumatic, and perhaps even life-threatening, situation. There are a few different forms of it, but if you've been having nightmares, you're probably suffering from the form that involves intrusive memories."
"So, what, I'm... sick in the head?"
Donnie shrugged. "That's a rough way of putting it, but... Yes."
Raph rubbed at his eyes a little bit. "So how do I fix it?"
Don shook his head. "I'm not sure... I'll have to do some research." He paused, looking Raphael up and down for a moment. "But I'd imagine it will probably involve you coming clean and talking about whatever it is you went through."
Raph sighed heavily. "I was afraid you'd say that."
Don huffed a little laugh before heading towards the door. "I'm going to go let the others know you're alright."
"Yeah, okay... Hey, Don."
Donatello stopped, hand on the door knob. He raised his brow at Raphael, and Raph just took in how tired his brother looked. "Just wanted to say thanks... Ya know, for all this."
Donnie smiled and nodded once. "Anytime, bro." He then disappeared out the door and left Raphael with his thoughts.
Donnie entered the living room and Leo immediately jumped up off the couch. "Is everything alright? Is his shell okay?"
"His shell is fine." Everyone, including Michelangelo and Splinter, who finally made their way over, breathed a sigh of relief. That was the number one concern on everyone's mind. "However," Donnie said, interrupting the moment, "I think we may be dealing with something a bit more serious."
"Clarify, my son."
"I think... I think Raph is suffering from a psychological disorder. It's called PTSD."
"PDS-what?" Mikey asked in confusion. Donnie gave him a strange look before continuing.
"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It means Raphael's hiding something from us."
A door opened.
All eyes turned to Raphael, who was standing in the doorway of the infirmary looking uncharacteristically nervous. "Hey, uh... Leo? Can I talk to you for a sec?"
Now, all eyes turned to the eldest turtle, who peered at Raphael with both curiosity and concern. "Of course."
He made his way over and disappeared into the room. Raphael met Master Splinter's supportive gaze before closing the door behind them.
