Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted last week: Got too busy again. And once again, all that effort for naught.
Oh well, to my seven hundred readers, here's the eighth chapter! And remember kids, unemployment sucks.
A Kumo Nin's Guide to Konoha
VIII: Team Kakashi
Haruno Sakura looked at herself in the mirror to do yet another check on her appearance. Clothes prim and proper—check. No zits or blemishes on her face—check. Her long, pink hair brushed silky smooth—check. As usual, her big concern was that large forehead of hers, but she was resigned to the fact that she really can't do anything about it. As she reached for her red ribbon to tie her hair back, she caught a glance of the forehead protector given to her last Friday.
That's right, she along with the rest of her twenty-five classmates all took the Academy Graduation Exams that day, and for the first time in a long time in Konoha's history, every single one in that class passed. Unfortunately for her, the teachers never really disclosed the test scores to the class, so she had no idea how she'd compare with Ino-buta that day. But still, now that she was a ninja, she would hopefully be in a better position to win Sasuke-kun's affections. Who knows? Maybe they'll even end up in the same team!
Sakura grabbed the new shiny forehead protector and used that instead of her old red ribbon to tie her hair back. Satisfied with the way she appeared right now, she grabbed her kunai holster to tie it around her right leg. Yup, from now on, she was a shinobi of Konohagakure no Sato!
"Sakura-chan! Breakfast is ready!"
"Mom!" Sakura yelled back. "Haven't I told you already that I'm on a diet right now?"
Why couldn't her mom understand that this was important to her right now? Can't she see that there was currently an arms race among the girls in their attempt to be Sasuke-kun's ideal girl? She could spare no slack in order to keep up with them, lest one of those harpies end up with her beloved, especially that pig!
Sakura looked at the clock on her desk; twenty minutes until the meeting starts. She had to get there right now, or someone else would beat her to the punch. In an effort to get to the Academy as soon as possible, she ran downstairs and headed towards the door.
"Bye, mom. See you this afternoon."
"Sakura-chan! You're forgetting your…lunch…"
Sakura's mother could only watch as her daughter made a mad dash for the Academy. Yes, she knew that this was a very important day for Sakura. It somewhat saddened her that her daughter was slowly drifting away, spending less and less quality time with the family. Well, she guessed that was to be expected with kids finally growing up. With a sigh, she sat in the kitchen table and began eating from the forgotten bento box that Sakura had yet again left behind.
"Ino-buta! I was here first!"
"No you weren't! I was!"
Sasuke growled in frustration as he endured these two bickering girls, as he had for a good part of the past two years. The boy took little comfort that this would be the last day he had to put up with the girls' constant screaming and swooning; he doubt that they would change overnight and be competent ninja just like that. Why on earth couldn't they just focus on the task at hand? Had those girls concentrated their efforts on those lessons that their sensei taught instead of being obsessed with love, then perhaps their teachers would have taught them more—even higher-level techniques. For crying out loud, why would anyone their age would want to be anyone's wife? None of them were even fit enough to bear his children!
Wait a minute, where did that thought come from? Oh great, they were now infecting him with this virus called love!
"Buta, I'm sitting next to Sasuke-kun!"
"Oh no, forehead! Sasuke-kun deserves me more than you!"
Sasuke's frown worsened as pinkie and blondie continued to push and shove each other fighting over that precious real estate that was the seat beside him. He didn't get it: Why couldn't this Ino just show what she was capable of, kick Sakura's ass, and get this over with? If the long-haired Yamanaka were trying to impress him by pretending to be a sweet and gentle person, then quite frankly, she thought wrong. He was after power, not weakness!
As the two girls continued their scrum, Sakura finally thought of an idea that would give her an advantage in her current predicament. Without warning, instead of pushing the blonde away from the desk, she pushed Ino into the seat will all the strength that she could muster, hoping for that squealing pig to just fly off and land on the other side. Then she would take possession of her conquest and take her rightful place seated beside Sasuke-kun.
Unfortunately for Sakura, she was still a little…correction, way too weak. Instead of flying past Sasuke, Ino ended up bowling over the young heartthrob, sending the two of them crashing to the other side. What happened after that caused quite a scandal among the girls in the graduating class.
Ino found herself on top of Sasuke-kun. What's worse (or better according to Ino), the blonde had her lips locked with those of the black-haired Uchiha.
After a few moments of stupefied silence, all hell broke loose.
"What the hell, buta! How dare you steal Sasuke-kun's first kiss!"
"You whore! Why do you have to pollute Sasuke-kun's purity like that!"
"Sasuke-kun was supposed to be mine! Only mine!"
Ino merely let the other girls whine and cry as she took full advantage of the situation. After five full seconds of giving her 'beloved' a nice, passionate kiss, the blonde stood up, jumped on the desk, and made a proclamation as she flashed a grin to her rivals.
"Quit your whining! I merely took the initiative and seized the opportunity presented itself! I bet none of you had the audacity to do what I just did!"
The other girls turned to Sasuke and gave him a maniacal look on their faces. For the first time in a long, long time, Sasuke shivered as he thought of how these girls would ravage him. Wait a freaking minute, why the heck was he afraid of the girls? Weren't they just a bunch of weaklings a while ago?
Fortunately for Sasuke, Iruka decided this was a good moment to enter the classroom, forestalling the girls' plans to follow Ino's lead and have their little piece of Sasuke-kun. Sasuke rose up and returned to his seat, while Sakura took the moment to quickly claim the seat beside him. Ino, standing on the desk in front of Sasuke, turned to look at Sakura and glared at her.
"Forehead, move! That was my seat!"
"Too bad, buta!" Sakura countered. "I'm going to take a page out of your playbook and take initiative." The pink-haired girl finished off by sticking her tongue out to her rival.
"Why you…"
"Ino," Iruka interrupted. "Go and take the seat beside Shikamaru."
Ino complied, jumping off Sasuke's desk and mumbling complaints under her breath as she made her way towards her seat.
"Now, here are your three-man teams. Team Hizashi…"
Finally, they were at the good part; the whole reason why they were in this room at this moment. At first, they thought that all those days of monotonous lectures were already behind them. But no, Iruka had to give them a lengthly speech on how they were now shinobi, the responsibilities expected of them, and something about the 'Will of Fire'. Hopefully, they didn't have to endure any more of that in the future as they embark on starting their careers as ninja of Konoha.
Sakura looked on nervously as she waited for her name to be called. Will she be with Sasuke-kun, or will this be the one and final chance for her to be beside him? What if she were assigned to a team with people she can't stand or get along with? What if she ended up being in the same team as Ino-buta?
"Team Kakashi. His team will consist of Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Namikaze Naruto."
As Sasuke sounded a sigh of frustration, Sakura jumped out on her desk and yelled out loud:
"YES! LOVE CONQUERS ALL‼ Wait…Namikaze who?"
With the rest of the girls were beginning to have their eyes water up at the losing their Sasuke-kun, Ino quickly stood up to air her grievances.
"Wait a freaking minute, Iruka-sensei!" Ino protested. "How come forehead gets put in the same team as Sasuke-kun and Hokage-sama's son? Why can't I be in that team?"
Iruka sighed. From what he's heard from the other teachers, this always happened every year. It's pretty much a given that someone would not be happy with the team assignments. It's a good thing he prepared himself for this outburst.
"Ino," Iruka replied, "this was Hokage-sama's decision, not mine. Besides, you placed at top of this class, and it's tradition for the top graduate to be put with the dead last of the class, which in this case is Shikamaru."
"Then why can't Hokage-sama place Sasuke-kun or Naruto-kun in my team?" Ino pouted, not consoled by the fact that she managed to beat Sasuke and be this class' top graduate.
"Look Ino, unlike you, I can't read minds. So unless you're planning on doing something illegal, just keep quiet and accept the placements."
"Give it up, Ino." Shikamaru cut in. "No matter what you could have done, you would have never ended up with Sasuke barring being the dead last of this class. And for you to actually achieve that, you needed to score lower than a 20 in the exams. But then, you wouldn't pass and be here if that happened."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it…" Ino shot back, unhappy about the whole situation.
"Alright," Iruka continued, "continuing were I left off before I was rudely interrupted. Team Asuma. His team will consist of Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Choji, and Nara Shikamaru."
As Iruka continued announcing the teams, Ino just grumbled in her seat beside Shikamaru, cursing the heavens for all the bad luck that she was currently having. Oh well, at least she got to kiss Sasuke-kun.
"Sarutobi-sama. To what do I owe you the pleasure of having you here?"
It's been five long months since the Yondaime Hokage gave the elders a verbal lashing on how they were undermining his authority. It has taken a long time, but Hiruzen was glad that they were now at least on speaking terms. He hoped the following conversation wouldn't rub off Minato the wrong way, but wanted to hear the logic behind the Hokage's latest series of decisions from the man himself.
"Minato-kun. You rigged the test, didn't you?"
"Whatever do you mean by that?" Minato replied, feigning ignorance.
"I mean this…"
Hiruzen slid the current Hokage a small, ten-page document. Ah, the written portion of the Academy Graduation Exams. It wasn't really the most honourable thing that Minato had done, but it did give him a convenient excuse to arrange the teams the way he (and coincidentally, a few lobbying parents) wanted.
"Questions forty-three and forty-four." Hiruzen stated. "Those, I believe, were questions that only a Yamanaka could answer."
"Really? Then how come the Haruno girl managed to also answer those correctly?" Minato rebuted, trying to suppress a grin.
"Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Why didn't you place Sasuke with Shikamaru? I thought you were beginning to assert your authority, yet you gave in to the demands of the Ino-Shika-Cho?"
"Look Sarutobi-sama, may I remind you that I am Hokage, and I can do away with tradition if necessary. The Ino-Shika-Cho had nothing to do with Sasuke's placement: I just wanted him to be under Kakashi, considering there are only two Sharingan users left in Konoha…and I don't think that your comrade could use his proficiently. And I think that Naruto can learn a few things about Konoha from Sasuke and Sakura."
"Inserting these questions in the test gave me a good excuse to say that I'm continuing the tradition," Minato continued. "The placement of the Ino-Shika-Cho's children was merely a convenient side effect of this manoeuvre."
Hiruzen frowned at hearing of Minato's reasons and his actions to achieve the end results. It wasn't that he doubted his successor's abilities, but this wasn't the way the retired Kage would have done things.
"Minato," Hiruzen said as he let out a sigh, "I'm beginning to think that you've been spending too much time with Kumo-nin."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. You don't have to remind me; I have one living with me at home right now. But I do have to admit that some of their practices are not that bad of an idea."
Hiruzen sighed yet again. Though he the answers he got left him unsatisfied, he supposed that he pretty much got everything he came for this morning. Who would have thought that the return of a twelve-year old boy would cause a paradigm shift in the leadership?
Sakura gazed at Sasuke with longing eyes as the two of them waited for their sensei and their third teammate inside the empty classroom. Sure, at first, the Haruno was quite annoyed of the fact that the ones they were waiting for were late, with the last of their former classmates having left with someone named Kurenai about an hour ago. But then she realized that she was alone with Sasuke-kun! Who could not resist this opportunity to spend quality time with the boy of her dreams without others bothering them? That Kakashi-sensei and Namikaze-san could take all the time they wanted. Now if she could just get over these nerves of hers.
Unfortunately for Sakura, her blissful daydreaming was interrupted by a loud boy who was apparently arguing with someone in the hallway. Oh how she wished this moment could have lasted much longer!
"Kakashi-nii-chan! Hurry up! We're already late!"
"Why the hurry, Naruto-kun?" A bored voice complained. "Were still two hours early-"
"Which means that we're an hour late in real life!"
Both Sakura's and Sasuke's eyes twitched at overhearing the argument. It seemed that they got a good-for-nothing jounin for their sensei, though it appeared that the Hokage's son knew him well.
"C'mon…can't we loiter around the park for two more hours?"
"No way! Now in we go!"
Suddenly, the door to the classroom exploded into pieces as a grown man was sent flying across the podium. Sasuke's eyes narrowed upon seeing the downed jounin in front of the room. He was that same jounin who caused all that commotion in class months ago. The Uchiha then turned his head towards the door, taking a good look at the Hokage's son whom he hasn't seen in months. The blond was pretty much wearing that same outfit he was wearing when he paid the class a visit, complete with sword, though the said boy was now wearing a new but slightly-used forehead protector on his head.
"I hate you, you know Naruto?" The jounin muttered.
"Yeah, Kakashi-nii-chan, I love you too." Naruto replied.
Kakashi took his time to stand up, collecting himself and brushing off any unwanted dust from his clothes. He then turned to the two kids who were waiting in the room, giving them an appraising look.
"So, you must be Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura."
"Y-yes, we are!" Sakura spoke up.
Sasuke just remained silent.
"Alright you three, meet me at the-"
"You just want to play hookey again, don't you, Kakashi-nii-chan?" Naruto accused. "We're staying here! Besides, there's no one else in the school right now."
"Fine, fine, Naruto," Kakashi answered back. "Just go take a seat somewhere."
Naruto then proceeded to the teacher's desk and sat on the table, facing the two graduates. Kakashi took this time to formally greet the team.
"Alright you three, welcome to Team Kakashi. Now let's begin by introducing ourselves. And since Naruto's so eager to get here, why don't you get things started?"
"You're the freaking team leader!" Naruto shot back. "Why don't you set an example and introduce yourself to those two first!"
Sasuke groaned at the seemingly blatant disrespect the Hokage's son had been showing their sensei, acting as if he were some hot shot. Was this even the same dignified boy who paid them a visit months ago?
"Mah, mah, you're really way too demanding, Naruto," Kakashi complained. "Very well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. My likes and dislikes, and what I do in my spare time are none of your concern. As for my dream, well, I doubt you'd want to hear it."
"Umm, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura spoke, "all we learned was your name."
"Porn, getting porn destroyed, and reading more porn," Naruto filled in. "And he wants to be Ero-sennin's assistant editor/researcher."
"Naruto…shut up." Kakashi said, glaring back at the blond. "Now your turn."
"I am Namikaze Naruto – Son of the Yondaime Hokage and proud jinchu- OUCH! What the hell was that for, Kakashi-nii-chan!" Naruto exclaimed, being interrupted by a piece of chalk in between the eyes.
"You know that information is classified." Kakashi said as he scolded Naruto, earning him a curious look from Sakura and Sasuke.
"And they are my teammates!" Naruto yelled back. "They're going to figure things out sooner or later anyway! I might as well tell them now so they know what they're dealing with."
"In due time, Naruto." Kakashi sagely replied. "Now continue."
"Yeah, in due time…as soon as this team becomes official, hehehe," Naruto muttered under his breath before continuing. "Now, before I was rudely interrupted, my name's Naruto. I like Otousan, Kakashi-nii-chan when he's not being a prick, Bee-ojisan, and my friends back in Kumo. And oh yeah, food. I don't like Ero-sennin and creepy girls. My hobbies…I like playing video games with my friends and eating lots of delicious food. Yeah, especially gyudon and takoyaki, hehehe…" Naruto paused with a mischievous laugh.
At a cavern inside a cave in Unraikyo, a pair of shaded lenses glowed in the dark as the creature suddenly began leaking frightening amounts of demonic chakra.
"Hey Eight-O…I have the sudden urge to kill something today!"
"Me too, Bee," Hachibi replied. "Me too."
"Anyways, my dream is to have good friends and be happy here in Konoha, be a competent shinobi, and perhaps, even be a Kage."
Sasuke and Sakura both looked at Naruto after giving his introduction. They both (along with the rest of their class) still shared the misunderstanding that he was kidnapped by Kumo, so they couldn't figure why he would have friends there. Perhaps he was brainwashed. While Sasuke plotted to question Naruto to learn more about Kumo techniques, Sakura resolved to help Naruto-kun recover from his 'imprisonment' and get him re-adjusted back to Konoha society.
"Thank you, Naruto," the jounin said. "Now you, Sakura"
"Oh, my name is Haruno Sakura. My likes are-" she paused, before looking at Sasuke and squealing. "I hate Ino-buta! My hobbies are…" Again, Sakura glanced at Sasuke and squealed. "And my dreams are…"
Alright, now Sakura was blissfully lost in a daydream. The three males couldn't help but shudder at what the young girl may be thinking.
"Oi, Haruno," as Naruto asked the girl. "Are you one of those creepy girls?"
"Shut up!" Sakura yelled back, before regaining her composure and continuing in an apologetic tone. "Ah, sorry about that. What did you mean by creepy girls, Naruto-kun?"
"Anyways," Kakashi interrupted before the situation got worse. "Let's finally hear from Sasuke."
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There's not a lot of things I like and tonnes of things I dislike. It's not really much of a dream…more of an ambition. To resurrect my clan…and to kill a certain man."
Kakashi frowned upon hearing Sasuke's second goal in life. Yes, it was somewhat expected. Anyone would want to seek justice or vengeance against people who wronged them. However, in light of what was revealed by that damned book from Kumo, this just got a hell of a lot more complicated. He just hoped that Nar-
"Hey, hey, let me guess! You want to kill Mad-"
"Naruto!" Kakashi chastised the blond.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, Kakashi-nii-chan." Naruto replied. "In due time."
"Itachi," Sasuke growled in response to Naruto's inquiry. "I swear I will kill Itachi!"
This time, it was Naruto's turn to visually express his displeasure at hearing Uchiha's ambitions, though his displeasure was directed more towards Konoha's leadership. He didn't know? Why didn't they tell the poor kid what really happened?
"Moving on," Kakashi interrupted, "tomorrow, we shall start with a final assessment to determine whether you are truly fit to be genin or not."
Needless to say, Sasuke and Sakura were shocked at this announcement.
"Wait…what?" Sakura complained, confused as to what Kakashi has just said. "We already passed our final exams in the Academy. We even have our forehead protectors already! Aren't we already genin?"
"Correction, Haruno," Naruto cut in, "the two of you are still genin-candidates. I believe I'm the only genin in this group so far. I'm surprised that you've already been given your forehead protectors at this stage. Anyways, you have to jump through whatever hoops Kakashi-nii-chan set out to be promoted." As Naruto finished his explanation, he wondered out loud. "Now that I think about it, does that make me your senpai?"
"Naruto," Kakashi chided, "there's no need to pour salt on their wounds…yet."
A visible scrowl appeared on Sasuke's face as he heard of this assessment Kakashi had in store for them. He had been working hard these past years to get this far and come one more step closer to his ultimate goal. But now, this one-eyed scarecrow just gave him a roadblock that could throw his plans off its tracks.
"We meet at the North Training Grounds 2 tomorrow morning at 0700h. The details are printed in this handout." Kakashi then gave the handouts to Sasuke and Sakura, before finishing off with a warning. "And a word of advice. Skip breakfast – you'll only throw up."
With that, Kakashi made his way towards the doorway to head who knows where. Naruto, still seated on the teacher's desk, looked at Sasuke and Sakura, wondering what they could do for the rest of the day.
"So, Uchiha, Haruno, you guys wanna come over to my place and play video games? I have the latest version of-"
"Do you think this is the time for games, Naruto-san?" Sasuke replied with an irritated voice. "You may be off scott-free, but I still have to train for Kakashi's test tomorrow."
Sasuke then proceeded to walk out of the room, presumably to train at home. Naruto now found himself alone in the room with Sakura. After looking around, the Hokage's son ended up looking at Sakura eye-to-eye. Boy would it be awkward if the girl said yes at this point.
"Actually, Naruto-kun, I think I should go train too. Sorry about that…maybe next time. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see ya."
Somewhere deep inside Naruto was thankful that Sakura said no this time, not wishing to give Ero-sennin any more 'inspiration' for his dirty works should he be around. As Sakura left the room, Naruto wondered what he should do with all this free time. Oh well, he might as well go to the Broadcast Centre and see if Tenga-nii is on shift in Kumo right now.
The cherry blossoms were blooming in the trees on this cool late-March morning in North Training Grounds 2 of Konoha. The rising sun began to bathe the clearings with its light as it rose further up with the passing of time. The place was full of life at this time of year. Birds were singing, bees going flower to flower gathering nectar, squirrels mating, and two sleepy twelve-year olds waiting beneath one of the cherry trees.
So what if Kakashi-sensei and Naruto-kun were late? Sakura was once again alone with Sasuke, this time in a somewhat more secluded place. Hungry and tired, she couldn't muster enough energy to ask her object of affection for a date, so she might as well consider this moment to be one.
As Sakura leaned on Sasuke's shoulder pretending to sleep, the boy couldn't help but shudder at the girl's antics. Far from impressed by the weakness he thought Sakura was showing him, the Uchiha wondered what he sorts of wrong he had done for the gods to conspire against him like this. He just hoped that Kakashi would come soon and get this evaluation over with.
Soon enough, Sasuke's prayers were answered when he heard two people bickering from far away.
"Kakashi-nii-chan, hurry up! We're already late, you sleepy head!"
"C'mon, Naruto, we're still two hours early. Can't I just go back to bed and sleep?"
"You freaking told them 0700h; it's already eight in the morning!"
Sasuke and Sakura were soon greeted by the sight of Naruto dragging Kakashi by the collar on their way to the training grounds. Again, Sasuke was far from impressed by his teacher. Hokage's son or not, how could a mere genin just throw a jounin around just like that?
Once the duo finally arrived, Kakashi got up, dusted himself off, and greeted the two genin-cadidates.
"Good morning, Sasuke, Sakura. I trust the two of you have prepared yourselves for this assessment."
As Sasuke and Sakura nodded at Kakashi's comment, Naruto frowned at the disheveled state of the two graduates. What sort of competent ninja would train and tire themselves out the night before an important mission?
Before continuing with his instructions, Kakashi took a small bell out of his pocket and showed it before Sasuke and Sakura.
"Your objective is to get this bell from me before noon. You may use any technique or weapons against me to get this bell. The person who fails to get this bell will be tied to that post at noon, and will be sent back to the Academy."
"W-what?" Sakura protested. "We weren't told of this! I don't want to be sent back to Academy!"
"Yeah, Kakashi-nii-chan," Naruto concurred. "Why send them back to the Academy and waste their time there when they could just do D-ranked missions without pay?"
"Naruto," Kakashi replied, "you're not in Kumo anymore. This is the way Kono-"
"That's it, I'm joining them!"
"Naruto, stay out of this. This is a test to evaluate them, not you. Why don't you sit somewhere and…well, take notes?"
"Fine, Kakashi-nii-chan." Naruto pouted as he jumped onto a tree branch and leaned against the trunk to make his observations.
Kakashi turned to look at the fresh graduates, who were waiting for his next instructions.
"Whenever you are ready, you may begin."
Sasuke and Sakura quickly disappeared from the clearing as Kakashi's final assessment began.
NB - Kumo Broadcast Network
Alright, somebody asked how on earth there could be 'internet' in the world of Naruto. A legitimate question, so here's a brief synopsis on how it works.
If your thinking of internet in the 2011 sense of free flow of information, computers in every home, websites, Wikipedia, ff-net, YouTube, FarceBook, and all sorts of things, then it does not exist...at least until Kishi tells us so. However, if it's internet in the 1960's sense of a restricted-access network whose sole purpose was to relay information to select military bases, universities, and government offices in America? Viva Kumo!
And the past few chapters should give you a clue on how Kumo's Network works: Entirely primitive and wireless. Not really meant for playing games, although you can if you're that desparate...
