It took five minutes for Annie to think straight again. It took five more to move from her spot in Jeff's apartment.

She wanted to ignore what Jeff looked like he'd do before he left. She wanted to brush aside whether she wanted him to do it. She wanted to avoid asking if it was good or healthy to want it.

Annie had lost her mind too much over things like that. This was not the time to resume old habits. At least not until she got home and she could try to sleep first.

So she opened the front door and prepared to leave – until she saw Jeff coming back.

Annie still couldn't speak. Yet this time it was due to his timing, and him coming back to begin with. But it was his apartment, so of course he'd be back. He probably figured she'd have left by now, like a normal person would.

With that realization, Annie finally left the apartment and let Jeff in. And yet he then seemed to signal Annie to come back in.

Of course he wasn't using his words – he probably ran out of them in that tirade. But it wasn't like Annie was brave enough to use words now. Yet maybe he'd break first if she came back in.

Before Annie could second guess her blind faith, she found herself going back inside. Nevertheless, no one broke the silence yet. Jeff merely sat back on the couch, and Annie instinctively sat next to him, yet the silent treatment continued.

Annie should have been angry for so many reasons, and Jeff would have usually shut down by now. However, Annie didn't sense he was shutting down, and she didn't feel angry either. She just felt an equal amount of...nerves and fear on both sides.

Of all the ways they could finally be on the same page. It made a sick amount of sense.

"So that wasn't as bad as the Tranny kiss. I came back within three months this time, if you noticed. But I didn't kiss you before I ran away, so...there goes that theory," Jeff worked out to break the ice.

"I wasn't thinking about it that way. Somehow," Annie tried to joke. The silence returned for another minute until Jeff broke it again.

"I didn't mean any of it. Not the stuff before I spiked the book," Jeff explained. Yet Annie didn't look convinced, because she wasn't. When Jeff realized that, he amended, "Okay, I'll try again. I don't like that I meant it."

"Are you sure?" Annie asked, wanting to make sure he was on the level before this went further.

However, Jeff had a look that seemed to ask her "Of course I am, don't you know me better than that?" Annie wished a tiny part of her still wasn't that sure about him. But it wasn't like that was all her fault.

Jeff then spoke out loud with, "I'm sure that I should be failing. I'm only this close to getting out of here because of you. You gave me that, and..." he trailed off to regather his thoughts. What he finally came up with was, "It made me want to sabotage things. Like I always do."

"What do you think you were sabotaging, Jeff?" Annie made herself ask.

"My happiness," he answered quicker than any of them expected. "It's what I do. Why else am I like this?"

"I think I need more to go on before I can tell you," Annie encouraged him, despite her instincts to either be afraid, or dream of a fairy tale answer.

"Every time I find something that can make me happy, I have to ruin it. At least I ruin things that aren't supposed to make me happy. It's how I'm wired," Jeff explained.

"Then what's the study group, Jeff? I know it proves your whole theory wrong, but what do you think?" Annie challenged.

"That's different. I'm talking about stuff that would...make anyone other than me happy. Stuff that makes them so happy, they wouldn't care how much it changed them. Stuff that people like you want, not people like me," Jeff said, then kept going before Annie could object.

"I'm not supposed to deserve it or want it. So I ignore, push away or just cut out anything that tells me different. I did it to you tonight and more times than I can count. And I did it to..." Jeff got blocked up.

"That perfect girl who had a kid?" Annie guessed at. Jeff remained blocked up, so it looked like a good guess. "But that was before Greendale, right?" she asked, trying to ignore what she might feel if the answer was no.

"Of course it was," Jeff relieved her. "I slept with Britta behind your back while we danced around. You think I'd have something serious like that behind your back too? How could I?"

Just as Annie saw what that implied, Jeff continued with, "Of course, it doesn't mean I couldn't do that. We both know I'm capable and that... damn it! There I go, talking myself out of something real again!"

"But it is real? To you?" Annie inquired.

"What does it matter? In the big picture, anyway," Jeff seemed to sabotage himself again. Yet when he didn't seem to regret it this time, Annie got fired up.

"It matters to me, Jeff. And not for the reasons you think," Annie frowned. "I let Cornwallis rub my feet to save your grades. You're right, what kind of crazy girl does that? Especially when our...thing is so one sided. As you let me know for two years before that!"

Annie didn't dare to let Jeff confirm or especially deny it. "Do you know what I thought about myself when I figured it out? What you've made me think all these years...the good and the really bad? If you're telling me, in words, that all this time it hasn't been..." She couldn't keep her eyes dry, but she at least held back some sobs.

"Before, I would have just kissed you and planned our wedding in my head. Now I know it shouldn't be enough...but part of me still thinks it is. What does that say about me? Or what you do to me?" Jeff couldn't answer, but Annie didn't want him to yet.

"It shouldn't be like that. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, in so many ways. In the others...you're the most unhealthy thing that's ever happened. How does that make sense? Is that love?"

Annie briefly forgot that wasn't a good word to use with Jeff – yet he didn't even flinch. But the way she both hoped it meant something, and knew deep down that it shouldn't matter so much, proved her point.

"I've had to work so hard at not being a stupid little girl with you, and I keep failing. And I have no idea why. I know our...connection is deeper than that, but there it is. If I have to work that hard to care about you the right way...I don't know if that makes the rest worth it anymore. Or if it should. That's what you've done by not telling me things a lot sooner," Annie dropped the final bomb. "Do you understand?"

"Maybe," Jeff actually answered. "I'm killing myself just to barely get out of Greendale. If I have to work that hard to do it...what if it's not enough for other things?"

"But you are passing," Annie reminded him, not caring about what else she might have implied – for the moment.

"I don't want to just barely pass. I've been doing that all my life. I finally want to ace something, and it's because of..." Jeff stopped himself once more. Annie expected that would be the end of it, yet he surprised her.

"Did you see how Troy and Britta were? Before we accidentally saved them?" Jeff asked. Annie merely nodded, so he continued with, "It looked like he was trying and not trying to be a real boyfriend for her. If that makes sense."

"Yeah, I had a few lectures planned for him about that. Before the other stuff happened," Annie said.

"Of course you did," Jeff noted. "But you get it. In a way, he really put himself out there just to be with her. In another way, he really didn't look like he was trying in reality. At least from what I saw."

"You should have heard him kick her out of bed over chips. I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't hear a lot of things they did in there. Kind of," Annie got lost a bit before recovering. "But anyway, you're not that far off."

"He wasn't ready for that stuff. At least until our little crisis brought them back together. Like I can explain how that makes sense," Jeff quipped. "But that's not the issue. The thing is, that was his best effort at the time, and it wasn't close to being enough. And my best effort..."

Now that Annie saw some of his point, she steeled herself before he expanded. "I can't do that to you. I can't do anything with you until I know I'm completely, utterly ready. Until I know I wouldn't sabotage it. Because anything with us cannot be like them before Christmas. I can't let that happen. I mean..."

His latest pause ended with, "The minute something happens, it'd be my first serious relationship for a long time. If ever. And...one way or another, it would be the last. At least for a long time. If ever."

Annie couldn't believe what she was hearing. None of her old fantasies had him using words like this, so she really wasn't prepared. It almost sounded like...he was the one that was way more into her.

That just doesn't happen. Not when it comes to Annie Edison. She's not supposed to have people think of her that seriously and that...real. And not by Jeff Winger. It violates the natural order of who they are and how they work! That's all she'd ever known!

Right?

If not...what was she supposed to do about it? What could she do? "I think I'm getting tired. I should go," Annie said in lue of answering.

She got up and muttered a few more things, but she didn't hear herself. Not when she was forcing herself not to look at Jeff before she left - or see any irony in her retreat.

Luckily by the time she saw it, she was in her bed and too sleepy to think it over. She didn't have the same luck when she woke up on Saturday morning.

Even Troy and Abed's morning Inspector Spacetime marathon didn't drown out her thoughts - or make her yell at them to turn it down. Now she really had to get herself straight before they scanned her for Blorgon infections.

The first thing Annie had to straighten was the poetic justice in leaving Jeff hanging this time. And the subsequent guilt she felt over that. He actually put himself out there for once, and she told him nothing but how unhealthy he was for her.

No matter if it was true or not.

This whole thing started because she let Cornwallis touch her feet, for Jeff. Because she felt so...irrationally for him, she compromised herself to save him. Because she just couldn't tell herself - or listen to him - that they weren't supposed to be anything deeper and make it stick. No matter how ashamed of herself she was when she knew better again. So why shouldn't he feel some of that this time?

Because he came back after running away just once?

Because he told her about his feelings once?

Because he gave up an early graduation for her? Once? And was fighting all his instincts to be lazy and not try, just for her? Once?

Because he talked about being serious with her, as if he wanted it?

Once?

Damn it. Sometimes being a thoughtless school girl with a crazy crush was easier.

But was it crazy if he really felt the same way - if not stronger - all along? Even if that made him a bigger jackass for letting her feel like she was nuts?

Yep, it was easier, all right.

Finally, Annie's train of thought crashed. Not from tears or Troy and Abed's Blorgon scanners, but by a beep on her phone.

A beep that signaled a text message from Jeff - which said "Your books are still here. Can't promise they'll stay well preserved in here."

Ah, right. She was so flustered she forgot to take her precious books home. Of course she did.

Well, she could just stay home and let Jeff give them back at Greendale on Monday. When they weren't by themselves. When nothing else needed to be brought up. It sounded like the perfect strategy.

If only for five minutes.

Before Annie could question why, she got herself to drive back to Jeff's. When she got to his door and knocked, Jeff opened and smirked, "It was the well preserved line that did it, right?"

The same old Jeff was back. Annie knew she had to get the books and leave now, before she knew how she felt about that. But Jeff wasn't moving and Annie was getting impatient - until she smelled something.

Jeff then stood back and let Annie walk in, as she went over to the kitchen. "Are you cooking something?" she asked, despite how clear the answer was.

"Just a little apology lunch. It should be done when our break starts," Jeff informed. He then brought her attention to the couch, where her school books and his were stacked next to each other.

"Technically, I owe you 10 more minutes from our first half, then a full 40 minute second half. Might as well make it up now, so we don't stay up all night next Friday. Not for studying, anyway," Jeff determined.

"What is..." Annie couldn't finish.

"Annie, normally I would lock myself in all weekend, give you your books on Monday without a word, and pretend nothing happened. Instead, I did this. Took a whole sleepless night to make myself do it, but here I am," Jeff recapped. "I had to trick you here and plan this without telling you, so it's just a baby step. But it feels like a start I can live with. If you can."

Maybe she could. She could certainly live with how her nerves were fading away. As Annie took it all in and realized that this was Jeff's way of being romantic - at least in a way he thought was tailored to Annie - she laughed for the first time in almost 24 hours.

"Show me what you remember about Robert E. Lee, then I'll be impressed," Annie said, light enough to assure Jeff she really was impressed. With that, Jeff sat down and finally let Annie finish the first half of last night's study session.

After the 10 minutes were up and a few new facts stuck into Jeff's brain, Annie gave him a proud, thankful smile that made them both feel light and breezy. This wasn't a new feeling for either of them when they smiled at each other.

It was new that they kissed this time afterwards.

It was also new in that it wasn't rushed, impulsive or even all that passionate. They just leaned forward at the same time and kissed for a brief two seconds. Then they did it again just as lesurily.

If anyone had broken in and seen it - or if the Dean wasn't too sleepy to peep through Jeff's keyhole today - they'd think Jeff and Annie were kissing like they'd been doing it for years.

After almost three years since their last kiss, and all they'd held back and been through afterwards, they should have been out of control. But instead, they kept kissing slowly, lazily and with absolute ease. Like it was no big deal because it was that easy and...natural.

But they could only keep from being out of control for so long.

Once their tongues got used to touching, Jeff started to hold Annie tighter, which inspired Annie to pull him closer. Soon, their bodies were heaving against each other and Annie was a move away from straddling his lap. From devouring him and taking him and being with him and having her dream ending and having true lo...

Wait.

"No!" Annie suddenly yelled, pushing herself away with all her will power.

"What? That move usually works," Jeff commented.

"Don't remind me, I can't be reminded!" Annie swore to herself, despite everything else telling her different. Which was the problem. "I can't do this..."

"What?" Jeff asked without a follow up.

"You said you'd only do that when you're ready. That was last night. Are you really that ready now?" Annie challenged. Jeff didn't answer, but that wasn't the real problem anyway. It just had to build Annie up to address the real problem.

"I can't get carried away because of you, Jeff. I'm trying to make you pass and get my grades back up. And deal with us having three more weeks in Greendale together," Annie recalled. "There's so much I have to do, and doing...this now would make me forget all of it. I know it would. I'm still that same girl who plays house and forgets how to be a grown up...nothing's changed there."

"Annie..." Jeff could only start.

"I can't be that person again, Jeff. I'm tired of being the one who...feels more and goes crazy more. And I'm tired of feeling ashamed of myself when I come to my senses," Annie bit back a sob. "This is the worst time for me to do that again. I have to be better this time, for once. I can't risk going the other way. Not with you again."

But Annie still felt compelled to add, "Not now," before she could no longer look at Jeff. Even when she tried to stop her irrational impulses, she had to leave the door open for them. But since she still let them embarrass her after four years, especially with Jeff, it made sense.

Hell, she was probably more embarrassing now than ever anyway. He opened up to her, studied with her and kissed her, and she still rejected him. As proud as Annie should have been for resisting him for once, she knew it came with a cost. If that was what he got for being open and honest, why would he ever try that again now?

However, she saw something quite different when she finally looked at him.

She saw him look more devastated than she imagined he could be, at least in public. Still, it wasn't like he was explaining why, so she couldn't assume anything.

However, Jeff was only quiet because he didn't know what to apologize for first.

Like how sorry he was for making her feel this way, and not just today. How criminal it was that she thought her feelings were childish. How she only thought that because she never had the proper context; like him feeling more out of control about her than she felt about him.

If she only knew what she made him feel, there's no way she would look like the dumb child. If she knew she wasn't the only one who daydreamed of them being together - and was the only one who wasn't scared of how good it could be - she'd know she had nothing to be ashamed of.

Of course, she didn't know. Just like she didn't know how special she was before Cornwallis rubbed her up, thanks to Jeff keeping it secret. Clearly he still hadn't fixed that quite yet. But after everything, how could she still not see that things weren't what she thought they were?

Because he'd let her think they were that other way for three years. 12 weeks couldn't erase all that. If she only knew he'd spend 12 years making up for it, no matter how lame that sounded to him...

But that clearly wasn't what she wanted to hear. Not now, she said.

Not now.

"After finals," Jeff suddenly came up with. "We'll do this after finals."

"Huh? Which part?" Annie wondered.

"All of it," Jeff realized. "You're right, we've got to get me out of Greendale first. Anything else between us, we can put a pin in. But when finals are over, we'll take the pin off and do...whatever we need to make this work. Talking, dating, backing off...whatever you want, we'll do it then. If that's what you want."

Jeff wished he didn't sound so nervous with the last part. Yet his nerves still had nothing on Annie's, although they were starting to fade a little. "You...want to go into it?" she almost couldn't believe.

"Annie, there are a lot of things I want with you. Waiting...well, if I've waited this long, what's three more weeks? If that's how it turns out," Jeff stopped himself from assuming too much. "Hell, three weeks until we work things out? That's just enough time for even me to be ready. Not that it'd be more important than studying, of course," he corrected again.

"Okay," Annie instantly agreed. Maybe it shouldn't have been that quick, or maybe...God, this was exhausting. To say nothing of how it made him feel. "I'm sorry I'm giving you all these mixed messages," she apologized.

"Annie, don't you ever apologize to me for that," Jeff demanded. "I'll save the rest for later if you want. But here's something clear to warm us up." He gathered all his will power and revealed. "It's not just you. It's never just been you, and it never will be. I know it's two years too late, but that's how it really is. Okay?"

The actual words could have been clearer, but Jeff was new at this sort of thing. Yet the meaning was crystal clear to Annie. In fact, it overwhelmed her with how clear it was. She could only say a quiet "Okay," as a result - then kiss him again twice.

When Jeff returned the second kiss and they broke off, Annie knew they had to stop. But unlike the last time she stopped, she wasn't desperate to avoid being a schoolgirl again. It was awkward now, but not their usual kind of awkward.

Still, when she smelled something and remembered what it was, she was anxious to change the subject. "Apology lunch?" she reminded Jeff.

"Oh right, apology lunch," he remembered, then got up to finish making it. He looked a bit skittish - but not like he usually was when something got too real. For that matter, neither was Annie.

It got clearer to her as they spent their study break eating their lunch, and even talked in between bites. The old Jeff and Annie would never have talked after a big moment, let alone stayed in the same room. But here they were, feeling almost...relaxed after this one. It even continued when they resumed studying, as if nothing had changed or gone wrong.

Nothing had gone wrong. Something finally went right. And it made all the difference to Annie and how she felt - about them and herself.

They hadn't really resolved anything, but it was okay. She didn't feel carried away or embarrassed for seeing things that weren't there. Because now she knew they were there. She knew - truly knew for the first time in her life - that she wasn't alone.

All her life, Annie knew no one ever cared for her as much as she cared for them - not even the study group. She never knew anyone could care about her that much, or even wanted to - especially Jeff. That's why she felt so humiliated, and questioned her very mental state, when she went too far over someone that could never go that far for her.

But someone was going that far for her now. He'd been going that far for months. Yet it never sunk in until this early afternoon. Now it had, and it should have made Annie get lost in dream land - but it didn't.

She didn't get lost in fantasy, because reality finally looked more promising. She had the strength to snap out of it with Jeff, but now she might have that and Jeff too. They still had much to resolve, but it was fine because they would actually talk about it someday. And they could do things like study, talk, enjoy their company and not avoid each other, because she finally knew the rest would come later.

As hard as the next three weeks were, they were the most content weeks of Annie's life. They were the first she could remember where she didn't feel alone, deep down in her very core. Where she could give and give, and might actually get as much in return for once.

Being on the same level - being an equal - with someone made Annie feel...better. Truly better. Like no matter how brutal the next three weeks got - and they did get pretty bad - they could make it okay later.

Her optimism was legendary and easily mocked. But now Annie was starting to truly, 100 percent believe she'd turn out okay.

Yet as usual, that kind of blind faith was her first mistake.