Disclaimer: I own nothing but my cat, two dogs, and flock of chickens. I make no money from this. No copyright infringement intended.
AN: A huge thank you to Nothing-Rhymes-With-Ianto for the amazing feedback and awesome editing and putting up with my needy ass. Thank you, Squash.
Chapter 8
It had been three days since Owen's breakdown in the kitchen and neither man had spoken of it. Ianto seemed to know that it wasn't something Owen was comfortable discussing. It was a skill Ianto had perfected, the ability to read nearly anyone, and with the current state of events, Owen couldn't help wishing that he had the same skill because Ianto was impossible to read.
Owen leaned against the doorframe and watched him as he tried on one of the shirts Gwen had dropped off. It was the first time he tried to wear a proper shirt since the incident. He refused Owen's offer of help putting it on, but Owen wasn't comfortable leaving him alone while he tried.
Ianto stood in front of the mirror in Owen's bathroom, looking disgusted. "Why did she pick yellow?"
He shrugged, amused. "She was probably thinking it was cheerful."
"Well, it's not." Ianto turned to Owen, throwing his hand up. "I look like a fucking banana."
The doctor tried to control his amusement at seeing Ianto so flustered, but it wasn't easy. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "You don't look like a banana. You're fine. It's not like you need to impress anyone. It's that or purple. I'll ask Tosh to go and pick out some less colorful shirts tomorrow."
Ianto finished buttoning the oversized shirt and pushed past him, heading toward the lounge.
Owen scrubbed a hand over his face and rubbed his brow in frustration. Ianto's mood had been miserable since he woke. Nothing seemed to make him happy. He followed after him and plonked down beside him, throwing his arm over the back of the couch.
Ianto glanced over at the appendage like it had offended him before turning his attention back to the TV.
Owen glanced over at him. "Are you doing all right?"
"I'm just having a bad day."
Owen nodded. "Do you need to talk?"
"No."
He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Ianto wasn't fooling anyone. He needed to talk. It was clear he was suffering. Why was it so hard for Ianto to trust him?
Moving stiffly, the younger man stood and tossed the remote to Owen. "I'm going to lie down for a bit."
Owen swung his legs up onto the couch and stretched out. He heard shuffling in the bedroom and then a groan. Owen listened for another moment. When there were no more noises and he knew Ianto was settled, he allowed himself to relax and begin to drift off to sleep.
Owen woke with a start, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. His mind was still reeling from the nightmare that woke him. As he came around, the smell of blood lingered like physical presence. It had seemed so real; he was there again, in the factory, listening to the cries of pain. Except they weren't Ianto's, they were Katie's. She was there, begging for Owen to help her, and when he tried to reach her, the straps held him tight. It was like watching her die all over again. There was no words to describe the feeling of helplessness and terror the nightmare caused. He felt physically ill at the pictures his mind had conjured.
Shaking, he pushed himself up. He took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. He couldn't get the images out of his mind. His hand came up to touch his face; he frowned when he saw the slight tremor in his hand. Touching his face, he felt his cheek was damp. He brushed a finger beneath his eye and caught a tear. He hadn't realized he'd been crying.
Suddenly, it all became too much. His stomach lurched and he dry heaved, half falling to the floor. The past and the present blurred together to make a sick new reality briefly in his mind. Ianto's hospital stay overlapped his memories of Katie's. The saddened, lost looks he caught Ianto making when he thought no one was looking blended with the images of Katie as she looked to Owen for help.
He let himself fall the rest of the way to the floor, clenching his fist so tightly trying to forestall the tears that his nails were digging crescents into his palms.
He couldn't save her, even in his dreams.
When Katie had fallen ill, she retreated into herself, the same as Ianto. She had told him early on, when the symptoms were just beginning, that she didn't want to burden him. It took her illness progressing to the point of her not being able to remember his name that she let him help.
Was that what Ianto was doing? Trying not to burden him? He hoped not, but it made sense. That would be something Ianto would do. Although he seemed cool and collected, unfazed by the death and gore they saw at Torchwood, he was a very perceptive and protective person, who would willing suffer to shield someone he cared for from pain.
He rested his forehead against the couch and tried to let his breathing settle. He didn't want Ianto to hear him again. It wasn't Ianto's job to care for Owen.
Why with so hard?
The phone rang, causing him to jump. Blinking, he read the screen: Gwen.
He flipped it open and pushed himself the rest of the way up.
"What's up?"
She explained that UNIT called. They'd secured the area and were sending an escort to retrieve her. She wanted to do a scan of the building using Torchwood tech. Hopefully, it would lead to discovering a bit more about the man that had orchestrated this. Since Port Talbot was almost three hour's drive, she was going to spend the night there and investigate in the morning.
"Is Tosh going with you?"
He heard Gwen sigh. "She says she would rather stay. I don't think she's doing that well."
He frowned. "Why? What's going on?"
"I don't think she's sleeping well. She's constantly on the go, researching, taking things apart. She barely stops to eat."
"I'll give her another call. Just be careful out there, Gwen, and call me if you find anything."
Hanging up, he leaned back against the cushions, folding his hands behind his head. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried about Tosh. She was always so quiet and reserved; it was hard to gauge how deeply something was affecting her. He only knew vaguely of her time in the UNIT prison, but he suspected the care there was less than stellar.
In a way, she was like Ianto. She kept her emotions tucked away, using her computers and scanners as a wall to hide behind. He snatched his phone back from the coffee table and gave Tosh a call. It took a little convincing to get her to leave her work, but she agreed to come.
Owen lay back down and closed his eyes, finishing his nap.
An hour later, there was a knock at door, and Owen walked to it, peering through the peephole. He saw a nervous looking Tosh on the other side. He unlocked the door and gestured for her to come inside.
She smiled weakly and ducked her head as she stepped past him, her hands clasped together tightly around the handle of a shopping bag.
Owen smiled tightly, taking a moment to look her over. There were bags beneath her eyes and there was no hint of color to her cheeks. She looked worn down.
She lifted the bag. "I brought some cheesecake—"
Owen reached for the bag, but Tosh snatched it back. "For Ianto. It's his favorite."
Owen huffed. "Well, if you can get him to a slice of it, I'll owe you one. In fact, I'll do you a favor. I'll set you up with a guy I know from uni. I think you'd like him."
Her gaze flitted to the floor and she shook her head. "Helping Ianto's enough reward, but thank you."
Owen head turned to the side slightly, his eyes narrow. "Well, don't say I didn't try, yeah?"
"Yeah," she said. Her lips pressed together in a tight line. "I'm going to go put this in the fridge."
xXx
"Ianto?" Tosh asked softly, not wanting to startle him.
She knocked lightly on the doorframe with one hand as the other balanced two plates.
She could see him lying on the bed, his back to the door. He was wearing a horrific yellow shirt that seemed far too big for him; it hung from him, wrinkled and bunched.
"Ianto, it's me, Tosh. I've brought you some cheesecake."
Ianto made a sound that Tosh took as agreeable and she stepped into the room, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge. The bed jostled and Ianto grunted, rolling over and pulling himself to face Tosh.
Ianto raised a brow. "You look awful."
She giggled. "I think that's supposed to be my line."
"Really, Toshiko, you look tired. Have you been sleeping at all?"
She passed him the plate and toed off her shoes, pulling her legs up to sit cross legged beside him. She poked at her cheesecake with the fork. She hadn't thought she was that obvious, but Ianto didn't miss much and he knew her better than most. Every time she did sleep, she would find herself waking up, heart pounding from a nightmare shortly after.
"Tosh?" Ianto asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"I asked if you were sleeping okay."
She shook her head, tapping her fork against her lip. "It's been hard to relax lately."
Ianto looked at her in a way that made it seem he could look right through her, see through her lies. "You've been having nightmares again."
Tosh stabbed at the cheesecake, sighing. She should have known he'd figure it out. "Yeah, they started that first night in the hospital. They haven't stopped. I've just found it easier to stay busy, you know?"
"You could talk to Owen. I'm sure he could give you something. You need to rest, Toshiko. We need you healthy."
"Thank you, Ianto. You're always looking out for everyone else, but you should be focusing on yourself right now. We need you healthy, too. Owen mentioned that you're not eating."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "Of course he did."
"He cares about you." Her voice was matter-of-fact as finished her last spoonful and set the plate down on the nightstand. "He offered me a date if I got you to eat all of it."
Ianto's eyebrows rose. "A date? With Owen?"
"Not with him." She sighed, leaning back on her hands. "With some friend from uni."
"Sorry, Tosh."
"Why? I know he's not interested in me, nothing to be sorry for."
"He's an idiot for not seeing you. You know that right?"
She tried to smile, but she knew from Ianto's face it wasn't convincing. She couldn't keep much from him.
Their friendship had begun after the discovery of Lisa. She'd seen the way he was struggling with the attention it brought to him, spotlighting him and his pain for everyone to see. Tosh made it her goal to befriend him, and through small gestures and simple smiles, she was able to worm her way beneath Ianto's walls. They were able to share without needing more than a roll of the eyes or a shake of the head. Tosh doubted anyone knew had close of friends they'd become.
Ianto smiled weakly and reached over the pillows to stack his plate on Tosh's. He propped himself up on an elbow and held his other arm up. "Come here."
She hesitated for a moment, but then Ianto gave her the puppy dog eyes and she folded. When it came to getting one's way, Ianto was a master.
She shimmied over and curled in next to him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Go to sleep, Tosh. I'll be right here if the dreams get bad, promise."
She yawned, her body accepting the idea without hesitation. She was so tired. "Just a quick nap, then."
xXx
Owen paced the kitchen and after an hour, he decided to go see what was going on. Ianto hadn't been in a talkative mood, so it seemed strange that she was still in there. Owen had figured Ianto would snub the idea of eating anything and roll over and ignore her at the first sign that she wanted to talk.
He crept up to the doorway and peered into the bedroom. What he saw surprised him. Tosh was curled up alongside Ianto and they were both sound asleep, plates stacked haphazardly on the nightstand.
He would be lying if he didn't say it bothered him. He thought he and Ianto were friends, close enough to be open with one another, but apparently, they weren't as close as he thought. Ianto had no problem letting Tosh in and leaving him out.
It wasn't that he wanted to be snuggled up with him, but Ianto had flat out refused to let him close enough to comfort him, even though Ianto helped him. And now Tosh was there, taking care of him in a way he couldn't, that Ianto wouldn't let him, and it hurt.
Clenching his jaw, he grabbed his coat and left the flat. He needed a drink.
