I don't want you to leave

Will you hold my hand

Oh won't you

Stay with me?

Cause your all I need


Four months later

"Joey"

"Joey!"

I snap back to reality and look over to the person calling me. Ponyboy has a worried expression on his face and is standing a few feet in front of me. His grayish green eyes look at me with concern and sympathy and I hate it. He walks over to the empty swing by me and sit on it. He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket swings his feet a bit.

I ignore him and look at the view in front of me.

Besides the swing there is a slide and some monkey bars. There's also a jungle gym besides them. The red paint on the jungle gym has started to chip off showing the metal underneath. It was starting to rust.

I don't really remember coming to the park. I just remember walking out to school having no destination in particular but still ending up here. A cold November breeze picks up and moves the empty swings by me. Loose Leafs scatter across the street and land nowhere. My fingers started to get cold under my white gloves so I put them in my pockets.

"Are you alright?" He asks looking nowhere in particular. He lights a cigarette and places it between his mouth. I almost want to scoff and roll my eyes at how typical and over rated that question is. "Haven't heard that one" I snicker to myself. Instead I just shrug my shoulders swing my feet a bit. The swing under neath me starts moving slightly at my motion. I swing my feet faster and harder until I'm high up in the air and the cold wind whips my hair. It stings my nose and ears but I don't stop.

My light green knitted hat falls of my head and Pony gets up from the swing to pick it up from the ground. My brown curls fly everywhere to the point were I can't even see anything. I look up to the cold, light grey November sky and breath in the air. It's like I'm flying. I almost want to laugh at how free and liberated I feel but I don't. I can't. I think I forgot how. I dig my heels to the wood chips and stop swinging. Pony gives me back my hat and I put it back on my head.

"I didn't see you at math again yesterday so I figured you ditched again" he says. I don't say anything back. "I got today's homework if you want it. But I don't have it with me right now, it's at my house" he continues. I get up from the swing and start walking away. I turn around and look to see if he followed me. He's still at the swing with a confused and hurt expression on his face. I cross my arms and lean my on my right leg. I cock my head to the side and frown slightly. Realization hits him and he runs toward me.

He starts blushing and says sorry but all I do is roll my eyes at him. We start walking down the empty street towards his house. I pray in my mind that we don't get jumped on our way to his house. At some point he drops his smoke on the street and lights it out my smashing his foot on it. He coughs and puts his hands in his pockets and at glances at me. I can feel his gaze boring into me but I ignore him and look straight ahead.

He opens his mouth a couple times wanting to say something but he never does. I finally glance at him for a second but look straight ahead again. "You look like a fish when you do that" I tell him. He almost stops walking and trips a bit but regains his composure. I feel the corner of my mouth twitch.

I look over at him and he smiles. I roll my eyes at him and scoff. "Sorry" is all he can manage to spit out. There's an awkward silence between us and I don't know how to break it. When did things get so cold and awkward between us I ask to myself. when you shut everyone out after Stevens death a voice snickers at me inside my head.

We finally get to his house and I freeze at the door. It's been a while since I've been here. Pony's always asking about me and so was Soda... Especially Soda.

I stopped going to the DX and stopped hanging out with him. I just stopped going out with people in general. Not that I had any friends to begin with. I even stopped talking to Linda. She tries to talk to me and asks if I wanna hangout. But I stopped seeing the point in it. I made excuses that I didn't feel good or I had a lot of homework to make up for my ditching. I would even hide from her sometimes. I stopped seeing the point in anything.

I'm either at the park or locked up in my room listening too the radio or reading a book. Soda stops by from work time to time but I never let him in. And when my dads there he just yells for him to get of his porch. I started ditching school a lot and my grades dropped dangerously. I got a good beating when my grades came in for midterms.

Ever since Stevens death my dad put all his anger towards me. One would think he would've stopped but if anything, it just got worse. He would yell at me that it was my fault Steven died. That my big brother is dead because of me.

Ponyboy opens the door and looks back at me. "You comin' in" he asks. I bit my lip and nod my head. I walk in after him and the familiar smell of chocolate cake fills my nostrils. It smelled really good. "Just wait here alright" he motions towards the living room. It was cozy with the same run down furniture but it felt empty without the whole gang. I walk in to the living room and stand there awkwardly.

Moments later Soda walks out from the kitchen and with a piece of cake and a fork when he looks up to me and stops dead on his tracks. My heart flutters at the sight of him and I feel myself start to heat up. He looks better then ever. His hair has grown a bit, and chocolate brown eyes make me want to melt in them. "Joey!" he exclaims surprise evident in his voice.

It takes my everything not to run the heck outta there and ask for pony to meet me at the park tomorrow. But I stay there and give him a small wave. He opens his mouth to say something but Pony comes racing down the stairs and gives me the homework. He looks back and forth from me and Soda but doesn't say anything. "Thanks" I tell Ponyboy. He just nods in response.

I turn around and walk for the door when someone exclaims "wait!" And grabs my hand. I flinch, turn around to see my hand connected with Soda's. I starts blushing even harder and look up up at him with wide eyes. "I need to talk to you Joey" he says softly. His pleading eyes look at me to give him a chance.

I don't know what to do. Should I let him talk? Or should I leave? I figure I might as well since I shut the boy out. I sigh and nod to him and the corner of his mouth twitches with a smile. "Let's go for a drive" he tells me. He shoves the plate of chocolate cake to Ponyboy who grabs it and starts eating it gladly. I don't realize he's still holding my hand until he pulls me out the door and to his truck.

I tug my brown pea coat around me and cross my arms around me in his cold truck. Soda turns on the heater and blows into to his hands. "It's colder today than usual" he tells me. I nod in agreement and look out the car window. He drives out of the dirt drive way and goes onto the street.

I look out the window and watch the scenery pass by us. The leaves on the trees where starting to change color telling us that fall was here. Some trees already lost their leaves and looked bare and dark. After some time I ask"Where are we going" still looking outside. When he doesn't answer me I look at him and cock my eyebrow. "Soda" I exclaim to him

He then steers the car to the right and parks it in an empty lot. He turns around quickly and looks me straight in the eye. I gasp softly at how intense his look is. He looks sad and angry but most of all, confused.

"Why Joe" he asks and I tense up when he calls me the nickname that only Steven called me. "What do you mean" I ask. "I...I thought what we had was... I dunno special" he tells me. "And then all of a sudden you just block me out. You stopped talking to me, ignoring me!" His eyes turn to hurt and I just want to hug him and tell him that I was sorry. That I didn't mean to hurt him like this. But I don't. I look away and say nothing. "Say something dammit!" He yells at me. I flinch and I feel like I want to cry. "Look Soda! I'm sorry that I lead you to believe that what we had was... Special... But I assure you I was just trying to be friendly" I tell him.

"Liar!" He yells back. I look at him bewildered. He did not just say that. "What the hell do you mean liar!" I yell back. "My brother just died and you're yelling at me! I cannot fucking believe you Sodapop Curtis!" I feel my eyes start to water and close my eyes to make them go away. "I don't know what to tell you Soda. You were nice to me when I was with Steven and your friends. I thought I could be friends with you! I'm sorry that I blocked you out but you have to under stand" I look at him with pleading eyes. "My brother is dead, and it's my fault" I tell him softly.

I whisper the last part and look away. He looks at me with a shocked confused look. "Your fault?" He scoffs. The tears start falling and I put my head down. I don't want him seeing me like this. "I'm sorry Sodapop. Maybe if my brother wasn't dead we could've been-" I choke on the last part and don't finish. I open the door and start running away.

I hear the door open and slam shut behind . My feet hurt from being to cold and it slows me down a bit. I hear running footsteps behind me and I try to run faster. "Joey wait!" He calls after me and grabs my hand. I yell and try to yank my hand away but he has a death grip on me. He turns me around and pulls me to him.

Before I know what's happening feel a pair of soft lips smash onto mine and start kissing me. I try to pull away but he puts his hand on my back and pushes me closer. I feel the tears running freely down my face and I whimper. "Soda" I try to protest but he just takes it as an invite to shove his tongue in my mouth. At first I freeze not knowing what to do. I've never been kissed before. But Soon I give up and relax and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. One hand holds my face and the other around the crook of my neck.

He starts kissing me softer and more passionately. Before he was hard and rough. Like as if he wanted to make a point. But now his lips softly play with mine. He bits my lip and I moan softly. My moan must have excited him because he depends the kiss. Still soft and passionately, but deeper. My fingers play with his soft brown hair and he runs his hands up and down my sides.


After a while we run out of breath and he pulls away. He rests his forehead on mine and wraps his hands around my waist. We are both breathing heavily with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. "wow" he breathes out. I lower my hands and rest them on his broad chest. I barely notice how cold it is because all I care about is being wrapped up in the warmth of Soda's arms. I bit my lip and look up at him. His eyes are soft and kind with love and care. "Joey" he whispers my name. His beautiful chocolate brown eyes look deep into my green eyes. I've always loved it when he said my name. But this time it gave me goosebumps. He said it with such love and passion.

"Hmm" I say. He caresses my back and kisses my nose. I smile at him and he smiles even bigger. "I really like you Joe, from the moment I met you. You were the nicest funniest girl I ever met. But you were also a puzzle" he chuckles. " you could be down to earth one minute, and the next talkin' bout how you wish you where in a fantasy world" he grabs my hand and caresses my face. "When I saw you for the first time I thought you were the most beautiful little thing ever." I blush slightly and continue looking at his loving eyes.

"The best part was that you didn't care about being perfect like most girls. You didn't put make up on, you where already naturally pretty. And I hated how you didn't think so. I wanted to be able to be the one who made you see just how precious and beautiful you where. I loved how you smiled at me when you saw me. When ever I saw you, you had a sad heartbreaking look in your eye, and I wanted to be the one to fix whatever problems you had. Or at least be there for you in the toughest times." He stopped and kissed my lips again. He looked at me again and smiled. "Soda" I gasped slightly. No ones ever told me something like that. I always thought I wasn't pretty and not worth anybody's time.

But then I thought about my secret life back home. I didn't want to drag soda into it and I started pulling away. "Soda I... There's some things you don't know and..." I didn't finish and I looked away. "What'dya mean Joe" he asked concern filling his voice. "I don't know how to tell you this...I'm so sorry Soda... I appreciate everything you've done for me but I don't think I can do this." I whisper. I look up at him and he looked hurt. "Why" he asked curtly. "Because there are some things better left not knowing" I look at him with pleading eyes to make him understand.

"No... I'm not taking that as an answer!" He said me. he reaches up to grab me but I take a step back. " I truly wish I could have this with you but I can't soda! It hurts me so much to leave like this but it can't be anymore than this!"

He ignored everything I said and grabbed my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye " liar" he said. I throw my hands up in the air and scoff " again with that!" I tell him. He stares into my eyes and says "After some time of meeting you I noticed some bruises you had. On your arms and face. And then there were cuts. You would always say it was because you were clumsy but I knew something was up. I knew someone did those to you but I didn't want to confront you about it. I was a coward and I regret that"

"One time, when I went to visit you last month I heard someone yelling and hitting you outside your house. That's all I had to hear. That was my answer" I start to tremble and take a step back. I start shaking my head no and my breathing gets shaky. "No! You've got it all wrong Soda!" I start to tell him but he cuts me off "for the love of God will you please just be honest and tell me the truth!"

I look down at my feet in shame and know there is no point in hiding it. He knows already and I have to tell him the truth. I look up to him and say softly "okay" he gives me a small smile and embraces me. I breath him in and enjoy this moment.

I pull away though and hold his hand. "You have to give me sometime though, This isn't going to be easy. So all I ask is for you to be patient" I tell him sincerely. He makes an x-motion over his chest and says "cross my heart"


When I get home I flop on my bed and smile into my pillow. I can't believe that happened! I think to myself. I start giggling like a girly girl as I think about our kiss. I walk up to my drawers to pick some pajamas for the night mad look at myself in my mirror. I barely recognize my self. My lips are red and swollen making them look fuller then they actually are, my skin is still pale but looks a little vibrant. And my once dull but now twinkling green eyes have a faraway dreamy look. I look like a girl in love.


wow! That was just... Overwhelming to write! There's still more to come! Stick around :)

-Lucy 3