I almost jumped out of my skin when our bedroom door flew open a second ago and my breathless, shaking girlfriend crashed inside. Panting.

Effy jumped off the bed and was in front of her in a flash, grasping her shoulders she keeps asking her who did something to her. I think she'll kill them. "Fuck's sake Katie, breath and tell me what the fuck happened!"

When Katie meekly shook her head and her sad eyes met mine my heart shattered into thousand pathetic pieces. That's a look which makes your blood run cold. "All right. All right." Effy mutters before she's out of the door, banging her fists against the walls, demanding to know what happened in a deadly serious and dangerous voice. She can be quite scary.

I take the time to rush over to Katie and hug her, kiss her head and ask what's happened to her. I'm scared someone might have died, or that her head's fucking her up badly or who knows what.

She takes a shaky breath and wipes her nose with her jumper, surprisingly it doesn't make me cringe this time. I'm too worried to be grossed out. "I'm out."

Her voice is empty and hollow, just as her eyes. All emotions have left her face, leaving no traces behind when she muttered those words. "Out? What do you mean, out? Katie, you having a fucking laugh?"

"Do I look like I'm fucking laughing? I'm out, they've kicked me out. My mother is on her way to pick me up, like, I'm going home."

"No."

"No?" She laughs. "No? It's not you who gets to decide shit here, Naomi. I'm out. Proper fucked, have got like, twenty minutes to pack."

She cant go home.

Her therapy isn't progressed enough to send her home. They've started scraping on the surface and she'll fucking break if they let her go now. That fucking much shit they started working on and now they kick her so she's got to work it out on her own?

Just when I've reached the door to see and kill my therapist her soft hand grabbed my wrist and she's pulled me back towards her, crashing out lips together in a kiss that's shattering my aching heart. "I'll be right back." I whisper and try to leave again but she wont let me, holds on to my hips tighter. "No. just stay with me until I leave. Effy's probably killing him right now anyway."

And she kisses my jaw and neck, softly sucking on my skin but I cant enjoy it. Not when I know that she's got to leave in a few minutes. So I push her away.

Her glare doesn't faze me.

"I'm coming with you."

Running to my dresser I wrench it open, throwing clothes onto my bed. "You cant do that." She sighs that big, all-fucking-knowing sigh and I'd really like to slap her right now.

"Dont you ever fucking tell me what I can or cant do."

When I'm stuffing shit carelessly into my bag I feel a hard push on my back and then I'm face-first on the bed. Gorgeous Katie's covering my body with hers and she snuggles into me, almost crushing me with the force she's holding on but I couldn't care less. "Katie"

"No. You're staying here, I'll come visit and when you're out we'll be together. We'll move together and everything will be fucking perfect but for that to happen you need to stop being a freaking bomb, exploding every time something happens you don't want to. Okay?"

"Fuck off, will you fucking stop? You're doing my head in."

She's losing patience and I think if I weren't laying here with my face pushed into the pillow she'd strangle me right now. It's not that she's opposite cursing, swearing. She's not. She's a fucking sailor but she cant stand it when I'm offending her in a serious situation. In a fight, we both stand our ground and that's fine for her. But when there's no real fight, just a fucked up day and I take it out on her even though there's no way she's at fault, she could kill me.

So, there's really no question why I tense when she takes a deep breath, shitting bricks here. Shouldn't have talked to her that way I think while I brace myself for the fallout, yet what leaves her mouth isn't what I've expected. At fucking all. "I love you."

You're a volcano, ready to erupt. You're spitting fire and magma and ash like a boiling pot of water and then, three words knock the breath out of you. Just like that. I haven't experienced it ever before and I'm stunned.

She lets me turn around to look at her, fucking good, and when I do I cant believe what I see. She's gazing into my eyes with soo much feelings and honesty, with so much love that it scares me like nothing else ever could. When someone loves you, gives you their heart on a fucking silver plate you're bound to cause them pain. Because, when there's love, there's pain. Simple as that. What the fuck did I do?

"Dont say that Katie. We've known each other for what? Four months? Get real, that's fucking mental, ridiculous. ."

And I think I see something shatter inside of her when I push her off me to get to my feet.

I'm not surprised to see Effy lean by the door watching us, that's kinda her thing. She doesn't ask me anything when I reach her, she just takes my hand and leads me out of the room until we're sitting in the smoke room.

She still hasn't said anything when I smoked my third fag.

It's getting annoying.

Doesn't take long for Michelle to open the door and look for me with sympathy. "Katie's ready to go. Perhaps it's best to say goodbye?"

"Perhaps it's best to mind your own business?"

A knowing smile forms on her lips and she shakes her head, patting my shoulder. Of course I flinch away the second she touched me but she's not bothered, only smiles once more. "You'll regret it."

Perhaps it were her eyes, the way she looked at me like she knew that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't say goodbye.

Or maybe it was Effy's dragging me to the doors and then, when we reached Katie with Michelle's help to the clinic entrance.

My girlfriend is staring at her mothers car with nothing but emptiness in her beautiful eyes and it makes it that much harder. She's holding a little paper bag filled with her drugs for the week. It's a daily dose until she gets sorted out by her doctor.

Her mother's yapping like a fucking terrier, blaming Katie for pretty much everything. "I thought 'Finally, we will finally be able to live like a normal family. Katie's getting the treatment she needs to act like everyone else, we wont be a fucking joke any more and what did you do? I'm getting a call at work, saying that you abused your privileges and drank vodka on the clinic grounds?"

My head snapped to Katie and I think I hurt it because it cracked but when did she get privileges and when, where and who from did she get the vodka? How did she leave the ward?

Alone?

"Katie?"

She cant meet my eyes and I shake my head at her, already knowing that this cant be good or she'd have told me. "Doesn't matter now. C'mere." Her hands pull me in by my jeans pockets and then I only feel her soft lips pressing desperately into mine.

"I'll visit" "Uh huh."

"I'll call every day" "Uh huh."

"I'll miss you" "Yeah"

"We'll be together when you're home" "Sure"

"I cant visit for six weeks, stupid rule but I'll send Emily." "Yeah, okay"

"Dont get any ideas with other girls while I'm away." "Okay."

"Dont start shit with Effy again." "Huh?"

I pull away and stare at her in confusion. "What?"

"You're my girlfriend Naomi. I know how you get when you're on your own and Effy's, well, she's a sure bet so, please, please don't do anything." Her mother yells for her but Katie just waves her away. "Okay? You're a stupid babe-magnet, at least in here but I know you can be different. Just like you are with me. Don't do anything that's gonna break us, okay? I love you."

"Yeah. Okay."

Right now I really don't care about Michelle's questioning eyes or my therapists narrowed ones, I kiss her again, pulling her into a big hug. Who knows if I'll ever get her back? I'm not stupid, things like that don't work out.

I'm trying to hold my tears back when I feel Effy's thin arm sneak around my waist. She didn't try anything on with me since Katie, but ho knows?

Katie smiles at me, this tear-eyed-heartbreaking smile makes me tremble. Her tender fingers wipe the tears from my face and it's such a loving gesture that it starts the waterworks again. "Take care of yourself, and try to behave so you can get town time." I nod, in this moment I'd promise anything if it meant she'd stop crying.

And suddenly, from one second to another she's gone and I'm staring off into the distance where her car starts to fade. "Naomi, can I talk to you for a second?"

My therapist.

I take a shaky breath and brace myself for one hell of a argument we'll have.

"I'm moving back in with Naomi." Effy mutters. She's not asking for permission, she's simply stating the obvious because she's Effy and she doesn't need to ask for anything.

"We'll talk about that later. Naomi?"

He's staring at me in disappointment. Like I am his daughter and did the most trust-shattering thing possible but I am not. I'm a fucking teenager, a mental teenager who's got a crush on a girl. A fucking crush that helped me want to get my shit together and start thinking about tomorrow instead of living into the next day.

It happened so fast that I'm not quite sure I've fully realised she's gone yet. Cant imagine to go back to our room later and find it empty. See her side of the room bare. No stupid posters of 50Cent or Rhianna any more. No clothes I'd trip over because she's too fucking lazy to at least make a pile. No gasping for breath when she kisses me. No clenching my eyes shut when she's got her fun teasing me. No cuddling when she's got a bad episode.

It's when he coughs and I raise my eyes that I catch I've been crying the whole time. My vision is blurred and blinking doesn't help, makes it worse so I must've shed a couple tears.

Wiping my eyes angrily I glare at him. "Do you have any fucking common sense you useless wanker?" "Naomi"

I slam my hand on his stupid wooden table and almost break it, my hand, that thing is fucking hard. It turns my anger to rage. "You made her talk about everything, everything what's in her fucking head and when she does, when she fucking starts trusting you and opened herself so fucking much you repay it with giving up on her? Throwing her to the fucking sharks?"

He wants to interrupt me, defend himself or blame her, I don't care. I wont let him. "She was the only one who wanted help. Katie's head is destroying her and she needs the help, knows it and was fucking working for it every single day and you just don't care. You kick her out like she's nothing but a depressed teenager who's got nothing serious." I am panting, and shaking because I cant understand it.

"A child that's coming from a family where's no mental illness past, who's had a perfect life, perfect and stabilised childhood gone schizophrenic. Not the bollocking two persons bullshit, no, real fucking schizophrenia and you let it go. You have any idea how important this case is for fucking science and the future? To have such a young mind and work with it? She would have fucking helped you getting recognition, maybe even publish something and you threw it away?"

"Stop Naomi!"

I do stop. Interested in what he's got to say I bite my lip and look at him like he's killed something I love. Maybe he did.

"I know all that. I didn't throw her to the sharks. She's going to get the best care she can, I organised for her to stay in a clinic specialised for cases like that. She'll take part in studies, therapists who are educated to work with young people suffering schizophrenia. She'll get the care she needs Naomi." He managed to shut me up and thousand thoughts run through my mind. An endless circle of scary questions.

"Where is that place?" I blurt out, wiping my nose with my jumper's sleeve.

"Liverpool, it's a long-term stay she's going to take part in."

I gasp for breath with wide eyes. "What? How...how long?"

Something resembling pity washes over his face and he takes off his glasses to absently clean them. "That's not for me to decide Naomi. Usually it starts with six months up to two years, depending on"

I don't let him finish.

My hand is throbbing from all the banging I had to do until the new intern opened the door and brought me back to my ward. I'm practically flying through the hallway, only stopping to grab Effy's hand and drag her after me to our room.

She slammed the door shut and looks at me with a raised brow, waiting for me to explain what's happening.

"I'm leaving." I declare with a helpless shrug and Effy, amazing Effy narrows her eyes and smirks at me.

"Cool. Lets call our parents then."

"You coming?" I ask, no idea why it surprised me but somehow it did.

"I assume you want to chase Katie because she's going somewhere. We can kidnap Emily and go together."

We phoned my mother first, then Effy's mum and made them come get us because we are under aged and cant discharge ourselves.

Two hours later I'm sitting on the windowsill in my room, ignoring my scolding mother as my eyes are glued to our driveway.

"I cant believe you actually made me get you home Naomi! Seven months, seven months and I never felt you getting better and now you want to be home? You'll freak out and slit yourself open at the first thing that's not going your way!"

I don't think she's took a breath since her rant started twenty minutes ago. But I don't care. I press redial on my phone and hold it to my ear, praying Katie will finally pick up. After the seventh ring I hear a voice. It's the wrong one. "Emily? Where is Katie?"

"Naomi? How did you...I'm coming tomorrow for visit, need to tell you a few things" I cut her off with an almost shrieked; "Where is Katie?"

"She's gone to Liverpool. She weren't allowed to come inside the house, had to wait in the car when mum parked to get a couple things. She gave me your number and told me to meet you tomorrow and tell you their kidnapping her." I cursed, but then my eyes fell on a beat up car which is falling apart but nonetheless, it makes me grin.

"Fancy going to Liverpool Emily? Effy's got her mum's car and we are about to leave. We need you to get the clinic's addresses though." She squeals, telling me she'll be happy to tag along but couldn't leave until tomorrow afternoon when her mum's gonna be at work.

"Sure, sounds good. Keep Katie's phone, I'll call you with the details."

My mum has a look of thunder on her face and gapes at me like a mean fish. When I hear Effy knock I grab my packed bag and peck mum's cheek on my way down. "Sorry mum, they took my girlfriend and I have to see her and tell her that she'll be fine. I'll call."

During my explanation mum's face changed. She isn't looking at me like I'm the biggest disappointment any more. No. She looks touched when she wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek before handing me two hundred pounds. "Be safe and call me everyday love."

She knows that she needs to let me do this. Maybe she isn't that bad after all, I wonder when I jump into the old car after throwing my bag on the back-seat.

"Hello love, where to?" Effy smirks and I don't think I've ever seen her that careless before.

"Somewhere we can spend the night. Your girlfriend cant leave until tomorrow." I tease and dodge the punch she tried to deliver to my shoulder.

"Girlfriend? Oh no, sweetheart. I don't want a girlfriend. I wanna have a good time, and Emily will do fine."

I laugh, knowing that the bond we share might bring us straight to hell. And everyone who's around will join us.