I think I'll be brave
Starting with you
But I'll fall away if you tell me to...
Whether Elena was ready or not, Stefan's death was rapidly approaching, its icy, unforgiving clutches taking precious time away from both of them, piece by desperate piece. Along with every painful second, her heart grew a bit more, preparing to burst, for his condition was getting gradually worse. She willed herself to remember everything about this hour, from the way his hand felt in hers, to the anguished love in his graying eyes.
She didn't want to remember him like this, but she needed to. She wouldn't forget. Couldn't let herself forget.
He'd finally fallen asleep a few minutes ago, though she knew he'd only be out for a little while. In one of his saner moments, he'd told her that he felt like he was being eaten from the inside out. She wanted to make his pain stop, but she knew that if she was faced with such a contingency, she'd never be able to stake her own lover through the heart.
She knew it only hurt so badly because she loved him so much. She could only imagine what people might say to her in the future if she did end up losing him. "Why even bother with him if he stopped loving you? He wasn't worth your time anyways. You should have let him die with a smile considering the way he left you," she could practically hear their venomous voices inside of her head. And already, she despised these anonymous faces haunting her thoughts.
No one else would fully understand it; yes, Stefan had turned off his humanity, but he never really stopped loving her. And throughout it all, every horrific thing that he was forced to do, he accomplished for the sake of love and family. As soon as he let everything back in, he came to her because he couldn't stay away, because for the first time in a while he was following his heart instead of his instincts. He paid the price for his actions, and she'd always feel a deep, piercing guilt for the fact that she was the person who ultimately caused this predicament, but she loved him all the more for it. He came back to her, even if it was just to say goodbye. The first thing he remembered upon regaining his lost humanity was that he was completely, without a doubt, eternally hers.
She smiled and cried at the same time as her fingers brushed through his silken hair. She closed her dripping eyes and rested the back of her head against the wall, letting out the shaky breath she didn't realize she was holding.
Elena jumped a bit when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Keeping one hand securely in Stefan's own, she grabbed the cell and read the received text.
Klaus is just one town over from MF. I know where to find him. The witch is with me to get him weak enough to steal some blood. Be back ASAP. -D
Elena sighed in relief, feeling that betraying hope course through her veins again. She just prayed that Damon would return, and return in time with a cure. The fact that he had taken Bonnie with him didn't even sink in.
She was scared to get her hopes up at this point, but she couldn't help but feel that everything would be okay. Why wouldn't it? If anyone deserved to live, it was Stefan, her gentle, noble, and damaged vampire lover.
He was supposed to live forever. She was supposed to live forever with him. That was their fate. Not... this.
"D'y'fr'giv me?"
Stefan's mumble surprised her and she instantly raised him by the shoulders so that she could cradle him against her, pressing her lips to his forehead. "What did you say, Stefan?" she whispered softly, making sure that their fingers were still tightly clasped together.
He was having trouble breathing; she could hear and feel his heavy gasps against the skin of her neck. "Do... you... forgive me?" he moaned out. "I fought... fought for you."
Salty, crippling tears poured down her face. Elena was surprised she even had anything left to cry at this point; it seemed to have been all that she was doing for the past week. "Yes," she whimpered. "I forgive you."
A hazy smile appeared on his face. She instantly grinned back as much as she could, running her slender fingertips along the corners of his delicate lips that she had kissed a countless number of times. "I love you," he whispered after a long pause.
Elena was just about to say it back until she figured out what he was doing, the realization making her heart stop beating for a second. "No," she said as sternly as she could, even though her voice was quivering. "You're not saying goodbye."
He shook. Despite his fever, he was chilling, a sure sign that his body was giving out. "I love you," he said again, holding her hand as tight as he possibly could. His dulled green eyes burned into hers with desperation, but he was not compelling her. He was simply willing her to know that.
"I know, Stefan," she breathed, pressing her forehead to his. There was another pause and she gave him the most genuine smile she could muster. "I want you to tell me that when the night's over."
He laughed for the first time in days, actually laughed, and the sound was the most melodic thing Elena had heard in a long time. "I remember saying that to you." His chuckle was cut short by a long, agonizing jolt of pain that surged through his body. He groaned loudly, eyes rolling back at the relentless distress.
She held onto him tightly, waiting for the moment to subside. A moment turned to thirty seconds, to a minute, and he continued to writhe in her hold. "Stefan!" she shouted, terrified. She squeezed his hand tightly and held him firmly against her, afraid that the clock was beginning to tick town in its final crucial moments. "Damn it, Damon! Where are you?" she yelled desperately into a hallway filled with nothingness.
Finally, Stefan stopped groaning and shuddering, his head falling back into her lap. He was still breathing, but every intake and exhale was far too shallow for her liking. "Stefan," she whispered urgently. "Stefan, you're okay. Damon's coming. You'll be okay."
His fingers twitched against her hand that he was still holding. "Everything hurts, Lena." Stefan's voice was barely audible.
Her tears fell onto his face, her own salty ones mixing with his. "I know, Stefan. Just hold on, okay?"
"I'm so sorry," he gasped. Her heart was pounding and she knew it was about to burst; she could feel him slipping away.
"Don't be. Stefan..."
He was so weak, so pale, so pained. But his eyes were wide open and gazing deeply into Elena's chocolate pools of grief. "I love you," he said.
She could feel her crying turn into full out hysteria. "No, Stefan... don't do this. Don't do this!" She squeezed his fingers as tightly as she possibly could; if he were human she probably would have broken bones.
"I'll love you forever... Don't forget," he begged timidly. His voice was so low, but she clung to every word even though her pulse was pounding in her ears.
"I love you," she managed to get out, forcing a smile. Without any hesitance, Elena brought her head down to press her lips to his one final time, but he couldn't kiss back. He was fading and his body was dying, but she could see all of his life in those green eyes.
She could see a little boy, human and innocent, longing for acceptance. She saw a loyal brother, who would always save his older brother if given the chance. She saw her beloved Stefan, who knew and loved her to the ends of the earth despite all odds, who knew that she accepted him. And lastly, she could see a man who hated himself for everything he'd done and tried desperately to find self acceptance. She could see that finally, Stefan had learned to forgive himself.
The moment she pulled her lips away and held his face, he was gone.
Those lively eyes of his gradually dulled. A stare that had previously been replete with love, loyalty, and anguish turned into a blank look into nothingness.
Elena stared at him for a long moment, in complete shock. Her tears stopped and she shook him, pain turning to panic. "Stefan?" she asked although she knew he was gone. "Stefan, please don't leave me." It was then that she realized she had no more tears to cry, only leaving her as a gasping mess who had lost the only thing that ever truly mattered. She couldn't handle it... couldn't believe it.
After everything, he was just... gone.
Slowly, feeling as if she forgot how to move, Elena set him down on the floor of the hallway. She laid next to his limp body, staring ahead at nothing. She wouldn't let go of his hand, wouldn't forget the way it felt to hold it. She just rested her head on his unmoving shoulder.
"Hi," she muttered blankly. Her voice was gentle. "Can you hear me?"
There was no response. "Please, Stefan," she begged, now realizing that she did have tears left, for they were brimming her eyes. "Just give me a sign that you can hear me."
Nothing.
Something inside of her snapped. "Come back, Stefan!" she shouted. Now, she was full-out crying, finally knowing that he wasn't anywhere in there. "Come back!"
He was no longer with her. She wasn't lying with Stefan; she was merely beside a shell of the man who loved her more than anyone else ever could. Finding the power, she sat up to stare at her lover's body. "I miss you already," she whispered.
Along with her last ounce of sanity, Elena finally let go of his hand.
She then curled up beside him, gently slid his ring off of his cold finger and grasped it tightly in her fist. Giving in to the consuming pain and grief, she stopped pretending to be strong and cried at his side.
...
That was how Damon and Bonnie found her an hour later.
Elena, curled up at Stefan's side, shaking and sobbing into hysterics. Bonnie's eyes widened at the sight. "Is he...?
Damon swallowed thickly, his blue eyes widening more than they should have. "Yeah," he breathed.
They'd gotten the cure, though it was quite the struggle, involving the death of a few hybrids and Bonnie having to sedate Klaus long enough to get his blood. Damon held the vial filled with the cure tightly in his hands, body freezing up.
Elena finally noticed their presence and sat up as best she could, but her limbs currently felt like spaghetti. It was clear that she would be going into shock at any given moment. "You're too late," she croaked, her voice dry and hoarse from an hour of nonstop sobbing. "He's gone."
Bonnie seemed to be the only one able to think clearly in this moment. Damon seemed to be frozen in place and her best friend had just witnessed the demise of the man she loved.
Although she wanted to break and crumble too, Bonnie decided that it was her duty to stay strong.
Slowly, she pried the vial from Damon's tense hands and slowly knelt by Stefan's side. Elena, although her thoughts were scrambled and incoherent, eyed her best friend through blurred vision. Bonnie felt for a pulse; there was none. She placed the vial on the floor and hung her head, glancing at Damon's stony form.
"Elena, let's get you somewhere comfortable," she reasoned, approaching her best friend hesitantly.
Elena shook her head, no longer crying but staring distantly at Stefan's body. "I can't..."
"Yes, you can," she pleaded and grabbed Elena by the shoulders to lift her wobbly feet to the ground. Elena gasped.
"I can't," she started to cry again. "When I leave, I know I'll never see him again!" Her head fell on Bonnie's shoulder and her best friend softly lead them into the parlor.
Damon was left alone with his brother.
He didn't feel the need to talk or say anything; Stefan wouldn't hear him anyways. He was frozen in place, just staring at the limp body lying in front of him. Finally, when he was able to, Damon walked over to his brother and kneeled next to him.
Stefan's empty green eyes haunted him. Even when they were young kids, Stefan's eyes had always been the one thing that he expressed everything through. When he was lying, Damon knew from the look in his emerald eyes. That's how Damon was sure even when his humanity was shut off, that he was still in there somehow. His face said that he didn't care, but his eyes told a different story.
Damon always noticed these things.
But now, there Stefan was, empty, truly and completely empty, his eyes staring up at nothing. Very hesitantly, Damon moved his hand forward and closed Stefan's eyelids so that now his brother looked peacefully asleep.
He was suddenly shocked when he saw a droplet of water fall onto Stefan's pale cheek. Looking up, he vaguely wondered if he was going insane and there was rain coming from the ceiling. Of course there wasn't.
Damon reluctantly brought a finger to his own cheek, only to feel an unfamiliar wetness on the pad of his forefinger.
A sound that resembled a whimper escaped from Damon's trembling lips. For the first time in 167 years, he felt alone.
"Goodbye, brother," he barely got out before burying his face in his hands.
...
Quickly, Bonnie had gotten Elena on the leather couch, wrapped in a blanket. She sat next to her but didn't dare speak, knowing Elena was looking off into a place only she could see. "Stefan and I sat here a few days ago," she said evenly, her voice still choked up. "I told him it would all be okay. I lied."
Bonnie shook her head. "No, you didn't. You gave him hope, Elena."
Elena trembled. "I love him," she cried, her voice cracking at those words. She was sobbing again, but no tears came. She had nothing left to cry. "I love him so much. Why... why him? He didn't deserve this."
Bonnie nodded, her heart shattering at the sight of Elena in such emotional turmoil. "I know. It's not fair." Even her chest ached at this grievous loss; Stefan had been a wonderful friend to Bonnie too. He helped her when no one else could have.
"I miss him," Elena whimpered. "He took me with him..."
Bonnie frowned deeply at this and knew the truth behind Elena's words. Stefan had always been that missing piece of Elena's life, and when he went, he took that away. "Don't worry," Bonnie confirmed after a minute. "I'll get him back. I'll find a way to bring him back. I promise."
AN: Ah, what a sad chapter! Even I cried while writing this one though! Y'all probably hate me for this chapter, LOL, but I promise it's not the end yet. There's one chapter left *tears* but I think you may be pleasantly surprised with how it ends. Review telling me what you thought of the chapter please! Every comment inspires me to get the next chapter up as soon as I possibly can! Every single comment means the world to me.
So please review for a quick update! :)
Xoxo,
Sara
