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Amanda was woken from her deep slumber by the aggravating sound of her doorbell that was followed by pounding on her door. She tried eyes searched around the dark bedroom when they fell on the small figure lying next to her. The knocking on the door had turned progressively harder, quickly as she could she quietly slipped out of her, and covered her nude body with the fleece throw blanket that laid on the edge of her bed.

Closing the bedroom door quietly behind her, she speeded walked towards her apartment door, annoyed and curious to see who would be at her apartment this late in the night. Without looking through the peephole, she opened her door to only to met with shock at who was standing in front of her. It seemed as if her vocal cords have been cut, she stood still staring at the tired brown eyes in front of her. Amanda stepped aside allowing the older woman to invite herself in, closing her front door, she could tell something was wrong.

"What are you doing here? Do you know how late it is?" Amanda was finally able to spill out.

"What did you do to me?"

Amanda's eyebrows rose in confused, her foggy and sleepy head trying to comprehend what she was asked. "What do you mean?"

Olivia paced back and forth in Amanda's small living, realizing this was the first time being in the blonde's apartment. "Before you, I was fine. I wasn't confused and then-" she stopped her pace in front of Amanda, her eyes scanned the visible nude body before her, imaging the soft cream skin under that blanket the blonde tried to cover with. " then you confused me."

"Confused you? Olivia, you're drunk." Amanda chuckled.

"I am not drunk. Did you put me on some kind of spell or something because…"

"Because, what?" Amanda cut her off.

"I shouldn't be feelings this way." Olivia finished, her words came out low that Amanda barely manages to hear.

"What are you feel-"

Amanda was cut off by the sound of her bedroom door open, she turned her head to see the petit law student making her way to the living, covering herself with her black satin bathrobe. "Manda, everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. Go back to bed, Haley."

"Are you sure?"

Amanda stepped closer taking her free arm and wrapped it around the tiny waist of the young brunette, bringing their bodies close. "Everything is fine, I promise. Okay?"

Haley nodded her head in agreement, she placed a single kiss on Amanda's cheek, her green eyes staring at Olivia. "Okay, babe."

"Are you with her?" Olivia asked she watched the young woman step into the dark bedroom, the door closing behind her. She was hurt. She felt stupid.

"No," Amanda confessed.

"Could of fool me." Olivia sarcastically replied.

"Olivia.."

Olivia turned her focus back to the tires and confused blonde standing in front of her. Her eyes flicked back and forth between Amanda's eyes and her pouty lips, pushing the urge to kiss them. "I wish it was easy for me."

"Olivia, you're not making any sense."

"I shouldn't feel this way for you, but-" she pushed back her tears. Defeated, her lips pressed hard against the blonde's, a soft moan passed her lips at the feel of Amanda's tongue slipping between her lips taking on hers. The mix of alcohol and Amanda's scent made her dizzy, the room spun around them. Every feeling that leads up to this moment had vanished, disappeared, for more it was only her and Amanda. She wanted nothing more than to feel her delicate nude body underneath her fingertips but her hand remained on Amanda's cheeks. Her foggy thoughts were clearing up, the realization that kissing Amanda approving nothing more than the fact her feelings are true, that this wasn't some form of phase or dream. Olivia Benson had fallen hard for the blonde.

Amanda winced at the pain shooting through shoulder down her arm. Olivia had just pushed her and ran out of the apartment. Confusion wouldn't even begin to describe what she was feeling, seconds ago she was kissing Olivia and the next she felt herself being pushed against the wall and Olivia had run off.

"What the fuck?" She whispered to her as she made her way to her bathroom.

Olivia laid on the bed staring at her ceiling, her thoughts were replaying everything that had opened an hour ago. Amanda's barely covered nude body, the barely covered young brunette stepping out of Amanda's bedroom, their kiss, and how she panicked so hard that pushed the blonde off her before running out of her apartment. Admittedly, Olivia set herself up for it. She made the unwelcome visit to Amanda's apartment on the mission to proof that these feelings and everything other emotion that is balled up inside of her is nothing but a phase and lie of her imagination. But of course, the only lie that came out of it was her denial.

She turned to face Brian, prop on her elbow, her hand caressed his bare chest in an attempt to wake him up. She smiled when his sleepy eyes lifted, staring at her. Brian leaned in and captured Olivia's lips. He moaned when he felt Olivia pulling him on top of her nude body. With no foreplay, he settles between Olivia's legs, slowly slipping himself into her. He groans at the feel of Olivia's wetness and tightness. He began his thrust slow and gentle, his moaning becoming louder with each thrust. Olivia begged for him to fuck her harder and faster, she winced at how fast and hard he went. Brian was drunk, and when he is drunk; he gets rough but she needed to feel something. She needed to prove herself wrong. Her stomach turned as the sound of Brian's moans and his attempted to dirty talk to her. And without noticed, tears ran down her cheeks at her failed attempt to erase these feelings and confusion about herself.

She sat patiently in corner booth of a small diner a couple blocks from her apartment. Her eyes focused at the window staring out at the busy Sunday morning street, but her thoughts lost in the night before.

"Liv."

Her train was broken by the older man's greet. She turned her attention to him. "Munch hey, thanks for meeting me."

"No problem, not like I had anything to do in this fine Sunday morning."

Olivia let out a soft laugh. "It is nice out."

"Now, I know you did ask me to meet you here in the crack ass of dawn to talk about the weather." Munched replied in sarcasm.

"No, I didn't. I, uh-I am going through some problems." She admitted.

Munch leaned back against his seat, his head lower and his eyes stared right at Olivia. "Let me guess, Amanda."

Taken back, Olivia leaned in forward. "How did you know?" she questioned in a low whisper, feeling her heartbeat beat a little faster.

"Liv, I am old, not blind."

Olivia chuckled. "I don't know what to do."

"Nobody can help you but yourself," Munch added.

"I just...this is new. I'm scared."

Munch leaned forward, his hands intertwined together on top of the table in front of him. "New things are scary. But burying yourself and your feelings isn't going to help. Trust yourself."

Olivia sighed in deeply as she lowered her head. " I think I fucked up."

"No, you didn't." His hands reached out to Olivia's, taking hers into his. " coming to terms with your sexuality or anything, in general, is scary, but Olivia, you've been hiding for so long."

Her eyes widen.

Munch chuckled. " I said I was old, not blind. Amanda, she's waiting on you but you can't expect her to wait forever. The ball is in your court, kiddo."

"Yea.."

Olivia adjusted her gray hoodie as she made to her front door. Without checking who was on the other side of the door, she was surprised to see Amanda standing in front of her. She had black yoga pants and white Nike long sleeve running shirt, her blonde hair was up in a ponytail. Stepping aside, she invited Amanda into her apartment.

"We need to talk," Amanda announced.

Olivia sighed softly as she closed the door behind her. She walked slowly into her living room, dreading the talk they were about to have, but she knew it needed to be done. Amanda had a right to know what the hell had happened the night before. She owned Amanda an apology for ruining her night, and for the way she acted. "Look, I'm sorry" she mumbled under her breath.

"Liv, you came to my apartment in the middle of the night, kissed me, pushed me, and then ran out. " Amanda reminded Olivia.

Olivia lowered her head and nodded in agreement, knowing there was no use to deny what she did and said. "You're right, and I am sorry."

"What's going on?" Amanda asked with concern. She stepped closer the older woman, her eyes searching her Olivia's.

"It's hard…" Olivia whispered.

Amanda frown in confusion, her hand reached out to touch Olivia's arm. "What is?"

"This." Olivia subtlety admitted, her eyes flicked up to meet with Amanda's. "I can't anymore.."

"You've asked me to step off, so I backed off." Amanda removed her hand from Olivia's arm and rubbed it against her sling.

"I know." Olivia agreed. " I did and you've stepped off but everything I did to try to stop these feelings, this confusion..nothing worked." She added, her words choking out, in the end, tears began to roll down cheeks.

" I'm sorry." Amanda apologized. " I didn't mean for this to turn your world upside down. I didn't know that our one night to cure loneliness would have escalated." She added.

"I'm not," Olivia confessed. She chuckled to herself at the confused look on Amanda's face, the way her head flip up. "I've been hiding for so. I can't pretend anymore, I can't be in denial anymore."

"What are you saying?" Amanda asked cautiously.

"That before I met you, I was buried in deep denial. That our night together opened eyes and my heart." Olivia took a deep breath, inhaling Amanda's scent.

" I'm gay."


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