I'm late? Really? Well, no shiznit. I'm a very busy lady. :( Please don't complain on how late I am. I'm very VERY sorry about my tardiness and there's no need to remind me. (I'm in a bad mood, if you couldn't already tell…)
Anyway, welcome. This song is 'Call Me When You're Sober' by Evanescence. Please enjoy despite my slightly rude AN….
I let the bedroom door slam shut behind me. I didn't want to see Sirius' sleeping figure on the couch, or I might just forgive him for earlier that day. Goodness knows that couldn't happen. If I forgave him now, then it would just happen again. No matter how much Sirius begged or cried, he would not be forgiven this time.
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
Sirius knew how much he was hurting me… he just knew. He had to… he couldn't have ignored all those tears, all those nights when I just had to leave the room to get away from him. If Sirius had any love for me, any at all, then he'd be there… in bed with me. Not stinking of cheap beer and smelly cologne, but smelling like the fragrance of wet dog, leather, and mint chewing gum.
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Sirius had lied. He had told me that he was never ever going to drink again. He had told me that those days were over and that he was a changed man. Sirius had to choose. Me… or the booze.
Come find me.
Make up your mind.
I had considered seeking professional help for Sirius, but I knew him, and I knew that he wouldn't go. So I tried to help him myself. I laid down on the bed that we shared, facing away from Sirius' side.
Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
I'd been hoping that the knowledge of what Sirius was doing to his family would sober him up. Make him realize that we loved him, and that there was no reason for the numbness of intoxication.
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves.
But it was too late now. Much too late. I didn't think that I could forgive him this time. I was tired of the late nights and the mechanical love making that left me hard and unsatisfied.
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.
"Moony?" I heard the door open and soft feet padding across the hardwood floor. I'm so sorry…"
I shifted the covers so that they were covering my head.
"Remus… Moony, please don't ignore me…" Sirius' voice cracked. "I love you… I didn't mean to get drunk tonight. I swear…"
'You never mean it…'
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.
"Can you please leave?" I whispered from underneath the sheets.
"But I'm sorry!"
Suddenly furious, I threw the covers off and sat up.
Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
"One thing that I don't need is apologies! I've got apologies greeting me at my front door, so you can just keep yours, 'cause I don't know what to do with them!" I got out of the bed and walked toward Sirius. "They don't open doors for me, or bring the sun back at night… " I jabbed him in the chest with every word. "They don't make me happy or get me the morning paper… I'm just sick and tired of apologies!" I screamed, throwing my hands up. "I'm going to have to throw some away because I can't get to the clothes in our damn closet for all of the apologies! I'm going to have to stick a sign to the front door that says 'No apologies allowed!' I'M NOT EVEN SORRY ABOUT YOU BEING SORRY!"
Sirius winced, and I thought that he was pathetic.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.
"Moony…" He croaked. "I know that you're angry with me… you have every right to be… but I'm going to change. I swear I'll change…"
"You said that last time." I spat.
"I swear to God, I'll change!"
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.
"Just… just go away, Sirius."
"Moon-"
"GO AWAY! I don't even want to fucking look at you anymore. You're always drunk and smelly and you disgust me. So just go to James', because I don't want to have to deal with you anymore."
You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.
"Give me another chance!" Sirius begged. "Please just one more-"
"Please, Padfoot… just leave."
Sirius gave me a broken look. "If that's what you really want…"
"It is."
Sirius hesitated for the slightest of seconds, before walking past me over to the closet and pulling out a few pairs of pants and shirts. I watched as he then summoned my little red suitcase and started to pack. When he was finished, Sirius turned to me. "Just one more chance?"
"No."
Sirius left the room, and seconds later I heard the Floo flare up in the living room.
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.
I instantly regretted it. I longed to follow Sirius, and beg him to forgive me. But then I remembered all that he had done to me.
So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind…
Remus' monologue thingy is from the movie "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Was Enough". Which, by the way was the most depressing movie EVER in the history of depressing movies. It was just DRAMATIC and DEPRESSING and I don't want to talk about it anymore… I just put that part it because it seemed alright in the moment… (And the lady is talking to her gay hubby so… yeah)
Oh, and it's NOT OVER YEEET! :) There is still more angst to come! :D
THANK YOU FOR READING ! ! ! !
