Disclaimer: Dick Wolf doesn't feel like sharing so they aren't mine.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! You guys are awesome! Here is the next installment. Like it or hate it let me know.

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"Over here." I whisper as a sob tears through my body. He will never forgive me for what I have to do now. Damn Dean for this! He is going to hate me and I can do nothing to stop it. I wish I could tell him. God I wish I could tell him.

Just his presence in the alley brings an air of calm. I have never been more relieved nor have I dreaded another person's presence in all of my life. I can't bear this right now; this wasn't supposed to happen again. That part of my life was over, I only needed a break. I don't want him to see me this way, he will try to make it better and his comfort is one thing I cannot bear. Knowing what I have to do before he gets any closer I close my eyes and speak. Inflicting pain is the only way I can save us both.

"Elliot don't, don't come near me. . Just stay over there." I grind out between the quiet sobs I am trying desperately to quell. For once in my life I am thankful for the cover of the darkness that usually brings a quiet chill of terror to my core. I am thankful for the dark corner I found where the dumpster meets the cold brick wall. As I hear his footsteps draw nearer to my hiding place, I try to withdraw further into the darkness. Please God, I pray silently in vain, let him give up and go away. I cannot bear being near him right now, I need to gather my strength to go. Hearing his calculated steps drawing him closer to me still, I sink slowly to the ground allow the darkness to swallow me into its recesses.

I feel the chill of the night; I shouldn't have left my jacket inside but I wasn't thinking that far ahead. I wrap my arms tighter around myself and hope against all hope that he doesn't find me. I watch as his shoes draw him ever closer to my hiding spot. I can't help the bile that is rising in my throat. I dread the second his shoes stop in front of me because I know what he will try to do next. I know he will stoop down and look at me and make a lame attempt at getting me to talk. I don't want him to see me like this! Why won't he just go away?!

Even through the dread, I crave the comfort I know comes with his presence. Our partnership has been the one source of stability and comfort I have known in my life. I love him, it doesn't seem like there was ever any other choice. I love his piercing blue eyes, his cocky self assured gait, his famous Stabler smile that lights up the darkest of nights, and most of all I love the safety and warmth that surrounds my broken heart whenever he is around. He will never know of course. I will never let him see it no matter what it costs me. He will never see how much I depend on his presence and how much our partnership means to me. It is the one thing in this crazy world that makes sense to me. It is why we work so well together. Snapping out of the recesses of my mind, I see his shoes come to a halt in front of me, taking charge of the empty spot on the pavement where I was focusing only moments before. Preparing for the force of impact when he sinks to my level on the ground and looks at me, I swallow hard and brace myself for the moment of impact. I know that even though I hope he won't see my tears, he will feel them. He has always been the one person who was able to see through me to the parts of vulnerability. I try so hard to hide it from the world. It is a sick twist of fate that I can fool everyone else. Well, everyone else but him anyways.

"What's wrong Liv?" I hear him say in that low comforting voice that I have come to know in the past 9 years. He uses it with our victims.

"Look at me." He pleads quietly. I raise my eyes a fraction of an inch to see his knees, looking at his knees is safe. They at least can't decipher the many emotions swimming in my head right now. His 

body language is solid, it is demanding I forget who I am and pour my heart and soul out to him like I have many times before. Silently I curse the wordless communication that has made us legends within the ranks of the NYPD. Even though I lost my faith in God a long time ago, I find myself praying one more time. I wish that just this once he can't see or sense what is going on.

This is a battle that has been raging inside of me, it is one that has not ceased to tug me in every direction since the day I walked into the 16th precinct and looked up into the stormy eyes of the man who would become not only my partner but my best friend. I can feel his hand looming closer to me and dreading its impact I shrink farther back into my dark corner and hope that by withdrawing he will see my reluctance and back off. I will not give in, I can't! Gathering my wits I prepare to speak, words that I know will hurt him bad enough to make him go away. I owe that much to him at least. It will make it easier for him.

"Back it up Stabler!" I hiss with pure bravado. "What I am doing or will do is none of your concern or business. You don't have the right to follow me and make demands. Besides, shouldn't you be at home with your oh-so-perfect wife and family instead of following your single partner into dark deserted alleys? Unless you have forgotten you stubborn pigheaded pompous ass I have a gorgeous man waiting on me inside dying to take me home. I don't need you. So don't think you are doing me any favors. "

I hope that did it, I think silently to myself. I closed my mouth and looked up and waited for my words to hit their mark. It came a mere few seconds later on a slow expulsion of breath.

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But instead of the explosion I know she expected, I dropped the hand I had reached out to her with. What the hell, I think to myself and snake it out again. This time I reach my target. I gently touch the underside of her chin and lift her eyes to meet mine. She has been crying, I can tell and rage fills me. I want to rip apart whoever or whatever is doing this to her.

"Talk to me Liv. Don't do this. I can help you" I beg her.

I feel her start to melt just before she pushes my hand away. I think she is doing it in a last ditch effort to save herself. It must mean I am getting to close.

"Don't do it, don't you dare touch me ELLIOT! You don't have the right; you threw away whatever right you had when you got her pregnant. All you do is hurt me dammit! "She yelled as pushed him away and rose quickly. Caught off guard by her exclamation he lost his balance and fell. Seeing her opening and taking it, Olivia steps around him and starts quickly towards the door. That door would also take her back to the sanctuary of the noisy bar. However, her brisk walk isn't quick enough as she feels herself being wheeled around by the steely grasp of one Elliot Stabler.

Looking straight into his eyes, she calls on their connection to plead with him to release her.

"No. . Liv .. I. . " he says, bringing his head ever so close as his breath expels on a sigh across her lips. He can feel the shivers run down her spine as he draws her closer. Trapping her between his hands.

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"No." I say again while shaking her. I hope that it kills what resistance she has left. I know she has been crying but I don't know why. Feeling the anger and protectiveness surge within me I shake her again. "No. Dammit Liv. Don't you dare!" I refuse to let her push me away again.



I know I haven't been the best of friends to her for the past few months and even though I don't deserve another chance to help her, I want it so badly. It really is ridiculous. I mean look at me. I am Mr Bad-ass Catholic ex-Marine Detective and I crave approval and acceptance from someone other than my wife. But standing here with Liv right now, Kathy is forgotten. All I can think breath and feel is wrapped in the brown eyed woman standing brokenly in my grasp. Moving my hands ever so slightly up to her shoulders, I look into her eyes, begging access to whatever secret she is guarding.

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Don't do this El, I plead with my eyes. Don't you dare put us both in this situation. We aren't those people. You know that neither of us can win here so why start a battle we both know we are going to lose. You have your family and as much as I treasure this. ... this. ... whatever this is, I will not be that kind of girl. Not even for you.

"Please" I beg through a fresh batch of tears "Please El, just let me go. I need to go."

Looking into the eyes of the man that has consumed me for so many years I see what he is thinking before he ever even says it. . .Oh no. Please El no. Don't do this.

"God help me" he whispers "God help me I am going to hell for this." His hands come up to frame my face and I stop breathing.

"I am so sorry Liv. . I have to. .I can't help. .Please let me. . .please God help me." He says on a breath full of torment and longing. With another breath his lips crash into mine and he emits a groan of pure anguish.

This wasn't ever supposed to happen. Oh sweet mother of Christ, it feels like the world is ending. I guess it is. I can feel his lips grinding into mine. He's hurting so badly. The ground is dropping out from under me. I should be struck down for doing this. I am kissing him, I can't help it. I can live on this for the rest of my life. He will go home to his wife and I will do what I have to do.

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I am going to hell! I know I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be standing here in this alley holding her and kissing her but with God as my witness I can't help it. I need her like I need air to breath. Gentling the kiss I move my attentions to her top lip. I trace it slowly with my tongue. Her body goes limp and melts into mine. Yes, she is giving in. The fire, oh god, the fire is going to eat us alive. It is coursing through my veins and seeping into hers.

Tracing the seam of her lips with the tip of my tongue, she shudders and opens. Snaking my tongue into her mouth I groan with pure male pleasure. Her tongue reaches timidly up to touch mine and with a low whimper I feel her arms come up and around my neck as she pushes herself closer to me, closer to the fire we are creating. God this feels so good. I am going to hell but what a glorious death it is going to be.

Hearing a sharp loud crack I raise my head to look at her. Seeing her eyes go wide I smile with masculine pride and guilt. Her arms fall slowly and she looks down, pressing her hands to her stomach. Her eyes come back up to search mine.

Time stops. She crumples in my arms. The blood comes. Yep, I am going to hell. Will I survive?