Chaos.
It was chaos. Too many people, too little space. And noise, there was so much noise, a mixture of laughter, shrieks, chatter and feet scattering on the floor.
God, their downstairs neighbors must hate them, with their thin walls, creaking floors and very loud kids.
"All the wet clothes by the door!" commanded the woman, pulling the toddler's soaked shirt over his head, her brown hair dripping on the back of her undershirt.
They had probably looked like a family of mad men on the short subway ride back to the apartment, wet and breathless. They had probably looked like the kind of people he would have rolled his eyes to, if seated next to, in a restaurant. They were loud, they were messy, and somewhere around two, he'd stopped feeling embarrassed. He'd completely lost control, and just surrendered to the chaos, to the uncontrollable.
Or maybe, they had just looked happy, because that's how he'd felt, so screw respectable; he was going to be happy.
It had started snowing, like it often did in New York City at this time of the year. He didn't know what it was about snow, what it changed in the planets' alignments, or in the tides, but one thing he knew for certain, it had some kind of magical effect on kids, both big and small. There was nothing special about the snow that had fallen, but as he pulled on the toes of his wet sock, stubbornly sticking to his foot, he started to wonder if maybe, it had snowed there for a reason.
And maybe it had worked.
Can a happy memory overwrite a horrible one? Is that how it works?
They were just following the girls, each holding on to one of their grandmother's hands, leading the way, as their troop strolled through Central Park, waiting for the effects of the hot chocolate and whipped cream the girls had gulped down, to falter, before going back to the apartment. His hand squeezed Kate's, unknowingly, as they crossed the realm of an old oak. A snow flake dropped, on his cheek, melting right under his eye, and with the feeling, familiar, he was overwhelmed with flashes, memories, buried deep in the tree's soul.
His sister's small frozen hands, reddened by the cold as he tried to keep them warm with his breath.
The pounding feeling in his thigh, where his father used to kick, where he knew it would never show.
The greyish sky showing, through the bare branches over him.
It was the tree that had been witness to the day, to their tears and hushed voices. It was the oak that had been witness to his transformation, his promise. The day where, at age 11, he was forced into becoming the man of the house. The day where he had taken it upon himself to take care of the people he loved, to prove his father wrong, to prove that he was good enough.
He let go of the hand he was holding on to too tightly, his heart pounding, as if trying to escape his body, backing a few steps. The snow started falling. It wasn't gradual, like a snowstorm usually looks like, but huge bushels of snow, falling from the sky, sticky, painting the decorum in clean, pure, whiteness.
"I love the snow!" exclaimed Gracie as she twirled, he arms extended, her tongue sticking out of her mouth, trying to catch the cold flakes.
He took a few more step backs, turning around to flee. His back to the people around him, he tried to stop the flow of memories that had once haunted his dreams. He wasn't that little boy anymore, hadn't been in a long time, but the thought of his father, it could still bring him to his knees. As he brought his hand to his face, something cold hit his back, making him turn around, as the remnants of the snowy ammunition fell to the ground. He recognised his sister's mischievous smile, unaffected.
Of course she wouldn't remember this place; she had been too young them.
But he hadn't.
Juliette crouched to the ground, picking up snow and throwing it back in the air, as Levi copied her, laughing.
His sister was still watching him, and he shook his head at her, but she only smiled again, throwing another snowball in his direction. This time he dodged it, quickly throwing one back in retaliation.
"Snowball fight!" yelled Gracie, running towards her father, with Juliette following closely behind her sister as she screamed, "I'm with daddy tooooooooo!"
Out of breath, the blond five year old extended her arms which snaked around him, as she collided with his legs. He huffed at the contact, and Alexis winked at him, glancing over, for a very quick second, to the tree.
This tree had seen enough of his tears, so breathing in, he smiled back.
Quickly, he picked up both girls under his arms and started running away. A few yards later, he, huddled close to the girls. Peaking back to the people across from them, he said, "Now that doesn't seem fair, now does it?"
"We have Grandma too," added Juliette.
"Like that's going to help."
"Be nice, Mister Castle," lectured Juliette pointing her finger at him.
He chuckled, "So what's the plan Officer Juliette?" he asked, his hands together, pointing to her.
"First, we need ammonution," stated Juliette seriously.
"Great plan. Anything else, Commander Grace?"
With a devilish laugh, the child added, "We make them suffer," as she slowly rubbed her hands together.
"Whoa kid. Stand down" he chuckled, "Let's start with the ammo," he stated, sending them out with an army salute, hand on his forehead.
Both girls smiled, skipping a few paces away before crouching to the ground, trying to pat down snow into the shape of balls in their mittens.
A few moments later, when both girls had managed to make a couple, and he had patted down a very low snow wall, he asked, motioning them to come closer, "Are we clear on strategy?"
Gracie chuckled, "Daddy, there is no strategy, we're only five. Not soldiers."
"So we throw and hope to hit someone, hide behind that tree or the wall I built, and try not to get hit?"
Both girls nodded in unison, smiling, Juliette showing him the thumbs up. He extended his hand which they both high fived enthusiastically. "Ready?" he asked, to which both girls nodded convincingly, "Attack!" he yelled and both girls started running, with a snow ball in each of their small hands.
The game involved a lot of running around, a lot of loud bursts of laughter and screaming. The twins weren't half bad. Actually they were, but they were five, had tiny arms and legs, he didn't expect them to be good, and they were having fun, so who was he to tell them otherwise? He was having a great time too.
Kate had thrown him a snowball in his face, his teeth cringed as he felt the freezing water melt down his jacket, and the smile she gave him, he shook his head, she was going to pay.
"Get her Daddy," had cried Juliette, hopping on his back, as he started running after Kate, Juliette screaming orders over his shoulder.
He stopped when he heard Gracie yell, "Daddy, help! I'm seroonded!" her hands in the air as Levi and Alexis circled around her, perfectly forms snowballs in their hands.
Rick turned in her direction and Juliette kissed his cheek as she jumped off his back, running away, "I got mama!" she stated as she pointed her finger to him, "Save my sister. Do whatever it takes."
They both laid, breathless, staring at the sky. Kate and the kids were a bit farther, making snow angels as Martha and Jim snapped pictures, in full grandparent mode. Alexis' face glistening under the remnants of the melted snow that he'd managed to drown her face in, as he had tackled his 23 year old sister to the ground.
"I've missed you," he stated, and it was in times like these that he realised just how much.
"What are you talking about? We saw each other yesterday at mum's," Alexis laughed.
"You know what I mean."
"Actually I don't, dork. But okay," she added bringing her hands behind her head, breathing in the cool winter air.
A few seconds of silence passed, he confessed, "You know this place. It brought up so much shit."
She smiled, encouraging, "I know. I could see. After all this time, he still has that power over you."
"I've hated this place, could never forgive him."
She turned to him, shaking her head, "I like this place."
"Yeah, well you were too young to remember that day."
"I remember it," she stated.
"You can't. You were only-"
"Three. I remember it big brother, I remember it, not all of it, but I-" she started, but was stopped by the screams of five year old Gracie, running towards them. "Fumble!" she yelled, as she proceeded to jump on him. Juliette, Levi and Kate following close behind, hopping on top of each other, until they resembled a lump of laughing bodies, huddled in the snow.
Laughter and chit chat echoed through the apartment, as two almost naked 5 year old ran across the too small apartment in their underwear.
"Girls, bath. Go," stated Kate, still at the entrance door, dealing with a squeamish Levi.
The girls stopped in their tracks, turning towards their parents, in a perfect unison that was almost scary, giving them a pout.
"Rick, can you go take care of their bath? I'll bring Levi in a sec," Kate asked.
"Hum… Don't you think that's a little out of my comfort zone?"
"No," she stated, quirking an eyebrow and giving him a little push forward.
No rest for the weary.
Just keep moving.
Any thoughts? Love to read them.
