Author's Note: The following chapter contains dark themes involving suicidal thoughts and language. If you are uncomfortable reading about this topic, I encourage you to skip this chapter. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced or is experiencing this hardship. Please seek help. You are not alone in this world. ❤
Still in Love With You
Chapter Eight – You're Not Sorry
"There are two sides to every story. I think people like to label others as good and evil because it's a lot easier than actually getting to know someone. It's a lot easier than admitting they were wrong and seeing someone as more than two-dimensional. I'm aware of how others see me, and I let them believe it because I know they'll never listen to the truth.
"You know how people tell you not to put your happiness in the hands of someone else? Well, they never tell you how dangerous that really is…"
Strangetown – Fifteen Years Ago
Fifteen-year-old, socially-awkward Loki Beaker is sitting at a picnic table outside of Strangetown High School, doing his best to pretend to study from his physics textbook as he secretly watches Circe and Vidcund talking across the school grounds. Loki sighs, lovelorn, as Circe flirts with her boyfriend against the main building.
"At that moment, I had never been more determined to get something in my life. But if I had known the trouble it would've caused me, I would've gone back in time and slapped myself in the face for thinking she could ever be truly mine…"
Five years later, Loki and Circe are in college in the middle of their sixth semester at S.I.M.S. University. "What do you mean you don't want to move in together?" Loki cries, standing in the center of his solo apartment, "We've been planning this for months!"
"Look, I just don't think it's a good idea, okay?" Circe squeaks, turning away from her boyfriend, "There's just so much going on in my life."
"It's Vidcund, isn't it? You're seeing him again," Loki accuses, unable to look his girlfriend in the eyes, "Every time you do, you pull away from me!"
Circe looks out the living room window and sighs, "It's not Vidcund. I'm one-hundred percent done with him."
"…And stupidly, I believed her."
Loki and Circe are standing in the center of the Strangetown crater, Circe's unconventional choice of wedding location attracting more residents than expected. Loki smiles as Circe finishes her vows, the unbridled joy bubbling up in his stomach as the priest declares them man and wife. Loki looks to the side, only to find Vidcund standing at the edge of the crater, staring down at his newfound bride in sorrow.
"And just when I thought I finally had Circe to myself, I saw Vidcund. At that moment, I knew it would be impossible to get rid of him.
"As the years went on, things were better between us. Circe finally packed up her things and moved into my house. Circe and I excelled in our careers and were finally recognized by the scientific community for our talents.
"We both wanted kids, but unfortunately we had troubles conceiving. And I had no one to blame but that damn cherry pitting machine. Circe assured me that she was willing to do whatever it took to get pregnant with our child. I assured her that despite my incompetence, we would find a way.
"But when Circe got pregnant after I was gone for three months, I started to get suspicious…"
Loki rushes into the castle through the back doorway, his hands itching from his latest scientific experiment gone wrong. The physicist vigorously shrubs off his hands and turns off the water. He steps back suddenly, eyeing a pregnancy test thrown carelessly into the trashcan. Loki scans the area before slowly picking the device up, his heart breaking as he eyes the positive display on the other side.
"We were so happy. Perhaps that was all in my head…"
"Alright," Pascal Curious says, standing up from his seat and placing his hands on the table in the center of Strangetown City Hall. He smiles as he scans over all six of the council members before continuing with the most important council meeting since Olive Specter was elected mayor, "Now that we're all here, the meeting can begin," he announces.
Across the table, Loki cocks his head to the side watching as Circe types away on her phone.
"Today's first and only order of business: Olive Specter, the city's current mayor and eldest resident, is gravely ill, and we need to nominate a successor to serve the last two years of her term," Pascal informs the group, "Olive has turned the decision over to the council, so whoever we pick will become the new mayor of Strangetown, effective immediately. So, are there any nominations?"
Loki scans the table, stopping on Vidcund, who is typing away on his phone across from him. Loki leans back in his seat, his stomach tightening at this news.
"To say I didn't know would be the biggest lie I ever told, but it would be a million times better than living with the truth…"
Loki smiles as he steps out of his house on a bright, Monday morning, mere steps away from another blissful day at work. "Oh shoot!" Loki cries, stopping midway down front staircase, mentality kicking himself for forgetting to put on his lab coat. He quickly turns around and re-enters the house, his ears ringing as he hears an unwelcomed voice up grand staircase.
"God, you're hot," Vidcund pants, followed by a few smacking noises that sound like kisses.
"I know," Circe growls, "And you can do me all night."
Loki steps back, feeling his heart sink in his chest, the world around him seemingly going a mile a minute. Loki covers his mouth with his hands and crouches down on the linoleum, doing his best to quietly bawl his eyes out.
A few moments later, Loki stands up. He takes a deep breath, gathering his composure before announcing his presence up the staircase, "Circe sweetie, I'm back!" he states as nonchalantly as he can muster, "I think I forgot my lab coat!"
"I don't know exactly why I didn't go up there right away and catch Circe in her web of lies. I guess I figured that if I didn't see it, it wasn't really happening. And as crazy as it sounds, part of me believed this.
"But even after all Circe put me through, I still wanted to please her. So when Circe told me to take over Strangetown, I did it without a second thought. Maybe I just couldn't stand the thought of someone beating me at my own game, or maybe I was too far gone in my state of delusion to know any better.
"Okay. Fine. I know the real reason why I did it. I did it so I wouldn't have to face the fact that we were over.
"I tortured Vidcund because I wanted him to suffer. I tried to get rid of him because it was the only way I could have Circe all to myself…"
Loki is standing behind the abandoned factory deep in the depths of the Ole Town Woods after successfully capturing the Curious brothers and completing stage five of his master plan. He turns to his minions, two of which are holding a badly-beaten Vidcund against the building.
"Why are you doing this, Loki?" Vidcund squeaks, his face bleeding as he squints at his rival. The sun is blaring behind him. "You already have Circe."
"See, that's the thing, Vidcund," Loki begins, pacing so close to Vidcund that he can feel Loki's hostile breath, "I never had Circe because you were there," he growls as his minions hold Vidcund's head up, the Curious brother too weak to stand, "You're always there!" he barks, "And you'll always be there until I get rid of you for good!"
"Loki," Vidcund begins, barely able to push the words out of his aching body, "I'm sorry-"
"You're sorry?" Loki spits, glaring at his rival so hard it hurts, "You must think I'm some of kind of idiot, Curious. You're not sorry," he declares, fire lacing his voice, "You were never sorry! And as long as I live, I will never forgive you!"
"After leaving Vidcund to die in the hands of another, I thought I had solely won Circe's affections for good. But what I had failed to consider was that Vidcund was just as powerful dead as he was when he was living…"
Loki sighs as he turns off the television, which hasn't stopped airing the controversial tape of himself beating up the Curious brothers since Circe leaked it to every major news station across the Simverse. "Circe!" Loki shouts, jumping off his throne as Circe casually walks by him from the kitchen, "What the hell?! Why did you sell me out to the media?"
Circe huffs and crosses her arms over her torso. "Because…I never wanted any of this, okay?"
"What are you talking about?" Loki replies, unable to believe what he is hearing, "It was your idea for me to take over the neighborhood in the first place!"
Loki watches as Circe shrugs, looking as though she'd rather be anywhere but in his presence right now. Loki sighs, "You still love him, don't you?"
Circe nods, "Yes," she states coldly, not bothering to respectfully match his gaze, "and I'm leaving you, Loki. You and I are done."
"Those five words were the cruelest thing anyone had ever said to me. They still haunt me to this day. As much as I didn't want to believe it, Circe was done with us, and there was nothing I could do to change her mind. My will was gone, I didn't care about anything anymore and it showed…"
Loki Beaker is situated on his black, spiked, and red-smoke-spewing throne. He steps down suddenly, glaring menacingly at the group of townies that are kneeling in front of him. The townies are shackled together, and standing in front of them are Circe and Crystal.
"Alright, I want to know the truth, and I want to know it now. Who among you was responsible for this rebellion?" he snarls, watching as the townies began to look around the room, seemingly terrified by the hundreds of guards that are surrounding them and the exits.
Crystal steps forward and opens her mouth to speak, but Circe pulls her back and turns to face her husband.
"It was me. I did it," Circe confesses, her expression showing no signs of remorse. Behind her, Crystal looks puzzled, perplexed by this rather shocking confession.
Loki walks over to his wife, in clear disbelief of what he just heard. He had expected political betrayal but not from the woman he loved. "Circe, why?"
Circe swallows, still staring at the wall. "Because…you killed my lover."
All of the townies gasp.
"Shut-up!" Loki commands, "Or I'll kill every last one of you!" The townies back down, clearly frightened. Loki turns to the alien guards, pointing at the group of shackled townies. "Now get this trash out of here, I don't want to see it again." The alien guards nod and lead the townies out the door.
Loki turns away from the entrance, sighing as he gazes at his reflection in the mirror. Even though he appears confident on the outside, all he sees is a broken man. Seeing her chance, Circe grabs Crystal by the arm, lowering her voice to a whisper. "Give him hell," Circe states before three of the alien guards grab her, leading her deeper into the residence. Circe's plea stinging Loki more than he'd care to admit.
Crystal stands awkwardly in the almost-empty room, everyone seeming to have forgotten about her. Finally noticing her presence, Loki quickly turns around, finding himself face to face with the young townie girl.
"I'm not afraid of you, you know," Crystal coldly states, "You can scare them, but you can't scare me. I've seen too much to be surprised by anything you do."
"Well, congratulations," Loki responds, flinging his hands together in a fake applause, "What? Do you want a medal or something?" he asks mockingly.
Crystal continues to stare right at him, unfazed by his comments. "I hope you know your reign of terror is limited. It's only a matter of time before some sims rise up and get rid of you."
"One could only hope," Loki thinks solemnly while doing his best to appear resilient to the rebellious townie in front of him. Although, deep down, he knows he is really keeping up this pretense for himself.
"You know," Crystal continues, her strength growing as her voice rises above him, "you talk about how Vidcund was a failure, but you know what? You'll never be half the leader that he was! You have a whole city, Loki," Crystal speaks, gesturing towards the Strangetown landscape, "But not one of those sims would die for you."
"This line hurt me more than Crystal would ever know, since Circe had just admitted that she would die for Vidcund…"
A few months later, Loki stands on the roof of his residence, staring out at the apocalyptic city. He is feeling surprisingly calm for a man who is about to battle to the death with his greatest enemy. "I can't lose," Loki speaks into the silence, a couple of his minions guarding the exits behind him, "Either he kills me, or I kill him. And at this point, I'm fine with either."
Mere hours later, Loki and Vidcund are on the roof of the three-story, medieval-style castle. Vidcund is slouched down, grabbing the side of his body in pain as Loki towers above him. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Vidcund Curious, my greatest rival," Loki begins, his hand on his hip triumphantly, "You know, I always knew that it would come to this. But I got to give you some credit – I didn't even think that you were going to make it this far – so congratulations for barely passing my pathetically low expectations."
"Look, I know it hurts, so why fight it?" Loki states, watching as Vidcund struggles to stand up straight, his side killing him. "You can give up now and save yourself a lot of trouble. I mean, we both know you're going to die anyway. And with my latest and greatest invention, you can die any death you'd like! And don't say 'old age' cause that isn't an option!" Loki growls, hoping to silence any chance of a sassy response from his enemy. "I'm not going to take any sass from no plant biologist!"
"You're a scar to the scientific community, Loki!" Vidcund retorts, "You've used science to kill hundreds of innocent sims for your own selfish motive! You don't even deserve to be called a man of science!"
Loki rolls his eyes, waving his hand in a brush-off. "Please! Science is a waste if it's not used for personal gain – for evil," he clarifies, "And that's why you'll always be a failure, Vidcund, cause you and your brothers waste all your time building stupid little gadgets, and they don't even work," Loki stresses his point, getting down in Vidcund's face, "For years I've watched you goof around, wasting the city's potential. So, I did what any good man would do, I took it from you fair and square and brought this city to the glory that it deserves!"
"What you're doing is sick!" Vidcund fights back, "You're using your power to establish a world where only you can thrive! A world with ultimate authority, where anyone who questions you 'disappears'!" Vidcund yells, "You're the real coward, hurting people and refusing to face what you did! You should've killed me when you had the chance, because now you're going to have blood on your hands, and you won't be able to talk your way out of this one!" Vidcund warns.
Vidcund stands up straighter, looking the dictator right in the eyes. "It was never about the power or the authority or the money for me, Loki. For me, being the mayor was about bettering peoples' lives. For me, it was about Strangetown," Vidcund confesses, stepping towards him, "And it kills me every day that you actually think that this city is yours."
Loki leans back, returning to a standing position, a cold glare blaring from his eyes. "This city is mine, Vidcund. Face the facts, I have won," he declares, though he is unsure if he believes this.
"If the city really is yours, then take it from me! I dare you," Vidcund challenges, throwing his arms up towards him. Loki snarls and attacks Vidcund, knocking him to the floor as the pair get into an all-out fist fight. Vidcund pushes Loki back with his foot, causing the villain to fall to the floor.
Loki quickly gets up, glaring at his rival. "You fight like a girl, Curious! No wonder why Circe married me!" he counters, punching Vidcund in the gut. Vidcund punches him back, his facial expression softening as he looks down at his injured body.
"Look at this!" he exclaims, moving towards Loki, "Look at what you did to me! Tell me, was this worth it?" Vidcund shouts, turning his arms over so Loki can see all his cuts and bruises. "Does this make you happy?" Vidcund challenges.
"At that moment, I realized that it didn't, but it was too late to turn back now.
"When I had lost the war, I accepted my fate to be six feet underground and leave Vidcund as the sole victor of Circe's heart. I wouldn't let this fact torture me any longer as it had for most of my existence.
Circe would never be mine, and I could live with that when I was dead…"
"Loki, you have a visitor," chief of police, Nervous Subject, states as he taps on the bars of Loki's cell at The Strangetown Correctional Facility. Loki sits up slightly as Vidcund appears on the opposite side of the cell bars, two body guards standing on either side of the mayor of Strangetown.
"Oh, it's just you," Loki says.
"Hello, Loki," Vidcund greets briskly, "The council asked for me to speak with you before we voted. I guess even after all you did, there are still some people here that want treat you like a human being instead of the disgrace that we both know you are," he states smugly.
Loki sighs, crouched down on the floor of his cell as he stares into the cement below them. Vidcund's smile falls slightly when he sees the broken look on his rival's face. "I wanted you to win, you know," Loki speaks into the silence, "I wanted you to kill me," he whispers, staring into Vidcund's eyes, "But you fucked it up!" Loki screams, clenching his fists to his sides as his eyes drench with tears, "If you have any heart at all, please execute me," Loki begs, throwing his head to the floor, "Please, I don't want to live anymore."
Vidcund steps forward, his heart shockingly feeling sympathy towards the former dictator of the city. Vidcund nods, "Okay."
"With nothing left to live for, all I wanted was to leave this world. Unfortunately for me, I needed the help of Vidcund to do it, and I knew I could never count on him to make things easier in my life…"
The next day, Nervous knocks on the cell bars, Loki still situated in the same spot on the cement floor. He hadn't slept a wink that night, but he knew it didn't even matter. Loki perks up a bit when he feels Nervous's shadow wash over him.
"The council voted last night," Nervous states from the other side of the steel bars.
Loki sits up slightly, pretending to be shocked by this news, "Oh?"
"Yes," Nervous confirms, "They voted to spare you."
"What?!" Loki cries, standing up in anger, his fists clasped at his sides, "Why?"
Nervous shrugs. "I guess they thought that you living with what you did is more of a punishment than taking your life."
Loki stares helplessly at Nervous, unable to believe what he is hearing, his knees close to giving out.
"I know," Nervous replies, "I was surprised too, but they have the final say, so I'm going to trust their decision," he says, leaning against the bars, "Listen Loki, second chances are given once in a blue moon around here, so don't blow this," he advises as Loki continues to stare up at the chief of police, stunned, "That being said, who do you want to live with?"
…
Back in the present day, Loki is sitting on the sofa in Crystal's living room, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as all these memories come rushing back to him.
"So," Crystal asks once more, "do you want to go to Kristen's wedding with me or not?"
Loki turns to Crystal, who is staring at him sweetly from the other end of the living room couch. He firmly shakes his head. "No," he answers finally, "I'm done getting hurt."
Crystal watches as Loki sits up from the sofa and exits the room, her face filled with confusion as Loki locks himself in the bathroom.
"Huh," Crystal says into the nearly-empty room, "What was that about?"
