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A million thanks to my beta's xedwardxloverx and theotherbella for listening to me bitch about my life; she's amazing!

Twilight= Still not mine!


As much as I wanted to stand guard at Bella's door until she finally decided to leave her room and make her listen to me, hear how sorry I was for bring Tanya or anyone for that matter to our place. I knew she wouldn't be open to anything I had to say until she cooled off. The last time she was really, truly upset with me was in high school when Jacob finally broke up with her. It was completely my doing. Bella never denied anything to him, never told him that it wasn't true, but she most certainly made me earn my number one spot. Bella even gave me tasks to earn her forgiveness and trust back, though. I did that shit without hesitation.

I spent the rest of Sunday in my room or in the office studying. Finals were only a few days away and it was time for me to be serious about my school shit.

Monday went by with me not even seeing Bella. Usually she would come home after her shift at the library around 12pm, but I didn't even hear her come in until 10pm. Emmett and I were playing Call of Duty with Jasper after our last class before the final. We were supposed to be studying but didn't feel like it. Bella walked in the apartment, made a pit stop in the kitchen and jetted into her room without a hello for either Emmett or I.

Emmett looked over at me whispering "You're so fucked dude," and we continued playing. I didn't tell him what had happened yet; just that Bella was super pissed at me. I didn't want to get into it with him. Emmett would just tell me for the millionth time to man the fuck up and tell her.

I knew Bella enough to know that she doesn't get mad often but when did she needed some time to get over it. It wasn't my style to leave her alone. I always craved her attention; her smiles and her laughter. But if I wanted to get back on her good side, I needed to do it her way. I went to sleep Monday night, thinking of ways to put myself back in her good graces and coming up empty.

I slept so restlessly, tossing and turning for most of the night, which figures as Tuesday, was my busiest day of the week.

My first class was at 8:15, and I usually woke up to the smell of bacon cooking or French toast. Bella had a class at the same time, but I smelled nothing this morning.

I couldn't cook for shit but figured if I cooked for her it would a least show her I cared and probably make her laugh. I rolled out of bed and threw on the same shit I wore yesterday because I never gave a shit about what I wore or how I looked.

The apartment was like a ghost town; not the usual music going, lights on happy place I was used to. Well really, Bella made it the happy house not the other shit. I'm so gay, I know this.

Looking through the fridge, I saw eggs and cheese. Really how bad could I fuck up eggs and shit? We will see.

I tried to be quiet. I wanted to surprise Bella with breakfast in bed like she had done for me so many times. I cracked the eggs against the pan, which would have drove her fucking crazy if she saw me do that, luckily she was still in her room. I was contemplating what I would say when I brought her the food. I have never been good with apologies and almost never gave them with the exception being Bella of course. I would crawl on my knees for her.

At some point, I forgot I was cooking and when I noticed that, the eggs were a little overcooked but not burnt, so I pulled out a plate and dropped the eggs on it, topping it with a slice of cheese. My food looked like shit but when Bella made the exact same thing it looked like it was from Food magazine or some shit. I put a few slices of bread into the toaster and poured two glasses of orange soda because neither of us really liked juice and we were out of milk.

Fuck toast. I burnt that shit of course and it was the last two slices so I tried to scrape it but that just made it look even worse. I slathered it with butter but it did absolutely nothing to hide the nastiness of it all.

We didn't have one of the breakfast trays to put all the shit on, so I busted out some pan that Bella used for making cookies; I figured it was long, flat and a good replacement.

I loaded up my makeshift tray and wished there was a little flower to throw on it. I still hadn't completely figured out what I was going to say but the last time I over thought it, fucking it all up, so maybe winging it would work better for me.

I walked through our apartment and stopped in front of her door. I was almost too nervous to knock. I held my breath, lifted my hand to knock but she opened the door and nearly barreled right into me. She was already dressed for the day and had her bag hung over her shoulder. She had on a reddish plaid dress that went down to her knees and a pair of black rain boots because it was supposed to rain all day. Bella's hair was pulled back to the side of her neck and she wore a black hat, looking too fucking cute.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked in the most vicious voice I have ever heard come from her; removing one ear bud to hear my response.

"Bringing you breakfast." My voiced was deadpanned and I sounded like an idiot.

"Why?" She questioned.

"Because it's the best way to start the day?" I wasn't used to this side of Bella. She was practically burning holes through me with her eyes; I actually broke the eye contact with her because I'm not going to lie, she was intimidating the fuck out of me.

"I'm not hungry." Still using her nasty tone and it was just as viciously as before. She walked right around me and down the hall.

My breakfast in bed clearly wasn't going go down the way I had planned. I followed Bella back through the living room like a lost puppy or something. We past the kitchen and once outside the bathroom door that she slammed closed.

I put the tray/pan down on the counter and decided to just blurt out my apology when she came out, I assumed she would just bolt out the door knowing I was waiting for her.

I wait about five minutes before she opened the door and walked into the kitchen.

"Bella, I need to apologize for the meadow thing and what happened at my dad's party." I said as quickly and quietly as possible; she made no signs that she was even listening but she didn't stop me so I continued.

"I was completely in the wrong for bring anyone to our special place. I regretted it right away but what's done is done and I hope you can get over it." Still nothing, but she was making a peanut butter and fluff sandwich, so I continued.

"The party Bella, I wanted to tell you how I feel, how I have felt for years." I spoke so quietly but needed to get this over with, I know this would shock her but I just said it.

"Bella, I love you, I want you in every way imaginable. That's what I wanted to tell you the other night." I voice was barely above a whisper but it was as much as I could muster. Still nothing, I was for sure that my love confession would make her head snap around but still nothing.

She pulled open a draw, took out a ziplock bag and threw her sandwich in and threw her knife in the sink. She finally turned around and right at that moment was when I noticed the fucking wire going from her ears to her motherfucking bag. Are you kidding me? She was put her fucking headphones back one! Its fucking official now, the universe fucking hates me dead. No wonder she didn't have even the slightest reaction to my revelation, she didn't fucking hear it, motherfucker!

She looked up and stared into my eyes with no expression on her beautiful face. She really didn't hear a word I said, this is complete and utter bullshit.

"It's raining. Mind giving me a ride?" She asked in a hushed voice, like I could ever say no to her.

"Of course, let me get my stuff and we'll go." I practically ran to my room and got all my shit together in seconds and was back in the kitchen. Bella was looking at the breakfast I had cooked for her. My heart was going a mile a minute after finally hearing her angelic voice after days of not so niceness to me. But it did nothing to help wane my anger over my unheard profession.

"You know this is a cookie sheet, right?" She said clearly amused.

"Yup, it was all we had. Ready?" I was all kinds of fucking mad and needed to go. Hopefully I would have the balls to say this shit again in the car but not fucking likely.

We walked in the same silence that has between floating between us since Sunday afternoon. This shit was killing me and wished Bella could just be over it now.

We exited the elevator and walked toward my car. I opened the door the door her Bella and she slumped in. I ran to the driver's and got in at lighting speed. I had about five minutes of time to get it all out. I took a breath to calm my nerves and do this.

"Bella-" I blurted out and was immediately cut off. Bella whipped her whole body towards me.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I completely overreacted about the meadow thing; I had no right to speak to you that way." Bella said softly and wasn't looking me in the eye. She was being so formal and stuffy about this. I pulled out of the space and drove out of the garage.

"Bella, I'm sorry too-" and I was cut off again.

"I really don't want to talk about it, I was wrong, I know it and I'm sorry. That's it." Bella said with finality.

Oh really. I wasn't getting the chance to say my peace. I had no idea what she thought I was going to say but the nerves were flowing off her. It was apparent that she wasn't interested in whatever it was.

Our ride was over quick and I was more than grateful for it. I was too mad to really speak. I felt defeated and angry; angry at the situation and fuck, angry at Bella, I was never mad at her. She was just shutting me down at every turn. I turned the car off and hopped out, no need to sit and linger in the foreign uncomfortableness between us. I looked over the top of my car and Bella was just shutting her door, we locked eyes. This is when I should have had the balls to say it again but just couldn't and I didn't want it to come out angry. I wanted her knowing but not now. I needed to cool the fuck off.

"Thanks for the ride." Bella said and walked towards the library.

I took off the opposite way from Bella and took my phone out of my pocket and hit number 4 but before I hit the send button Bella yelled.

"Edward" she yelled while jogging towards me.

"Yea?" I said louder enough for her to hear.

Bella stopped in front of me, slightly out of breathe and was just looking at me. She was looking like she searching for something in my eyes.

"Your breakfast looked like shit, you know." Bella was smirking at me and I knew whatever the hell was wrong with us would be okay.

"I know." I gave Bella her favorite side smile and laughed a little; it was forced but I tried.

"I would have eaten it anyway, I mean if I hadn't already eaten." She said and walked back towards the library.

I smiled, knowing that soon the bullshit from the last few days will soon be forgotten and when shit settles down, I'll finally grow a pair and say my peace. I hit the send button and waited for her to pick up.

"What's wrong, brother?" Alice said. Not even a hello or anything.

"No hi?" I asked.

"I'm not stupid Edward, just because you haven't called you're my twin, my other half in this existence. If you're in pain or am hurting then I hurt. My heart hurts too Edward." Alice was always spurting off this weird shit to me; how we are related I have no idea. And twins, no less.

" Alice?"

"Fine, I've talked to Bella like thirty times since Saturday night. What the fuck, Edward?

"What?" I said defensively.

"Edward I know how you feel about Bella, but the girl is beyond fucking clueless and Saturday night she legit thought you were going to like break off your friendship or something."

"Why the fuck would she think that?" I was outraged that she would even for a second think that. It's out of this world retarded... and classic Bella.

"How the hell should I know? I'm not glued to her hip every second of everyday, but she did. What happened?" Alice asked me, and I knew the story would take longer than the five minutes I had before my last class of the semester. I decided to just sit back in my car and wait for Bella's class to be over.

"Well, we went home for Dad's birthday gala bullshit and lucky fucking you, living in LA, didn't have to go. We went out Bella, got drunk, told Jessica Stanley were to shove it and not that nicely by the way. I carried her home and she kissed me; she didn't even remember it the next morning. We had breakfast with Charlie, who is now getting laid and smiles a lot, it's fucking weird shit. We hung out, she came to the party and looked fucking beautiful Al, like I needed to catch my breathe beautiful and I decided to tell her how I felt about her. When it came time, I was a little drunk and maybe slightly douchey. We were outside and before I could really say anything she said she was over it and we had to go back in for cake and that's it." I said it fast, not wanting to go over every little detail with her.

"You're leaving out the Tanya thing, but lucky for you Bella told me everything. It's as simple as this Edward: she was nervous about you not wanting to be her best friend anymore. We talked for a bit Saturday night. I talked some sense into her and then bam she hears about the meadow thing with Tanya. She put that with the whole not wanting to be friends and it clicks for her and she went off. P.S. she said now I finally get to come to the meadow. I'm very excited to see what all the hype is about."

"You're not going there." I growled to her, thinking about everything she just said. I could see (putting the two events together) that she could think that I was trying to end our friendship. Well, no not really, but I could see it the way she would. She was unbearably self deprecating and self conscious; always thinking she isn't good enough for everything.

"Nope! Bella said I could! I am so there, little brother." She was less than five minutes older, but loved to constantly remind me of it.

"Whatever. So big sis, is she still mad because I think maybe she isn't so mad at me. I attempted breakfast and that seemed to soften her up a bit."

"I don't know if she is mad per se. More like really sad. She cried, and you know she doesn't cry often."

"She cried?" Alice was right; Bella didn't cry often. I couldn't even remember the last time she did.

"She did. Really, Edward, have you not heard me every time I have told you that your feelings are mutual? You two are both just stupid." And that's Alice. She always cut right to the point.

"No, I've heard you but I live with her. I see her everyday. I don't see it-"

"And neither does she. Listen I can't tell you everything, because I just can't but I have said enough for you just get over yourself and kiss her so she remembers it. Don't think I haven't had this same freaking conversation with Bella. Well not the exact same, but same enough."

Before I could respond to Alice 's little tangent I got a text message but ignored it.

"You have?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes, a million times. Listen I have to go but I'm excited to be finally coming home. You'll pick us up from the airport, so I'll text when we land. Bye!" and she was gone. Alice could carry on a conversation by herself.

My talk with Alice had me thinking, I was going about this all wrong but really didn't know what to do.

I check my text from earlier and it was Bella. We hadn't texted each other in days.

I'm studying with a few ppl from class, no need to wait for me- B

Ok going to Ben's for practice. If you need a ride let me know- E

Will do- B

B we're good right?- E

I needed to know for sure that we were. I decided in that moment that I would no longer be assuming anything. Assuming shit hadn't helped me win Bella yet. It took a few minutes but Bella finally wrote back.

We're always good, some bumps in the road but

we're always good. And breakfast again would probably help- B

Yes, breakfast is great I agree, you should make it- E

Maybe I will- B

I missed you the last few days- E

I did too- don't be a dick anymore and we'll be good- B

I can do that- Me

Good now go practice I want to be wowed- B

I always wow you- E

True- B

And with that we were definitely back again. I missed and loved everything about Bella the last few days. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

The drive to Ben's house wasn't too bad. It was only twenty minutes from campus and it was before the lunch time traffic. I pulled up to the small two story house where Ben, Emmett and I had been practicing for the last three years. Ben was Angela's boyfriend and Bella's original roommate. They got along, but Bella didn't like that Ben would be staying over a lot. His parents were generous enough to allow us to play in the garage whenever we wanted. We tried to get together at least three, if not four times a week. We had played a few gigs over the last few years but we really just liked playing in the garage.

I saw Emmett's monster sized jeep already parked in the driveway. I parked along the curb, grabbed my guitar out of the backseat and walked to the side door that was already open. Emmett and Ben were there waiting, Emmett sitting behind his drums laughing, as usual. I wish I could be that carefree all the time. Ben was to Emmett's left tuning his guitar.

"Hey man." Ben said as I walked into his garage. I walked over to my usual spot dropping my stuff and taking my coat off.
"Finally, we have been waiting for you Eddie." Emmett joked, laughing loudly, I have no idea how Rose didn't kick his ass on the regular. Emmett was always loud and boisterous.

"I'm fifteen minutes early, asshole."

"Well someone is in a good mood today. Glad you came." There Emmett goes, always pointing out the obvious.

"Yea, you guys ready?" I wasn't in the mood for talking right now. I wanted to zone out and forget the dumb shit going on in my fucking lame life.

"Yup. What should we start with?" Ben asked, Emmett usually picked the songs and the order we played them in. We wrote and played a few original songs but truth be told none of us cared enough to actually sit down and do that shit. We were all too fucking lazy and would rather just play songs we liked, from bands we liked.

"How about Addicted?" I knew Emmett would say that song. He usually liked to start with that one because it's his favorite.

We started playing and sounded pretty fucking kick ass, if I do say so myself. We did about seven songs before I was ready to take a break. I put down my guitar. I was ready to get my boys opinion on the fuckery that took place the last few days.

"Ready for some girl chat, Eddie?" Emmett said jokingly.

"Yup."

I told them everything that went down from Bella's flip out at Jessica, the kiss, Bella forgetting the kiss, my father's disastrous party, the fucking meadow and the last few days of near silence. Once I was done whining like a bitch to them, I couldn't wait to see what they thought. Alice had already given me her two cents but I had been hearing her "you guys were meant to be" shit for years. I need my boys to tell me what's up. They are both in long term happy relationships. They should know how a girl thinks

"Okay, so here's the thing Edward." Ben started and I could tell he wasn't going to be telling me how fated we were like everyone else says.

"It's one big misunderstanding. The way I see it is Bella is your bff, of course she didn't want some skank girl getting all up on you, especially in front of her. What I don't think is that she feels the same way man. I think she just sees you as a friend, I'm sorry man."

"See, finally someone agrees with me!" I shouted, it was nice to hear something break from the Edward/Bella bandwagon. Don't get me wrong though I wanted to punch that fucker right in the face, but I restrained myself.

"Dude shut the fuck up, you just got here. You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." Emmett yelled a little louder than necessary as we were all fairly close to one another.

"I'm new? I've been here for 3 years, so you shut the fuck up." Ben shouted right back. They have had this same fight a few times; Emmett loves to let Ben know that he hasn't been around long that he isn't like a brother even though he is.

"Asswipe, I saw these two kids fall in love, I know what I'm talking about. You, my friend, know fucking squat."

"Fall in love? Dude they have kissed once in what five years and she was drunk? It's not love love, its friend love; there's a difference."

"See, they've kissed twice, right Eddie?" Emmett turned to me for confirmation on that fact. I nodded my head. Emmett whipped his head back around to Ben and gave a triumphant smile. We kissed on prom night but I think it was more of a rule thing. You have to kiss your prom date.

"Edward, what do you think?" Ben asked. I didn't usually talk to him about Bella because I didn't want him to tell Angela and Angela would tell Bella. Emmett, on the other hand could keep this shit to himself.

"Man, I don't know?" I pushed my hair back in frustration because I didn't have a definitive answer. I knew what I wanted, but not want she felt. All the years of Alice 's prodding only made me more nervous about it all.

"Of course you know, you've always known. You said you would marry her when you were six-fucking-teen. You know she feels the same, everyone's told you." Since Emmett met Rosalie, he became this gigantic ball of love.

"If this all true, has no one told Bella? Because really, someone should have. This could have been settled already. Or everyone has and she doesn't want it to be anything more than it already is?" Ben questioned and I gotta say it was a logic I have never really considered. Alice , Emmett, Jasper and shit even my mom pushed me; told me that they know she feels the same. Well maybe they have said it to her and nothing. She wanted nothing.

"Or asshole, people have told her and she is too shy to make a move, OR asshole she kissed him, oh I don't know, four fucking nights ago. You don't know shit Cheney, so shut ya mouth or I'll have Angela step on you." Emmett crossed his massive arms across his chest and was having a stare down. He knew how self conscious Ben was about the height difference between him and Angela so Emmett constantly gave him shit about it.

"Or maybe you, Jasper and Alice want to believe all this shit because it would be perfect for them to be together, it would complete your little group; the three perfect couples." Ben said rather snidely but getting his point across, I could see that if he was like a hundred pounds heavier and about six inches taller he would have tried to kick Emmett's ass. I was more than enjoying their little back and forth. I was hearing shit that no one has said in front of me before. Emmett was just spouting off the same bullshit as usual but Ben was making a serious case of the'Bella doesn't want you's'.

"And what about Alice ? Are you forgetting that she knows they're going to be together? She hasn't been wrong yet. She was talking about how she and the new boy would fall in love and bam it happened, they're still together. She told me that I was going to meet and fall in love with a girl on the first day of class and now we're getting married in less than two weeks! You never bet against Alice ." Emmett's smug smile was back. And he was right, we never have bet against Alice. When she said something with a certainty, it just always happened.

"Alice told Angela I would cheat on her and that hasn't happened." Ben pointed out.

"Yet."

"Emmett you're such a dickhead, are you serious?" Ben shouted.

"Just pointing it out, it hasn't happened yet. You never know." Emmett defended.

"Whatever the point is, I think if it was meant to be then it would already be." Ben looked over to me with a 'sorry dude' face and Emmett was giving him the 'shut the fuck up before I make you' face.

"No, I think the point is you're a tool so when Edward and Bella are living their happily fucking after and you're a single loser because you cheated on Ang, you will know what's up. So should we play a few more songs?" With Emmett was back to his normal, happy self.

"No I'm good. My parent's will be home soon. We're going out to dinner for their anniversary, Angela should be here soon."

"Yea, I need to get home and sulk like a little emo girl for awhile before Bella comes home."

"Haha bro, sulk all you want, you deserve it." Leave it to Emmett to try and make me feel marginally better.

I packed up my guitar because I wanted to play a little at home. It was a great way for me to forget everything going and just zone out. Emmett just jetted because he always left his drums set up here. It was easier that way and no fucking way would Rosalie let him play at their apartment.

My drive home was quick; no messages from Bella needing a ride home. I moped around the apartment for awhile because I had nothing better to do. My first final was tomorrow, and luckily I would be done by Friday but had two on Thursday so I planned on studying my ass off tonight after dinner.

My mind was reeling from the almost argument during practice. I could so easily see Ben's point of view, and that it hurt. If he was right, then all Bella and I would ever be was friends. I could handle that if I had to. No. Reality was that I wouldn't want that, not even a little. I wanted all of her. I want her days and nights, I wanted to be the only one she kissed or touched; the one she told everything to,and the only one she loved.

I opened my guitar case up and took out it. Whenever I needed a distraction, playing some music always worked for me. I strummed my guitar for over an hour, sitting on the couch playing every sad song I knew. It was getting late and knew I needed to find something to eat and hit the books.

I heard keys jingling at the door and by heart jumped a little, as it usually did when my girl came home. Seeing her beautiful face always brightened my day, and today I needed it. Bella opened the door, letting it close behind her. She had her hands full with a takeout box and two textbooks. She dropped her stuff on the counter, never looking up from the ground as she walked. I was staring unabashedly at her. She had no idea the hold she had over me. Bella finally looked up when I strummed my guitar again.

"Hey, want some?" Bella said with a soft smile, gesturing to her leftover dinner.

"What is it?" I asked, even though there wasn't much I wouldn't eat.

"Mushroom raviolis and breadsticks." She was quiet with her response.

"Yes please. You okay?" I asked. Both Bella and I were wearing matching gloomy expressions. I knew the cause of mine, but not hers. I hated seeing her unhappy.

"I'm fine. Sing me a song?" She said sadly.

"Warm my food?" I countered.

Bella nodded her head and reached into the cabinet for a plate. I instantly knew what song to play. The lyrics would tell Bella how much she meant to me; tell her that she was my everything. I figured she could hear me sing to her and believe the words I said, or she could chalk it all up to it just being a song, and nothing more.

I started slowly playing the song while Bella put my plate into the microwave with her back to me, watching it slowly go round and round.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

The microwave timer dinged and Bella took my food out, placing it on the counter to cool off. Her back was still to me, barely moving from her spot. Bella took a deep breathe, held it for a second and let it out. Never turning around to me, I could see the nervous energy around her, I wanted to take that away from her. But maybe she needed to feel it, maybe my mother was right Bella and I changing into an 'us' would be hard. Bella needed to be as scared I am fucking was.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how cou*d it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything.

I kept my eyes on her, trying to make her feel every word I sang. I wanted to her to only think about the words I sang. I wanted her to know that I meant it with every fiber in my body. She finally picked up my plate and starting walking from the kitchen to the table. She put my plate down and sat in the closest chair. Bella finally made eye contact with me, and I hoped my emotions and feelings were shining through to her because hers certainly were. My girl looked so scared, nervous and apprehensive, I wanted to wash all that away but had no idea how.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

I put my guitar down and went to stand up. My legs were sore from sitting in the same position for so long. I walked over to the table and sat across from Bella. She was avoiding my eyes. I took a ravioli and shoved it in my mouth; it tasted incredible and the breadsticks were nice and soft.

"You like it? We went to some Italian restaurant close to campus after we finished our powerpoint thing."

I wished she hadn't changed the subject from my song and how we both were feeling so quickly; I shouldn't have been surprised. Bella was the queen of avoidance when it came to shit she didn't want to talk about.

"Who did you go with?" I prayed it wasn't with a group of guys. I was too jealous for my own good.

"Just a few girls from my research class. We studied for a few hours, and finished our project finally, it's really good." Bella said with a little excitement. Her research class was three part course and they had to do a crazy long paper and a serious presentation, but no final exam. She has been nervous about how the presentation would come out, so I knew how relieved she finally was.

"Good, you present tomorrow afternoon right?" I wasn't doing a good job of hiding my melancholy mood but I was at least trying.

"Yup, I need to figure out what to wear. I want to look sophisticated." Bella made some funny thing head raise thing. It was adorable.

"Wear whatever you want; you'll look great, as usual." I said hopefully pumping her ego a little. She never thought highly enough about herself.

"I talked to Alice on my walk home -"

"You walked home, Bella?" I asked, kind of irritated. She knew I preferred picking her up, not her walking alone. We lived in a safe neighborhood but still, anything could happen.

"I did, and don't give me crap about it, I needed to think. So anyways I was talking to Alice . She and Jasper will be landing around noon, can you pick them up?" Bella asked, she was always the worrier about everything.

"Yup. I have my first final that morning at 9: 30 should be done around 11, I think. Wanna come with me?" I knew how much she missed the two of them. Shit, Bella and Alice talked at least twice a day, if not more and texted constantly.

"Of course, I can meet you on campus. I have a final at 8:30 so I'll be in the library for awhile but I don't mind."

"Sounds good. This is fucking awesome, we need to go there soon. I want more." I was gesturing to my now empty bowl.

"Whenever you want, but you're buying." Like it would have gone down any other way.

"You have everything planned for Saturday?" It was Rosalie and Emmett's joint bachelor party. Instead of Alice and Jasper going to Forks for a few days and coming back next weekend for their wedding, they were going to stay with Bella and I. Bella said they had to take her room because my room was gross, which wasn't true. It's just messy.

"I had everything planned the next day. I knew you would agree, so I pretty much had everything set in my head. I made a few reservations, and it's all set." Efficient as usual. She was right I probably wouldn't have said no, even without the threat of other guys.

"Where we going?" I asked but didn't really care. I loved hanging out with her and all our friends.

"The Metro Grill and Venom. I got us a dance floor booth thing, it should be fun." Bella really did think of everything. It would definitely be a great night.

"Nice. Emmett was thinking since they come in early tomorrow and our finals are done tomorrow that we should all go out and have a few drinks to celebrate. What do you think?" I knew Bella wasn't into partying much or going to bars.

"Umm, if I'm not too tired I'll go." Typical Bella answer. That meant she would go; being all together hasn't happened too much over the last few years. Bella and I had visited Alice and Jasper in LA a few times and they had come up for a week or two during the summer, but that had really been it since they moved.

"It will be fun. Alice told me that she and Jasper were taking your room and you will be shacking up with me. A little presumptuous don't ya think?" That was my lame attempt at humor and it was a serious fail. Bella staying in my room was fucking awesome and it was for a minimum of at least a week, if not more. Alice and Jasper were staying in Seattle until Emmett and Rose's wedding, and for my sake, hopefully longer.

"What's presumptuous is you thinking that you're staying in your room. There is a perfectly good couch with your name on it." She did her cute little eyebrow wiggle at me, letting me know what was up . I swear if anyone else talked to me the way she did, shit would be on, but with Bella it was just funny.

"Whatcha doing tonight?" Bella asked me. Our last few days of not talking meant we didn't know every single thing the other was planning on doing. It wasn't our norm, it felt strange. I shouldn't have to hear that she went to dinner with girls from class after it happened and she should have already known what I was doing tonight.

"Studying, you?"

"Same, want to do it together? I'll make sure you're on task." She laughed at herself. If Bella only knew that studying with her meant less studying and more staring at her. I couldn't possibly concentrate with her right next to me, but turning her offer down was not going to happen either.

"Sure, but the first time you distract me I will leave." I teased back, knowing that I would be trying to annoy her and not the other way round.

Bella got up grabbed her book off the counter and made her way to the couch. I cleaned off my plate and grabbed my chemistry book from the desk and joined her on the couch.

She was sitting so casually with her feet tucked under her, flipping through her book and notebook. I sat at the other end of the couch and threw my feet up on the coffee table. We sat there silently for an hour and seventeen minutes before Bella abruptly broke the silence.

"Your song; the one you played earlier it was kinda sad. You're sad?" She asked bewildered and completely out of the blue, like she just remembered.

No Bella. You're just fucking dense, fucking blind or completely fucking oblivious. With Bella and I, it used to be so easy. Not this weird tension between us and I would give anything for it be so effortless again. Before, she always knew what was wrong without my having to tell her. She should already know.

"I've had better weeks." It was the motherfucking understatement of the year, but it got the point across.

"Me too." Bella whispered.

This day had made me realize that before I attempted another round of Bella be mine's, we both need to fix whatever was going wrong in our friendship. That shit will always come first for me. While Bella being mine and being with me would make my world, a world without her friendship was unbearable.


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