TN Genesis of Obsession
Chapter 8: Resistance
Pairing: Taylor/Jim – Hints of Taylor/Wash
Genre: Slash/Ship/Humor/Angst
Rating: Nc-17
Spoiler Alert: Season 1
Warning: DarkFic Chapter – Angst, Memories of Torture (Taylor), Language and some Smut
Summary: Taylor has a pent up beast inside that needs to come out to play now and then. Can Jim handle it?
AN: Yes, DarkFic…Episode one/two (Genesis) begs to have added scenes. Slash and Ship makes the world go round. Things I was thinking about when I wrote this chapter: In ep Instinct, Taylor blurting out "you wouldn't believe the racket when they start…" and Jim questioning Elizabeth about Malcolm, ep where Taylor lost his memory and roughed up Jim, and the ep where Jim asked Taylor what was going on when Taylor accused Jim of being the spy for the Sixers. Taylor waited a little then just started spilling his guts about killing someone in self defense. I thought ok maybe he is just open with Jim sometimes and can't help it. Oooh I like.
Taylor and Jim walked around the rock foundation of the Command Center to the back. Taylor entered a code on a hidden control and let Jim watch knowing his cop eyes were memorizing it.
Jim saw on Taylor's face that he knew he memorized the numbers. It still felt strange to Jim to so easily see Taylor's thoughts on his face instead of a scowl.
Taylor opened the door and turned on the lights. He watched Jim with a slight smile with no reservations.
Jim beamed back thinking that Taylor's bright blue eyes never looked happier and that somehow the release of the tension on Taylor's face made him appear younger.
"Come in the lights are on." Taylor's eyes openly appraised Jim's well built body.
"Looks like a storage dungeon room." Jim entered and closed the door behind him to see a screen blink to life that let him watch what was happening outside the door. "Nice security."
"Thanks." Taylor went to a container and pulled something back on the floor to show a hatch in the ground, which he opened next.
Jim peered down into the darkness thinking about the weapon's cash. "I don't know about this."
Taylor flipped on the lights inside. "It is all lit up with white lights, and I added something just for you. This…this is my place. I have a housing unit where I keep things like weapons, but his is my home. No one comes down here, but me. Well, sometimes Wash, but not often. She drove me crazy when we first got together till I let her come down here a few times. We mainly meet at her housing unit now. No one but Wash knows about this place, but you now. And, no powder drugs I swear. Trust me?"
Jim stepped forward even though he felt unnerved by closed in spaces. "Yes."
Taylor climbed down, and Jim followed reluctantly. As his feet touched down Jim spoke, "How is Wash taking this?"
Jim turned around to see an expanse roughly four times the size of the Command Center with a few doors off to one side. He saw one wall that was as screen showing daytime footage of a view into the jungle, "Wow."
"You told me some of your secrets, and this is one of mine. I built this myself and the door on the left that is locked goes down a tunnel that leads to a cave system that empties into a lake that is OTG. That screen is what I added for you. That is your view out. Like it?" Taylor asked hopeful.
"Yes. I do." Jim watched the wall that was covered with a hologram projection of the wooded area outside the gates. He stepped forward peering up following the line of the large trees then to the rolling fog that hovered over the ground. "Can't tell it's fake. It's just like looking out a window. I like it. Thanks."
Jim turned around to Taylor, "So are you going to answer me?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"She's fine with it. She just wants to watch." Taylor hung up his leather pistol harness on a hook at the base by the ladder.
"Excuse me?" Jim's eyebrows shot up.
"Watch." Taylor went on to remove his other holster and hang it up.
"Watch us having sex?" Jim asked incredulously.
"Yes." Taylor removed his boots and pointed to Jim's.
"What did you tell her?" Jim inquired still feeling shocked while he took his boots off and left them by the ladder on a mat. He wanted to know if Taylor said no or yes.
"The gist of what happened, so she said this morning that if Malcolm gets to watch that she does too." Taylor walked into the kitchen area. "Malcolm said something to her over the com system about her being in bed with me. He thought you were her."
"You talked to her this morning. Were you with her…wiiiiith her this morning?" Jim followed him into the kitchen. He had never met Malcolm, but stored that information for later.
"Were you with your wife this morning?" Taylor shot back instead of answering.
"That's fair. And the answer is Zoe has been sleeping in bed with her instead of me. We haven't slept together since the night before they locked me up." Jim responded feeling dense that he had asked Taylor the question about Wash.
"Oh. And, I have not been with Wash after you and I kissed. I have no intentions of leaving her just as you have no intentions of leaving your family. We need to keep this quiet."
Taylor washed his hands in the kitchen sink. "You and I being together with you being married would not go over well with my men or the colony. I am the one who is supposed to uphold the Colonial Charter Rules, even though I don't enforce every letter of it. I can't let this be known. I think all four of us understand that." Taylor's deep voice trailed off.
Taylor took a bowl of fruit out of the refrigerator as he continued. "You have another question. Just ask. I'm going to get us something to eat. Grab some wine."
Jim pulled a bottle of wine off of a stand and eyed it. It was wine from their real time. Wine was rare there and having wine from there here was even rarer. Jim had never opened a bottle like this before. He looked at the cork for a moment.
"I don't know how to open this. And sorry, but I don't know how to cook." Jim told himself that a lot of things were different here, and it would take time to adapt.
Taylor had finished rinsing off some of the fruit. "Most people from then don't. No one needs to cook there. Everything is premade and usually synthesized. Here use this to open the bottle. It screws down then pulls the sides down. It pops the cork up. Before I came here, they actually ordered me to take a cooking class. It was called Cooking in the Wild. They didn't tell me that part. I thought it would be some type of training on what to and what not to eat or how to use a med kit to determine if it was even edible. No. It was a fancy chief who taught a group of us how to use stoves and prepare meals. I had never seen a stove in real life before, but from watching ancient movies I had an idea."
"Well, I can't tell what's a fruit or vegetable. Maddy tried to explain to me something about vegetables usually have have red or purple, but if any part of them is blue you have to rinse it in cold water and cut those parts off. Something about parasite larva. She said some have to be heated for long periods of time or they are rock hard and others that you are suppose to eat cold. Didn't help much."
"You'll figure it out eventually. Here." Taylor reached out.
Jim took the strange item from Taylor and went to trying to open the wine bottle. "Has she watched you with someone before?"
Taylor knew that Jim would not be distracted by the cooking story. "No. She just likes to watch. It's one of her things." Taylor wondered if he should have told Jim that or not. "What I tell you Jim, you need to keep to yourself ok?"
"Sure. Um do you want her to watch?"
"I told her no." Taylor picked up a knife and started cutting into the first piece of what looked to be fruit.
"You told her no, but do you want her to watch?" Jim was relentless.
"I want our…first interactions to be our own." Taylor began chopping quickly and efficiently.
"But then would you want her to watch?" Jim tried to make sense of the different expressions that played on Taylor's face.
"Do you want her to watch?" Taylor countered.
Jim folded his arms, "Not gona answer me?"
Taylor chopped a few pieces slowly. "At first, no. After a while, I don't know. I honestly don't. So now answer me?"
Jim unfolded his arms. "After hearing about you tackling her from the locals, I don't know if I would want her critiquing me."
"She wouldn't be critiquing you. She would be too busy getting off herself. Would you want Elizabeth watching?" Taylor added the info about the locals talking to his list of things to deal with tomorrow.
"Definitely no. No way. Things with her are giggly and romantic, so I don't think things would mix." Jim turned pink then red with the thought of Elizabeth standing in the room watching Jim service Taylor. "She won't even talk about it let alone be in the room."
"Ok. That's settled." Taylor took a bite of one of the pieces he just cut. "How's it going with the wine bottle? Need help?"
There was something Jim needed more help with then how to get a wine bottle open.
"Taylor." The need was obvious in his voice.
Taylor stopped in mid-slice, and his eyes darted up knowing the tone. "When we are like this and completely alone down here, I don't want to be Commander Nathaniel Taylor."
Jim noticed that Taylor never put back up his role of Commander Taylor. He was just being himself and letting his feelings show on his face without the controlled facade he always shows others.
It was like a constant interrogation around him sometimes. He guessed Taylor did it so much that he was just like that, but apparently not. Not when he was alone with him.
Taylor finishes the slice and took another bite watching Jim. "This is something separate from all of that and from all of them." He waved the knife up. "I like giving people nicknames. Since you're already called by a nickname, I'll call you James. Like the other night, you call me Nathan. That can be your nickname for me if that's alright with you."
Jim nodded completely fascinated by Taylor's open expressions. He could see how much it meant to him. He closely watched the light dancing off of his electric blue eyes and was unable to move. He was captivated.
Taylor sliced another piece and stabbed it then held it out to Jim. "I'll give you whatever you need from me if it is mine to give. Mine to give not the Commanders to give. Do you understand?"
Jim found the will to speak. "Same goes for me. When I'm James, I'm James. When I am a cop, I can't be anything but a cop."
Taylor nodded once contemplating how much he could trust Jim once they were out in the colony.
Jim went to reach for the fruit with his fingers, and Taylor pulled it back.
Jim paused and when Taylor extended it again. Jim leaned forward and took it off of the blade with his teeth. He kept his eyes on the tip of the knife even after he pulled away.
"James, do you like knives?" Taylor started with his mental checklist. This item had been much lower down on the list, but the way Jim was staring at the knife. He just needed to know.
"To look at." Jim caught his meaning.
Taylor scratched it off his list.
"Dressing up while role playing?" Taylor tried for something lighter.
"Yes. I like being a cowboy, but I had to leave all my stuff there." Jim thought about his hat then about his great grandfather's pocket knife. It struck him with sadness to realize that he did not have anything from his parents or grandparents anymore. Just photos on Elizabeth's Plexpad.
Taylor was starting to feel turned on picturing Jim with his gun holster, cowboy hat and boots, but saw the expression on his face change becoming more distant. "We'll get you more stuff. I have a Carno leather vest you might like."
Jim smiled again and managed to open the wine. He glanced around deciding which wooden cabinet would have glasses when Taylor pointed over his shoulder.
"Do you like to bite or be bitten?" Taylor asked while putting the fruit in a thin stone bowl.
Jim moved behind him watching as he retrieved the glasses. "Be bitten sometimes, but not to the point of dark bruises."
"What about being tied up like when playing cops and robbers?"
"I don't like being tied up."
"Do you like to tie someone else up then?" Taylor thought about Jim's cuffs and a fun idea of role playing with them.
"No, I don't like to tie people up." Jim's face scrunched on one side.
Taylor noticed he repeated the question as part of the answer. "Is that a yes it turns you on, but you don't like the idea of it?"
"Kind of. Yes." Jim looked down pouring the wine then back up.
"What part about it do you not like?" Taylor was intrigued.
"Causing pain on purpose. My protective instincts kick in." Jim honestly answered.
"You like the idea of tying someone up, but would not want to harm them?"
"Yes, that's right." Jim took a deep breath and slid Taylor's wine glass over to him.
Taylor took the glass and bowl and went to his couch that was turned to the wall screen that still showed a daytime view of the mountains. "So you would be ok playing cops and robbers and catching me, cuffing me, but you would not want to punish me."
Jim followed and sat down noticing that the brown and black couch was made of soft leather. His mind offered a picture of a Carnotaurus. "Punish you as in hurt you on purpose? No. Pretend to catch you. Yes." Jim pondered where all this was going.
"I can work with that. Maybe, you would catch and cuff then use your powers of persuasion with your mouth to get me to tell you where I store all my loot." Taylor raised his eyebrows a couple of times and slowly put a piece of the red fruit in his mouth.
Jim thought he was being as subtle as a suspect waving the murder weapon around with blood on it yelling that he didn't know how the person ended up bloodied on the floor.
Jim smirked, "Ok, I'd say yes to that."
"If there is something that you like, but something you don't that usually goes along with it…tell me. As for me, I don't mind my wrists being tied just not over my head. Alright?"
Jim nodded, but tipped his head like he wanted to ask a question.
"Alright, so now I know that you would not mind tying me up and teasing me, and I know not to tie you up, cut you with a knife and make you beg." Taylor looked serious then smiled thinking it was funny.
Jim leaned away with a startled expression as if he were afraid.
Taylor folded his muscular arms. "That was supposed to be funny."
Jim breathed in deeply absorbing the words. Jim leaned back fully into the couch closing his eyes and belly laughed. "Oh my god, Nathan. You really scared me for a minute there. I thought you were serious about all this and that you like to be cut up with knives or that you wanted to cut me up or something crazy like that. I thought you were really into all that kind of stuff and were trying to see how far I would go."
"Say it again." Taylor smiled when he heard Jim say his nickname. He wanted to hear it again and had ignored everything else he said. Taylor leaned forward and took a sip of the white wine.
Jim turned sideways pulling his leg up on the cushion and his back rested against the arm. "You honestly scared me. You are…very physically intimidating, and the thought of you tying me up then cutting on me is…well…so not a turn on. Wait." Jim noticed the look on Taylor's face.
"For real, does that kind of thing turn you on?" Jim asked the question quickly and said it like it was almost an accusation.
"Wash can take care of it. Forget I mentioned it. But that's not what I want you to repeat, James." Taylor was not going to ask if someone shanked Jim in prison, because it was obvious the answer was yes.
Jim thought about the first part Taylor said. "Nathan."
Jim paused letting Taylor enjoy the way his voice said his nickname. "You like knives." He made it a statement and turned his own words about knives back at him.
"I like the threat of it. And vice versa. Heightens the senses. You don't like it so let it go."
"You and Wash cut on each other?" Jim asked in alarm knowing now it was not some joke.
Taylor chuckled, "Don't get all serious. We don't just cut on each other. Well, if someone gets cut, it's an accident from getting carried away or knocking over furniture. We spar with knives sometimes though and might cut each other's clothing off while doing it. Think of it as a knife strip tease. Having someone you trust with your life running the back of a blade over your skin then fucking you at knife point like they are forcing you, is wickedly hot. Taboo. Naughty. Sometimes when I feel dark or she does things go too far, though."
Jim's jaw dropped as he pictured Wash and Taylor sparing with knives, cutting off each other's clothing as foreplay then a naked Wash climbing on him while holding a knife to him taking what she wanted from him and him liking it.
"Do you ever do that to her?" Jim asked while thinking that he would never even pretend to force Elizabeth to do something she wanted to do. He knew it would freak her out, and he would feel bad like he did something to hurt her.
"No. I'm usually the one that likes to be threatened with a knife, and she is the one that likes to pretend to force me and win. It's usually a game with her. And don't worry, I wouldn't ask any of that from you. Wash and I are…volatile to put it nicely. It's normal for us."
"Her pretending to attack you that way is normal for you." Jim felt angry and did not fully understand why, but focused on getting answers.
Taylor set the bowel down and stood to his feet. He paced back and forth a few times in front of the wall screen. "For us yes. For you and I, no. It can be separate."
"What do you want from me?" Jim's voice was cautious, and Taylor noticed that Jim had already set the wine glass down to keep his hands free. Jim was sitting on the edge of the couch instead of relaxing into it.
"What do I want from you?" Taylor wondered if Jim had asked his ex that same thing. Taylor believed that Jim's ex was a true sadist and hurt people for the fun of it not for a mutual game and gratification session.
Taylor stopped pacing and clasped his hands in front of him knowing now talking about rough sex with Jim was a bad idea. "Your time, thoughts, body, company…the usual. You do know I'm not him. Right?"
"I know that." Jim spoke harshly and blinked a few times wondering if he did know that or not. A struggle showed on his face as he tried to clear his mind.
His cop curiosity took over and dozens of questions ran threw his mind. "You said sometimes you get carried away or go too far. How does it work?"
Taylor watched Jim peering past him into the holo-trees. "If I don't give in a little here and there then it builds and builds till…well…it gets bad. I end up with furniture."
Jim smirked. "Furniture?"
"My desk. That couch." Taylor lifted his hands that were clasped toward Jim then back down.
Jim remembered the Carno skull desk and moved his hand on the couch's texture. "Killed it?"
"By myself. Bloody mess. It was terrorizing an outpost and needed to be put down anyway. Bastard almost killed me. Some of the reason why I hate Carnos. Wash found me butchering the body."
"Butchering?" Jim asked quietly.
"They make a good steak. We have also started using their hides for boots, gun holsters, furniture, clothes and some ladies have started making decorations with their teeth. You can use the talons to make knives. The scientists say some gland secretes a substance they use for pain killers." Taylor unfolded his hands, put them on his hips and stepped out from in front of the screen.
"Branson in Agriculture told me that the military units don't just go out killing dinos, but wait till they find dead bodies then harvest what's needed. He said they try to find a use for everything. Called it the Native American Approach. But, this one needed to be killed. I get it." Jim spoke firmly.
"Yes, killed our last doc who was out there researching some plant. It's some of the reason why we needed Elizabeth. And, why I started enforcing the rule that the main doc can't go out in the field doing research."
Jim thought that would make Elizabeth safer and appreciated it.
"So, yes it needed to be killed, but I needed to kill it. I told Wash to have the guys bring the head back. I made my desk." Taylor saw that Jim kept looking hopeful. "It's a reminder. I can't just ignore it."
"What does it say?" Jim leaned forward waiting for the words. "I saw something like Latin on the skull."
Taylor's deep voice slowly spoke each word with reverence. "The butterfly glyph has bones for its wings."
Jim felt confused. "I um think I heard Zoe say once that butterflies don't have bones."
"Yes, that's true."
"I don't get it. What does it mean?"
"What it says."
"Ok. A glyph is a symbol and someone used bones to make a symbol look like a butterfly?"
"Yes."
"And you put that on the skull?"
"Yes." Taylor's voice was quiet and deep.
"That doesn't make any sense to me."
"I know." Taylor knew it would only make sense to a very select group of individuals and doubted if anyone else in Terra Nova knew what it meant even Wash.
Jim could not believe he was about to ask the next question, but he did it anyway especially with the whole butterfly thing. "With all the pressures of being in Narcotics, we needed someone to talk to about what was going on with us. I had to kill a suspect in the line of duty. Self defense. They ordered therapy and a psych review. It helped. Have you tried therapy?"
"Oh yes. Hi Dr. Nose-In-My-Business if I go too long without rough sex, then I need to kill things. Yes, I sometimes like very rough sex with knives or bondage. It turns me on, but I'm fine the rest of the time. Can you fix me? No. He would most likely start asking questions about who I've slept with here or try that anger management bullshit. It would get all around the colony. Mira might ask me about it next time we have a chat. Maybe I could ask your wife for some medicine to help me with my violent urges. No thank you. My violent urges are what usually keep me alive. Besides. I don't think it would help. I'm not sure I would want it to now that I know how to keep things less extreme."
"You could try cutting back." Jim squinted a moment thinking he should have used a different word.
"Yes, and I could try talking a Carno to death. Don't mean its gona work. If I told you that I thought you being attracted to women was wrong and you needed therapy to stop, would you go to therapy?"
"Of course not." Jim answered before he thought about it.
"Right. You haven't been with her since you got out have you?"
Jim responded quickly. "You know I haven't."
"Going without. Did it make you stop wanting her? Did it make the need go away? Did it make you immune to her charms?
He shook his head no.
"Makes you maybe want her more. Might make you grabbier when it does happen. Same thing. Do you understand it's the same thing?"
"No it's not. I just can't get my mind around your liking things that extreme. There has to be some way to help you so that you would be more normal." Taylor liking things violent sometimes made Jim think too much about his ex who destroyed his life, and he did not want to think of Taylor that way. He knew mentioning therapy to Taylor was something he had wanted to say to his ex.
Jim pressed his lips together finally knowing that it was the dumbest thing he had ever said for very selfish reasons. "I didn't mean that."
"Yes you did." Taylor raised his eyebrows and looked down a moment. "I know you just want me to not cut you up with knives or to ask you to do that to me. You don't have to worry. I won't. I might get a little aggressive like when we were OTG and I ran the Slasher off, but I won't really harm you. Besides, I'll just go see Wash when I get that way. Feed the demon and he leaves you alone for a while. Doesn't mean I like what we do any less. It's just different. Just like you don't want your wife any less. With her it's different. Different types of needs. Same thing."
Jim's mind kept racing. He was attracted to the danger that is Taylor, but he did not want to really be hurt by him. He also wanted the darkness that was plaguing Taylor to be banished. He had enough of his own darkness to know that it damages you even if you try to manage it. He could just not let it go. He wanted to find a way to help him.
Taylor saw that and knew he had to give him an answer that would make sense. He would have to tell him what happened to him if Jim was going to understand. "I want you to understand. I told you about being captured once when they messed with my mind. I…I didn't tell you about the time before that when I was younger. Its part of why I am the way I am."
"You don't have to explain. I over reacted. I liked the way you were OTG when you grabbed my jaw and held me still. I'm just not all myself yet. Over time, I'm sure this won't be an issue, but for now I guess it is. I want you to be ok." Jim admitted reluctantly.
"I am ok." Taylor paused taking a deep breath. "You just got out of…that place. You're getting to know your family again. I want you to understand me as well." Taylor contemplated waiting to talk to Jim about the issue, but decided it might go better to get it over with now like the other talk.
Jim shrugged his shoulders. "It's all a little much. Clean air, back with my family again, on the job again instead of being a criminal, dinosaurs, time travel, just getting out of that place where I couldn't breathe, a new…" Jim was not sure what to call Taylor, "guy friend and one who might like things a little more out there then me, and said guy is the illustrious Commander Taylor. Yes, it's a lot."
"We should be taking this slower, but I want to explain." Jim watched Taylor's eyes harden as he continued. "The things they did to me while they force me to do things against my will like harming someone messed with my mind. I told you I was fucked up, but since you don't have any shoes on to drop I guess I'm safe to tell you a story right?"
Jim remembered their conversation about the other shoe dropping and wiggled his toes in his new pair of boots. "Right."
Jim sat back all the way on the couch and watched Taylor.
Taylor's eyes seemed to lose focus as he looked down. "I was in a tank of water with a button on the side. Once it filled up, I would stay submerged with no air till I pressed the button."
Jim waited wondering what the catch was because pressing a button did not sound like something hard to do to get air. He would have loved to have a button to press when he was trapped in his cell.
"I knew that when I pressed the button that a woman on the other side of the glass would be electrocuted. I would hold my breath as long as I could to try to give her time to recover from each shock. At first, when I pressed the button it did not shock her much and all the water would drain out. Over time they shocked her longer and only half of the water would drain."
Jim could see where this was going. "Taylor?"
"It got to the point where the water would only come down enough for me to get a couple of breaths before it was full again. I looked into her eyes and held my breath. I beat on the hatch trying to get out. Her eyes were wide and filled with terror knowing I would have to press the button soon. I did. And they shocked her with a much stronger setting. That happened a few times till it killed her."
Taylor became quiet and stared over Jim's head into the kitchen. " I killed her saving myself. I will never forgive myself for that. I promised once I got out that I would kill them all…that they would never hurt anyone ever again because they would be dead. I promised her dead body that. I promised her retribution. And I fulfilled that promise."
Jim remembered to breathe. Now he knew why when they were together a couple of nights ago that Taylor said that his ex needed to be killed or he would torture someone else and have them killed. Now he knew why Taylor would not flinch if he believed someone needed to be put down like a dino on a killing rampage. "Taylor…Nathan, you don't have to justify yourself to me."
"I'm not. I'm just telling you why. Make of it what you will." Taylor clasped his hands again.
"Before I got free and killed every last one of those sick fucks, they dragged me to another room straight out of the tank. You see, once I knew she was dead I just held the button down. They tied me on by back onto a table and brought a woman in and shackled her ankle to a chain that was attached to the wall."
Jim stood up stepping closer to Taylor knowing he did not want to know any more. He had heard in school and in the news what types of things had been done to combatants during the wars and he just did not want to know at this point. Knowing now just a little of what the other man had endured during his life, Jim felt that is psycho ex and prison experience did not even closely compare. "Nathan. I think maybe we should get something else to eat. I'm not use to real wine."
Taylor locked eyes with him and Jim relented with a nod. "They told her that she had to take a knife and stab me when a light over the bed turned green or they would electrocute her. They used some type of a hand device and shot metal nodes into her body. The next woman was brought in completely naked. They hold her to…well…climb on me and get me off while the other stabbed me. They told her if she did not succeed then they would give her to the guards for a few days. I called the guys in white masks various names as you can imagine. Then they left us alone in the white room. I didn't doubt the sick bastards were watching on monitors. The naked girl had long brown hair and she walked over as if afraid of me even though I was tied to the table with my hands over my head."
Taylor stopped talking a few moments and inspected his hands. "She kind of looked like Wash and I think they did that on purpose. They would mess with your mind any way they could. She said she wouldn't rape me, which scared the hell out of me because I had just watched the last girl die from electrocution because of me. I told her I was willing if she was. I didn't think that was the reaction those bastards planned for, so I took a sick pleasure in disappointing them. I thought they wanted the girl to not stab me and me to reject the other girl and not get off so they could punish them."
"I had no idea at the time that they wanted me to like it instead of cussing at her telling her to keep away from me. When she started, the light turned green and the blond one held out the knife, shaking. I told her to go ahead that I could take it. She made a little cut then they shocked her. Her whole body jerked, and she dropped the knife when it stopped. They shocked her again when the brunet went to get off of me. We stayed in place and the blond got up with the knife. She was bleeding from one of her ears. I yelled at her to stab me when the light flashed again. The knife went half way in and they didn't shock her."
Taylor pulled his sleeve up to uncover his arm and shoulder then shifted to show the back of his arm.
Jim leaned forward and barley made out healed scars. If he wasn't looking for it so closely he would not have seen it. He ran a finger tip over several light white lines on his arm he had never seen before. He knew from things his wife had done for him that Taylor had several procedures to remove the scar tissue.
"It was a small blade but it cut through my wet skin like butter. Blood drained down my arms. She told the brunette to hurry and held her hands over the stab wounds knowing the sooner I got off the sooner it would all be over. It's hard getting off with someone stabbing you. So, she did anything she could to try to keep my interest off of the blade that was stabbing down into my arms. They put a lot of effort into it and the brunette kept telling me to look at her. Her getting there is what finally helped me get there, and then the light stopped turning green."
Jim almost said he was sorry it happened, but thought it might make Taylor think he felt sorry for him not sorry it happened. In the quiet, Jim had no idea what to say or do, so he did nothing.
"The girl with the knife, who I remembered later was Christina, was crying telling me how sorry she was, while she kept pressing down on the wounds trying to stop the bleeding. I told her not to feel sorry that I kind of liked it obviously. She glanced at my lap then laughed even while still crying. They were trying to break her too."
"Even laying there bloodied I tried to make them feel ok about what was happening. Then the men came in dressed in all white with face masks, so I couldn't know who they were. They took them out, healed me then dropped me into a cell that had a foot of standing water in it. The same thing was repeated twice a day every day for a week. Then they started turning the lights on and off at different times and feeding me the same type of food till I had no idea when one day ended and the next began. One day, they flashed the light green before the brunette even started on me and Christina stabbed me. I…felt my body react…favorably." Taylor glanced down as if ashamed.
Jim understood now, and he desperately wanted Taylor to stop. He was the one that suggested talking and therapy, but knew he would not know the right things to say. He had never heard the Commander talk so much and cursed himself internally for every time he wished the Commander would open up or talk more. He knew he would never encourage it again. Ever. If Taylor kept quiet, he told himself he would think of it as a good thing. When Taylor said to drop something, he would.
"The brunette stepped back with a smile and nodded to the other side of the room. She said again. The light flashed green. That was when I knew she was in on it. Christie started cussing at the brunette then got shocked. I told her to stab me. She did. The brunette said again and the light flashed."
Taylor grinned. "Christina had balls. Instead of stabbing me, she gave me the knife. I used it to cut the rope on my wrists. They shocked her again…bad, but I broke free and got my feet free. I took the knife, held it to the brunette, and told them to stop shocking her or I would kill the brunette. They stopped."
The sinister smile got wider. "Didn't know it at the time, but she was high up in their ranks and had volunteered for this one when they asked for brunettes. Don't know why. I had her by the neck and cut her once so they would know I was serious. I cut her thinking of the other woman crying at having to stab me then being electrocuted knowing it messed with her mind. I…I kind of liked cutting her neck. It barely bled. I liked taking control of her as much as I started liking being cut. It's sick."
Jim nodded his head yes. "One of the guys I told you about when I was undercover and they were smuggling drugs and children…I may have slammed his head into the pavement a couple of extra times when it was not really not needed to apprehend him. I'm not saying I fully know how it felt for you, but I get the idea."
Taylor nodded back. "It. Changed me. After. I started to need those things. Darker things. Periodically, I need things more…intense." Taylor paused thinking of the day Jim fell off of the fence and then was ok. Wash had come to him and he stalked after her into the Command Center and cut her clothing off of her. "Things that I hide from others and would deny to anyone but you and Wash. She helps me with that issue. You don't need to be a part of it. Just like I don't need to be a part of your happy giggly interactions with your wife. Do you understand?"
Jim felt a little leery of the situation now that he could see in Taylor's eyes that the man did truly need those types of things now and then. There would be no Taylor getting over it. He had no idea how far Taylor would take things but, Taylor was saying he did not need those types of things from him.
Jim responded, "Violence turns me off. It usually puts me in cop mode. You're experience caused the opposite reaction. Ok, I get it."
Taylor noticed Jim said Ok so that meant he was dealing with it, but did not like it. Taylor reinforced inside himself that he would have to maintain control of himself if he had any of those urges around Jim. The problem was that when he was around Jim he felt a fire burning inside that said nothing was more important than stripping Jim and the both of them aggressively taking what they needed. He guessed it was alright, but he would have to make sure he did not push Jim's boundaries.
Taylor watched several things dance around in Jim's eyes. "What? Just say it even if it sounds bad. Trust me. I can take it."
Jim remembered that was just about what he told the woman with the knife that he could take it. He wondered how many times he allowed himself to be wounded physically or emotionally because it would help someone around him. He didn't like that thought and knew that most people would not even know he was doing it. "Like I said before, I like the way you were when we were OTG. Aggressive without actually hurting me. Part of me doesn't want you to go see her just because I can't handle it."
"I don't want you to handle it. She likes it, so I don't see the problem."
Jim tried to push the jealousy aside and realized he understood the feelings behind something he had heard women say before. Sometimes you just want to feel special. He knew he couldn't say it out loud so he settled for what might work. "I want you to come to me when you need something."
Taylor replied with his deep gravel voice. "Trust me I will. Come. To you when I. Neeeeed. Something."
Jim smiled telling himself the joke that Taylor was back to being subtle again. His slate blue eyes glinted in the light. "So you go to your woman when you need dark and scary then I go to my women when I need light and bubbly is that it?"
"Sounds good to me." Taylor watched the look of happy triumph on Jim's face and hoped that the talk was over. It was the same expression Jim had when he cleaned the vines off of the wall and straddled the top smiling in the sunlight. Taylor smiled back at Jim now wondering if the happiness shining on Jim's face would release some of the darkness within himself.
"How did you get out?" Jim knew if he did not ask now they probably would not talk about it again.
"I threatened to kill the bitch till we got to a com room and contacted my men. It was an underground lab facility. We were evening entertainment, you see. They took bets on who would live and who would succumb to their training. Like a reality game show. I kept them talking giving info till my guys were able to lock onto the com signal." Taylor responded in dead pan.
"Did you kill her?" Taylor watched Jim's cop eyes rove over his face looking for the answer.
"You already know the answer." Taylor felt hope because Jim said kill not murder.
Jim put his hands on his hips and closed his eyes. He now had way more information then he wanted. He knew that Taylor wanted him and Wash. He also understood that several things had happened in Taylor's past that would have easily killed lesser men or made them lose their minds. He believed that Taylor found a way to deal with it all. Knowing that he had his own issues with a crazy ex and what happened to him the last 2 years made him wonder if they had a chance to resemble something near normal.
Jim let out a low growling moan wishing he could restart time and reenter the underground home. He vowed this time he would let it go when Taylor asks. "I'm so fucked up. Can we start this night over again?"
Taylor knew Jim was really struggling with everything. "I tell you about my darker urges and your response is that you are the one that's messed up?"
"When you told me to drop it, I should have." Jim opened his eyes, which shone with raw pain.
Taylor tipped his head down with a slight smile, "Better not be dropping anything even if I tell you too."
Jim blinked unknowing for a few moments before he remembered their conversation about the other shoe dropping. A smile threatened to match Taylor's as his mood lightened.
Taylor's blood had started pumping faster since Jim's throaty grown a minute ago. Jim was a tall muscular man, and Taylor longed to experience Jim's aggressive side. He wanted to hear him growl again, but would settle for a good groan at this point.
Taylor pictured them wrapped around one another…licking…grinding…heat pulsing on their skin as they roughly explored each other. He flexed his hands picturing his hands gripping Jim and running his teeth over his sweaty flesh. He could almost hear Jim's gasps for air before Jim sank his teeth into Taylor's shoulder out of hunger for more. He wanted that physical feeling of another who matches you in strength choosing you and holding onto you then claiming you with every part of their body and vice versa.
Taylor thought. He's mine and standing right there. We're alone. Nothing is stopping us from exploring each other. Too much damn talking.
Taylor pictured raking his teeth across Jim's neck and biting down like a chew toy then sucking while feeling his frantic pulse under his tongue.
He realized that his darker urges were still there and now his heart was pounding even faster with anticipation. Taylor tried to slow his breathing while he walked around the room. He put their empty glasses in the kitchen while trying to distract himself.
He now told himself he would save that for Wash, who liked to give as much as she could take. She even scared him sometimes with her ferocity. It was why they worked so well together. That and they were each other's closest trusted ally. It had been the only way he had finally told her about his needs, because he trusted her so fully. They depended on each other for more than just their lives. They depended on each other for their sanity.
Taylor's face softened as his eyes sought out and lingered on the two lines that marked Jim's lower lip. "We should slow things down and call it a night."
Jim smiled, but did not know what to do next after Taylor had so completely divulged secrets to him about his torture and now acting like nothing had happened earlier.
Jim decided to just go with it, "Alright, Nathan. But first, I want to tell you something. You want to know what I like. I like your strong arms. I like them wrapped around me. I like your fingers running lightly over my skin. It caused uncontrollable shivers the other day. I've never felt that exact sensation before. It continued as long as you were touching me on my back and ribs. Sometimes it felt like too much then you would stop a moment."
Taylor absorbed Jim's words and expressions as his own knowing smile smirked to one side.
Jim stepped closer. "I like the feel of you in my mouth, the sounds you make when I touch you, the way you growl deep in your chest when you need me, your warm breath on my neck, and the way you grab my ass. I like the way you take care of me, the way we lay together in bed like nothing else is more important, and how you listen to me. I dream about the way you're watching me now like you want to attack me, but you're holding back some as not to really hurt me."
Taylor's eyes were half open picturing everything, "Mmmmm. I remember something almost exactly like that. And, I think we should focus on you more."
"Well, I liked when we were OTG in those large leaves when you grabbed onto me and gripped my jaw. Something about that was…exciting and almost scary."
A broad smile broke out on Taylor's, "You don't want to be hurt, but you like that I kind of scare you?"
"No. You don't scare me. I said almost." Jim wondered if he had just lied to Taylor.
"No?"
Jim turned his focus within then let out a deep breath in defeat. "Yes. I guess you're right. I like that you could, but don't. I like your pent up strength, your growling, your grabbing, and your desire…want for me taking you over. Feeling you're a hungry predator, but that I'm safe."
"You like to see that part of me, but don't want to experience it." Taylor stated it as a fact wondering if they were going back to the older topic again.
"Yes. Maybe you could let it out a little, but not."
"I don't think that's such a good idea James. I might push it a little too far for you and hurt you. Remember, I'm supposed to be careful and we are supposed to be calling it a night."
"Can you try?" Jim asked hopeful. Jim did truly like Taylor's animalistic side, but did not want to be actually harmed by it.
"Well, we should probably wait a day or so and set up some boundaries for me walking the line with you." Taylor braced his hands on the counter behind him and leaned back against it. He knew now that being with Jim was going to be a sweet torture that would push his limits of control over himself when he had gone too long without letting out his beast.
For now, Taylor had no idea what would be too much or not enough for Jim. Taylor had more of an on and off switch, but was not sure how to walk in between. It was just like with is emotions. If he felt anger, it was with extreme prejudice. If he felt love, it was to the death. He had no middle ground in anything in his life. He could be sweet or savage, not both at the same time.
Jim stepped forward again then ran his hand over Taylor's hard length that was straining against his pants. "Forget about what I said earlier. You don't have to be too careful with me. Just don't hack off one of my arms and I'll be ok."
"I don't want you to just be ok. I want to be careful with you. The way I feel right now, there is no way I could be anything remotely resembling careful. You've had enough shit to deal with and don't need this. So until we set up some boundaries, when I'm like this, I go to Wash and take care of it. We should stop for now."
Taylor took several deep breaths and removed Jim's hand from his pants. It was one of the most difficult things he had done since entering Terra Nova. It took every ounce of his strength and will to force his own hand to remove Jim's. He told himself he was stopping Jim because Jim might just be trying to please him by saying it was ok to not be careful.
Jim almost pouted. "Now, who's over reacting? You're acting like I'm easily breakable. On the job, I've been hurt a lot. I can take pain. It just doesn't turn me on like that."
"I watched you fall off of the exterior wall when you were almost to the top. You stood up chatted with some people and went right back to work. I know you're not a delicate flower. On some level you like the danger. You want me to attack you. You would like the illusion of it not the reality of it, and I can't do that right now. I just want to be calmer, so I can try to walk the middle ground. Ok James?"
Jim nodded. "Ok."
Taylor mentally bashed himself knowing he should have visited Wash last night, so he would not be so on edge. As it was, his hands were almost trembling with desire to grab, to claim, to control. His muscles kept flexing on their own as if he was going to reach for him.
"How about tomorrow we meet again and take things slow and exchange safe words. If I send you home all bruised, Elizabeth with have that talk with me again about being careful with you. You'll have to help me walk the line at first till I know where it is with you kind of like when you pressed with your teeth to let me know it was too much. We need to talk about his more later. The way I feel now, that would most likely push me over the edge. We need a larger list of does and don't. I need to know the boundaries, because I can't stand that look on your face when I actually scare you. You looked at me like I was going to gut you before you started laughing."
"Safe word hu?" Jim prompted.
Taylor shifted his stance contemplating that Jim only seemed to focus on that one thing. "Yes, mine's pink."
"Why pink?" Jim barely got the words out as he was trying not to laugh.
"Think about it. When have you ever heard me say that word? And if you heard me say it wouldn't you pause whatever you were doing?"
"Good point. See, we don't need lists." Jim protested because he started feeling stupid again. He felt like a green vanilla teenager. He could not even count the number of times men and women had followed Taylor with their eyes wondering how the dominate male performed in bed and how aggressive he would be. Women practically fainted when he growled or single handedly killed a dino. Jim questioned himself as to why should he be surprised that the Commander is forceful and dangerous in bed at times. It was part of Taylor's sensual magnetism.
Jim lowered his head wondering why things have to be so complicated. He pondered why he had to ruin what would have been a hot night by acting like Taylor was a freak and suggesting therapy.
"Maybe, I'm the one that needs the lists. People I was with before…I forced myself to be the tamest version of myself all the time. It drove me mad having to hide myself that way knowing if they found out they would think I was crazy. Then there was Wash. She has no boundaries. Hell, she pushes mine. And, I didn't even think I had any to be pushed. I've been with her enough that once I take care of my darker needs then I am relatively normal for a week or two before it starts again. If I go to her as soon as it starts, it's not that bad. I've just waited too long. It's no big deal."
Jim was starting to feel jealousy toward Wash again, but told himself it was stupid because he himself has a woman.
Jim thought to himself. Taylor can go all caveman with Wash, but needs to restrain himself to sleep with me. Well great.
Jim gazed down at the floor even more knowing that if he had not been so messed up by his ex and prison that this would not even be an issue. His wife ignored anything changed and now in his new relationship with Taylor, the other man had to tiptoe around him.
Jim told himself he could deal with it. He could try to deal with it anyway. He would cause Taylor to lose control and besides he reminded himself that Wash liked it and obviously lives through it without any broken bones, so it can't be that bad. He would just have to remind himself if things get rough that Taylor would not kill him. They would use safe words.
"Ok, let's go and we will meet back here tomorrow around…"
Taylor lost his concentration and his voice as he gasped in air when Jim kneeled down and ran his mouth and teeth over the fabric of his pants where his hard shaft was trapped. Every fiber of Taylor's body yelled at him to grab Jim and do with him exactly as he pleased, but his mind warred back with his body to hold still. He didn't want to really scare Jim to death again.
Taylor's eyes and voice were a wild tempest of frustration and hunger. "We should wait."
Jim stood up, undid Taylor's pants, and slid his hand inside gripping his heated hardness tightly, "Nathan. Please. It's later. I'm yours."
Taylor remembered Jim's promise the last time they were in bed together that when Jim told him it was 'later' that he could have full reign over Jim's body and do with him as he pleased. Taylor's self control waned under the onslaught of Jim's hand that securely gripped him and the heated tones in his voice.
It completely broke when Jim panted, "I want you."
Taylor's energy exploded into action as he bodily spun Jim around and slammed him into a wall knocking the air from Jim's lungs. Jim's brain had not even registered what had happened till he felt the grip of Taylor's hand around his neck moving his head to the side.
Jim moaned out. "Yes." He was completely lost in the onslaught of Taylor's body pressing firmly against him. He struggled just enough to feel Taylor hold him in place. Jim admitted to himself that it felt even better than when they were OTG. The sensations of pain he felt somehow translated as Taylor's raw desire for him.
Taylor had his entire body grinding against Jim when he stopped himself from biting down fully on Jim's neck. Taylor pulled his teeth back afraid he tasted blood and growled in his ear, "What are you doing? What part of we should wait did you misunderstand?"
He managed to still his body as he released is grip from Jim's neck. The desire to consume Jim was just vibrating under the surface as Taylor put a hand to the wall and pushed himself away because he could not make himself step back otherwise. It was torture to let go. Torment to step away.
Once there was some distance, Jim turned around holding his neck still gasping for air. "All of it. Sorry."
The muscles in Taylor's body flexed as if he was going to move back to Jim, so Taylor forced himself to take another step back, "Don't apologize. You're the one with the teeth marks on your neck. Damnation!"
Jim's hand slid down his own neck feeling the moisture as he watched Taylor lick a smear of blood off of his own bottom lip. Adrenalin and endorphins raced in Jim's body, and he felt a sudden urge to go back to Taylor and tell him to continue. He admitted to himself that his body reacted favorably to Taylor's rough handling. He wondered why it felt unexpected and remembered Taylor's treatment of him when they were OTG. Now, he wished he could erase the conversation they just had. To offer surrender. To beg.
"Don't you dare!" Taylor saw the expression and spoke before Jim had time to act. After slowly backing up again, Taylor pointed behind Jim.
Jim followed the direction and picked up the med kit, started healing his neck and finished up on his bruised rib.
"Elizabeth is going to be upset with me now." Taylor ran a hand over his facial hair trying to calm himself down, but he had Jim's sent on his body now. It was as if he was surrounded by warm hot temptation.
"I'm not going to tell her." Jim put away the med kit still aching from the lack of Taylor's muscles pinning him to the wall.
Taylor surveyed him and did not see any signs of what happened. "She'll know anyway."
Taylor's blank military face snapped into place when he picked up his com, "Wash?"
"Yes, Sir."
"ETA to ComCen?"
"Already there, Sir."
Jim and Taylor looked up at the ceiling.
Jim spoke, "Sound proof right?"
Taylor nodded yes before responding over his com, "Copy that."
Both men climbed out to find Wash standing on the rail above them watching with a knowing eyebrow raised.
Taylor kept his distance, "Tell Elizabeth I said I will try to be more careful. See you tomorrow…if she lets you out to play."
Jim nodded feeling disappointed and knew Wash's eyes were on him, "Tomorrow."
A/N: When I typed the words that Taylor ends up with furniture I almost died laughing. Ohhhh getting furniture sounds so scary. LOL! Yes, as in hunt you down, rip off your head, and use it as furniture. I wanted to explain in this chapter the beginning of the story where Taylor cuts Wash's clothing off of her and does a Taylor Tackle. I also wanted Jim to not really like it and for Elizabeth to definitely not like it. I wanted someone to be more extreme than Taylor and no one but the strong and resilient Wash fit the bill. I then wanted Jim to come around and get into the grit of why Jim and Taylor are so tormented. These kind of characters have to have darker secrets.
I like to feel the angst and the torment of it all then having the other person accept you for who you are not what they want you to be. I like the healing after the storm. Ok, next chapter can go back into the light. And, I had to use Fringe for the Carno skull text. It has a meaning. I type this story mainly for myself because I have to get the feelings from my head out into words, but I like to hear what people think.
Thank you to everyone who left reviews and gave me feedback. FanFic showed thousands of people read the entire fic, and I would love to know more about what you think. Your comments feed the plot dinos. Please give me your thoughts. I'm already on page 6 of the next chapter. Can anyone say glow in the dark paint?
