Sevasey Drabbles

Strong

Severide watched as Hallie left the hospital room, his eyes landed back on Casey's bed when the door closed. "She hates me," he announced with a sigh, "She has every right to… so do you."

"I don't hate you," Casey replied tiredly, "Hals doesn't either."

"You should."

"Can we not talk about it." Casey cast his gaze to the window. "Please."

"I should have been the one who…"

"Kelly stop." He faced him, "I pushed you out the way. My choice. I'd do it again."

"How can you say that?" Severide questioned, distressed now.

"Please stop trying to blame yourself. Just stop it. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. It just happened. It just happened, ok?" his words were slow, he sounded almost breathless. "If it had been the other way around, if you were lying in this hospital bed right now would you be blaming me?"

"No, of course not, I…"

"Look, I really don't want to talk about it, I still have limited coherent hours as it is, don't want to spend my time with you like this," he explained quietly.

"I just…" Severide's voice cracked, "I don't know what to do."

"Do anything but blame yourself, all right?" he smiled. "If you want to do something productive you can go and install a ramp at my place 'cause I really don't intend on being stuck in this room forever…" His face fell at the idea.

"Physio will help, you're the strongest person I know, you'll walk again," Severide spoke softly now.

"Complete T4 spinal cord injury," he reminded Severide with a wry smile, "I think my walking life is over."

"But you had surgery?" Severide frowned, trying to remember what Hallie had said it was for but he'd barely taken in anything she'd said, too worried about the outcome, too worried about Casey to focus on her words.

"To remove the fractured vertebrae and fuse my spine," he said quietly, he tired easily, he was in no pain at least, but as he explained he couldn't help but be overwhelmed by a rush of emotions. He'd been trying to be strong for Hallie, for everyone, but now over a week since the accident, a week since the surgery, he felt like he was barely holding it together. He could feel the tears brimming. "Do you mind? Can I have some privacy?"

"Matt, I'm here for you, if you want to talk, want me to do absolutely anything for you, or Hallie, or just anything, you gotta let me know, ok? And that offer's not out of guilt or anything I just… I just… you're my best friend Matt, I want to help."

Casey looked away for a moment before he spoke up, "You can pass me a tissue." He turned back and Severide could see the tear tracks. "I don't want Hallie to see," he told Severide.

Severide just nodded as he placed a tissue into Casey's weak grip, he watched for a short while as Casey tried to tighten his grip on the thin sheet and move his hand up to his face but it was all too much to bear. "Here," Severide smiled, "Let me." He took the tissue from Casey's hand and gently wiped away the tears.

"Thank you."

"You'll always be the strong one, Matt."

That made him smile. "Yeah? You just witnessed me failing to hold a tissue. Can barely move my arms yet."

"Yet." Severide smiled back at him when he heard that word, that positive word. "And you know, strong isn't always physical."