OMG i am so very very very very sorry! I cannot believe i havent updated in so long! I am such a horrible human being! You may all sacrifice me to the devil if you wish! crowley you may take my soul!

seriously though i am truly sorry for not updating until now! i am not going to blame school or anything like that because i couls have updated plently of times before! i am so sorry! blah im horrible!

ANyway! here it is! Chapter 8 :)

I apologize for it being so short as well... once again you may hurt me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing... nothing Hetalia is not mine and never will be... I dont own any of the characters!

Well please enjoy!

Love you all!


Chapter: 8

"I'm not going to kill myself."

A blank look was all he received. Matthew sighed, shaking his head as he glared at the worn carpet. With a thought he perked up, he would have to try a different tactic.

"...Dad..." the blonde suppressed a smug grin as he watched the elder blonde stiffen. Matthew remembered fighting tooth and nail when he was younger, refusing to call the once all ruling empire his father. Arthur would try time and time again to get him to say father, dad... he even got so desperate once he said he could call him his Mon pere. So he took joy in watching his father turn and look at him with wide emerald eyes. "Daddy... I promise. I won't do anything, it's only a shower. I would like to wash some of this grim from my body. A sponge bath from Gilbert can only do so much."

"Prussia sponge bathed you? Never mind... Matthew you are aloud to have a shower... i just have to be in the bathroom with you. Like old times." Arthur smiled and reached his hand out to grab Matthew's thin pale ones. "I don't want to lose you again... I can't have my heart broken anymore... magic can only temporarily help but not fix a broken heart."

Guilt clouded Matthew's eyes as he gazed down at their entwined hands. Resigning his fate Matthew sighed.

"Fine... but you can't help me bath.. you will sit near the door... I don't want my dad watching me bathe."

The smile that transformed Arthur's worn face raised one of Matthew's own... which he instantly stifled.

"Okay!"

Matthew watched in bemusement as Arthur sprang towards the bathroom and he had to bite his lip in order to silence the chuckle that almost tumbled past his lips as Arthur let the bathroom door bounce off the wall in his excitement. Being so close to his father figure was proving difficult. Matthew didn't want to feel the emotions he was feeling. They were suppose to be wedged deep into his soul...yet being so close to the people he used to love so desperately was resulting in the 'old' Matthew to surface... and he wasn't about to let that happen. Not even ten minutes later Arthur came bounding out of the bathroom as if he was a playful puppy, a look of adoration across his face. Emerald eyes glowing in happiness.

"I made a bath for you! Since you can't yet stand on your own."

"Thank you Dad... can you help me to the bathroom?"

"Of course my boy!"

Matthew watched as Arthur scuttled closer to him. He raised his arms like a child reaching to be picked up and Arthur complied with a warm smile on his face. Matthew could almost see the nostalgic memories that passed through Arthur's eyes.

England didn't so much as grunt as he picked Matthew up, wrapping one of the boy's limp arms around his shoulders and taking a firm grip of his waist. He half carried half dragged Matthew's skeletal form towards the bathroom, once inside he gently sat the younger man on the seat of the toilet and reached for his shirt, making eye contact for consent. With a small nod from Matthew, Arthur began undressing him, memories from his younger years assaulting his brain. He remembered doing this with the two boys when they were no more then colonies. And it brought a small smile to his face as Matthew watched him go about it. Once that task was finish, he fought the urge to openly gape at his son. It was frightening just how thin Matthew was... and thin was putting it nicely... Matthew was the description of a walking skeleton. There was no way he could possibly be alive right now... he looked like he weighed 25 kilograms. That was the weight of an average 6 year old. And it broke his heart to see his son like this.

Bending, Arthur easily lifted Matthew up and gently placed him into the tub and then stood awkwardly by the tubs side.

"You may leave now..."

The older blonde was silent... not wanting to speak his mind but to worried to not.

Catching on the elders thoughts, Matthew smiled up at his father figure.

"Dad... I am not going to drown myself. I promise."

"Matthew..."

"Please... trust me..."

"Matthew... I really wish I could." A laugh followed Arthur's comment as Matthew's chuckles turned into a coughing fit and he splashed water around as he clutched at his chest. Once his coughing stopped Matthew smiled up at the surprised and worried blonde.

"I have to give you that!" The smile didn't reach Matthew's eyes as he glanced at the dirty water that once was clean before he tainted it with his presence. "I understand... I just really don't want you to see me clean myself... it won't be pleasant! Since you know... I have to wash the skin that is sitting in between my ribs and it's too painful if someone else does it because they will probably put to much pressure on my bones and since they are very brittle they would probably break them. So... if you would like to watch me I guess you may watch me bathe."

A haunted look had passed over Arthur's face throughout Matthew's little speech. Clearing his throat and looking entirely too uncomfortable Arthur quickly turned and with his back facing the younger blonde he clenched his fists.

"I will trust you now... Please don't make me regret this decision... please."

With the same smile Matthew waved the United Kingdom out of the bathroom, with the sound of the door closing the smile fell. He slowly allowed himself to sink into the already murky water... playing this role was hurting his face. He hated smiling but the old Matthew seemed to love doing it. Whenever his stupid family was around he reverted back to being 'Mattie' the old Canada the one before he gave into the hate that had always boiled inside. He wanted that hate back... but it was fleeing like the geese in winter.

Sliding even lower into the water Matthew allowed himself to drift away... drift away to nothingness, allow his mind to blank and become one with the water. He sat there in a blissful silence and warmth as the water pooled over his face as he sank to the bottom of the tub. It was so relaxing... ignoring the pressure and growing need to breeze. He would surface soon...he just needed to know the pain.

To feel the pain.

The burn of lack of oxygen.

The the feeling of your life about to give way...

The spike of your heart.

Everything it brings... he needs it. He needs to die... Matthew wants to die.

The blonde felt the water move frantically and suddenly his body was pulled out of the water, he shook the hair out of his face as he coughed into a wet chest. Turning his eyes upward he glared into angry emerald eyes.

Between pants Matthew gasped. "Arthur... What... the... hell are you doing?"

"It was way to quiet in here and I came to investigate and what do I see? You drowning yourself!"

"I wasn't-"

"Don't you lie to me Matthew Williams!"

"I'm not! I was clea-"

"Cleaning yourself my ass! Matthew! Your were drowning yourself I knew I shouldn't have left you in here by yourself! I deserve the punishment I will get! I can't believe myself! I'm-"

"DAD!"

Silence filled the room as both blondes stared at each other. One in shock and the other in anger.

"I was not going to grown myself! I haven't had a bath in months... I was relaxing and wetting my hair so I could wash it."

"Matt... I'm... I'm sorry... but I want to.. but I don't believe that..." Canada watched in shock as one of the toughest men in his life broke down. Pools of tears overflowing down his cheeks in twin rivers and quickly raining from his chin. They fell in fast droplets. It was evident he was trying to hold it back as Arthur took quick gasp of breathe as he held the sobs at pay.

"p-please... please m-Matthew let m-me wash your h-hair"

The younger blonde wordlessly nodded his head. Staring in dismay as England reached out and grabbed the shampoo and squeezed a large glob into his hand. He barley registered the smell of cucumbers as the elder man sniffled and began washing his matted filth stained hair.

The only sound that remained in the bathroom was the haunting echo of the once powerful United Kingdom's sobbing as he washed his tormented son's hair.


There it is! Chapter 8! I hope to have chapter 9 up soon! so please don't hate me!

I hope you enjoyed!

I feel bad for Arthur TT_TT

Im sorry!

Well Matthew is slowly being fixed... slowly...

Well love you all and i thank you all again for reading and if you can... please R&R :):):):):):):)

Whelp! see ya soon ;)