Like a River
By Kadi
Rated: M
Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.
Chapter 8
The news that Captain Raydor was retiring spread through the LAPD like a brush fire in the middle of July. Andy heard it when Provenza did, from Taylor's very gleeful mouth. The Commander had recounted for them, quite happily, that the Captain was going to collect her pension and move on to another job opportunity; a position as head of security at the Los Angeles Convention Center. Andy had not reacted with the same excitement as his partner. He knew that Sharon had been approached. He also knew that she had interviewed for it. He thought that she had turned it down. She told him that she had no intention of taking the position but the hiring manager was an old friend of hers, and she had only agreed to the meetings and discussions because of that. Andy wondered now, a week after their relationship had ended, if she had reconsidered the option.
He waited, ignoring his partner's antics in the process, until they had wrapped up their case before he approached her. Andy needed to know if Sharon was really leaving a job that he knew that she loved, and he needed to know why.
When he got off work, Andy drove across town to Los Feliz. He felt a lot of things as he made his way up to the eleventh floor. Most of all, he was conflicted. He didn't know if he should be angry or not, but there was a part of him that was prepared to be. If Sharon had quit her job because of him, because of what had happened between them, he was prepared to be plenty damned angry.
Sharon had just poured a glass of wine when the knock at the door echoed through her home. She carried it with her as she crossed the condo, and drew a breath when she looked through the peephole and saw who was on the other side of the door. She was not expecting Andy. There was plenty that was not settled between them, but she thought that they had an understanding. Things had been rather difficult, stilted since her return from Crescent City. Not channeling their emotions into hostility and sarcasm was proving harder than she anticipated. They were both on guard, defensive in each other's presence.
She pulled the thick cardigan that she was wearing more tightly around her as she opened the door. "Andy." Her voice was soft, but there was a question in her eyes that was echoed in her tone. Her brows lifted in askance. "I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Yeah." He pushed his hands into his pockets. Andy shrugged as he stood there. She looked good. Her hair was pulled up. The soft light from the lamps in her living room was giving her skin a healthy glow. The week she had spent with her family had done her a lot good. He had noticed it before, but now that he was in front of her with nothing else to focus on but her, he couldn't help but think about it. "I uh…" He looked down. "I was wondering if we could talk?"
She wasn't prepared for this. Sharon didn't know what it would accomplish but she nodded as she stepped back. "Of course. Come inside." She led the way into the living room and paused beside the sofa. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?"
"No." Andy pushed the door closed behind him and followed her into the apartment. "I'm good. I won't be in your way for long. I uh… I just had a question, really." He stopped beside the orange armchair. "So, this thing about you leaving." When she turned, confusion etched across her face, his head tilted. "Retirement. The new job at the Convention Center. That… uh, that's not about us, right? I mean, it was a good deal. I just thought that you turned it down."
"Oh," she said quietly. Sharon's eyes widened. She stared at him for a moment before she smiled. She shook her head and took a step forward. "No, Andy, that isn't about you and I." Now that he had voiced it, she could easily recognize the concern in his gaze. He was worried that she had given up her job to avoid him, to avoid what they had done, what they had become to one another. "Please sit down." She walked around and seated herself on the sofa. Sharon crossed her legs and regarded him more openly.
He rubbed a hand over his face and into his hair. Andy sat down beside her, but left several inches worth of space between them. He sat on the edge of the cushion and angled his body toward her. "Look, I get it okay. Pope has all but made your job impossible, and the Chief isn't much better. Then there's this thing with you and me. I just…" He sighed. "Sharon, I know that you love it. Even with all of the crap that is going on right now, you still love your job, and I don't want you walking away from that because-"
"Andy." Sharon reached out and laid a hand on his arm. Her fingers tingled at the touch. It was almost painful. "I'm not." She met his gaze and smiled again. "The truth is, I'm not going anywhere. It was a bluff. I turned the job at the Convention Center down, but it was a convenient ploy to use for laying a trap."
His brows drew together in a frown. "I don't understand." Andy shook his head at her. "Taylor said that you delivered the news to him and Pope yourself."
"I did." She drew her hand back and lifted her wine glass. Sharon took a sip of the chilled white wine and considered how best to explain the situation. "You could say that I was testing a theory. I wanted to know how quickly that news would travel, and when it did, I wanted to know how soon Peter Goldman would find out. I know that your division isn't willing to accept that we have a leak, but the leak exists and I need to find out who it is and shut it down. When I saw Goldman at Coach Carr's house this afternoon, he was already well aware of the news of my retirement. He was quite enthused. Since I know exactly where the news originated, it will make it that much easier to trace, especially since Peter knew about it before most of the Department did."
Andy blinked at her. "You laid a trap." He nodded slowly as he echoed her earlier statement. "So you're not retiring?"
"I am not retiring." Sharon smiled gently at him. "I know as well as you do that Commander Taylor is the biggest gossip in the LAPD. I also knew that the moment that he was informed that I was retiring, his first task would be to share that information with your division. Was I mistaken?"
"No." Andy leaned back. He exhaled a relieved sigh. "That was the first thing he did. He couldn't wait to tell us that you were turning in your papers. I just…" He shook his head again. "There wasn't really a lot of time to talk about it, and with Provenza acting like an ass… I thought it was better to wait. I wanted to make sure it was something you wanted and not because of this," he gestured between them.
"I appreciate that, Andy, but even if I had changed my mind about the position at the Convention Center, I wouldn't have done it based upon our personal relationship. I am hoping that we can be both professional and adult, and eventually put all of this behind us. I know that it hasn't been easy, and the fact that I am following your team around like the LAPD's version of a hall monitor doesn't make the situation any easier, but with any luck it won't be for very much longer."
Andy studied her closely. She seemed so certain of that. "Do you really think there's a leak?" He didn't want to believe it. It was hard to fathom. Who among their division could be selling them out, and to Goldman of all people?
"I really do," she admitted quietly. "I know that isn't easy to hear, but all of the evidence is pointing us in that direction. Goldman is learning things that he could only get from someone present during those events. The data that he has isn't contained within your after action reports or case notes. They are first hand accounts of specific moments throughout your investigations." Sharon leaned forward and placed her wine glass on the coffee table. "Andy, I know that there are few people who understand my job, and even fewer who appreciate it. What I can tell you is that tracking events and finding the truth is something that I am very good at. I will find this leak, and the situation will be handled in the most efficient and appropriate manner."
"I really hope so," he told her, "because having you follow us around is really gettin' old fast." He flashed a crooked grin at her. "We're all tired of listening to Provenza gripe about it."
"Oh, and you are so innocent." Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Don't worry. I am as eager for it to stop as the rest of you. There is only so much of Major Crimes that I can take. You people are a handful."
"We do our best." Andy stood up. "I should go," he told her, because he was getting too comfortable, and if that happened, he might slip and say something that he shouldn't. "I have to go keep an eye on Provenza. When he finds out that it was all a lie the old grump is going to be inconsolable."
"Oh well." Sharon stood and followed him to the door. "We can't have that, can we?" She leaned against the frame beside the door when he opened it. "Can I be the one to tell him?"
She looked entirely too gleeful. Andy made a face at her. "He kind of deserves it, but I would rather that you didn't. I'm the one that has to hear about it when you're done." Andy raised an arm, braced it against the doorframe and leaned against it. "I don't think he's entirely cut out for your brand of wicked."
"You'd be surprised," she drawled, eyes sparkling. Sharon shrugged. "I will be good. For now. The next time that he provokes me, I may not be as accommodating." She shifted so that her back was resting against the frame and reached out to slide her hand down his tie. She gave it a playful tug.
"The next time that he provokes you," Andy said, "he's fair game." He reached out and caught a loose tendril of hair that had escaped her clip. Andy tucked it behind her ear. "I better go," he said quietly. If he didn't, he was going to be tempted to do all sorts of things that would completely undermine the fact that they were no longer together.
"Yes." His thumb traced the curve of her jaw as he pulled his hand away. "You really should." Sharon rose onto the balls of her feet as she leaned toward him. Her lips touched the corner of his mouth. Her hands found the lapels of his jacket and gripped the material. Instead of pushing him through the open door, she pulled him back into the apartment.
His arms slipped around her. Andy kicked the door closed behind him. They were going to regret this tomorrow. Tonight he didn't give a damn...
She caught him trying to sneak out of the apartment at three in the morning. She woke when he tripped over one of her shoes and kicked the foot of the bed. Sharon swept her hair out of her eyes and lifted her head. There was a lamp on in the hall; it provided a faint amount of illumination, but not nearly enough for the clumsy lieutenant. "Trying to leave the scene of the crime?"
In the space of a single night they had fallen into the same old routine. First they had fallen into bed, and then Andy had spent the night. When they should both be regretting it, they were ignoring why it shouldn't have happened.
Her voice was thick with sleep. Andy sighed as he walked toward the head of the bed. He hoped not to wake her until necessary. "Roll out," he said. "Someone will call you soon." He braced a hand on the edge of the mattress and leaned over to press a kiss to the back of her bare shoulder. His phone had gone off half an hour before. Andy had used her shower, but there was nothing that he could do about showing up at a crime scene in yesterday's suit.
Sharon turned her face into the pillow beneath her. She was lying on her stomach. She moaned. "Why do all of your cases have to happen in the middle of the night?" Since becoming their shadow, and practically joining the team thanks to Chief Pope insisting that she monitor everything that Major Crimes did, Sharon was being subjected to the same insane work schedule.
Andy chuckled quietly. He drew her hair back from her face and turned her toward him. "Just lucky I guess. Scumbags are like vampires, they hate sunlight." He pressed a kiss to her mouth.
She hummed. "Well," she spoke against his mouth. "I like sunlight. I miss sunlight. I hate your job."
"Welcome to the club, sweetheart. We're even now." Andy kissed her again before straightening up. "I've got to go. The crime scene is over in Echo Park, near the stadium. Someone will send the details to your phone, but if you get up and get dressed right now…" He waggled his brows at her.
"I can get there before Chief Johnson expects me to and catch her in the act if trying to circumvent my audit." Her lips pursed. Sharon thought about it for only a second before she swept the blankets back and rolled off the bed. "I think I might adore you."
Andy rolled his eyes at her. "No, you adore my wicked sense of humor. Go get in the shower, Sharon, before I regret putting that idea in your head. I'll see you in a little while." He stopped at the door and cast a devious grin at her. "Your turn to bring the coffee."
Sharon stopped. Her jaw dropped open. "Oh!" He wasn't trying to help her get one over on the Deputy Chief. He was trying to make sure that she showed up with his caffeine fix before he started scaring the crime scene techs. Her eyes narrowed. She glared at his retreating back. He absolutely abhorred flavored coffee. Sharon decided that she would treat his entire division with caramel lattes. He would learn to be more careful about his machinations in the future.
MCMCMCMCMCMC
In the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, they broke up three times. It was always very civilized, very adult. They knew that they couldn't be together, but there was always something to draw them back. There was always some reason that they couldn't stay away. A difficult case, or a lonely holiday season, or simply the fact that beyond all reason and logic they just wanted each other. It didn't matter because the end result was always the same, one or both of them feeling guilty and swallowing words that couldn't be said.
Andy was thinking about that as he lay on his back in Sharon's bed. There was an arm behind his head and a sheet draped over his lap. She was sprawled beside him on her stomach, equally as naked and with the same sheet covering her hips. Andy sighed as he stared at the ceiling above them. He wondered how much easier it would be to stay away from her if they could find their leak and put an end to the Federal Lawsuit that was behind her involvement in all of their cases?
He slanted a look at the woman beside him. He could feel anger coursing through his veins, but it wasn't directed at her. She was just a convenient outlet to blame it on. The truth was, he was angry with himself. Not ten minutes before he had been balls deep, riding her hard, ears full of her impassioned cries, with the scent of sweat and arousal heavy on the air. The moment that her orgasm swept over her, he watched her face change, watched the play of pleasure and emotion as it transformed her. He'd never seen anything more beautiful, and as he came, shooting his release deep inside her, he turned his face into her neck and almost told her that. He almost told her that he loved her, and only just managed to stop himself.
He rolled off her with a grunt, instead, and lay on his back. Normally Sharon would have curled against his side, but she seemed to sense the distance that he was trying to put between them, because she was curled around a pillow instead.
"How much longer?" Andy watched her brows knit in confusion at his question. "Until you find the leak. It's gotta be soon, right?"
"I don't know," she said, voice soft. He was in a mood. He wasn't usually so tense after sex. Sharon lifted her head and propped it in her hand. "Why?"
Andy sighed. "Because this keeps ending the same way." He gestured at the two of them. "And I can't help but think it will be a hell of a lot easier to stay away from you when you're not in my face all the time."
Her brows arched. Sharon blinked at him. That was a little more hostile than she was accustomed to outside of their work. She rolled onto her side and sat up slowly. She reached for the blanket that had been kicked toward the end of the bed and pulled it around her body. "If my company is so displeasing, then I believe you know where to find the door," she told him.
He rolled his eyes at her. "You know what the hell I mean, Sharon." He sat up and leaned against the cushioned headboard behind him. "Shit, this can't keep happening. Isn't that what you say every time I fuck you? This can't happen again," he mocked the tone that she usually used with him. "Don't look so shocked." She didn't like his language and Andy was too pissed off to care. "That's what this is. That's all we've got, Sharon. Think about it. We've been doing this for a year now." It had started the previous Christmas and they were a week away from that now. "What have we got to show for it? A whole lot of nothing, and I don't know about you, but I think it's getting pretty damned old."
"There is no reason to be crass, Andy." Sharon climbed off the bed and exchanged the blanket for the robe that was draped across her dressing chair. She pulled it around her and tied the sash in quick, jerky movements. "If this has run it's course, then please, let me help you." She waved her arm toward the bedroom door. "There is the exit."
"No." He pointed a finger at her as he stood up. He found his pants and jerked them on. "Don't act offended now, sweetheart. This has been coming for a long time, and we both know it. How many times have we tried to put the brakes on? The truth is, it's just easier to find each other when we've both got an itch than it is to admit that we're wasting our time." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Goddammit Sharon! I can't even take you out because someone we know might see us. Don't you think I feel like an ass when all I do is drop by to screw your brains out when we should be, I don't know, going out like real people and having a meal or seeing a damned movie? I can't tell you how I feel, because you don't want to hear it, and it's a waste of time anyway, because this is never going to go anywhere. All we have is this right here," he jerked his hand toward the bed.
"You knew when this began that this was all that we could have," Sharon reminded him. "You agreed to all of the conditions that we set, and do not try to pretend like I am the only one that has had a hard time staying away. I didn't ask you to follow me home tonight, Andy. That was your decision."
"Well you sure as hell didn't toss me out when I got here, did you?" He made a face at her. "Face it baby, you like riding my dick so don't play the good wife card now."
Sharon picked up his shirt and threw it at him. "Get out."
It landed against his face. Andy snatched it off and glared at her. "Gladly." He stopped to pick up his shoes and marched across the bedroom.
Sharon jumped when the door slammed. Her eyes closed. She pressed a hand to her mouth. She waited, counting each beat of her heart until she heard the outer door close too. He had gone. In a fit of temper and angry words. Sharon bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. So that was it. That was how they finally ended it. They would have to admit that there could never be anything between them but sex, and it simply wasn't enough.
It would never be enough.
-TBC-
