Wow. I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT EVERYONE! SO like I said before I have gone through some stuff, matured, and because of this I have also not written anything since 2015. I fortunately have the next few chapters of this story, as well as a few scenes for future chapters written out. I need to go over it all before I can continue writing so I can get the story I had initially planned back in my head. But without further ado, here's a chapter! I hope you like it :)

The next day, Emma awakes on her top bunk, facing the wall. Damp material is stuck onto her very sensitive face, due to all the crying. Never in her life has she cried herself to sleep, her problems never enough to break her, but this has. She cares for Killian more than she has any other man, yet he doesn't even know she exists. To him she is a scrawny loudmouthed virgin boy who couldn't even help him save his brother. The sad truth is that her feelings delve so deep for him that she doesn't even know if she will ever be able to let him go. To leave for the sake of her parents.

Highly aware of the lack of privacy provided by the crew's bunks, she swings her legs around, grabbing her hat and placing it atop her head so that her eyes are blocked by the crew's view. Her shameful walk to the corridor is blocked by two sets of laughter that jump at her the moment the door to the captain's quarters swings open. There, encased by one another are Becca and Killian, both highly underdressed, the wench sports simply her burgundy corset and black skirts without a shirt, meanwhile the captain is just in his white trousers, the rest of his body unashamedly bare. Emma wants to scream at them the way her heart screams at her, at the sight of them in each others arms, embracing and sucking the other's face, but settles for a low monotone "Excuse me, Captain."

Captain Killian Jones breaks his lips from the wenches soft yet overly plundered lips, at the sound of a soft voice.

"Jamison?" He announces with a light smile, gently prying the woman off of him, but Emma keeps walking towards the ladder. "No need to scurry off mate." He jokes and then sees the red rims still encompassing her emerald eyes, which brings him back to reality. His brother is gone. Dead. The little bit of escape he found in Becca is now long gone, and regret swoops in. While he was riding a wild mare, his new first mate bared more of a decency to mourn Liam than his own brother. But then again, does he really regret Becca? She granted him bliss and sanctuary from his own troubles, something nothing else could. Sleeping with her prevented further suffering and despair, and though it may have been wrong it gave him just what he needed.

Emma watches as her captain's confused look changes to realization and then embarasment as he looks down at Becca who is still possessively attached to his rock hard body.

"I apologize, Captain, for interrupting." Emma says to him, sticking to formalities as that is all her voice allows her. Green eyes stay focused on anything but them.

"You were not interrupting anything Emmanuel, my dalliance is over and my only duty is to this ship." He sees Becca sway her hips away as she climbs up the ladder. "It is a time to grieve but the only way we will make good on Liam's name, is by seeking vengeance from those who killed him." He is firm with a darkness in his eyes that can only be worn by the coldest of villains, planting fear in Emma's heart.

"Resorting to piracy is not the way," The first mate says urgently, hoping for some light to resurface. "Captain." She adds to lessen the boldness of her words.

"You have no right to tell me which path I should follow Jamison." Killian growls, but Emma does not flinch angering him even more. He steps forward, leaving her no choice but to move back, her teeth gritting along the way. "I am your captain and you shall do as I say, or join the king's hounds below to await your fate."

"I wouldn't betray you, Captain." She swallows, green eyes never leaving blue.

"And why should I trust your word? I've only known your bloody hide for a few measly weeks. My brother's word the only reason I have kept you on deck. I know nothing of you." His biting tone causing her to flinch and back up until she comes into contact with the ship's wall. This is not the man she expected to ever meet, not the kind and collected gentle man who existed mere hours ago. This is a new man. A vicious man exerting all his pain, all his boiling anger upon anyone he can. This is a pirate. "For all I know, you could be a putrid spy praising that prick who shipped my brother out to perish."

Obviously his dance with that wench did not fully satisfy him and cover his hurt with bliss. His rage has returned, his emotions awry and Emma is simply seen as the obstacle in the way of his vengeance.

"I am not with King George." She whispers. "I would follow you to the ends of the world."

"So you say Jamison, but what reason do you have to disobey your king?" He says with a heartless chuckle.

"He is not my king." She growls. "Did Liam ever tell you that I never actually served George? That I bribed my way to get on your ship?" She crosses her arms, using all her wit to maintain a deep voice. "I was a thief. George wants my head, I joined your ship to be free."

"You lied to me?" Disbelief is written all over the captain's face as he processes her words. "Liam lied to me?" He suddenly looks less aggressive and more vulnerable.

"I asked him to." Emma says slowly and carefully. "I... I didn't want you to see me differently. You believed in good form."

"Why would you care how I look at you?"

Because I care about you.

"Because I'd like to believe that we were- are friends."

Killian seems to have now calmed down, his eyebrows no longer scrunched in a menacing way, his face relaxed and stance weakened.

"We are friends, Jamison." He let's out a deep sigh, his brain finally processing his actions. "You have been there for me, saved my life even. I am sorry that I doubted you. I just... "

"I know." She responds blankly, hurt that be sees her as only a friend and that he can never see her as something more.

"I need to seek justice upon those ruthless kings. I need to bring them down and I need to know that you'll be by my side."

"I will be, Jones. Pirate or not, I will be here if you need me. Just... don't lose sight of who you are." Her eyes plead for understanding and his respond with just that. Killian nods slowly, eyes never leaving her even as hers leave him.

And she quickly leaves him in the corridor, alone in utter coldness.

.xXx.

The day quickly progresses and with the winds blowing in their favor, it seems as if Calypso's Peak is a mere 2 hour journey ahead. The crew busy themselves on deck, but remain quiet in light of recent events. The traitors remain in the brig, nothing to keep them entertained save for Thomas who occasionally brings them water. Norris drives the helm as Killian is nowhere in sight.

The first mate finds him at his quarters, sitting at the table with a bottle of ale at hand. He cringes after each gulp, the liquid like molten lava down his throat.

"I didn't picture you as a drinker." She says, catching his attention.

"Pirate." He retorts, sipping once more.

"Well, then you would know..." she picks up two crystal glasses, and brings them over to the table. "That the inexperienced shouldn't drink from the bottle, all alone."

"I don't want your company Jamison." He mumbles, less threatening than he thinks, in his white navy uniform, hair still in a ponytail, words emulsified.

"No, but you need it." she pours the liquid in each glass.

"I'm going to have to tell them that he's dead." He grits, staring into a blank space. "They'll never forgive me."

"They won't blame you." She insists searching for his eyes, but they are set downwards.

"I promised Kaleine that I would bring her husband home, and yet I buried him at sea no less."

"He was a sailor, he loved the sea. You did the right thing Captain."

"Aristea is only a child. I've caused her to be fatherless." His blue eyes widen. "Kaleine is pregnant! That lad will never know his father!"

"Killian! You did not cause his death, that was George!" She wishes she could hold him and tend to him but he is forbidden. "Stop beating yourself up."

"I bloody well should!" He yells. "I don't deserve to be captain, I don't deserve his ship, I don't deserve to be happy."

"Yes you do. You're a man of honor and good, Liam would want you to be happy-"

"Liam would have wanted me to marry her...Olivia I mean." He says abruptly, as if revealing something he was ashamed of. The alcohol definitely usurping his sense. "He always wanted me to be happy, like him and his wife; fall in love, settle down and have a family."

That's what you think.

"And what do you think?" Emma asks carefully, watching him swallow a large amount of ale, as if it were liquid courage.

"I don't love Olivia... she's a nice girl, and her father is willing to allow me to court her... but I do not feel what she does for me." He sighs. "But it is what my brother would have wanted. I... I do not wish to disappoint him."

"You really believe he would want you to marry someone you don't love?" She asks in disbelief. Liam only ever wanted what was best for his little brother.

"I guess he believes I would grow to love her, that it's just my stubborness preventing me from loving her." He laughs dryly. "Plus, it isn't as if love is a luxury these days."

"My parents married for love." She whispers. "They told me to follow my heart... to fight for the ma-one I love, never settle for less."

"Well then Jamison, I do envy you." Killian chuckles. She smiles and downs her glass, then absentmindedly plays with the cup. "So, what about you lad?"

"Sorry?" She shifts her eyes back to his defeated blues. "What about me?"

"Has anyone caught your heart yet?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Perhaps I would." He says sincerely. "Wr may have gotten off the wrong foot initially, I'd like to know a little more about my first mate."

"There might be someone... but they don't return my feelings." Her eyes bear into his deeply,until she snaps out of her haze and looks back to the glass in her hand.

"That's too bad." He says, and she has to bite the inside of her cheek as a little flicker of hope runs through her, that what if things were different, if she met him when she was a princess, would he care for her? Would he see her as anything other than a friend?

"Yeah, it is."

"I'm going to have to face her eventually. Olivia, I mean." Killian sighs. "It was his last wish and it would be bad form to keep her father waiting."

Emma bites her lip, peering at him through her lashes. If things were different, if she could only... But they are not.

"If you think she would make you happy... that you could grow to love her..." She sighs. "If you think you can have a happy ending with her, then you should go for it." She takes a deep breath, allowing confidence to flow through her. "But if she is not what... who you are looking for, then don't feel like it's your duty to wed a woman that you don't love. Besides, she doesn't seem like the type to be the wife of a pirate captain."

"Aye, I'd have to give up on my revenge for a future. You make a persuasive case Emmanuel." He smiles, and she attempts to return the favor but she just cannot smile at the thought of him wedding another. Becoming a pirate was something she would rather not do, but at the price of losing him to Olivia? That might even be a worse outcome.

But he isn't yours to lose.

"I will leave you to your thoughts then Jones." Downing the last drop she rises from the table. Wouldn't want to cry in front of her captain.

.xXx.

They reach land sooner than expected. Becca and Marigold leave the ship, despite protests from some of the men, especially a heart broken Manny. He does receive some hope however, in the form of a kiss on the cheek and a handkerchief.

Lacking courage to tell his sister in law, Killian rents rooms at the same tavern the crew visited before Liam's passing. Emma sees how this torments Killian, the memories he shared with his brother flooding in, by how distant and silent he is. She puts Skinner in charge and drags Killian, who is in need of a push, over to the Jones's home.

The sun has fallen and the air is still, the stars and moon lighting their path up the mismatching stones to the door. A few candles light up the inside for them to make out Kaleine's pregnant shape at the table feeding little Aristea. Killian quickly turns himself around, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

"I can't do this, Emmanuel."

"Yes, you can. " Emma steps in his way. "You have to."

"I'll be ruining their lives!"

"Killian!" She places her hand on his shoulder. So close yet so far. She wishes she could do more to comfort him, to take away the pain. She wishes she was powerful enough to bring Liam back. But she cannot. "You are not ruining anything, this was not your fault!"

"I could have..."

"No you couldn't have." He gulps, his jaw flexing with disagreement. But she persists. "If you want to do right by your family, you're going to go up there and tell Kaleine the truth. You owe her that."

He looks at her. He looks deeply into her eyes. Blue hues invading her mind. Here is the man she cannot bear to be without, a lost man overcome by grief. And she cannot do anything. No matter how hard she wants to.

"Aye." A small smile plays over his lips. It is small, but there. "It would be bad form to lie."

The words sting.

Giving him a small push, she watches as he goes to knock. He looks back every few seconds, seeking her comforting gaze and she smiles in turn. Ten seconds pass and Kaleine finally opens the door. First she looks happy to see him, her hand on her belly as she surveys the area for a sign of Liam. Then her hands fall as Killian's words sink in. She blanks. And a slap echoes through the night. Her piercing scream follows. Her knees buckle and she falls. Killian is there to catch her, holding her in his arms as she continues to cry.

And Emma can only watch.

I am so sorry for making Killian sleep with Becca. I really wanted to show how he develops into a pirate though, and that involves being very... active... He is not in love with anyone (as far as he knows) yet so right now he is just sleeping his sorrows away, masking pain with pleasure. Remember, he thinks Emma is a boy (at least 18) and is just good friends with her.

I am hoping to get the next chapter up soon, I need to revise it still so it might take me a bit since I have some things I need to do with life.

Thank you to the people who wished me well, I am slowly getting used to managing my disease but your warm wishes are highly appreciated.

Okay, so tell me what you think about this chapter :) I hope you all have a lovely day or night

-XoxPhoenix10/ csforscience

(also do you guys know how to do page breaks again? I remember their being a button for that)