The Doctor was distracted, and I was the only one who noticed. Yes, he was his usual self, hopping about and babbling, but I could see the faint haze around his head, allowing his mind to be elsewhere. He piloted the TARDIS in a daze, twisting and turning various controls as if on autopilot, and when someone asked him a question he sometimes wouldn't even hear it. He never really sleeps, that much I was familiar with, but I didn't think he had gone to bed in over a week.

I couldn't help but think it had something to do with me, with the Silence. That was the only thing that would set him off around me. He was unusually distant during our sessions, letting me do all of the talking and nodding aimlessly throughout it. I still hadn't regained any more memories and it was wearing on him more than anyone else.

I had a disconcerting nightmare of him one night. He was alone, sitting in a white room and crying, looking more terrible and disheveled than I had ever seen him. I was merely an observer; there was nothing I could do to reach out to him or speak.

When I awoke in a cold sweat, I knew I wouldn't be sleeping for the remainder of the night. And, since he was obviously awake, I took the chance to talk to the Doctor, finally.

I walked slowly into the control room, expecting to see him talking to the machinery or working underneath the glass floor. But he wasn't there. I immediately thought something was wrong, and was on my way to River's room when I heard a glass clink in the kitchen. Taking a breath to calm myself down, I walked towards the dark room with tentative steps.

He was sitting at the table, head in his hands, with all the lights off. I couldn't see his face, but his fingers rubbed at his eyes and forehead slowly, like a man trying to massage out a headache. I was about to say something, but he spoke first. "Come in here, Ari. It's time we talked." Not mentioning we had been talking for days, more than usual, I turned on a light and sat down in the chair next to him.

I waited for him to speak, watching his face intently. When he removed his hands, he looked so very weary and weathered- a man who had seen too much to bear it. "It's maddening, you know. Not knowing what the Silence needed you for. Guessing. I thought it was to turn you into a weapon against me, the way they did to River, only learning from their mistakes and doing it differently. If River was the prototype you were to be the finished product." He shook his head, staring around at anything but me, pain etched in the lines of his face. I stared numbly, trying not to think about it in that way. "But now… well, I think it goes deeper than that. I've been trying to think for days about it, about the differences between you and River. You're both human plus timelord, you share that much. And then it hit me yesterday, why you are so special, how they could have used you as a weapon to do much more than kill me."

I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to be told I was being manipulated, harnessed, used in any way. If I was a threat to this family, to anyone, then what was I supposed to do? Lock myself up again? The Doctor would certainly never allow it, but I could see very few options.

The Doctor paused, drawing out a long sigh. "For the most part, Ari, River and I raised you here, in the TARDIS. Your room changed as you grew, from nursery to bedroom and more. Yes, circumstance separated River from the TARDIS occasionally and you lived with her on Earth. But for almost all of your life, you grew and developed with exposure to the time vortex. That artron energy that comes from exposure and time travel is harmless, the radiation has no effects."

"So… what does that mean for the Silence?" I hadn't worked it out yet, but I had a sinking feeling that artron energy had something to do with it.

"Well, at first it doesn't make sense, since River would have picked it up too as a baby, in small amounts. But she grew up on Earth, not traveling through the time vortex as you did. It's hard-wired into your system, part of your cells. If the Silence somehow could harness that energy… well, that's the thing. I have no idea what they're planning. And then there's the situation with your memory. Yes, it could be something psychological, something from all the head trauma and shock, but it may be something more sinister than that." He rubbed his eyes again, and I could see the struggle in his face, the amount of control it took him to get all of it out so calmly.

"Are you saying I'm gonna be stuck without a memory forever? What happened to 'there's always hope' and all that stuff you say every day?" I folded my arms, leaning against the table to look him right in the eyes.

He snapped back to reality, leaning forward too. "Absolutely not," he said harshly. "You're going to get your memories back, that I can promise you. There's just the question of how. And I think the Silence know that answer."

"Can't we just go find them, try to reason with them?"

The Doctor laughed bitterly. "Hard to reason with someone who can disintegrate you and won't even let you remember what you were trying to reason for. And they don't exactly have a postal address. Or a front door, for that matter."

"So?" I challenged him.

He laughed again. "That's my Ariadne. Yes, well, obviously I'll come up with something. But the last time I tried to 'reason' with the Silence, things didn't end well for either of us."

I couldn't think of anything more to say to that. I was obviously within my depth if he wanted to talk about the Silence, so I tried to think back, remember something I heard, something I saw that would indicate what kind of a weapon was being made.

The most prominent person in my captive memories was the woman who they called Kovarian. She was the most malicious, took the most pleasure in my pain. "Doctor," I started, gritting my teeth to prevent a flashback to one particularly nasty day with her. "The woman. Kovarian. She always talked about some technology, something they were working on that, once it was finished, then they could… get rid of me. I used to think it was just something she said to tear me down, keep me scared so I knew my life could be gone any day. But… I don't know. Maybe it was real. Maybe they were making something using my energy."

He nodded. "Yes, I've thought about that too. I would have loved to take a look in that stasis chamber they had you in, but there wasn't time. It's possible that they used it to harness the radiation you released as you… healed… at the end of each day." He cleared his throat, pushing himself up abruptly from the table. "Tea?" He rummaged through the cupboards, getting out mugs.

Frem had walked into the kitchen sleepily, and I figured that the conversation was meant to be kept private. "Sure," I muttered, relaxing back into the chair. "Morning," I nodded to Frem, who was squinting in the sharp kitchen light.

He yawned. "Morning, Ari. Did you get any sleep?"

"A little," I admitted, running a hand through my hair, aware of how strung out I must have looked.

And then River entered the kitchen too, in a flurry of curly hair and bathrobe. "My mother has been phoning for days, Doctor, why haven't you answered her?" She had a hand on her hip, another resting against the door frame, glaring at the Doctor who was busily making the tea.

"Um," he rummaged around, searching for a spoon, "I've been busy, dear, sorry!"

River scoffed, shaking her head. "Impossible. Well, I spoke with her and she wants a visit. Apparently it's been six months since the shopping mall incident, thanks to you losing track of time. I swear, you would think a bloody timelord could remember to visit his in-laws in reasonable intervals, but no! You're extremely busy saving the world all the time, right, my bad." She sat down, rolling her eyes.

With a grimace on his face, the Doctor turned to an irritated River. "Sorry, won't happen again. We'll visit as soon as we all get a bit of breakfast and put on our nice faces, yeah?" He bent over her, giving her a kiss on her forehead. "Good morning."

River sighed, unable to hold in a smile. "Good morning."

We were ready to go after a few hours of eating and the usual morning routine. I lingered in my bedroom, examining the picture of my grandparents hanging on the wall. It felt wrong, not remembering them. Something tickled in the back of my mind, more of a feeling than a memory, but I could feel my affection for them. Amy and Rory looked like lovely, kind people that I had known my whole life. Sighing, I cursed the Silence for the millionth time for making me hurt the people I loved.

When we arrived, we landed inside their house rather than on the street, which was probably the smart thing to do. Amy and Rory were right outside the door, welcoming us in with smiles and hugs. I met Rory in person for the first time, and he was perfectly charming and understanding of me. The atmosphere was so different from the one inside the TARDIS; there was no tension, no looming danger threatening to crack us all. I listened to the couple talk about their normal lives, in a normal house, in a normal neighborhood. They had gotten yelled at by their neighbor for parking on his property, when really he just liked to watch a girl across the street walk to work every day and it blocked his view. Amy had almost finished writing a novel, Rory had gotten a promotion. I was fascinated by their lives. They lived so consistently, so well, that they were happy. It was a glimpse into a life I may have had with River at some point, but I knew that Earth did not suit people like us, even if I wished it to be so.

We spent most of the day with them, had sandwiches for lunch, never leaving the house. Occasionally the Doctor would get up and look outside, and Amy would tease him for being paranoid. No one else did, for we knew that paranoia was completely rational at this point. This was almost a test- if the Silence could find us here, they could find us anywhere.

Somehow, Amy and I ended up alone in the kitchen, washing up. There was a bit of an awkward silence until she tentatively spoke. "So, Ari," she began, "How's Frem doing with all this?"

The question kind of knocked the wind out of me. My parents never asked me about Frem, never talked about him with me, skirting around the topic of our 'engagement' and everything that came along with it. "Um," I said, not really knowing what to say, "Not sure? I don't know. I'm sure it's hard, because, well, we were supposed to get married and stuff," I finished lamely, setting down a plate I was finished drying.

She laughed a little. "Well, obviously. Has anything happened between you though? I mean, do you want to be with him again?" She seemed perfectly at ease, nonchalantly washing silverware.

I laughed nervously. "I don't know… It's weird. He's been really patient with me, for the most part. He gets frustrated sometimes, I can tell." I thought about it seriously, trying to ease into the 'girl talk' she wanted to have with me. "I think… I think I do want to be with him. It's just, well, I don't know him. I don't know what we've done together, how far we've gone. And I can't just ask him, 'hey, how many kids did I want to have' because the look on his face is really depressing and he'll have to walk away fuming. I don't really know what I'm meant to be doing or how to get started." I set down the last dish, wiping my hands on my pants and turning to face Amy, who was watching me intently.

"I've forgotten my husband twice," she said, staring at something very far away in her mind. "Nothing so traumatic, and nothing quite so long term. But I found him again, thanks partially to the Doctor, but mostly because he was still there, in my head. And Frem's still in your head too. Just wait. The reunion will be so much better than anything else." She laughed, shaking off the memory of her youth with the Doctor. I had heard a few stories of her adventures, enough to know how brave she was, how much she had done to save people. "In the meantime, just tell him what you want. Because if I know that boy, he will wait for you. He'll be what you need him to be."

She hugged me tightly, smoothing down my hair as she pulled away. I smiled at her in silent thanks, knowing that I had found someone to talk about Frem with. "I have something for you," she whispered. "Upstairs."

I followed her upstairs, not a clue as to what she had for me. She dug into a closet, pulling out a long bag on a hanger. She carefully hung it on the doorframe, unzipping it with care.

It was a beautiful white dress, elegant and simple, with gauze flower accents spread over the whole thing. It had a beautiful train, and a veil hung around it, a perfect match. "It's my wedding dress," she said, running her hands over it, reminiscing. "I know you don't want to marry Frem now or anything, but I was going to give it to you the next time I saw you. You were so excited to wear it, couldn't wait to see what it looked like when I promised it to you. I want you to take it. I know your wedding day isn't something you're thinking about at this point, but when the time comes, I want it to be the happiest day of your life. Because my wedding day was the happiest of mine."

I was speechless- I didn't know what to feel. The dress meant so much more than a wedding outfit. It was hope: hope that I would remember, hope that I could love Frem the way I once had, that I could work things out so that everyone was blissfully happy. It represented everything good about Amy's life, and the uncertainty of mine. I knew, in that moment, that I would wear that dress. Maybe in a matter of weeks, maybe not for a long time. But eventually, I knew it would happen.

Nobody questioned us when Amy and I carried the dress into the TARDIS, that much I was glad for. They did stare; the Doctor looked like he was going to pass out and River looked like she could cry, and Frem just watched numbly. When we returned, we sat on the sofa and chatted, listening to them politely ignore it. They all knew what it was, what it meant. But it didn't matter to me. They could think what they wanted, as long as I could hold onto this shred of hope in a future I wasn't quite sure I wanted just yet.

And the Ponds return! I really loved Amy's wedding dress from The Big Bang, so of course I had to work it into my little story. It seemed like something she would do, since her daughter never got to wear it, she could pass it on to her granddaughter, and it could mean as much to Ari as it did to her.

The next chapter is a lot of Frem/Ari fluff, so brace yourselves for that. And then I'll have an adventure chapter to make up for it, so that works out. The Silence are getting more and more menacing as we pass the halfway mark of this fic, so be on the look-out for their big plan…

Thanks for reading/reviewing/etc.

xJessica