I'm so sorry about the huge wait, my computor was down and I only got it fixed last night. So I tried to update as quickly as possible but I can't until Friday because this week is midterms.


Chapter 9:

"Save Me" Pt.1

My consciousness slipped in and I awoke. I lifted myself from the ground and looked for Gaara. He was sitting on a limb above, I had forgotten he couldn't sleep. I felt guilty, I could enjoy the leisure of resting my body and mind. Gaara didn't have that luxury at his disposal. I wondered when was the last time he had laid on a bed and slept. I had no time to indulge in my curiosity; we had to continue to Suna.

As we jumped from tree limb to limb, I wondered what would have happened if I had killed Gaara. Where would I be if I hadn't injured myself to protect him? I couldn't help but remember the flashes of Gaara's death that the Hachimata had shown me. I was overcome with nausea and I paused to rest. He pit of my stomach was full of guilt and disgust. I bent over and vomited.

When my nausea subsided and my body shook it's voice entered my head.

'Feeling sick? Feeling guilty?

This was my imagination. I'm imagining him-

'I am as real as you are. We are one.'

I am my own person. I'm not foolish enough to submit to your mind games. You are not me.

'Do you think we are so different? I'm not the only murderer. I did not even have to threaten you for you to move on your own impulse and murder your family.'

My family? You don't know me, demon. The Kazekage forced me to kill my sister! My mother and father died from a disease.

'Is that what you tell yourself to feel innocent? Do you want me to remind you who was responsible for your parent's death? Don't you remember when you were younger, you lead your parents into a forest…They followed you when you came across a poisonous insect. They were bitten protecting you because you were foolish enough to approach that insect. You lead your parents to their death, you weak fool!'

Liar! I can't even remember that! If I had been the cause of my parents' death, I would feel horrible and guilty but I don't because it wasn't my fault!

'Nozomi, you've been lying to yourself to free yourself from blame. It's a human instinct, so the mind's sanity won't collapse.'

The Hachimata said this with such care in his voice…It almost sounded as though he had sympathy for me. But no, he was a demon, a monster I wanted gone.

I blocked out the Hachimata's voice from my mind, he was lying, after all. I knew perfectly that I was not to blame for the death of my parents.

'Do not ignore me. I will make you realize how real I am. I am not one of your fantasies.'

My lungs contracted and no air entered. My mind blanked having no blood, my heart stopped and from that branch, I fell. I could see the sky as I fell but before I crashed, I closed my eyes and blacked out.

When my eyes opened…The first thing I saw was Gaara's face.

"What happened?" I asked.

Gaara was holding me and we were back on the ground.

"You fell and I caught you."

He said this in such an emotionless tone but I became nervous and sat up at once, making him retreat.

"Thank you…"

He closed his eyes and stood up. He faced me, and those teal eyes made me feel so vulnerable, I almost didn't hear him when he said,

"Come on."

I begged to myself, hoping the Hachimata could not appear again. As Gaara went ahead in front of me, I held onto my pendant.

Once more, we camped out when the sun began to fall. It was dangerous at night, but we would continue as soon as the sun was up. While the sky bleed with warm colors, I was sitting next to Gaara on a branch. Gaara's back was leaning against the tree's trunk and with a knee brought up and an arm over it, I spoke to him.

"How long until we arrive?"

Without glancing up, he responded, "Three more hours of travelling."

I watched the sun sink in silence, hoping for a better future. A future without demons.

When we arrived in Suna, a messenger was there to tell me the Kazekage expected me. I looked towards Gaara as he began to walk off alone, into the night. I headed the opposite way, to meet his father. I arrived at the Kazekage's office and sat on my knees before him.

"You've returned earlier than expected."

"Yes, Lord."

"Good then. I need to ask a favor of you. As you already know, Gaara also harbors a demon. You are to watch him and report everything to me. He is a threat and as a ninja, it is your duty to place the lives of the citizen's before you own."

"…Yes, Lord."

"You first report is tomorrow. If Gaara does anything to harm anyone, you may use force if necessary."

"Of course, Lord."

"Off with you."

"Thank you Lord."

I exited and walked down the street below the stars. I felt as if I was a puppet. The Kazekage wanted to use me as a spy and the only thing I could say was 'Yes Lord.' I have absolutely no courage or honor. Can I betray Gaara to his father so easily? Why does his father refer to him in such a cold way? I knew I had to report tomorrow and so, I could not tell them of this. They'd be angry, right?

When I returned, Temari and Kankuro greeted me. I smiled but quickly retreated to my room. I laid on my bed and sighed. How could I betray Gaara? The memory of almost harming him drifted into my mind. I closed my eyes and held onto my arm. I let the fears I felt that night awaken again. I heard my door open and someone speak.

"Are you alright?"

I sat up and looked at Kankuro, standing in the doorway. I didn't know what to say but when he sat next to me, I knew he wouldn't leave without an answer.

"I'm afraid," I whispered, "I'm afraid of hurting him. I have no control over myself when it takes control."

No words from Kankuro could ease my fears. So, he just sat with me while my heart throbbed and my soul buckled under the stress. Kankuro left to bring me a glass of water. I stood and opened the door to the balcony, and in silence, climbed to the roof. Of course, Gaara was sitting as he always was. I approached him and stood, next to his side.

In a cold voice he asked, "What do you want?"

"I want to sit here and watch the night sky."

The stress on my feeble heart was lifting and I felt calmer, being here.