Leave Me the Way I Was Before
After our talk, Alex was in a very good mood for the following weeks. He was happy to have finally shared something. I forced myself to seem pleased, but I was seething inside.
Despite how it may seem, he'd worked for Ra's for nearly a year before I approached him. But I did wait a few weeks before calling Lisa again. Perhaps I should have acted sooner. I don't know how it would have changed things. Regardless, one afternoon, I forced myself to call her.
"Hi, Lisa," I said, forcing myself to sound calm.
"What's wrong?" she demanded.
"I think you'd better come over, if you can get away," I replied.
"I can. See you soon." She hung up. I sighed and tried to organize my thoughts. What would I say?
"So, I take it you talked to him?" Lisa said when I opened the door.
"I did."
"What did he say?"
I sat down on the couch. She followed suit, watching me carefully. "Well, he said a lot things. He was very happy to be able to tell me them, though." I paused, wondering if I should mention his desire to marry her. I decided I had better say everything. "He described how much money he was getting, and that some was being set aside for me, for when he leaves."
"Where's he going?"
"Well… he wants to move out and get married," I said at last.
"To whom?" she asked, holding her breath.
"Come on, Lisa, who do you think?" I said, forcing a smile.
"What? Really?" she looked shocked. And delighted.
"Yes." I sighed. "That's part of the trouble, though. He won't leave his job, not when it pays so well. Not even if it is dangerous for him. I know you're pleased right now, but we need to focus. I don't want you marrying him while he works for that man," I said, spitting the last words.
"Why? Did you find out anything?"
"He's a fanatic. He tells all his people how messed up Gotham is, and they want to fix it. I have no problem with that part. But part of fixing it may be destroying it first," I said gravely.
Her eyes widened. "How?"
"I don't know. They wouldn't give me details. But he said something about being purged. You know, like purging fire? Or water, I guess," I added.
"What, raze it to the ground?"
I shrugged. "Who knows? But it's hardly safe to trust him."
She sighed at me. "You have no proof, do you? Are you sure you aren't just being paranoid?"
I took a deep breath. "I don't know. I could be. But he's very mysterious. He lives in a huge place in the mountains of Mongolia, running a school of ninjas or something similar. That would make good agents for destroying our city, you know."
"What do you remember about him when you last saw him?"
I thought for a moment. "He looked old. Not his physical appearance, but his eyes. Like he'd been through a lot. And was willing to go through a lot more," I added.
"Well, what should we do?"
"I don't know. I suppose we just wait and see if we can find some way to make him leave."
"Alright. Let me know if you hear anything. I'll be in touch." With that, she left.
The next afternoon, I was home alone, working in the kitchen. The doorbell rang, and I want to it. I opened the door, but there was no one there. Just an envelope. Inside, there was a note cut out the newspaper that said, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BROTHER IS DOING?" There were pictures. Incriminating photographs of Alex with various thugs, some well known to work for Carmine Falcone. Most of them showed drugs being distributed.
I shook with fury. What did he think he was doing, getting into that mess? And, worse, to be caught in it. I wondered when, if, he'd come home. And what I should say to him. I considered calling Lisa, but thought I should confront Alex first. So, I sat down on the couch to wait.
Surprisingly, he was home within the hour. "Hey, Jen," he said happily, as he came in.
"How was your day?" I asked emotionlessly.
If he caught my tone, he ignored it. "Oh, not bad. We're making progress, though it may be a few years."
"And, in what, exactly, are you progressing?" I demanded.
He turned, surprised by the venom in my voice. "Saving our city, of course. Or preparing in its downfall, if necessary, I guess," he added.
"By hanging out with these upstanding citizens?" I asked lightly, handing him the pictures.
He stared at them. "Where did you get those?" he asked softly.
"Someone, I don't know who, brought them and left them at the door this afternoon." I watched him, wondering if he'd give me an explanation. And if I should believe anything he said.
"Well, this is a shock. But it's not what it looks like, Jenny. You have to believe me!" he said earnestly.
"What were you doing, then?" I asked.
"We… we have to study how these things happen, so we can make an effort to keep them from happening. When we know how it works, we can put a stop to it," he said.
"I suppose," I said slowly.
"I don't want you to worry about me. I know what I'm getting into," he said with a smile. I wondered if he did.
I didn't tell anyone about the pictures. I figured that sort of thing would resolve itself eventually. And maybe he was right, and that was the only reason he was there. But I couldn't help thinking all the people pictured had looked very friendly. And Alex was incapable of being friendly with people he didn't like.
The weeks dragged on torturously. I didn't know what to do about my dear brother, who appeared to have gone over to the dark side. Renee had gone back to her husband, for a while. I suppose it was because she'd done what she'd set out to do: ensnare my brother in this life of crime. Or near-crime, anyway. I never wanted to be so close to dangerous people. I vowed then, foolishly, that I would never let myself fall as they had. No matter how much I needed the money.
Finally, the inevitable happened. Alex didn't come home. I watched the news frantically, searching for some report of a shooting or a massive arrest. But nothing. There was nothing I could, even in my advanced state of paranoia, relate to my brother. So I waited. I hated waiting, as it brought too sharply into mind all those years of waiting for my parents to write or return to me.
I went to bed at some early time in the morning. I had to work, and didn't think I could go completely without sleep. It seemed I had only just laid my head on the pillow when the phone rang. I answered with a groggy "hello?"
"Miss Ducard? Sister to Alexandre Ducard?"
No one called him Alexandre. "Speaking," I said.
"My name is Sergeant Gordon, from the police department. I need you to come down to the station. I'm very sorry." He paused. "I think we've found your brother."
I nearly fainted. But I forced myself to focus and said, "I'll—I'll be right there." Other than my voice cracking, I'd managed to pull myself together. I dressed quickly and hurried down to the station.
The rest of the night, or morning, rather, passed like a nightmare. I was seated in some room and people asked me a lot of questions, which I answered as best I could. After what seemed hours, they let me go in to see him. He'd been shot, and was in the hospital. But things didn't look good.
"Hi, Jenny," he said softly when I came in. Tears I'd been holding back flooded my eyes at the sight of him, lying weakly in the hospital bed. "Looks like I got myself into trouble after all," he added, forcing a smile.
"Looks like," I said faintly. "Oh, Alex, what happened?"
He sighed, though it seemed to pain him. "I got mixed up with the wrong people, I guess. But Henri always said there was a chance of that."
Stirred with anger, I rose and began to pace. "Did he, now? There's lots of chances for sacrifice, but he's safe in Mongolia. Sacrifice the lot of his men here, though. That doesn't matter!" I was rambling. But I was desperate. Desperate for this to not be happening, and I'd talk about anything else willingly.
"Jenny. Calm down. People get shot here every day. I was trying to make that less the truth, and if I die for that desire, it's worth it," he said quietly.
I sighed and sat down. I took his hand. "If it was worth it to you, I guess I'll have to accept it."
"Don't hate Henri. Or Renee. They meant well, and never wanted me to get hurt. I took on too much, I guess. I didn't listen to them. But they love you," he said suddenly. "Don't push them too far away. They may be able to help you after I'm… I'm gone," he added softly.
"Where are you going?" I asked. Realization hit me. "No! You can't leave me here all alone!" I cried.
A nurse came in to glare at me. I waved her away, and she went grudgingly.
"Jenny. I love you. Mom and Dad loved you, too. They just… they just had to go. Henri and Renee love you, and they'll stay. They're quite busy, but, when they can, they'll be here for you. I'm sure of it. They owe me that much," he murmured.
"Please, don't leave me," I begged.
"I'm so tired. I think I'll sleep a little. Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked, sounding childlike.
"Yes. I'll be here," I whispered. He smiled and closed his eyes. They never opened again.
So, I was alone again. The money he'd left was enough to get me by for some time. Henri did pay well. But not well enough. Not enough to console a grieving sister, who'd already lost her family. But I wouldn't give up. I could make it without giving them the satisfaction of another employee.
